Disclaimer: don't own harry potter- jk rowling does. Don't own mugglenet either- emerson does. So yeah. Ya'll know I don't own anything 'cept a computer (obviously), and a cell phone. Oh wait, I don't own that last one either…

A/N: Now remember, this chapter begins with Ron taking over the whole operation. Why? Because Harry is an idiot and isn't very funny while Ron is very funny and I like him better. Why do I like him better? Because anyone with the last name of Weasley and who has red hair is automatically coolio like that. Yes I know that Weasley's and red hair are practically synonyms but… crap, I forgot where I was. Ah yes, this chapter begins with Ron taking over the whole operation…

How Harry Vanquished the Dark Side

Death Eater Count: 99 humans (Voldemort was in a bad mood…) and 1 snake

Ron was taking over the whole operation. Well, he was the brains of the project, Hermione figured out ways to make his crazy plans work and Harry was the figure head and carried them out. That way if someone got killed, it was likely to be Harry and no one was likely to care all that much.

We now join our "hero's" in the Gryffindor common room because they have taken a liking to changing the setting randomly from chapter to chapter. Ron was busy using the laptop that Hermione had fixed so that it hooked up with the world wide web, Hermione was busing doing homework for the entire trio even though she had told them many times that she would never do their homework for them, and Harry was busy practicing variations on his hero stance and his running away while screaming like a little girl techniques.

Harry was failing miserably.

Ron and Hermione however were succeeding miserably (This means that while they were succeeding in their specified tasks, they were both feeling miserable; Hermione because she was not with Ron and Ron because he had finished his last éclair and would have to stop his work to get another one). Ron had just found a website called mugglenet that seemed to have done his work, or rather Harry's, for him. Ron diligently printed out all 101 Ways to Annoy Voldemort and headed down to the kitchen to bring back more éclairs.

Hermione kept on doing homework, Harry kept practicing the "Lost Arts."

Nothing else really exciting happened until Ron came back in, polishing off his sixteenth and final éclair. Hermione had just finished her sixteenth and final essay at the time.

That was the exciting part. Try to curb your enthusiasm.

-here the All Powerful Author decides to bring back the disembodied voice-

'DO SOMETHING!" shouted the disembodied voice.

Harry obliged. He picked his nose.

Luckily for a man named David Handler, the picking of Harry's nose triggered a series of events that are now considered 'unfortunate." Unfortunatly for the All Powerful Author, ideas are running low so now she will have to resort to a technique used by many science fiction writers: The Confuse-People-by-Using-as-Many-Scientific-Words-as-You-Can-in-One-Paragraph Technique.

Ron got Harry's attention by blasting him in the tibula/fibula region with his hydro super powered Nutronic Quantum Blaster 51184645000. Harry responded with a shrill battle cry of "Aeori Riouse Googggo Togeilgie" which means something very scary in another language I'm sure. Hermione decided to break up the fight before it began by strapping up a Double Triple PyroCleaic Bombing Bomb to her tight leather outfit that she had definitely not been wearing before and used her Sub-Cumulus-Scream-O-Matic to get there attention. Then the All Mighty Author used the power of the pen to get everything back to normal.

An air of calm settled around the room and perplexed Harry with its much lower density than the chaotic air that had preceded it.

Ron pulled the paper containing the plan out of the printer and held it aloft for everyone to see.

"BEHOLD!" he said, in his large booming voice "THE PLAN OF ACTION THAT WILL…" Hermione interrupted him with a cry of "Ron, please! We're done with the sci-fi paragraph! Turn off that Loud-a-tron for Christ's sake…"

Grumbling, Ron did what his future wife told him to- good practice for the years to come.

"Well, now that Hermione ruined the fun, I might as well just tell you that I found 101 ways to annoy Voldemort so now it's up to Hermione to come up with a way to execute each one. Here you go." He turned the pages over to Hermione who immediately came up with a plan to execute #1.

"So Harry, " she said, inserting one of those annoying lip smacks unnecessarily into the conversation "This is what you have to do…"

At this point in time, the All Powerful Author will now use one of those convenient trailing off into nothingness type situations.

This story will continue after a short, Petunia Sponsored Story

Once upon a time, there was a woman named Petunia. She hated her nephew Harry. So she died and the rest of the world lived happily ever after.

Petunia's story will continue in the underworld

Now back to the Harry thingy…

Harry was sitting in a death eater meeting, wearing some robes and a mask that looked very much like a certain cult. But enough about that. What the All Powerful Author should be writing is not about the clothing but about how the plan worked.

So number one had been "Ask him why he doesn't have such cool scar," and Hermione had no problem at all thinking of a way to execute it. It was simple. All Harry had to do was sit in on a death eater meeting and when Voldemort mentioned Harry, Harry would perform a complex charm that would give Harry complete control over what the death eater next to him would say (it's not the imperious curse. Trust me.) and the death eater next to him would ask the aforementioned question

Then Harry would get the hell outta there.

So Harry sat there and listened to Voldemort drone on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and I think you get the point about world domination. Surprisingly enough, Harry wasn't at all nervous that his arch enemy would find out who he was. It is a little known fact that people with red, slits for eyes are not only blind but deaf and dumb as well. Dumb as in the moronic and idiotic sense of the word.

Anyway, Harry was beginning to get bored with counting the number of times Voldemort said the word "like" (2534 per hour) and was beginning to fall asleep like many of the other death eaters were doing around him when the supreme lord of all things evil (and coconuts) finally mentioned the boy who lived.

"So yeah. If, like, you ever find Harry Potter, bring him to my alive cuz I, like, sooooo wanna kill him myself. Any questions?"

Upon hearing those words, Harry performed the complicated charm that Hermione had taught him and the unfortunate death eater next to him found himself suddenly awake and saying "Uh, like, I do! Why don't you have a coolio scar like that Harry dude?"

There was a shriek that sounded a lot like what Harry had been practicing in the previous section of this chapter, a flash of green light, and a bunch of maniacal, yet oh so cute, laughter.

I think you can figure out what happened for yourself.

After Voldemort stopped laughing, Harry was gone. But Voldemort didn't notice because he had other issues to attend to.

"Hey peeps! Can we get this icky dead body, like, outta here? It's sooo stifling my Zen, ya know? Now, next on the agenda: What flavor cupcakes should I make for the next banquet? I was, like, thinking, like, strawberry but that, like, wouldn't match my purple theme and, like, I did grape, like, last time! Like, I know- too much drama over, like, nothing but…"

At this moment, let us bow our heads in pity for the death eaters that were not dead.

Back in Hogwarts Castle, Harry was relaying the events of the evening to his Ron and Hermione.

"So then he talked about the color streamers they should use for Malfoy's surprise birthday and then it was all about the scent of paper they should use for the constitution and then…"

"Harry!" Ron and Hermione yelled in unison, "We don't care! Just tell us if he killed himself or not!"

"Fine," He said, flipping his hair out of his face in a very feminine way, "No. But he did kill the death eater I controlled, not using the imperious curse."

Hermione sighed. "It's a start," she said, resignedly.

"Oh good!" replyed Ron brightly, "but is it a start on the raspberry drizzle cake or the French Silk Pie? I really don't care which."

Here Ginny decides to appear because she has been totally left out since chapter 2.

"Hiya Harry!" she said then realized she had nothing else to say and popped back out of the chapter and joined Snape in the Staying out Of the Chapters until an Appropriate Time Club.

Then all the other characters, the setting, the slight bit of a plot, and anything else essential to this story decided to join as well. So now I have nothing to write about.

I apologize in advance for the next chapter.