Title: What Did You Say About My Hair?
Category: Humor
Pairings: (none-slash) Legolas, Gimli
Warnings: Stupidity, shortness, and much thinking on my part.
Summary: Did anyone ever wonder why Legolas kills more orcs than Gimli? Or why Legolas' kill of a bunch of orcs and an oliphant count as just one? Well...here's my secret explanation, in Legolas' POV.
What Did You Say About My Hair?
People often ask me, 'Legsie, how do you kill more of those nasty-looking creatures than your companion Gimli?' Often times, I just chuckle and reply with, 'Because they are so blinded by my looks that they can't fight back. Whenever Gimli fights them, it's like fighting their mother.'
But I can't go on telling a lie like that to prevent me from being sued. It's mostly because I'm aiming at Gimli. He has to make some comment about my hair...and I go berserk once the fighting starts. Nobody expected Legolas, the blonde Prince of Mirkwood, to be a criminal mastermind...but that's because you're all blinded by my beauty!
And besides, we all know that us blondes have a destructive side, right? Well, we do, to clear things up. I could kill a man if I wanted...but my blades are saved for a certain dwarf named Gimli. And only him...unless a stupid orc gets in the way. And when they do it's swash and they're gone.
But anyways, enough about me. Time for my evil plan to kill the darned dwarf! See...the way I see it...if I can kill that Oliphant and make it fall over on Gimli...nobody will ever suspect it to be more than a war-time casualty. But no. Damned thing fell the wrong way, damned dwarf said it was only worth one.
Want to hear some of the insults? 'Legolas, you know...you should let your hair be free.' Another one was 'You know, Elf, you should die your hair black.' Then there was the ever popular, 'Look...a braid is mussed. Are you going to ask the whole fight to stop until you fix it?'
Stupid dwarf.
Retarded? Yes. Stupid? Also yes. Diabolical and lemon scented? Yes and Yes!