Chapter 2: My secret's for you to know

" Marco, look before you jump on me-" Ryan began as Marco jumped onto him, knocking his lap top over, but it luckily hit the arrangement of pillows that were on the floor from a previous night when Marco went bat shit with candy and horror films to celebrate the fact that suddenly his life didn't seem so Dawson's Creek anymore and started becoming more…real. More him. And he liked it just that way.

Marco breathed on Ryan excitedly," This is big news, you know, huge news even, why didn't you tell me that your painting got picked up again?" He poked him in the chest demandingly as Ryan sighed, reaching up and tickling Marco in that one spot, making him fall off of him and laughter and sat up, catching his breath. " You were crushing me, when did you get so big?"

As Marco sent him a death glare Ryan smiled sweetly at him and sighed," I have to leave…to be with Pete" He held up his hand as Marco stared at him, somewhat jealous," Because…" He finished his sentence," he has the poem that goes with it, and together I would earn enough fucking…money, for Alex and Jake's scholarship, plus some extra for you and me" He blew some hair out his face, rubbing his wrist because it had been under so much pressure lately," See? It'll only be a month, not even this month, next month?"

Marco glanced at the April calendar hanging in the bedroom of their apartment and then back at Ryan, who was suddenly making little designs in the carpet with his fingers, whenever he was nervous he'd do something artistic, in some weird way, Marco noticed as he got up off the floor and murmured," You can go, I'm not stopping you…what about classes?"

"I'll be taking them via on line while I'm in Paris…"

"What?"

"I said-"

"Holy shit, you're going to Paris?" Marco had a scowl on his face as he got up and went to the fridge, already planning on getting a big scoop of chunky monkey ice cream when Ryan kicked the fridge door shut with his foot, " No binge eating for you mister, and like I said, it'll only be a month…and besides" He raised his eyebrows, advancing on Marco, " No French guy can sweep me off my feet like you did" He smirked and turned up his nose, making a fake French accent filled laugh and going " We-we".

Marco smiled and pounced on top of him again as Ryan yelled out "I think Alex and Jake are still on the phone…"

"We are…" Jake and Alex drawled out, Jake fresh out the shower and Alex trying to cut the candy out of Jake's hair without making him look bald

"Michael, this is Mrs. Elliot Saunders of the play "Io Sono Inamaratto", she is quite fond of you" Michael's production agent, producer, and friend of 2 years said, leaning on the table with a champagne glass tipped into his hand and all Michael wanted to do was rip out into a rendition of "Do You Want To" and like, fuck the whole art gallery up, but instead he kissed her hand politely and used his most poised voice as he replied, "Well, I've been rather charmed with your play as well, not to mention your lead actor…" He smiled casually as Robert, who was writing in his lap top, shot him a dirty look, but he knew it was all business. ( AN: in a land far far away I had a story called Io Sono Inamaratto which I stupidly spelled wrong, because it should be Io Sono Io Inamaratto meaning "I know I'm in love" in Italian, but I deleted it. It was back in my rookie days, I was 11, and my first shot at angst having Marco in a mental hospital and memories of Dylan driving him crazy. Perhaps once I wrap this story up I'll re write it, anyways, that's a little history on me. Granted that was when I was using my on SN: AngelsDon'tSleepHere)

"So Michael, how do you summon so much pain and emotion into your characters?" Elliot asked, she was in awe at how Michael perfect and showed angst in all it's sorrowful glory.

"I don't really know, I mean, I know that there's this place, inside all of us, this dark place where nothing matters, nothing matters at all, and it's like this dark void, swallowing you up with fear and despair and…" He trailed off, getting worked up and almost tipping his champagne glass over, but then he took a sip and composed himself, " That's where I go. Close my eyes and go to that dark place, and the rest comes naturally"

"Brilliant" She said, clasping her hands together as she leaned in, " Michael, you are a highly talented boy, I'd love for you to work for me one day, there's this play that I have in the makings, a rural drama about a boy in love with the unattainable, you think you'd be interested?"

"Much" Michael nodded his head, taking a sip of wine and leaning against the bar of the stairwell that they were all chatting in. Robert was on the first floor, near the stairwell, looking over Michael's script and trying to memorize lines as to help him if he did suddenly catch a blank spot. He kept getting weird glances from the waiters there, all slutty looking and depressed, but he shook it off as he revised one line and glanced at Michael again, who was looking dead at him in a desperate manner.

He mouthed "Save me" before turning back to Elliot and his producer.

Jake placed a tray in the back of the table and then aligned them all in perfect order, from smallest to largest before turning around, tucking in his shirt, smoothing his hair down and walking through the double doors with his fingers, all 4 of them, because the waiters were trained to use 4 and the pinky was to be used only if you lost balance of the tray, and carried it out through the crowd in a sweeping motion.

He spied Alex in the corner, hair swept back and a sad excuse for a dinner jacket on him as he made his way through the lobbies and the stairwell, hearing all this talk about this new up coming actor, for which he knew may only last through 2 plays and a sequel, or two, but he needed to focus. "What is this?" A man asked, holding the cracker with what seemed to be grape jelly on it, and that's exactly what it was, but Jake knew better than to tell him that, so he decided to go with " It's a fermented wine spread from Italy" and as the man bit into it, eyes widened because it tasted oh so fabulous, because everything tastes better when it has a fancy name, and nodded smiling and saying " My compliments to the chef"

Jake smiled and walked away. What had happened was the tray with the real ordure's on it was knocked over the balcony when him and Steve, the new waiter, were drinking from the bottle of the champagne, which they later disputed out to the rest of the public, and Steve, who was a little too drunk, laughed a little too loud and knocked them over the balcony where Jake, who was finally coming to his senses, tried to get them but failed.

There was this one boy, in the lobby near the stairs, that look familiar, with dark hair and blue eyes, hunched over the key board and fingers blurred at the speed of his typing, but Jake dismissed it, because around there, there were at least 10 of those exact same carbon copies milling around the mall right now. " Andrew is so fabulous" He heard someone gush behind him, he eased himself over to listen better as the continued," He's doing a presentation of the play again tonight, this is so perfect, maybe I can get his autograph"

As Jake set the tray down, trying to figure out who this Andrew was and how come he never saw them before, someone tapped his shoulder. He turned around, fake smiles plastered on his face to the point of almost twitching when the person asked, a boy, or should he saw man since he looked 19 now, with raven black hair, somewhat wild, but then again, it didn't look like he could control his hair, which was cropped around his soot like brown eyes as curled at the sides of his face. He tux fitted him a little too tightly, Jake was sure of this, because the guy looked more than uncomfortable as he asked in a somewhat strangled voice," Could I have a- another glass of champagne, god, I am going to pass out…" He murmured the last part as Jake nodded and went to the table and handed him another glass.

"Don't look so nervous" Jake said, taking his hands around the glass and tightening his grip for him, because suddenly it seemed to falter on his own and the boy looked up and smiled at him," Thanks, it's just that they expect all of this from me and all I want to do is be a normal teenager…I mean adult…what the hell am I anyway? What does 19 count for?"

Jake laughed at his paranoia and it made him remember an awkward moment between Michael and him.

"Are you listening to me?" Michael asked, arms crossed.

"Yes" Jake nodded. They were sitting by the pool, next to the park and Michael was agitating Jake as usual with brotherly love and annoying questions. He wanted to spill out theories on how theater was full of bullshit and how he'd never become an actor, but it didn't seem to look like Jake was actually…listening.

"Because if you aren't listening to me, then I won't talk you know" Michael continued, tapping his foot, a nervous twitch he got from his dad.

"I'm listening" Jake repeated.

"Please, Jake, why can't you listen to me, I wanna tell you something, please?" Michael asked again.

Jake sighed, turned around, grabbed his hands, stared him in the eye and breathed out," I'm listening"

Michael smiled and they ended up getting into an argument 2 minutes later on James Dean, made up 5 minutes later and went to go get ice cream 2 minutes after that

"19 is the tween phase of adulthood" Jake said with a soft smile, eyes looking, boring into the other person, they looked so familiar, yet so distant. " Do I know you?"

"Everybody here seems to" The guy shrugged as he held out his hand," You remind me of a friend that I used to have…"

"Me too…" Jake trailed off, squinting.

"My name's Andrew" He said, shaking his hand gingerly.

"You're the Andrew that's performing?" Jake asked, searching his memory.

He nodded," Erm, yeah" He bit his lip, Robert calling him from the other side of the room," I have to go, but what's your name?" As the crowd shifted and bodies moved, Jake called out," It's Jake" and time froze, Michael half way to making a step to move and Jake turning back around to do a double take.

"Michael…he said his name was Andrew…?" He whispered, confused and in denial, " No…" He smiled as the other stumbled into the ice display that was in the middle before walking away awkwardly and glancing back," Jake…?" His heart ached, confused and not wanting to know the truth. " Naw…"

"Mr. Del Rossi" His teacher, Tommy Wilder, snapped as Marco dropped his papers to the floor by his feet. As he nimbly looked up, hands scattering around to pick up scribbled short stories, reviews and projects, he heard him clear his throat and start again, " Marco…" He said it softly, squatting down to help him pick up the papers," I didn't mean to scare you, but your essay on Modern America is due tomorrow, and I'd hate to fail you, when you're such a promising student."

"I'm sorry" Marco stood up," I just have so much to do…my son…well my son's ex boyfriend who I took in, has a play coming up, and I need to get out of here and fly over there to see it this weekend. Then my boyfriend is leaving to Paris in like a month, and my other son is struggling with his rent money, so I'm a little strained at the moment, plus-" He paused, catching his breath as the teacher looking quite interested in his life, " I have the report right here" He handed him 12 crumpled pages," Which" He sighed out, "Will now have to be re-written…again"

Mr. Wilder shook his head as he took the papers, smoothed them out, and smiled at Marco. " You're something else, you know that right?" He walked as Marco gathered his things together only to crash into someone with blonde hair and shock worthy blues eyes. " Oh damnit" He murmured, picking his things up again. As a hand decended on top of his, he looked up, locked eyes, and breathed out," Holy shit" because those eyes were Dylan's.

And they were right beside him

Tilly, now a wonderful and bubbly 7 year old, threw her book bag down on the couch and declared to Andy, who was passed out on the couch," School is horrible, they have bad fashion senses and I miss my dad…I mean uncle…I mean, I miss Michael, do you know what I mean?"

Andy moaned out "Ohh huh" as Brian sat down on top of him," Hey Tilly"

"Bri, Bri!" She yelled, jumping onto his lap and making Andy groan under the weight of the both of them, " What are you doing here?"

"Why can't anyone say that they're just happy to see me?" Brian asked, placing a kiss on her cheek and setting her down," I'm here for a while, as long as you need me…" He paused, looking at Andy," Hey, I was wondering, anybody want to go for a little car ride, a quick trip, 2 days tops?"

Tilly's eyes lit up," Where?"

"It's a secret" Brian placed a finger to his lips. " Just me, you and Andy, what do you say?"

"Hell yes!" Tilly said as Andy shook his head," I told you to stop cursing"

"Sorry…" Tilly murmured as the phone rang. She ran over to the phone as the answering Machine came on. " Hello…oh…we're not at home…oh yeah…if you…yeah…leave a message after the beep…come and leave a message people, oh yeah. Oh my god, I love you Alex!" Andy's voice sang out to the tune of the Michael song on the answering machine.

"Hey…hello?" Michael's voice rang out before Tilly snatched up the phone," Mikey!"

"Hey…how's my little angel?" Michael said, falling into the bed, having only 20 minutes before doing the play, he wanted to call Tilly to check up on her, it hurt that he couldn't be around her.

"Fine" She murmured, twirling her hair," I miss you, I love you, and oh, yeah, I am like, the only girl in the class with all these gay people in my family, it's awesome, for show and tell, I showed your picture to the class and I said " This is my Michael". My teach thinks your hot!" She blushed a little as she talked and Michael laughed and rolled his eyes, she was exactly like Adrian.

"Really?" He asked," Well, as long as you're happy"

"Jake…god Jake, you're trashed…Jake, are you listening to me…no, no…Jake" Alex yelled, running after Jake inside the small dorm room and down the hallway into the bathroom when Jake barely made it to the toilet before heaving. Alex bent down next to him, pulling his hair back and petting his back, rubbing it in small circles and sighing." Jake, god, what happened?"

"I don't-" Jake began, but stopped short, face flushed and throwing up again. Alex decided that it'd be better if they didn't talk and just held his friend close. They sat like that for an hour, even after Jake had stopped suddenly throwing up and leaned against the toilet seat, his hands around the rim and his head buried into Alex's chest, crying out sadly, whispering things, lies, words, phrases, sayings, anything and everything to try and block out the pain.

"It hurts too bad" Jake breathed out, biting his lips as Alex's hand curled into his shirt and pulled him closer to the point of suffocation. " I- I-" Jake stammers a little more, eyes watering, black out, whiting out and then suddenly he falls limp into Alex's arms, and he just pets Jake's hair, soft strokes, longingly twirling and playing with the ends of his hair before nodding again saying " I know…"

I'm fucked currently. Read my journal. I'd love to reply but you know...I just can't right now. Love you all