A/N : First of all, I'm really, really, really, really (x-infinity) sorry, for taking so long. As it turns out, when you leave all your homework to be done in a span of a week, you don't get to write fic much. Besides that, the last couple weeks seem to have been sent to me straight from h-ll. And I haven't even gone Christmas shopping yet!
This chapter was kindof long, and arduous to write, but neccessary to the history of the story. Unfortunately, I realized after I posted that this fic had a plot to it. I hadn't actually planned on that. Since I started it with the sole purpose of angst, I got kindof stuck for a while, but never fear, I found a plot line, so now it's all good. I wouldn't let myself write anything angsty until I got past this point, however, I promise the next chapter will be chock full of nothin-but-angst, but until then, on with the plot!
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The floor was near the top, and the elevator was old, so the ride was long, and gave Alex a chance to study her partner. She watched him as they stood, wondering what was up. He stood almost at attention, then quickly broke to glance around the small space, before opening his notebook and reading a few quick notes. He couldn't stand still, and reminded her of a cornered animal. She was sure if there was room to pace he would have been doing it. She noticed his hand twitch silently, pause, then continue. Alex saw the top of his shoe move as he tapped his toe rapidly in his boot, and felt his agitation grow with each floor. She noted how he was glancing around wildly, like someone new to New York that was watching all the sights at once. She glanced up at him as he continued to move, and decided he was better left to his thoughts at the moment. She would question him later.
Meanwhile, Goren's mind was racing. He was not comfortable here and needed to leave. Now. He fought the panic, now rising in his chest, and struggled to remain still. But the excess energy of fighting a hard battle, though mental, showed through, and he was painfully aware of his constant movement, though could not stop it. The elevator continued to rise and then stop while, unseen, his mind sped on.
They reached the floor and Goren exited the elevator abruptly, turning left and speeding down the hallway. Alex hurried after him in a light jog, still barely pacing him. He slowed near the end of the hall and stopped silently infront of a door. The doctors name was written in faded lettering on the door. She took his stop as a sign for her to step in, and she stepped forward to knock on the door.
"Wait," She froze, the word barely above a whisper, and turned to look at Goren. He was standing behind her, wearing a mask of stone. His head dropped down to his chest, and he took one slow, deep breath. It had almost been quick enough, but not quite. She had seen his eyes for the briefest fraction of a second, and had aborbed the panic, hurt, and fear they held. Then, just as suddenly as he had spoken, his head snapped up and his game face was on. His eyes betrayed nothing anymore and he gave her one small nod. She turned back to the door and rapped firmly, her mind racing at the thought of her partner being this nervous. Something was wrong.
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The pair entered the room together, and the doctor looked up from where he sat. The room had the requisite degree, and honours, certificates posted around the room. There were several pictures of him with happy, smiling, patients. There was also a small collection of cards congratulating him for his 40 years of dedication to the hospital. The doctor put down the pen he was using and stared at them.
They were quite the sight, for people who hadn't met them before. They used it to their advantage, playing on each other to give a unique effect. Their faces betrayed nothing as they moved towards the doctor in greeting, each subconsciencely moving to incorporate the other in the small, cramped office. Alex took the lead and reached out to shake the man's hand.
"Hello... Doctor Miller? We're with the police we'd like to ask you a few questions, I'm Detective Eames, this is my partner Detec-" Goren cut her off abruptly, shocking her.
"Hello, how are you? You're Dr. Miller, I presume?
"Yes, yes, I am. Can I ask why the police are coming to talk to me?"he asked in what appeared to be a mildly shocked manner. Alex spoke up quickly.
"We understand you had a patient by the name of Tony Reynolds, would you happen to know when the last time you spoke with him was?"
"I wouldn't know off the top of my head, but you have to understand that Tony is a very sick man. If he did something wrong, I can assure you that he had no idea what he was doing." Alex stared at the doctor with a sympathetic look in her eyes.
"I'm so sorry Doctor, but Mr Reynolds was found murdered this morning." She paused. "Now, would you have any idea who would want to hurt him, who his enemies were, anything at all?" The doctor sat in his chair, in shock. He slowly shook his head,
"Tony didn't have any enemies, he didn't really have any friends either. Couldn't distinguish the two. Murdered ... my god. He was such a good person, and didn't have any family left." He continued shaking his head, then looked up with a start.
"My goodness where are my manners, have a seat, both of you, I assume you have some questions about him." Alex gave him a surprised look, she hadn't expected the doctor to understand right away. Many doctors, even after being informed about the death of a patient, refused to let them have their medical records, much less discuss the patient. The doctor gave her a sad grin.
"We get a lot of suicides around here, most of us know the drill pretty well." Alex ducked her head in silent apology and started the questions.
"So far we've heard from you and the lady at the desk that he was sick. What exactly was wrong with him?"
"Oh, Tony was a sufferer of a severe form of schizoaffective disorder. He was being tested in a new drug trial, it was having moderate success, he was opimistic about his future." At Alex's questioning look, he offered a further explanation.
"Schizoaffective disorder, it's a class of schizophrenia. However instead of the standard symptoms, there is also an emotional disorder present. It can present as many things, but most oftenly as a form of major, and/or manic depression. Actually, I'm a specialist in schizophrenic disorders, I-" Suddenly Bobby, who had been growing increasingly agitated, shot up from his chair, and turned for the door. He caught Alex looking at him, but couldn't immediatly place her reaction, and he mumbled something about leaving notes in the car, then fled.
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'Ok, Alex is not going to be thrilled. Really, really, not thrilled' Bobby was back in the elevator, intent on running, somewhere... anywhere that wasn't there. He paced freely, using the space his partner had once occupied. His mind began to slow, not by much, but enough to be manageable once more. The elevator dinged while the doors opened and he exited swiftly.
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Meanwhile, Alex was left in the doctor's office, sitting in stunned silence. She looked down at her small notebook, recouping her mind from shock. She looked up and saw the quizzical look on the doctors face. She was about to start making excuses when the doctor started talking.
"Your partner seems like a different man, but, familiar. I keep thinking I've seen him before."
"Well, we are one of the best teams in Major Case, we end up with a lot of the high profile cases. Sometimes we get interviewed for t.v., you probably saw him there last week for the case we just finished." Alex couldn't resist preening a little bit, and smiled.
"Actually, I don't really watch much television. What was his name again?" Alex gave him a look, but it was an innocent question.
"Goren. Detective Goren, he's o-" the doctor cut her off with a look of surprise.
"Wait, Goren, as in Robert Goren. Well, no wonder he's familiar, but I haven't seen him in years." The doctor looked down guiltily, "Also, no wonder he left like he did." Eames was once more the one confused, and was really beginning to hate the feeling. She stared at the doctor for some sort of further explanation, and the doctor looked at his desk.
"I'm assuming you know something about Detective Goren's family history?" She nodded, urging him forward, "Well, this was the first place that Mrs. Goren received treatment, and, well, I was the first person to tell him of his mother's condition."
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Bobby had left the elevator and was practically running through the lobby when he heard his name called behind him. He turned and saw the lady from the lobby hurrying after him.
"Bobby Goren, you get back here this instant. There is no way on God's green earth you're leaving here before you say hello to me. Imagine, abandoning an old women like that. Well, your manners have certainly become a bit more than substandard now haven't they. You should've stuck around here longer, then you really would have learned a thing or two." She caught up to him, and stood with her hands on her hips, and a glint in her eye.
"Now, are you going to give me a hug or do I need to call an orderly?" He smiled slightly and reached out, enveloping her in a giant hug. Then he stepped back as she studied him.
He had recognized her as soon as they arrived, it was one of the main reasons he had hung back as long as he did. Her name was Annie Ross, and she had worked the front desk as long as he had known her. She had been the one that he went to when things upstairs had gone wrong. When his mother had had a fit, or was just plain unresponsive, he would go see Annie, and she would take care of him. She would talk to him, not treat him like an idiot like most of the doctors, and not look at him with pity like most of the nurses, she just accepted that he existed. She didn't treat him special because he was smart, and she taught him to deal with what you're given, and to take what you receive with thanks. When his mother needed to be transferred to a better facility, she was one of only things he had truly missed about the Good Samaritan. She had been on vacation leave so he had never said good-bye, it was something he had always regretted, and was deeply ashamed for.
But, Annie was Annie. She treated him the exact same as she had when he was a kid, and, unfortunately for Bobby, she could read people just as well as she used to. Sensing something was wrong, the small statured women pulled out of the hug and looked up at him.
"Now, I think I'm thinking I'm a bit hungry. Why don't we go get something to eat?"
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Alex sat in a wierd, sort of transient, state. On one hand she was aware of everything the doctor was saying. On the other, she wasn't even aware he existed. She sifted through all of her partner's actions in the past hours and things fell into place like puzzle pieces. His nervousness, agitation, and almost constant far-off-staring-while-lost-in-his-mind moments not only made sense, but now seemed completely reasonable. She supposed getting lost in your past can do that to you. She felt a wave of sympathy wash over her like a draft of warm air, and she felt her heart go out to him. Suddenly a white hot burst of anger poured through her and she straightened. Why hadn't he told her this? Did he think she was stupid, that she didn't care? He should've trusted her! She sat confused, as Dr. Miller started speaking.
"He didn't tell you did he. Well, he hasn't changed much, that's for sure. He wouldn't. The Bobby Goren I knew couldn't even understand his own emotions, much less convey them. It's one of the side-affects of living with a mentally ill person. Your life's sole purpose is to help them. To understand them. It's a fairly common predicament for families like his. I tried to convince him to go to therapy once, but that failed spectacularly, I guess he never changed." He paused, noticing the still partially confused look still on Eames face. Considering his options, and judging by the look of concern on Eames' face, he offered an explanation.
"Do you know anything specific about Robert's mother," he questioned gently. She shook her head mutely, and stared at him.
"Mrs. Goren had a form of schizophrenia called undifferentiated schizophrenia. It means that she would experience various symptoms for varied lengths of time, it's not predictable in its actions. This makes treatment hard. Sometimes the symptoms could be minimal to non-existant, other times a full-blown hallucination or rage. In my opinion it's the type most strenuous on families, not even having the stability of a predeterminate set of actions, or affects. The fact that Robert was left virtually alone didn't make matters any better. Mrs. Goren was an in/out patient here for almost seven years. The last time I saw him, he was about 14. In a way he blamed me for his mother's illness. He couldn't blame her, he could never do that, but in his mind I was the one that made it real, so I was the monster." Alex understood, at least from a rational point of view, what he was saying. He couldn't tell her, because he was too busy processing it himself. On a subconscience level though, she still was upset that he hadn't told her. Or at least warned her. The doctor stood up from behind the desk, and gave her a sympathatic look.
"Look, Detective, go find your partner. Tony Reynolds was a good man, he didn't deserve to die, and had no known enemies. If you have anymore questions feel free to call me, but, I have a session with a patient in three minutes. Good luck, Detective." He reached across the desk and shook her hand while passing her his card. She thanked him and left, her mind reeling from the amount of information it still had to process. It wasn't so much that she'd learned a lot about her partner's life, but the fact that he never really gave her that much information to begin with made the amount seem astronomical. She pressed the elevator button and sighed.
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Annie had gotten coffee for the both of them and, after coaxing out some details about the past couple of hours, they had returned to the front lobby. Bobby sat just behind her watching her work and listening to her stories about her grandkid's lives. He felt himself slowly begin to decompress, and even made a few witty comments. Just as he was beginning to feel relaxed, she swung around in her chair and gave him a look that saw right through him.
"Why are you so nervous?" He immediately twisted his head away, looking at the wall. His fingers started tapping again, and he fidgeted.
"I don't know, I just..." He knew it wouldn't be an acceptable response, but it bought him some time to process his thoughts.
"Yes, you do. What is it?" He remained silent, and she continued to stare at him.
"Allright, I'll tell you then. You're scared. Of what, I don't know. Only you know that and, frankly, it's only yours to know. However, you can't just run away from it, you know that. I know it hurts to be back here, but maybe you could let your partner help you. She can deal with this for you." His eyes flashed and she knew she had struck a nerve.
"Your partner, she doesn't know, does she." It was a statement, and Annie let it hang there, to see how he would react to the bait. He jumped at it, his voice becoming stronger and more clear.
"Of course, she knows. It's hard not to work with someone everyday and not at least learn the basics of their lives. She just doesn't know... everything." He paused, then sensing her next move, preempted it.
"And she shouldn't have too. These are my problems. I won't just dump them on Eames because they got a bit heavy. She doesn't deserve any of this." She reached out and took his hand. She sensed his caring for the women, and tread carefully.
"No, she doesn't. But, you don't either. Always remember that. She won't run away, Bobby. Just do me a favour today, trust her at least a little bit, okay?" He looked at her out of the corner of his eye, his head once more facing away. Slowly he nodded, and she smiled. She patted his hand and turned back to her work. Bobby sat regrouping his thoughts. She had returned to telling stories about grandkids, and he listened with mild interest. He was just sitting back into his chair when the door on the far side of the lobby opened, and his partner walked through, towards him.
A/N : Okay, some parts seemed kind of cheesy, and if you guys can all pretend that, yes the doctor would just randomly give away patient information like that, that would be nice. I know some parts were fairly abrupt, but I really just wanted to get over this chapter.
Big THANK YOU to all reviewers, you guys make my day. A thank you just the same to all you readers. However, I still hope to slowly convert you all to reviewers. If this is any incentive, all reviews make me want to write more. Also, if there's lots and I haven't updated in a while, I start feeling really guilty, which (strangely) makes me write faster then excitement, so either way you win.
Thanks for reading, see you all next time.