Final Chapter: Infliction
I've been waiting patiently for this day to arrive and
I have spoken not a single word,
Now hand to hand my voice shall be heard
No Michael
not this time,
I've been waiting for oh so long, oh so long
I've accepted silently this name I've been given and
I have heard it pass the lips of everyone,
Now if you will inquire, ask of your Father
and he may tell you of his brightest Son
No Michael
not this time,
I've been waiting for oh so long
No Michael,
not this time,
I've been growing oh so strong
Now in true glory
I'll rise again, ahh
I've been waiting patiently for this day and this time
I shall not be alone,
Not this time, not this time,
not this time, not this time
-"Michael" by Son of Sam
Jake cocked the gun, trembling fingers held the cool metal against the side of his temple and he inhaled slowly, darkly, sides burning, skin aching and altogether all he wanted was a little attention, a little love. And it wasn't to say that nobody loved him, because he was beginning to realize that many, many people in his life loved him, but it was the fact that no one loved him in the way that he loved them back, abuse.
You can take all the time in the world Jake, no one is going to save you now.
No one was abusive enough to him.
And that's why he had to end it all, right then, right there.
He took a calculated guess, estimating that if he pulled the trigger in a specific corner, he would die automatically on contact. Sweat poured down his skin, rainbow eyes shown through sadness and as a smile curled onto his face, for that was the end, the end of his show…the final episode he pulled his fingers back, testing out his reflexes when the door slammed open and Michael stood there, soaking wet from the rainwater, cut and bruises, black eyes shining and red bloody lips tinted, and stopped to take a breath.
"Jake…" Michael trailed off, hands on knees, doubled over, losing track of whatever he was about to say when he looked up and saw Jake, black hair, black everything and he laughed a little, though nothing is funny, but they always laughed at nothing, it seemed to fulfill them. " What are you doing?"
"Me? Oh nothing…" Jake trailed off, not moving, not doing anything really.
"Oh," Michael nodded, paused. Blinked and then started again," Well…"
"Why did you come all this way anyway?" Jake asked, lips turned upwards in disdain, " Why did you follow me all the way here"
"Because Alex couldn't do it" Michael laughed, but this time, Jake didn't laugh with him. " Because I love you. I need you."
"Really?" Jake arched his eyebrows.
"There's something wrong with you Jake, something…in your mind, I guess, is distorted…-" Michael began, squinting and standing up fully, stretched to the side. Jake remained, fingers poised, gun cocked and standing by the mirror watching the torrents of rain as they carried out an assassin like job against the window pane of the hotel that they now resided in. " I came here because I hate to see you in pain"
"Don't you think I know that?" Jake snapped, turned around, hair sweeping into his face.
Michael, un phased by his out burst nodded casually, taking a spot on the creaky old bed that laid in the corner, obviously soiled and he didn't even want to think what the hell that yellow spot on the bedspread was," You don't seem to be doing anything positive about it"
The trigger of the gun snapped again, this time rotating the barrel and Michael glanced up wearily as Jake replied," This is a positive thing"
Michael snorted," You always did take the easy way out of things"
Jake's eyes, which were momentarily closed from the horrible headache that was surging through his head, snapped open with a quick flustered motion and glanced at Michael slowly, dryly, lingering over his face and his little scars and cuts and smirked in return, not saying a word but instead shrugging.
"I mean, I understand that you want to get your shit over with" Michael said, gesturing towards the gun," And all, but really now, I never thought that you, of all people, you wuss out and just end it like that. Wouldn't Jake, as you being the savvy badass that you are, want to take natural death? You know, the slow, agonizing way"
"One thing you should know by now is that I have been dying Mikey, all this time" He paused, a sharp intake of breath making Michael glance up momentarily with concern before Jake leveled his body against the cold window pane, glass pressing against his skin due to the fact that a hooker had a bottle of JD thrown at him the week before, but luckily ducked and instead the bottle collided into the window. " Being around you does that"
Michael laughed harshly," Jake, you're funny when you're morose, did anyone ever tell you that?"
"You're ridiculous Michael," Jake said, stopping and looking out the window, he didn't turn back around as he sighed out," That's what I always loved about you"
Michael fell into the bed, crossing an arm over his face to block out the dim rays of light that were actually working in the shithole of a motel and rolled over, face down and inhaled the nasty scent before looking up at a suddenly starry eyed Jake before asking," Are you done acting?"
" Are you?" Jake whispered, still not moving.
Michael furrowed his brows together as he gritted his teeth and remarked," I have cleaned up my act, Jake. Left the whole woe is me pretty boy rent boy past behind and have created a new image for myself. I'm not the cowering self destructive boy that you used to love-" He stopped when Jake raised his hand to silence him. It was all a lie. He knew he was. He always will be.
He turned around, hand placed over his chest as he leaned over from his position at the window and breathed out," Loved? Used to love? Mikey, these past tense words wound me so, I have never heard such horrible things before" He snorted," Get real, I still love you and I know you do too, because we're just fucked up like that"
"Why are you like this?" Michael suddenly yelled out, broken heart beyond repair. " Jake, I'm tired of this. I …I ….I just want to love you without all these complications. Without all the pain"
"I do too-"
"Then what are we doing here?"
"Michael" Jake breathes a little slower than normal and walks over embracing his best friend. His lover. His everything. Michael melts into his arms weakly and closes his eyes, inhaling and gripping every part of him that he can at the moment. He murmurs "Love you" into the crook of his neck and Jake smiles sadly, " So you know, I wanted you to know that for these past months I've been trying to celebrate life, for both me, you and Rory, I've been to every party, every church, every grave I can find to see if anything, any emotion could come to me and I felt…nothing" He looked up, dark eyes making Michael's breath falter. " It's not you that has been filling the void within myself, Mikey, It's been me, my desires and twisted goals, dreams and assorted memories that have been keeping me going, you've been a rather tragic casualty to all of this"
"What does this mean?"
"Ah…." Jake shook his head." You were my mess, you keep forgetting that. The same person who broke you was the only one that could fix you. You want to know why I constantly kept hurting you over and over again, Mikey?" His voice is cynical now and Michael doesn't want to let him go. But he does, backs away and nods before sitting on the bed again. Grips his hair before knotting his fingers into the short cropped locks and bit his lips. His legs were crossed Indian style and droopy eyes, from all the crying, barely concealed that fact that he wanted to know the truth, the main truth that had been haunting his mind for years.
" I wanted to feel pain"
"What?"
"You, Michael, were always in pain. Always. And I wanted to take that pain away. All of it, until you couldn't feel anything at all, like me, I wanted you to be happy. And then when I had first hurt you, I realized what had happened…that something as wrong with me…that I-- I…" Jake's hands trembled," I knew I had a problem then. And you knew it. I saw it in your eyes. So I tried to hurt you, because you know, if I hurt you then you'd hate me, and then I'd just have to feel pain, have to feel horrible…" The glass shattered by the window, the rain becoming stronger and littering itself into Jake's hair, but he didn't care as he continued," But all this time, whenever I hurt you…I didn't feel anything, Mikey" His eyes watered," But now…I feel it all…everything and ahh…" He stopped, eyes fluttering as he fell forwards into the window, head hitting the window seal and grabbing his hair by the very edges and pulling, " It's all too much"
"I don't want to have this suicidal romance any more, love" Jake shakes his head a little bit, biting his hand.
Michael stepped back," I can help you Jake. I love you. I love you. I love you so fucking much."
"You wish you could. But who said that love ever wins?" Jake breathed in, slowly, in haling and exhaling in an irregular beat, " I wish you could too…"
"But I ca-"
"I killed Rory." Jake murmured.
Michael, who was in the middle of staring at his arms, snapped forwards," What?"
"It wasn't Kyle…or whoever the fuck I had blamed it on, I had killed him…but it was an accident…" Jake looked at Michael with a clouded smile as he nodded, "I…I haven't been the same since it happened"
"How did you kill him, Jake?" Michael whispered, eyes blinking back tears of shock.
"Don't cry…Michael" Jake shut his eyes, yelling " I hate it when you cry…"
"Tell me how you killed him Jake!" Michael yelled.
"I poisoned him, damnit, he was suffering, I didn't want to see him suffer…he was so sick, you saw him" Jake raised his voice, holding himself together with his arms, a blue fuzzy black and blue sweater draped around his arms and, since it was a little bit too big for him, it hung lower. He wiped the tears from his eyes as Michael looked at it he remembered how Jake had worn that exact same sweater the day before Rory had died.
Michael looked for Jake, thumbs in his mouth and rain plastering his hair into his eyes, as he searched around he heard crying, faint and weak, and turned around the corner, in the bushes and saw Jake propped up against the tree, laughing so hard he was crying.
He was having a nose bleed
"Jakey" Michael murmured, taking his thumbs from his mouth and squatting down besides his best friend, " What's the matter?"
Jake's fuzzy black and blue stripped sweater covered him and his overalls, his hair was cut short and his hands were pushed up against his nose bleeding, laughing.
"Jakey?" Michael whispered again
"How could you kill your own brother?"
"Every night….every night he'd cry himself to sleep! He was so alone, in so much….so much pain…Mikey! Mikey, didn't you see it in his eyes. Re- rmeber him and Jamie….that they- they were together. That is us. That will be us….dead. Look at Rory, he's fucking dead now. And Jami- Jamie…. You know he's practically gone as well. That will be us in a few years. Because Rory, like me, didn't appreciate what we had until it was too late. I just want to end this all now"
"That won't be us, we'll find a way to make sure it never happens. I love you too much, we've been through too much, to have you- have us stop now. We're getting married Jake. We're going to be happy."
Jake spun around, window open and wind spilling into it with rain and debris as he collapsed into Michael's arms, shaking and crying as he whispered, into Michael's ear," I just want for you to be happy…"He sniffed a little, closing his eyes, " But I can't let you go…"
Michael push him away slightly as he murmured back," Jake…I don't want you to let me go, don't let me go, okay?"
Jake shook his head, reached up, grabbed his hair and knotted his fingers into it, locking themselves together and pulled himself into Michael's face and placed a soft, chaste kiss on his cheeks and then ran a hand across his cheeks and looked into his eyes," When I die…"
"Jake?"
"I want you to know…that what we had…it wasn't extraordinary at all" He breathed, holding his hand tightly as Michael relaxed. " It was us…" He whispered," Just us…"
Michael nodded, tears spilling forwards," Just…us?"
"I love you Michael…I'm saving you…" Jake stammered, pushing off of Michael and over to the window seal and grabbed the gun.
"Jak-"
"Don't move!" Jake snapped, holding out his trembling hand. " I feel happy Mikey…can you forgive me…"
"For what?"
"Everything" Jake cried.
"Jak-"
"I just need to know!" Jake said, voice breaking.
"Of course…Jake…Jake no…" Michael stepped forwards, grabbing the gun in his hands and Jake snatched the gun on the other side, and they pulled.
"Let me finish this, please" Jake cried out," I don't want to hurt anymore"
"I can't live without you" Michael yelled back out," Please don't do this to me "
Jake shook his head sadly," You have to live without me, because all I have done, in my whole life, is cause pain, and I am so tired of this…hurt…this void…" He snatched the gun from Michael and pushed him up against the wall. Michael hit his head and fell downwards, shoulder slumped as his vision slipped in and out of consciousness he heard Jake laugh, one sincere laugh, pure, like old times and with a charming smile he glanced at Michael, happy, finally happy. "I finally got that gun, Mikey" He said, childish voice and Michael saw the little boy with a short hair cut and blue overalls standing in front of him with a cheeky smile.
And then the trigger went off.
And blood splattered the walls and the moment was over…
Everything was over.
It's funny you know. I never thought that you'd live to see a wedding, let alone our own wedding. Isn't it amazing Mikey? That you and me….after all these years….would be together? Married? It's fucking amazing isn't it? When I think back to all the shit that I put you through I suddenly realized….I realized how special you are and how much you must love me to put up with me and my antics. I sure as hell wouldn't have. But that's why you're my better half. You're so lovely, Michael. I know I tell you that a lot, But it's true. And in a way- in a way you're my idol. I look up to you. And I wish that I could take back every single bruise and every single cut that I ever placed upon your body, as well as anybody else had. But I'm not going to mess up this time! We're going to be happy, once and for all. One way or another. We always find a way you know. We don't know any other way how. I'd just die if we didn't.
-Jake's Wedding Vows.
I'm going as far as I can go
Away from here
Away from you, Jake
And the hole you've sunk me into
I wish that I could belong here with you
And just be
But that's not all that I'm about
Your life is built on accidents
Like meeting me
You write everything down in your grocery list
People do this
Even insects buzz like airplanes
Why can't we fly away
I'm going as far as I can go
Your dad died, cuz his heart hurt
Arking away his forty-five years
Dragging your mom along
Well I don't want that
And neither do you, neither do you
If I am not fun, and I am not interesting
Perhaps I am not interested in you
Neither are you
You can't stand in front of an oven
When it's warm, cuz the fumes are dangerous
I'm going as far as I can go
Away from here
Away from you, Jake
And the hole you've sunk me into
I wish that I could belong here with you
And just be
But that's not all that I'm about to do
-
"Jake" by Lisa Loeb
Thankies Rain for giving me the poem, I loved them now that I really think about it. So that was the end of my upper downer whirlwind of a searies I have basically been writing this story for a year and I have to say that I love loved every minute of it. You guys...you guys are ace, you're gold, you beautiful wonderful people and I am so fucking glad that I met you all. Well, you know what I mean. You guys have helped me through more bad times then you have realized and made me smile when I didn't think I could smile anymore. So I love you all. Love you all so bloody much. Which is basically why I just can't go and fade away now. So I'm working on the sequel. Well, not the sequel, but we'll have the same characters, just a different setting and situatuion, ( Jake is not Marco's son anymore, nor is Michael suicidal. Adrian, Rory and Trent are indeed alive : dances: And the pairings are slightly different.) I can't believe it. Can you guys believe this is the first story that I actually ever finished? I mean, like the first long term one? I'd give a spoiler to the next story, but then that wouldn't be fair, now would it: LOL: So erm ja, it should be up in a month or so...no, I'm lying, it'll be up next monday. Why? Because I breathe writing. It's called 10 Second Warning, so watch out for it. I cannot say thank you enough
AN: Lmao, did you think I was gonna update that fast? LOVE.