Teenage Dirtbag

Part Three- Strive

AN: This is for Fanny chan! Yes, there's a continuation! And here it is! I hope you enjoy! I'm already in vacation! Yay! :D

"Your name?"

"Shirou Kamui."

"Age?"

"Sixteen."

"Hmmm…"

Once more, the director carefully examines me as if she's not a director but a doctor. She has been staring at me from head to toe for about three times now ever since I stood here in front of her. I'm so nervous. I think she can't see in me what she's really looking for or that certain something she's expecting to see. Now my fingers are shaking uncontrollably. My lips are trembling. I'm sure Keiichi notices that something is wrong with me. Whew.

"What club are you in?"

"I… I have no club…"

"I see… Well, do you have any experience in performing on stage?"

"This is my first time…"

"Ahh… First time to audition also?"

I nod, "Yes…"

She is looking at me with burning curiosity. I can feel it. And she's probably saying at the back of her head something like, "What the hell does this guy wants? He has nothing good to say about himself. And no experience!"

"Hmm… you are perfect for the role," she says while raising an eyebrow, "scrawny body, pale skin, large violet eyes and long noticeable eyelashes. Oh, and thin lips, too!"

Upon hearing that, it seems as though I suddenly see a light of hope flickering brightly in front of me. Maybe I still have a chance after all. Yes… I'm hoping that I really do stand a chance.

"Thank you…"

"But it's not just the physical appearance we are looking for. One's acting skill is the most important part here. Yeah, it would be great if you have the looks but we're not only after that. Can you act?"

"I think so… And I also believe that practice makes perfect."

The director gazes sharply at me. Perhaps I've caught her attention with what I have just said.

"I like your attitude, boy! So… why are you auditioning? Do you want to be a stage actor in the near future?" she asks me. This is kind of silly. She's like interviewing a kid enrolling for nursery school.

"No… I don't have any plans of being a stage performer."

"So why are you here?"

"Personal reasons," I answer, almost whispering.

She smiles at me without asking anything in addition. I think I'm starting to like her and I somewhat feel comfortable already with her interviewing me. Oh wait, I forget about the others.

I steal a glance at Fuuma. He's having a conversation with Seishirou. It's okay. At least he's not seeing me trembling endlessly. I don't want him to think that I'm nervous. Yes. I have a self-esteem problem but I don't want Fuuma to notice that. That's a minus point, if you know what I mean.

I transfer my gaze toward Keiichi. He's looking at me, smiling. His eyes are glittering. He's already giving me the encouragement that I need only with that look in his eyes. I can also see that his cheeks are blushing a little bit. It makes me realize that Keiichi's kind of cute. Haha. I'm sure he'll jump with joy if ever I'll tell him these observations of mine.

"Okay. So do you know the story?" The director starts asking me again.

"I know a little about it. I'd be very glad if you'll inform me more about it, ma'am."

"Well, the name of the character you are auditioning for is Tsuki. He is the younger brother of Asahi, which will be played by Monou-kun. I suppose you already know that the title is 'Verboten Love', ne? "

"Yes."

"So, Asahi is totally obsessed with his younger brother, which is yes, very peculiar. Tsuki, meanwhile feels that it's so wrong that's why he is avoiding his brother."

With innocent eyes, I ask, "Does he love Asahi?"

"Yes! That's why he is avoiding him because he doesn't want his brother committing a sin."

"I see…"

Maybe if I'm Tsuki, I'll do the same thing. I can't really relate to it but I think it's the best thing to do, no?

"All right. We'll try to do a short scene and from there I will decide if you're fit for the role."

Do… a short… scene…? Wait. I gulp. Does that mean… Oh my… I don't want to expect something that great already but… Hold on. Now instead of my heart beating hastily, I think it has stopped beating already.

"Monou-kun! I'm sorry but can you come in here again?"

I freeze. She called whom to what? My sweats are becoming cold now. I can't move even just a bit. I can't bring myself to… look at Fuuma.

"Sure, why not. What am I to do?" he says while standing from his seat and fixing that beautiful silk which is wrapped around his body. Now how I wish I were just a cloth that Fuuma wears. Damn. I'm very desperate to get close to him. And I do mean very.

"You have to do a short scene with Shirou-kun."

I blink. Short? If I'm with Fuuma, I don't care if I have to try doing a scene for the rest of my life. As long as I can be with him, I'm the happiest person alive. I swear.

"Shirou-kun, huh?" Seishirou says with a smile. But it really looks like a smirk to me.

"That's… me…" I say while trying my very best to face my rival. Ah, he can't really be called "my rival" because he's not fighting me for Fuuma. For Fuuma is already his.

"I kind of don't care about whatever your name is. And I'm not asking," he says with an obvious tone of sarcasm.

I hate him. I really do. Who doesn't? He owns Fuuma and he's so despicable. Oh well, maybe I'm the only one thinking ill of him. Everybody *loves* him. Crap.

"Oh… sorry…," I whisper before gulping thickly.

He stands up as well and both of them are now walking toward us. If only I have the power, I'll erase Seishirou's presence on this world! But pathetic because I don't have such power.

"I like this guy! I tell you, Monou-kun!" the director says kind-heartedly. And that's a relief for me. I feel really glad about it. Now the flickering light in front of me glows more with enthusiasm.

"Really. You've never said that for hours. What do you mean you like him?" Fuuma asks.

I gulp again. I take a quick look at the director.

"He's perfect for the character!"

"I see. So is he qualified?"

"That's what we are about to find out and that's why we'll try doing a short scene."

"Won't you be able to see if he has talent whatsoever even without having to do a scene with Fuuma? I think what you are up to is already on a different level. And well, he still doesn't have the role, does he?" Seishirou opposes elegantly.

Fuuma smiles at him seductively, "Overprotective, huh?"

"Shut up, you."

Fuuma presses a soft kiss on Seishirou's neck. I stand still. I envy him *so*much. I know it's wrong but… he owns Fuuma! Have I mentioned that he owns Fuuma? So you can't blame me.

Keiichi comes to me then starts whispering something to my ear, but he's full of excitement so it doesn't seem anymore that he's whispering, "Shoot! My holiness! This is really happening! Give your best shot! This is the only opportunity you have and you shall NEVER EVER let it slip away!"

Don't worry, Keiichi. I won't.

"Okay. But first, let me know him," Fuuma says. Now I'm blushing. This is pathetic. I'm blushing like a girl in a shoujo manga or whatever. I can't think straight. Some angels in heaven, please help me.

"All right. I'll give you five minutes then we'll try to do the scene, okay?" the director tells Fuuma in response.

Five minutes? Crap. That's too short for him to get to know me. Oh. Am I asking too much now? I think I should not get my hopes up too high because there's still a possibility that I might not pass this audition. But I really hope I will.

"So… the director likes you, huh? Have I seen you before?" Fuuma says while walking closer to me.

Yes. He is walking closer to me. Fuuma. At last.

I gulp for the thousandth time now. I try to open my mouth and speak out some words. But I just can't. Not a single sound would come out. I can't even release some air. I want to cry. I want to embrace him and tell him how happy I am right now. Right now that he's finally close to me. Looking at me. Talking to me.

This is it.

What I experienced with him yesterday was already too much for me.

But look at this. I thought I will never experience this.

This is real, isn't this?

If this is a dream, let me not wake up. Let me feel this.

But this is real.

I can die happily now.

"No, you can't. There's going to be so much more after this," my inner self tells me.

Really? Then I won't.

"Umm… Hello? I'm talking to you, yoy know."

Ah. Someone has pushed my back softly.

"Hey, Mr. Lucky Guy! You're love has been talking to you if you haven't noticed it yet." I believe Keiichi's the one saying that directly into my ears.

"I--- I'm sorry… I… You see… I… Oh wait," I stutter while trying to breathe. Then I turn my back and hold onto my chest. My eyes, I believe, are already bulging out because of this unexpected encounter.

Kamui! Are you nuts!? You've been waiting all your damned life to get noticed by Fuuma and talk to him! And right now, look at yourself! What are you trying to do? Faint?

You can always faint later! But not now!

"Hey… what has gotten into you?" I'm sure it's Fuuma speaking.

I quickly turn to face him again. My eyes are kind of watery now but I don't care.

"I'm sorry! Listen! I want you to know that -----" I… am about to confess what I feel for him, or something like that, but someone suddenly interrupts me, albeit unintentionally.

"Okay, I've found a good part. Let's try this. Monou-kun, Shirou-kun, come here and read these lines. I'll not teach you how to act this. I want you two to act spontaneously," the director tells us her instructions.

I was interrupted. But I think it's a blessing from heaven. I almost forgot about Seishirou. He has been observing me ever since the director said she likes me. I think he has a bad feeling about me. He probably has already noticed that I have "a thing" for Fuuma. Yeah, right. I know he'll kill me once he hears me saying that. And as you know it, I shall not die yet.

"Okay, madam," Fuuma replies.

I nod gently in response. And then Fuuma heads toward the director. I'm watching him until it comes to my senses that I shall go there, too. I'm at a loss. I am.

"So, okay! Can you do it?" she asks excitedly.

"Of course. There's nothing that I can't do," Fuuma answers, obviously teasing her. Dammit, why so lovely.

"Very optimistic, ne, Monou-kun?" the director teases back.

I think I saw Seishirou giving her a sharp evil look. And he has managed to scare her a bit. If he can do that to a director, he can do that to me. And he might even do something scarier since I am but nothing. He can kill me right away.

The director starts acting as if nothing happened, "O--- Okay. What about you, Shirou-kun? Do you think you can try doing it right away even though this is your first time to audition for a play in your whole entire life?"

"I will try to do my best," I answer softly. I know I don't have the guts to announce to everybody that I can. So if ever I fail, I won't feel so embarrassed.

But I believe I will not fail.

Suddenly, Seishirou comes to me and puts his lips near my ears. I thought he's trying to cut my ears but so far he hasn't. Instead, he hisses to me these few words with a deep scary voice that brings chills crawling down my spines, "Know your limitation, boy, or die."

My eyes widen. Then I try to ignore it by blinking twice. Not effective.

"Okay, let's start," the director announces. Seishirou smiles sweetly then moves back. Now he's just a few inches away from where Keiichi is standing and watching. He has a pleasant smile but I'm sure there's abhorrence in it. He's still gazing at me. Making my sweat crawl down faster.

"5, 4, 3, 2, 1. ACTION!"

"I love you! Stop avoiding me! It torments me!" Fuuma says with a loud and commanding voice while gripping my wrist. He's acting right now. Don't get him wrong.

"Tsuki, nobody should own you but me!" he continues.

I'm staring at his eyes and he's staring back at mine. Supposedly, it's still a part of the story or the script or whatever.

Fuuma. I love you, too.

"Tell me you love me, too!" He roars with force. Acting force, that is.

I love you so much. You just don't know it.

This is my time to act; I look at him, Asahi, with bitterness, "Nii-san! You know I love you!"

"Then why!?!"

"What why!?," I cry out a little louder.

"Why are you pulling yourself away from me!?!" he delivers the script intensely. As if he's saying his real feelings.

"Because you are impossible! You love me in a different way which is just so wrong!"

"Nothing's wrong when you're in love!" He holds onto my wrist tighter. I don't want him to take his hand away. This is really beyond my expectations. This only happens in my dreams. But look.

He moves his face closer to mine. I swallow hard. I'm very stiff right now. Just one inch and I can forget about everybody in here. Except for Fuuma.

"Tell me you love no one but me." I can feel his breath on my lips. I take a look at his open mouth. I want to kiss it. But I shall not.

"Nii-san… No…" I still manage to say my lines. I speak with emptiness. I just think about how lonely my life has been and it really helps a lot. Then, following what the story says, I burst into tears.

"I love you, nii-san! You just can't understand me!"

Fuuma grabs my neck then narrows his gaze, "I'll kill him!"

I gasp, that's still a part of the story, "No, you won't!"

"Yes, I will!"

With all my strength, I embrace him, "Please… stop this…"

That's what the script says, but actually, I want to say the opposite.

"Tsuki…"

I hold onto him tighter. I can feel his warm body. I don't want this to end. I start clinging to his neck, pulling him closer to me. Pretending I don't know that Seishirou's watching us. I can feel my tears crawling down my face continuously. I want to tell him I love him.

"I love you….. Fu---- ah! Nii-san…" Good thing it was a whisper so the director didn't hear it.

All I want is to feel this way. I rest my body on his. Until…

"CUT!!" the director shouts.

Fuuma stops. I stop, even though I don't want to. He pulls himself away from me. I have no choice but to let him go. I blink. I look at the director. Her smile is shining.

"Very good! Bravo!" She claps her hands. I look at Keiichi. He's smiling very happily, too. With that, I assure my self that I have given my best shot. Honestly, I was… carried away.

"Goddammit!," the director walks closer to us, "you were excellent, Shirou-kun!"

I'm speechless. Everything happened so quickly. I don't know what to say.

"Honestly, that was really cool!" Fuuma comments. But for me, it was warm.

"KAMUI!!! YOU'RE GREAT!!!" Keiichi yells to me.

"Thank you…" It's all I can say right now.

The director faces everybody, "Hey, guys! It's time to wrap the audition up!"

Wha--- What does that mean?

"I've already found the right one! We're done!" she says merrily.

Is this… true…? Does she mean… me…?

I gulp yet again.

"EEEEHHH?????" is the only reaction I see from Keiichi.

Then, the director faces me, "The role is yours, Shirou-kun."

I stand motionless for a while. I try to blink and gulp at the same time.

"Oh," Fuuma smiles.

"YAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!" Keiichi screams. He's very happy. He's dancing with joy. He's funny. I let out a small laugh. Not because of Keiichi. I was able to let out a small laugh because… of this.

"Thank you," I'm finally able to say something.

I didn't really expect myself to get the role. I want it but I was not expecting. All I want to do now is to jump or collapse. I'm very, very happy.

"So! We'll meet each other again tomorrow! Thank you, Shirou-kun! Thanks to all those who tried to audition! We're sorry but there's always a next time!" The director tells everyone merrily.

"CONGRATULATIONS, KAMUIIIIIII!!!" Keiichi runs to me then he throws me a hug.

"I was able to do this because of your encouragement, Keiichi. Thank you so much."

"It's nothing! I'm so proud of you!!!!!!"

I take a glimpse at Fuuma. He's getting ready to go. Seishirou is stroking his hair. I smile with distress.

"Kamui!!! THIS IS VERY GREAT!!!!"

I try to observe everybody inside the room. Everyone is tired working by now. Until this guy catches my attention… or is he really a "he"? He looks like a girl. He has white hair. And… he looks upset. As if the whole world has just fallen on his shoulders. I wonder if what his problem is.

I look back. Fuuma is not there anymore. I'm not really disappointed because I know I can see him again tomorrow. Yes.

"Who is he? Or… she? I don't have an idea," I ask Keiichi while pointing at the pale guy, or girl.

"Let's refer to him as a guy, 'kay? Well… I don't know him. I think I've never seen him before. What's with him? Did you suddenly have a teeny-weeny crush on him?"

"Just because we're happy doesn't mean you can already annoy me like that," I tell Keiichi in a monotonous voice.

"Hey, hey! Just kidding! I know that Fuuma's the only person whom your eyes can see! Haha! Oh well, let's go to that guy if you feel that your curiosity is killing you. "

So we go to the… um, guy. I stare at him for a couple of seconds and I find him he looking very sad. I can see myself in him. We're somehow alike I think.

"I'm sorry… can I do something to help you? I'm Shirou Kamui. Who are you?"

"Nataku."

"Is something the matter?"

He stares directly into my eyes. I notice that his eyes are violet like mine. But a little darker. And like mine, his eyes are full of pain. Or so I thought.

"You. You are my problem."

"Huh?"

--

Tsuzuku.