Delivery Man Soku Zan
A/N: Yay! Eleven reviews! That's why I'm continuing this really stupid, random, humorous fic! No, RK doesn't belong to me, but the whole pizza company in the story does!! And I don't own ff.net or anything else that I put into this fic except the idea. On with the story! ^___^
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Saito returned from yet another boring day at school. He knew that it would be a bad day when he was woken up at 7:00 am by yet another pizza delivery man (the same one had come by fifteen times already that same week giving him FIFTEEN cheese pizzas (at different times, of course.)!). And his instincts were correct: it was another terrible day. First, the history teacher had to lecture about how TERRIBLE the Shinsengumi was, then the English teacher had to criticize him about how TERRIBLE his paper was, and finally the principal had to inform him about how TERRIBLE he was in general. He dumped his backpack on the floor and was about to sit at his desk when the doorbell rang.
"Hope it's not another pizza delivery man," Saito muttered, standing and walking to the door. He opened it and found Okita hiding behind a bush.
"H-h-hello... S-S-Saito-san," Okita whimpered. Saito glared at him for a minute, which made the boy tremble in fear. Okita had been deathly afraid of Saito ever since the fourth pizza delivery man arrived at his doorstep, which was about three days ago. They hadn't spoken since.
"Hello, Okita," Saito replied dryly. Okita backed into the bush some more.
"Hello," Okita stammered again. "I see you got detention again. You're late coming home."
"Yes," Saito said through his teeth. "I am. It is 6:00."
"You're not going to kill me, right?" Okita asked, trembling. Saito sighed, dropping his fierce face.
"No, I'm not," Saito said. "Let's go inside." He headed back for the house.
"Okay," Okita said, standing and feeling better. They walked inside and headed into Saito's room. Just then, the doorbell rang. Saito growled angrily and stomped back to the door, pulling it open. The SAME pizza delivery man who had come fifteen times before stood at his door, holding the SAME size cheese pizza, sporting the SAME yellow and green hat, wearing the SAME green polo shirt with the SAME logo on the shirt pocket, wearing the SAME striped green and yellow pants, and the SAME dorky smile plastered on his face. (That WAS supposed to be a run-on sentence, btw.)
"Here's your pizza," the man said, making his smile completely take over his face.
"Why THANK YOU," Saito snarled, taking the pizza and slamming the door in the man's face. Saito dropped the pizza in the kitchen and stormed back into the room where Okita had pulled out his homework and was dutifully reading a passage from a large textbook.
"Who was that?" Okita asked with a grin. Saito scowled.
"The pizza delivery man," Saito said. Okita's smile fell.
"You're not going to kill me, right?" Okita asked shakily.
"No, I'm not," Saito sighed, sitting down and pulling out the same fat textbook. Okita finished reading and slapped it shut. He pulled out a piece of paper.
"Do you know why the Shinsengumi are..." Okita stopped suddenly. "Never mind." Saito looked up.
"What? Why they are what?" Saito asked.
"Losers..." Okita squeaked. Saito's face twisted into an odd expression, making him look like a very wrinkly dog. Okita held back a laugh and snorted. Saito sweatdropped.
"I'm not doing my homework tonight," Saito decided. "I'm going to bed. Leave when you want, just don't wake me up."
"What? Oh, okay," Okita said. Saito went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. Okita sat at the desk and quickly began finishing his work.
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Saito woke up to the sound of a doorbell. He walked to the door and pulled it open, rubbing his eyes groggily.
"Oh, great," Saito muttered. "It's YOU." The SAME pizza delivery man who had come before stood at his door, holding the SAME size cheese pizza, sporting the SAME yellow and green hat, wearing the SAME green polo shirt with the SAME logo on the shirt pocket, wearing the SAME striped green and yellow pants, and the SAME dorky smile plastered on his face. Saito sweatdropped sleepily.
"ggggggGGGGOOOOooooDDD morning, sir!" the delivery man said, changing tone every second. "How about some GRRRRRREAT pizza for a GRRRRRREAT breakfast? You don't have to pay, it is a life time supply after all... huh huh huh..." He chuckled heartily, then thrust the pizza at Saito. He took it, then walked back inside. He checked the clock. It was 7:30.
"Stupid..." Saito grumbled, yawning and changing into a big T-shirt and jeans. He quickly combed out his hair, which didn't really help, and grabbed his backpack, heading for the door. He tossed his backpack over his shoulder and opened the door. Then, he stopped, turned and walked back into the kitchen, taking a piece of pizza along with him for breakfast.
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Saito walked slowly to his first class: HISTORY. His LEAST favorite subject. He finished the slice of pizza in his hand and walked into the classroom. Just then, the bell rang.
"Saito-san!!" the history teacher yelled angrily. "You are TARDY!!" Saito glared.
"The bell just rang, Ekiguchi-san," Saito protested, but the teacher just jabbed a finger at him.
"Tardy SLIP, Saito-san!" he commanded. Saito walked to the back of the room where his desk was and dropped his bag in his seat. Just then, a paper ball hit him in the head. Saito picked it up and opened it. It read: Ha ha. Then, he looked up and saw his WORST enemy in school: Kenshin Himura. The redheaded boy gave an evil smile, then turned back to look at the board. Saito crumpled the paper and dropped it in the garbage on the way out.
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Soon, it was lunch time. Saito walked into the cafeteria and took a tray from the counter. He waited on line until it was his turn.
"What would you like?" the cafeteria lady asked. She was very fat and had a thick mustache above her lip.
"I'd like—"Saito started, but suddenly the cafeteria lady was thrown off her feet and a man popped up in her place. Saito's mouth nearly dropped to the floor. It was the SAME pizza delivery man, holding the SAME size cheese pizza, sporting the SAME yellow and green hat, wearing the SAME green polo shirt with the SAME logo on the shirt pocket, wearing the SAME striped green and yellow pants, and the SAME dorky smile plastered on his face. Saito sweatdropped.
"I'm sure you'd like another FANTASTIC pizza!!" the delivery man grinned. Saito was too shocked to protest and took the pizza wordlessly. The man grinned some more, showing all of his front teeth, then ducked behind the counter again.
"Hey," Okita's cheerful voice came to Saito's ears. Saito jumped and whirled around, staring into the boy's face.
"You," he said. "You want a pizza? I'll even trace you for the Brussel sprout casserole you've got there." Okita's eyes nearly popped out of his head.
"You WANT Brussel sprout casserole?" Okita gasped. "But... its... your least favorite food!!" Saito nodded.
"I know, but I now have a new least favorite food," Saito said, taking the tray of thick green dough from Okita's hands and shoving the pizza box into his chest. "Pizza." Okita's jaw fell and he just stared as Saito headed to a table. Finally finding himself, he hurried off through the busy lunchroom after Saito. He sat down next to him, taking out a slice of cheese pizza. Okita took a bite, then pulled the pizza far from his face for the gooey cheese to break. He grinned.
"Yummy. I don't see why you don't want pizza..." Okita said. Saito took his first bite of thick, slimy casserole. He swallowed.
"I've eaten pizza for every meal for the past week!" Saito said, glaring through his bangs at Okita's face. Okita gulped.
"Oh," he said. "Okay." Saito turned back to his casserole and attacked it hungrily with his fork. Okita stared for a while, then also turned back to his meal.
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Saito returned home that night at around 5:00. He sat on the couch in the living room and turned on the TV, having finished his homework during his hour long study hall. Just as he had gotten comfortable, the doorbell rang. Saito walked over to the door, thinking it was Okita AGAIN. Instead, he was met with the SAME pizza delivery man who had come sixteen (or seventeen was it? He'd lost count.) times before stood at his door, holding the SAME size cheese pizza, sporting the SAME yellow and green hat, wearing the SAME green polo shirt with the SAME logo on the shirt pocket, wearing the SAME striped green and yellow pants, and the SAME dorky smile plastered on his face.
"Heeeeelllllooooo sir!!" the delivery man said cheerily. "Would you like—"
"NO!" Saito yelled angrily. "STOP STALKING ME!! YOU'VE FOLLOWED ME TO SCHOOL FOR GOODNESS SAKE! DIEEEEEEE!!" The delivery man smiled wider.
"You won our pop-up game, though, sir," he said. Saito scowled.
"No, I didn't," Saito said. "My friend did." The delivery man gave a confused look.
"Oh," he said. "Sorry. Where does your friend live?" Saito gave him the address.
"There, now will you please get out of here?" Saito asked with an annoyed tone.
"Oh, can I get your e-mail?" the delivery man asked kindly. Saito sighed and jotted it down on a piece of paper. The man grinned and tipped his hat.
"Goodbye," Saito snapped. Then, he muttered, "Delivery man. Soku. Zan." The man tipped his yellow and green hat happily and trotted back to his car. Then, he drove away. Saito let out a sigh of relief, then closed the door and headed back to the TV where he would spend the rest of his night relaxing in a pizza-less bliss.
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A/N: I'm sure you're really tired about the delivery man. ^___^;; Thanks to all of you who reviewed and I will be making another chapter, I think. Thanks for reading!!
REVIEW RESPONSES:
psychotic-catster: Thank you!! ^__^
Blaze Coyotlhart: Yeah, I do too. That's why I wrote it. I can't relate with this, but it's telling what's to come.
WriterNotViking: Thank you! This is the follow-up and there will be another!
MissBehavin: Hello again! Don't think you can have like minds about this chapter but... maybe the next when I post it. You've been so nice to me! Thank you so much!! ^____^
Lady Netiri: Yup. Random. Did Delar like it? (Who is Delar by the way?)
Oro-chan no tenshi: 'Lo again! I'm continuing! Thank you!!
anivxn80: You did? Funny!!
Misaoshiru: Stupidest! Yes, it was the stupidest that I've ever written! But I guess people seemed to like it!! Thank you! ^__^
Pechan: Thanks! Yeah, it's supposed to be alternate universe, so that's where he got all the stuff... I'm glad you like my writing! I like yours!!
Saitofan108: Good idea. I'll think about the whole... pizza thing... but for now, he'll be just normal. I knew someone would write what Saito wrote! Thanks for R&R-ing!!
Axa: Thanks!
A/N: Yay! Eleven reviews! That's why I'm continuing this really stupid, random, humorous fic! No, RK doesn't belong to me, but the whole pizza company in the story does!! And I don't own ff.net or anything else that I put into this fic except the idea. On with the story! ^___^
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Saito returned from yet another boring day at school. He knew that it would be a bad day when he was woken up at 7:00 am by yet another pizza delivery man (the same one had come by fifteen times already that same week giving him FIFTEEN cheese pizzas (at different times, of course.)!). And his instincts were correct: it was another terrible day. First, the history teacher had to lecture about how TERRIBLE the Shinsengumi was, then the English teacher had to criticize him about how TERRIBLE his paper was, and finally the principal had to inform him about how TERRIBLE he was in general. He dumped his backpack on the floor and was about to sit at his desk when the doorbell rang.
"Hope it's not another pizza delivery man," Saito muttered, standing and walking to the door. He opened it and found Okita hiding behind a bush.
"H-h-hello... S-S-Saito-san," Okita whimpered. Saito glared at him for a minute, which made the boy tremble in fear. Okita had been deathly afraid of Saito ever since the fourth pizza delivery man arrived at his doorstep, which was about three days ago. They hadn't spoken since.
"Hello, Okita," Saito replied dryly. Okita backed into the bush some more.
"Hello," Okita stammered again. "I see you got detention again. You're late coming home."
"Yes," Saito said through his teeth. "I am. It is 6:00."
"You're not going to kill me, right?" Okita asked, trembling. Saito sighed, dropping his fierce face.
"No, I'm not," Saito said. "Let's go inside." He headed back for the house.
"Okay," Okita said, standing and feeling better. They walked inside and headed into Saito's room. Just then, the doorbell rang. Saito growled angrily and stomped back to the door, pulling it open. The SAME pizza delivery man who had come fifteen times before stood at his door, holding the SAME size cheese pizza, sporting the SAME yellow and green hat, wearing the SAME green polo shirt with the SAME logo on the shirt pocket, wearing the SAME striped green and yellow pants, and the SAME dorky smile plastered on his face. (That WAS supposed to be a run-on sentence, btw.)
"Here's your pizza," the man said, making his smile completely take over his face.
"Why THANK YOU," Saito snarled, taking the pizza and slamming the door in the man's face. Saito dropped the pizza in the kitchen and stormed back into the room where Okita had pulled out his homework and was dutifully reading a passage from a large textbook.
"Who was that?" Okita asked with a grin. Saito scowled.
"The pizza delivery man," Saito said. Okita's smile fell.
"You're not going to kill me, right?" Okita asked shakily.
"No, I'm not," Saito sighed, sitting down and pulling out the same fat textbook. Okita finished reading and slapped it shut. He pulled out a piece of paper.
"Do you know why the Shinsengumi are..." Okita stopped suddenly. "Never mind." Saito looked up.
"What? Why they are what?" Saito asked.
"Losers..." Okita squeaked. Saito's face twisted into an odd expression, making him look like a very wrinkly dog. Okita held back a laugh and snorted. Saito sweatdropped.
"I'm not doing my homework tonight," Saito decided. "I'm going to bed. Leave when you want, just don't wake me up."
"What? Oh, okay," Okita said. Saito went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. Okita sat at the desk and quickly began finishing his work.
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Saito woke up to the sound of a doorbell. He walked to the door and pulled it open, rubbing his eyes groggily.
"Oh, great," Saito muttered. "It's YOU." The SAME pizza delivery man who had come before stood at his door, holding the SAME size cheese pizza, sporting the SAME yellow and green hat, wearing the SAME green polo shirt with the SAME logo on the shirt pocket, wearing the SAME striped green and yellow pants, and the SAME dorky smile plastered on his face. Saito sweatdropped sleepily.
"ggggggGGGGOOOOooooDDD morning, sir!" the delivery man said, changing tone every second. "How about some GRRRRRREAT pizza for a GRRRRRREAT breakfast? You don't have to pay, it is a life time supply after all... huh huh huh..." He chuckled heartily, then thrust the pizza at Saito. He took it, then walked back inside. He checked the clock. It was 7:30.
"Stupid..." Saito grumbled, yawning and changing into a big T-shirt and jeans. He quickly combed out his hair, which didn't really help, and grabbed his backpack, heading for the door. He tossed his backpack over his shoulder and opened the door. Then, he stopped, turned and walked back into the kitchen, taking a piece of pizza along with him for breakfast.
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Saito walked slowly to his first class: HISTORY. His LEAST favorite subject. He finished the slice of pizza in his hand and walked into the classroom. Just then, the bell rang.
"Saito-san!!" the history teacher yelled angrily. "You are TARDY!!" Saito glared.
"The bell just rang, Ekiguchi-san," Saito protested, but the teacher just jabbed a finger at him.
"Tardy SLIP, Saito-san!" he commanded. Saito walked to the back of the room where his desk was and dropped his bag in his seat. Just then, a paper ball hit him in the head. Saito picked it up and opened it. It read: Ha ha. Then, he looked up and saw his WORST enemy in school: Kenshin Himura. The redheaded boy gave an evil smile, then turned back to look at the board. Saito crumpled the paper and dropped it in the garbage on the way out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Soon, it was lunch time. Saito walked into the cafeteria and took a tray from the counter. He waited on line until it was his turn.
"What would you like?" the cafeteria lady asked. She was very fat and had a thick mustache above her lip.
"I'd like—"Saito started, but suddenly the cafeteria lady was thrown off her feet and a man popped up in her place. Saito's mouth nearly dropped to the floor. It was the SAME pizza delivery man, holding the SAME size cheese pizza, sporting the SAME yellow and green hat, wearing the SAME green polo shirt with the SAME logo on the shirt pocket, wearing the SAME striped green and yellow pants, and the SAME dorky smile plastered on his face. Saito sweatdropped.
"I'm sure you'd like another FANTASTIC pizza!!" the delivery man grinned. Saito was too shocked to protest and took the pizza wordlessly. The man grinned some more, showing all of his front teeth, then ducked behind the counter again.
"Hey," Okita's cheerful voice came to Saito's ears. Saito jumped and whirled around, staring into the boy's face.
"You," he said. "You want a pizza? I'll even trace you for the Brussel sprout casserole you've got there." Okita's eyes nearly popped out of his head.
"You WANT Brussel sprout casserole?" Okita gasped. "But... its... your least favorite food!!" Saito nodded.
"I know, but I now have a new least favorite food," Saito said, taking the tray of thick green dough from Okita's hands and shoving the pizza box into his chest. "Pizza." Okita's jaw fell and he just stared as Saito headed to a table. Finally finding himself, he hurried off through the busy lunchroom after Saito. He sat down next to him, taking out a slice of cheese pizza. Okita took a bite, then pulled the pizza far from his face for the gooey cheese to break. He grinned.
"Yummy. I don't see why you don't want pizza..." Okita said. Saito took his first bite of thick, slimy casserole. He swallowed.
"I've eaten pizza for every meal for the past week!" Saito said, glaring through his bangs at Okita's face. Okita gulped.
"Oh," he said. "Okay." Saito turned back to his casserole and attacked it hungrily with his fork. Okita stared for a while, then also turned back to his meal.
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Saito returned home that night at around 5:00. He sat on the couch in the living room and turned on the TV, having finished his homework during his hour long study hall. Just as he had gotten comfortable, the doorbell rang. Saito walked over to the door, thinking it was Okita AGAIN. Instead, he was met with the SAME pizza delivery man who had come sixteen (or seventeen was it? He'd lost count.) times before stood at his door, holding the SAME size cheese pizza, sporting the SAME yellow and green hat, wearing the SAME green polo shirt with the SAME logo on the shirt pocket, wearing the SAME striped green and yellow pants, and the SAME dorky smile plastered on his face.
"Heeeeelllllooooo sir!!" the delivery man said cheerily. "Would you like—"
"NO!" Saito yelled angrily. "STOP STALKING ME!! YOU'VE FOLLOWED ME TO SCHOOL FOR GOODNESS SAKE! DIEEEEEEE!!" The delivery man smiled wider.
"You won our pop-up game, though, sir," he said. Saito scowled.
"No, I didn't," Saito said. "My friend did." The delivery man gave a confused look.
"Oh," he said. "Sorry. Where does your friend live?" Saito gave him the address.
"There, now will you please get out of here?" Saito asked with an annoyed tone.
"Oh, can I get your e-mail?" the delivery man asked kindly. Saito sighed and jotted it down on a piece of paper. The man grinned and tipped his hat.
"Goodbye," Saito snapped. Then, he muttered, "Delivery man. Soku. Zan." The man tipped his yellow and green hat happily and trotted back to his car. Then, he drove away. Saito let out a sigh of relief, then closed the door and headed back to the TV where he would spend the rest of his night relaxing in a pizza-less bliss.
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A/N: I'm sure you're really tired about the delivery man. ^___^;; Thanks to all of you who reviewed and I will be making another chapter, I think. Thanks for reading!!
REVIEW RESPONSES:
psychotic-catster: Thank you!! ^__^
Blaze Coyotlhart: Yeah, I do too. That's why I wrote it. I can't relate with this, but it's telling what's to come.
WriterNotViking: Thank you! This is the follow-up and there will be another!
MissBehavin: Hello again! Don't think you can have like minds about this chapter but... maybe the next when I post it. You've been so nice to me! Thank you so much!! ^____^
Lady Netiri: Yup. Random. Did Delar like it? (Who is Delar by the way?)
Oro-chan no tenshi: 'Lo again! I'm continuing! Thank you!!
anivxn80: You did? Funny!!
Misaoshiru: Stupidest! Yes, it was the stupidest that I've ever written! But I guess people seemed to like it!! Thank you! ^__^
Pechan: Thanks! Yeah, it's supposed to be alternate universe, so that's where he got all the stuff... I'm glad you like my writing! I like yours!!
Saitofan108: Good idea. I'll think about the whole... pizza thing... but for now, he'll be just normal. I knew someone would write what Saito wrote! Thanks for R&R-ing!!
Axa: Thanks!