Teenage Dirtbag
Part Six- Unwell
Disclaimer: X belongs to CLAMP-sama, AU, OOC~
"He's back."
"…Fuuma, he is."
W… What? Have I heard that right?
Who's back…???
I'm astonished.
Have my ears heard that correctly???
He's back…
Fuuma…?
"Don't worry. He's nice. I know you'll get along well."
Surprisingly, I can still clearly hear what Kakyou is saying even though I'm very stunned with…
….what I've just heard.
Nothing seems to enter my mind at the moment except… who's back…?
Did he actually mention the name "Fuuma"?!?
But wait… Am I only hearing things? Is Fuuma really there outside?! Is Fuuma the one who knocked!? IS HE!?!?
"I'll open the door," Kakyou says and he's obviously not talking to me.
"No, no. I have my key here with me. Just checking if you're awake," Fuuma answers.
But… IS_HE_REALLY_FUUMA?!? The Fuuma I love? The Fuuma I'm so desperate to be with?
Okay. Okay. Okay.
Calm yourself down, Kamui.
Maybe he's not. *HE IS NOT*, okay?! I know I shall be open to the fact that MONOU FUUMA isn't the only FUUMA in this whole wide world! …That it's not impossible for others to also bear the name FUUMA! Maybe FUUMA KUDOU, FUUMA IMONOYAMA, FUUMA WANG, FUUMA WATSON or even FUUMA BUCKINGHAM etcetera, etcetera!
…but what if HE_REALLY_IS_MONOU_FUUMA!?
Yes, I know my dearest Fuuma's voice *very much* and I can easily recognize if he's the one speaking or not. It's just that the person is behind the door and it's hard to recognize his real voice!
SO WHAT NOW!?!
If I see Monou Fuuma's face there after the door opens, what shall I do next?
Oh please I think I'm going to collapse!
I hear the rustling of key being inserted into the keyhole.
Quick, Kamui! Quick!
THINK FAST!
…WHAT SHALL I DO?!?
"Kakyou-san! Where's the restroom here?!" I ask Kakyou in a very panicky voice and I don't care if he noticed that tension is building up fast in my system! All I need to do now is… oh wait! I don't even know what I need! Do I need to hide, stay calm… What?!?
He looks at me, clearly wondering if what has suddenly gotten into me. But still, he answers my question, "There." He points at this straight direction and I luckily immediately see the door.
Then what?
Now I can hear the door opening. And I shall now…
"Thank you!" I tell Kakyou in a shaky voice and without further ado, I run toward the restroom.
I hide behind the door completely closing it.
"Wait, Ka---" I hear Kakyou calls me back but is immediately interrupted.
"There. Now I shall ask you this. Why are you still awake, Kakyou,?" asks the person who has just entered.
"Eeh? Wait, Fuuma-san……" Kakyou then recites a string of apologies and excuses.
But wait. Now that voice…
I'm… very very very certain of it now.
…That's undoubtedly Monou Fuuma's voice.
Yeah… Fuuma… Surely it's him…
He's there. I know he is. My hunch tells me. No. Not just my hunch but myself. I know it.
I don't know exactly if what I should feel at this very moment. What feeling do I have now except for anxiety? Stay inside here. I know I should.
But why? Am I afraid to face Fuuma? And if I am, why should I be? He's not a monster. He's not a ghost. I have done nothing wrong to him so it's safe for me to face him. Why am I driving myself insane because of this?!?
Is it because I'm scared that he'd ignore me?
In fact, I should be very very glad about this coincidence, shouldn't I?
But why am I really feeling this way?
I'm so confused. Very. Fuuma's within my reach. Again.
But… why? I know I can go out there and face Fuuma! Tell him all about my feelings now that Seishirou is not in here!
I've faced Fuuma. Twice. This should not be happening to me!! I love those two precious moments very much. I will never be able to forget those for the rest of my life. Correction, damned life.
But right. Maybe I feel this way because deep inside, I know that this will only lead to nothing.
But I shouldn't care about that because right from the very beginning, I'm already aware of that. I know the truth that he'll never love me the same way I love him. No. That's too much of a wishful thinking. He doesn't even *like* me at the least. Compared to Seishirou, I'm nothing. How can Fuuma even fall in love with a guy who has so much bitterness inside? He will just feel bored with me. That is, if ever we get the chance to be together again. Which I'm sure will not happen anytime soon. And… ever again.
No one. No one will help me with this but my very self…
I'm drowned in my thoughts. And before I knew it, I'm already sitting down the floor with my back plastered on the door like a sticker. Tears are now collected in my eyes and are just waiting for the perfect moment to trickle down. Why am I shedding tears...? I know I always do but... there's no reason for me to cry at this moment!
"Are you sure you are okay, Kakyou?"
Wait. I should not forget that Fuuma's out there. With Kakyou.
I slowly tilt my head backward, trying to peek at them carefully through this one-fourth opened door. I can see both of them clearly even though my vision is somewhat hazy. Hazy because of the tears I shouldn't be shedding. And also because of the thoughts that are troubling my mind. And yeah, because of these feelings as well. Feelings that I… can't actually explain at this very moment. I can feel my knees trembling. I wrap my arms around them thinking that by doing that, they will already refuse to shake.
I can see Fuuma kneeling down there beside Kakyou's wheelchair.
"Very…" Kakyou answers Fuuma.
"Aah. You're being very stubborn lately. I've already told you not to go out without a guardian, haven't I? And more importantly, without my permission. Or in short, you'll not go outside this room without *me*," Fuuma says. With a little smile. Oh Fuuma…
Why…? Why here…? Of all places? Your house. The place where you spend your time… without him. Seishirou. Or so perhaps I thought. Should I feel glad about this? No. What would he say when he sees me here? Would he think that I'm playing some tricks or whatever it should be called? Would he think that I'm stalking him?
My goodness…
Is it really my destiny to feel confused and depressed all the time?
"See… I've already apologized…" Kakyou says to Fuuma with a very ghostly voice. He's also avoiding Fuuma's teasing glare. And Fuuma just chuckles. The one that Keiichi does whenever he's teasing me about my weakness. And you know what it is. I mean… who it is.
"You should really learn not to take everything so seriously, Kakyou," Fuuma teases some more in a very cool voice.
Am I seeing a different Fuuma now?
A Fuuma that laughs and smiles like an innocent child. As if he is a kid who is bullying his best friend.
I've never seen Fuuma like this before when we're in school. Because usually, he acts dangerously cool. He's wary and he is only nice whenever he wants to be or just feels like it.
But now, his eyes are seemingly sparkling. And what a shame. Those eyes are looking at Kakyou.
Then that made me think. I have a theory but…
No! Stop the dirty thoughts, Kamui! Kakyou's a very very nice man! Don't judge him!
And I'm one hundred percent sure about Fuuma's effin' relationship with Seishirou!
Fuuma sighs, "I forgive you now. As always. But don't you ever dare do it again. Okay? Or else I'll be forced to chain you there on your bed."
With that being said, Kakyou finally looks at Fuuma. His lips a bit parted and his eyes clueless, "You will what…?"
Fuuma chuckles even harder. Then grins at Kakyou. Dammit. Still teasing.
"Dammit, Kakyou. Why should you look attractive all the time?!" Fuuma starts to stroke Kakyou's long beautiful gold hair.
I swallow hard. Still looking at them.
Fuuma looks so very happy and gentle teasing Kakyou. Except for being roommates, what's between the two of them?
I shake my head trying to throw away my thoughts. My stupid thoughts about them. Then look at them again.
"Here, look at me," Fuuma gently cups Kakyou's chin so that he'd be able to stare directly at Kakyou's eyes, the latter passionately returning the stare. They are… very close. It makes me paranoid. I know the feeling of being close to Fuuma. It feels like heaven. Does Kakyou feel the same way? And if he does… why? Crap, crap, crap….. I can't blame him if he also feels the same way. But again, why should he?
"I'm not mad, okay? I was just teasing you a while ago. Just… next time, follow my instructions. I'm giving you those because I know that those are the best for you. You're safe from that coma already and the best way to fully recover from it is to rest. Other than that, discipline is also needed. You see, I can always walk you out if you want. All you need to do is ask."
"Except when Sakurazuka-san's around…," Kakyou clarifies with so much sadness in his voice. I can feel it. I see. So our problem both is none other than Seishirou. Fuuma's… ah, you know what. I don't want to speak about that evil.
Fuuma lets out a sigh before smiling. Then caresses Kakyou's cheek affectionately, "Forget about him."
"It's easy for you to say that. But you don't know how difficult it is for me to do that."
"Kakyou, I need your understanding. I'm sorry."
With the mention of the word "sorry", Kakyou's mood immediately changes. Then he extends his arm then clutches onto Fuuma's well-built arm.
"Don't be, Fuuma-san! I should be the one to say sorry. You're damned to it because of me!"
"Ssshhh….," Fuuma hisses then envelops Kakyou in a warm embrace.
I gulp upon seeing that. Let me say it's a comforting hug. Yeah, a comforting friendly hug. Keiichi gives me lots of it, too, no?
Fuuma starts caressing the back of Kakyou's head, "I may really be damned to it but there's no truth that it's because of you. I made that decision and you have nothing to do with it. I have no regrets with that. I did explain that to you, didn't I?"
"You've sacrificed enough, Fuuma-san…" Kakyou says, hopelessly. More hopeless than when he was talking to me a while ago.
"No, no. As a matter of fact, I enjoy Seishirou's company a lot now, you know. We take turns in paying for the ice cream that we eat and in deciding about what flavor we should buy. You know, the half gallon one? Haha, it's very scrumptious. If you want I'll buy one for us to eat here tomorrow evening. I bet you'll enjoy that. You've never tasted an ice cream before, have you? There are lots of-----" Fuuma is having an amazing speech about how delicious ice creams are until Kakyou interrupts him.
"No, Fuuma! Stop acting like you're enjoying it!" Kakyou shouts. For the very first time since I met him. Well, that was just a while ago.
Oh. It seems that I've already forgotten about what should I do and now I'm very busy eavesdropping. Don't get me wrong though. This isn't my hobby. But I'm very much tempted to eavesdrop. Especially that there is the person I love and will only love the most. By this… I'll know much more about Fuuma's life. Not just the fact that I know that he's really hot. And someone hotter owns him.
I remember suddenly how Kakyou described his 'roommate'.
/He's the one who woke up my senses/, also the answer he gave me when I made the comment /He's the wind beneath your wings/.
Maybe Fuuma is cheating on Seishirou. Maybe… there's really *something more* between Kakyou and him.
Damn, that's impossible! If he is, then Kakyou should be dead by now. I shake my head again. This time, more furiously. So as to be sure that these thoughts will completely disappear from my mind. Dammit. I have a bad imagination. Very bad.
"Kakyou… I'm not pretending that I enjoy it even though I really don't, if that's what you're trying to point out. Everything's fine. Everything. Don't mind me. Now, let's change the topic. Ask me about school. I'll answer even if you'll not ask," Fuuma grins. Then waits for Kakyou's response.
Kakyou pauses for a while then nods. Now he's back to normal. Or so I thought. Hm… When Kakyou looks melancholic and fragile, it means that he really is in his usual self, right?
"How's school…?" Kakyou asks because he has just been forced to. Oh, if you can't tell, that's a joke. Now this is my way of entertaining myself while I'm here inside their restroom.
"Damn great. You know the school play that I've mentioned to you days ago? The 'Verboten Love', which those people, without thinking-twice, have chosen me for the lead role?"
"Yes… what about it…?" Kakyou queries more calmly now.
Now that's a topic I don't want to hear ever again. I know I've had a very great experience involving that but it's just now… a pleasant memory to me after I've made the decision to give the cursed role to Nataku. I sigh ever harder at this very moment.
"I've seen Mauve there. He was there!" Fuuma says with an obvious excitement in his voice and I don't care now why. I don't even want him to mention something about that play. I should forget about it now.
"Mauve…? The one you… He was there?" Now Kakyou seems to be very curious. But starting this very moment, I've decided not to give a damn about what it is they are talking about.
If you want their full-length conversation, here it is…
"Yes. I got the chance to be with him."
"You did? And you are still alive? Is that Mauve of yours still alive?"
"You mean Seishirou? You mean why didn't he kill us? Ah. It was needed. It was needed in the audition and there was nothing he could do about it. Anyway, he probably didn't even notice at the slightest my real feelings that time. But I can say… I'm very happy about today."
"The code we've been using all this time… Fuuma-san, do you have any plan of revealing Mauve's real name to me anytime soon? I want to know… Especially the meaning of it. And some time, I want to see what he looks like. Even seeing a photo of him will suffice…."
"Nah-uh. Not yet, Kakyou. And not anytime soon. I know I can trust you about everything but… except this. It will be very dangerous if Seishirou discovers about it. Let's just live with the way things are right now. And leave them the way they are. I want Mauve and you safe. You know I'd risk my happiness for the safety of Mauve and you. I will always do."
"I've never asked this. And pardon me if I will now…"
"What?"
"Why 'Mauve'?"
"Aah. Because his eyes are of that color."
"Eyes…?"
"Oh wait. I've drunk a lot of alcohol while I was with Seishirou. I need to pee."
"Ah---! Wait! I've totally forgotten…! Someone's--------"
Sigh. I'm now almost ready to face Fuuma. I can't hide here inside the restroom forever. Especially that this is THEIR restroom. I can do this. I was able to face Fuuma during the audition! I even considered myself a "daredevil" because of devil Seishirou's presence that time. But now, all we have with us here is an angel. Angel Kakyou.
I stand up straight. Then face the door. Hold the doorknob, ready to pull it to open.
"Now, Kamui…" I command myself. Now.
"AH-----?!?"
But before I knew it, the door is already open.
Revealing…
…Fuuma in front of me.
He seems very shock. So am I.
"M--- 'Mauve'…?" I hear him whisper, trying to let his trapped breath out.
What… Mauve???
Tsuzuku.