Teenage Dirtbag
Part Nine- Sinner
AN: *does a happy dance* Minna-san! Heloooo!!!!!!! ^^ This is shorter, I'm sorry!
But I hope you'll like this! This is the step to loads *exaggerated* of shounen-ai
scenes! Yes, yes, I promise to put shounen-ai scenes from now on!^^ Okay...
*drumrolls* I now present you chapter nine!!!!! ^^
~~~~~~
Gentle. But full of burning love.
My mouth is locked with his.
Should I pull out? Or should I let him continue?
Should I kiss him back?
If I'll kiss Subaru back, will Seishirou already believe that we're lovers and
leave the crap out of us? Out of me?
Subaru's like drawing my soul out of my body. But in a very moderate way.
I want to pull away, but his fingers are awfully pierced at my waist, his other
hand fastened at my right one.
What's happening around? Is Fuuma still there? Is he watching us?
I know this doesn't make any sense. I know he doesn't see this as a big deal.
So what if someone's kissing me? The hell he cares.
But I want him to know that I don't want this. I would like this if he were the
one… kissing me. If it is his mouth currently playing with mine. If it is his
saliva I taste.
I want to burst out into a cry and shout to everybody that it is Fuuma I love. I
don't care if they don't care. I just want everybody to know.
Subaru's kissing me. This isn't new anymore. I've experienced him kissing me
already.
That moment I almost gave up my love for Fuuma. That night I almost lost the
most precious feeling I have inside of me, despite the fact that it's also that
feeling which always causes me pain and frustration. But I don't care. As far as
it is only I feeling the pain, and I can still stand it, I'll continue feeling.
I'll continue loving.
They say that if a person doesn't care about his own good, he doesn't love
himself.
And if he doesn't love himself, he'll not be able to love others.
Is that true?
Pain seems to be my cup of tea. Crying seems to be my hobby. Desperateness seems
to be my friend. With these things I'm with, do you think I should still love
myself? I let those things happen to me. Why? Because I can indeed do nothing to
prevent it. Do you think I'm worthy of such life?
Okay… Maybe I should stop thinking such imbecilic stuffs.
Thinking, thinking, thinking…. I didn't notice that I'm already giving in to the
kiss.
"That's it! Let me leave the hell out of here!" I hear Fuuma… growled…?
You heard him, Kamui! Now snap the hell out of this!
"Oh Fuuma, why have you suddenly gone mad?" Seishirou starts his surly teasing
again.
"I haven't gone mad! This is so witless, Sei! I wouldn't have guess that you'll
actually come up with a freakin' idea that is so corrupt as this!" He turns to us, "The
two of you! Try checking-in in a hotel for good! All of you are wasting my
time!"
"Say that again." Seishirou says, almost like a threat.
…And Fuuma shuts up with that.
I can't breath anymore! Can Subaru still manage breathing?!
I scratch my fingers at his chest, wanting him to know that I already want him to
stop.
Glad he understands that.
He pulls away. Our body, including our lips finally has separated. Finally.
"Kamui….", is the first thing Subaru says after that foolishness Seishirou has
provoked us.
My eyes are widening now. It finally comes to my senses that that shouldn't have
happened!
"Fuu---! No! I mean! Ah--!" I want to explain. I want to confess. But what's the
use?
"Okay. Good boys, best wishes." Seishirou winks.
There. He already has gotten what he wanted to. I hope… he's happy now.
I want… to die. I find this more terrible than Seishirou killing me and burying
me under a tree. I don't want Fuuma to think that I'm a phony. That I'm a
low-life. Even in my dreams I didn't foresee this flippancy happening. Is this
what I got for loving Fuuma? Is this the punishment I deserve because I love a
person who is a god in his own way?
I remember Nataku has said /The world is like punishing me. BUT I HAVE DONE
NOTHING WRONG! Is loving Fuuma wrong?!?/
…We are being punished, aren't we?
Yes… Maybe loving Fuuma really is wrong. Therefore I should tell Nataku that he
has done something wrong… and that 'wrong' is 'loving Fuuma'.
If loving Fuuma is wrong, then I can in no way be right.
Hah. I read that somewhere and I never thought that I could use it here.
But it's true. I'll choose to be wrong forever than curb myself from loving
Fuuma Monou. Maybe you're thinking that it's my fault I feel such pain because I
insist loving Fuuma but I've said that I'm used to it, right? So don't mind me.
Stop thinking.
Okay… you can slap me right now and tell me I'm already insane.
With these, I haven't noticed that I'm already sobbing. My shoulders trembling.
Subaru wraps two protective arms around me then fondles my head affectionately.
I don't know but I quite feel safer now. Subaru. His arms give me warmth. This
is the first time I feel such warm from Subaru's care. He often caresses me,
hisses me sweet and gentle words, embraces me…
But I've never appreciated those. Maybe because I never have paid any attention.
Hai… I admit that I'm relishing it now. Perhaps because I was just so much
afraid a while ago and I was praying for protection. And yes, I have it now.
"Why, Kamui…? Why are you sobbing…?" Subaru's eye is gazing at me, full of care.
I force out a small smile, still a part of the game that I admit I've started.
"N-- nothing… I don't know…" I manage to whisper.
I take a peek at Fuuma. He's still stupefied and I have a feeling that he'll
forever be. I'm starting to feel that he cares.
I sigh mentally. I know that would never happen.
Subaru turns to Seishirou then gives the devil a callous eye, "Do you believe me
now?"
Seishirou just smiles then pull out a cigarette stick and a lighter from his
satchel. Lit it and then starts his 'habit' again, "Yes, I do believe you now,
Subaru-kun. See you around."
Subaru didn't even flinch a bit then transfers his callousness at Fuuma. And yes
I gulp with that.
"I heard you are Fuuma. Do you believe us now? Are you satisfied?" He asks.
No, Subaru! You asked the wrong person! This is not Fuuma's game…!
"Don't ask me for I don't give a damn." Fuuma answers, more callous than Subaru
is. "I'm going home. This is nothing but a fucking nonsensical scene."
Yes, Fuuma, you're right there.
He starts walking, eyes press shut, "I'm going home."
"I thought you'll get something from my house", Seishirou calls back. But Fuuma
rather ignores it.
"Where's my goodnight kiss?" Seishirou calls back once again, not wanting to
Fuuma go.
Apathetically, Fuuma turns back to Seishirou then grants the wish.
A kiss. A wet one. A very, very passionate one.
I can only watch. I can only wish I were Seishirou.
That rough burning kiss. Fuuma's way of expressing his intense love for this
person… person named Seishirou. Not Kamui.
Through that kiss, Fuuma's like shouting right in front of my face that he also
has the right to exchange a kiss with the person he loves.
It's only my illusion but it hurts.
I watch them. More dishearten than ever. I want to cry but I know that even if I
do, Fuuma will not stop from kissing Seishirou. I can't describe what I'm
feeling now. I feel more and more hopeless. I feel like weakening. I feel like
collapsing.
I'm ready to collapse but Subaru's arms are still here to support me. He presses
me closer to his chest and I can now his heartbeat. I wish Fuuma's beats the
same way.
"Are you okay now, Kamui?" Subaru spreads my blanket up. Covering my whole body.
This day is finally ending. Subaru and I are finally home. I'm already lying
down my bed. My very own bed. Not Kakyou-san's. Not underneath a Sakura tree.
I'm alive though the scene a while ago almost killed me.
"Yes, Subaru… Thank you…" This is the first time I actually said the word 'Thank
You' to Subaru because often, I tell him to shut up or get off.
"I'll not ask what happened anymore because I know it will only distress you
more."
"Don't you want to know…?" I whisper. A trick. A trick to know if he will take the
opportunity to impose me again.
He only shakes his head and takes out a deep breath, "I want to. But I know you
don't want me to."
He leans down, brushes his lips against my forehead. That's warm. I smile with
that.
…smile with that…
"Forget everything that has happened. Sleep well, Kamui…" He whispers, his soothing
breath touching my ear. It feels so nice.
Forget everything. Guess that would work.
But it's not that easy to do.
He stands up. He's staring at me sincerely, "Just call me if you need
something."
I nod gently, then close my eyes. I know I'm safe now.
"I love you, Kamui…" Subaru says under his breath. I hear that. I'm happy to
hear that despite my feebleness, somebody still loves me. But I can't do the same.
Oh now I'm thinking the exact opposite about Subaru the way I used to.
I hear the door closes. Subaru's out now.
Guess what. There's only one thing I've discovered with this day.
Fuuma is a sin.
A gorgeous sin that you can't help but to commit it and become a sinner.
"I've already talked to Ms. Director and I told her what you wanted me to. I
told her that you back out because your schedule doesn't fit with the rehearsal
times. I exactly know that she doesn't believe but I know she understands."
Keiichi spins.
"You're sulking, Kamui… Daijobu?" He finally notices. He doesn't have any clue
on how my yesterday ended.
Lunch time. We're here again at the campus' backyard. Birds are singing
cheerfully. I appreciate that so little and now I appreciate not even a little
of it. I feel so jaded.
"No reply as usual. Umm… Kamui, have you already heard about the latest humors?"
I'm astounded but I'm listening to him. I shake my head. I have no time for much
more silliness.
" 'Verboten Love' vanished. " He says. And that slaps me.
I look at him, my facial expression already enough for him to understand that
I'm surprised.
"No main characters. Obviously the play's dead." He starts grimacing.
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"Nataku has withdrawn. He talked to me a while ago and confessed to me that his
conscience almost killed him. He knows that you are much more deserving of the
role."
"How about his love for Fuuma? I spoiled the opportunity and he did the same?!"
"That. That's the shocking news. Fuuma has confronted the director and guess
what! Fast! Guess what!"
Here goes Keiichi again, confusing me. "What…?"
"He abandoned his role! He shouted, 'If Shirou Kamui won't play Tsuki, I'll
quit! I'm a big risk, have you realized that? No Tsuki, no Asahi! Get him back
or you'll gonna go look for two main characters!'. Then the director pleaded,
'Monou-kun, why are you doing this to us? We should understand him. He doesn't
want to do it anymore. We'll look for somebody better than him. We can't afford
to loose you now.'. Then he said, 'You heard me! I'm already accustomed with
him!'. The director again, 'But you have done ONLY ONE practice scene with him!'.
Then he left! Growling! NYAAAAH!!!!! Isn't that sweet?"
I can't… believe what Keiichi has just said.
Did Fuuma really say that? Did he…? I don't have an ear-defect, do I?
"You'll say I'm on crack but I think Fuuma-kun has a crush on you! I often catch
him stealing glances at you! Really! I'm saying the truth and nothing but the
truth!" He swears right into my face.
"Yes, Keiichi. You are on crack. H-- how did Seishirou react on that?"
"Oh, that's another story! Seishirou isn't around the whole day, you know?
That's why his fanatics are so disappointed!"
My eyes enlarge with that.
Seishirou?!? Seishirou isn't around to guard Fuuma?
In that case, miracles do happen.
"Kamui, get the role back. Onegai, believe me! That's for you!" He says with
puppy-eyes.
Out of the blue, he grabs my wrist then drags me inside the campus building.
"W--- where are you taking me…? Keiichi, let me go!" I scoff like a kid who's
having his tantrums.
He looks back at me, still tugging me. He's like frowning but when I'm already
thinking that he's serious, he smiles, "I'll not let go of you." He grips my
wrist more willfully this time.
"I tell you! Let go! You're hurting me!" I cry out.
He's not really hurting me. I just want him to let go of my wrist then let me
walk without him pulling me like I did something wrong.
"You don't want to do it yourself? Then I'll make you!" He exclaims.
Just then, he stops. Then looses his grip.
I realize that he has brought me here at Ms. Director's office. I think we shall
know her name so that we could stop referring her in that way, no?
I look inside. Then see Fuuma.
"Have you convinced him to return yet?" He asks, almost snarling at the
director.
She just looks down, sighs, "Not yet. We haven't even talked to him. Mo----!"
Now he's really snarling, "Get Shirou Kamui, okay!? That's my condition to play
Asahi."
He continues, "Three hours! I'll give you three hours to get him! Get him or no
play!"
Keiichi looks at me, amazed, "You heard that, Kamui?????"
I'm dumbfounded.
Fuuma has… mentioned my name? He actually did that? I… I heard him!
"Damn! Give me an answer right now!" He shouts, discharging all his left respect
for the elder.
Obliviously, I step in slowly.
"K-- Kamui?? Where are you go---" I hear Keiichi calls back but I ignored him.
I'm walking in. Until the director and Fuuma notice me.
"Sh-- Shirou-kun…?" She's surprised.
Fuuma immediately gains his composure. "Mau---- oh, I mean… Shirou…..?"
I blink five times. Why am I here? What am I doing?
I open my mouth.
I don't want to! I think I'm under a spell!
Then I say, " Can I claim back the role I've forsaken?"
Fuuma's eyes flaps with that.
He's looking at me. Only at me. Believe me.
I see and hear him let out a sigh of relief.
Vast relief.
Then with his lips quivering a bit, he forms out a smile.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
-Tsuzuku.
~~~~~~
AN: MY REPLY TO YOUR REVIEWS FOR CHAPTER SEVEN!!!!! ^^ Please pretend that
you didn't actually have reviewed and read chapter eight! ^^ Sometimes, my
reaction is really delayed even though I didn't want it to be… *sigh*Oh, by the way, for
my own shout-out, my number one favorite pairing of all time is CCS's Touya/Yukito. ^^
But in X, obviously I love Fuuma/Kamui! And Fuuma/Kakyou! ^^ And I love
KAMUI-CHAAAAAN!!!!!!!! ^^
Dahlia-san I'll use it now since it is really your pen name!! ^^!!!!!
ARIGATOU! THANK YOU! DANKEN SHON! *blushblushblush* Oh I don't know what to
say….! I'm SUPER-ULTRA-EXTREME happy that you find my story wonderful!!! ^^
*pouts* But being an addict is bad! o.O I don't want to be the cause of your
addiction, or just make sure it's an innocent addiction, oki? Hehe! ^^ OH, HAI!
I LIKE KAKYOU VERY MUCH!!! He's my…. Urmm…. *thinks of the X charas*
*whispers: Kamui-chan… Fuu-chan… Subaru-kun… Kyou-kun… Kei-chan…
Nataku-chan … Sei-chan…* …Kakyou's my fourth favorite!!! ^^ I thought it isn't
obvious and no one could ever actually discern it, but you have noticed it?!? Cool!
Daisuki, Dahlia-san! ^^
Risa-san!!! Are you a SeishirouXFuuma girl?? You know I am, too, sometimes
because they do look oh so very gorgeous together, don't they?? ^^ Thank you for
R&R! ^__^
Darkness-san!!!! Yes, Sei-chan has to be kept as a big mystery! I'm so proud to
make your mind blank! *maniac laugh* ^^ But did you at least think that it was
going to be a Q&A?? I'm so sorry for chapter eight, I ruined your expectations!!
Yes, Kamui is so confused but I always make sure that he's still sane or else
he'll not have Fuuma! ^^ I hope you'll always wait patiently! For the last time, let
me thank you again! A-RI-GA-TO-U!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^^
Arashi-san! Thanks! Fuuma came over but he was preoccupied! *sobs* Maybe because
he still thinks about you! Hmmm…. *smirks* Or maybe he doesn't want to come back
to you ever again because he's happy with my company and so he's thinking!
Thinking how he will hide from you! NYAHAHAHAHA!!!! ^^
Fuuma: No, no, no!!!!!!! Arashi-sama, that's so untrue!
Kamui K.: *bonks Fuuma* You'll say that's true or I'll kick you out of this fic??
Fuuma: I said I'll never go back to Arashi. *poutspoutspouts*
Hokuto chan-san, you see there in chapter eight, Sei has met Subaru! That was
actually my plan all along so that……….. *quiet* No, no, Sei-chan isn't being
mean at all! ^^ He's just being cool! *_* Thanks again!
Sharon-san! Hello! Thanks for reading! *eyes widen* NO, NO, NOOOO!!!! You don't
have your guesses! *kidding* I'd reveal that Fuuma has been forced into
_________ in the upcoming chapters little by little! ^^ OH! I like F4's songs,
too, though I can't understand a word they're singing! *sweatdrops* But I
actually search around for the translations! ^^ Eheheheh… But their voices and
looks are undoubtedly cool! You should see Meteor Garden, you know! Its story is
so cool, anyone who knows F4 should all get to check it out!
Shinigami-san… I've noticed one thing in your review… where was the word
"PAYCE"?? And can I know what does that mean?? You are absolutely welcome! And…
you have been…...?? What, what??? Tell me! ^^ Thanks for reading again! ^^
Featherlight-san! DOMO! I hope you still like Sei-chan because I still like Sei-chan! I
don't want anyone to hate Sei-chan because of me! ^^ *me crazy*
Fara-san! Domo! No actions yet but I'm planning to put some sooner or later! ^^
For a topic out of nowhere... Godzilla-san! O.o *whispers: The scary Godzilla actually
submitted a message???* Yes, I watch Meteor Garden, it's really groovy and funny,
isn't it? And I admire F4!! ^^ I love Vic Zhou Yu Ming a.k.a LEI the most because he has
those tantalizing eyes that swoon me a lot! I also like Vaness because he's so darn
KAWAII! How about you??? Ya! I agree with you! They are so cool! ^^ Have you seen the
video "Broken Vow"? That features some hints about Meteor Garden II, ne?? I'm so
excited about it! ^^
Venedy-san! ^^ Thank you! ^o^ No, I think Fuuma's not that harsh… just a little
hot! ^^ Oh! And like what I've said, I admire all of the F4 guys but I love Vic
Zhou the most because he's so bishounen and his voice is really cool!! How about
you?? Who's your number one?? And nooooo… am not a Malaysian, why, are you? Ô.Ô
I'm a Filipino! ^^
Futagoakuma-tenshi01-san I hope I'm correct this time! =_=;; Because Kamui
and Kakyou were clueless, they became a lot cuter, ne? ^^
Missblu-san! ^___^ Thank you so much, you love the story! This started out as a
simple fanfic, that angst and all that's why I can't believe that some people
are actually going to like this! *blush* Thank you, you're an inspiration! ^^
FANNY CHAN-SAN!!!!!!! No more cliffhanger! ^^ OH, I didn't realize that I actually
put a lot of cliffhangers in the previous chapters…! Thanks for making me aware!
Whoa, I love that thingy you called me! "Master of Cliffhangers"??? *giggles* Hmmm…
Yes, though evil, Sei-chan really is a bishounen! Clover is an interesting manga and
plus points because Mokona Apapa-sama did the art! Though its story is hanging
now because Amie monthly manga phonebook where CLAMP released it is sadly now
defunct. *sigh* I just hope that CLAMP will find a way to continue it because
Clover really is a beautiful manga! Lastly, THANKS!! ^^
Ishuzu-san! Now I'm really starting to believe Fanny chan-san… I'm sorry for
always leaving you hanging in the endings of each chapter! Though I've noticed
that you actually find it fun! ^^ Thank you, you're enjoying my fic! I'm so
happy! You know I also enjoy reading your review because it gives me so much
inspiration to continue this! ^^ Hmmm… I'm afraid that I'll not be able to
update this in a regular basis now because opening of classes here is actually
approaching! *sigh* But I promise to still do my best! ^^ Thanks again!
Tuzuki-san! ^^ You know I found myself chuckling after reading your review! ^^ I
actually do the same, running around the room after reading a fic that I love so
much that's why I understand you! ^^ Forgive me for making you feel that way! ^^
DOMO!!!! Sei-chan is a HOT evil villain! ^^
Madiha-san! Thank you! ^^ I hope that I can always make you interested! Ô_Ô
Inuyashalover17-san! ^^ I'm so happy you've loved this X fic of mine! I'll write
some more and twist some more because I don't in fact know yet how to end this!
^^;; I'm just going with the flow! (^_^)v
Shini_kun-san! I'm evil….?? *SOBSSOBSSOBS* Don't worry *sniffs* it didn't bother
*sniff* me… Hihi! ^^ I hate myself!!! Graaaaa!!!!! *bangs head on the ground* I
don't like anyone to hate Sei-chan but I actually made everyone!!! *recovers* ^^
Anyways, thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I'm so glad to know how
you all have felt after reading this fic! ^^
Well….. I think I've taken a lot of space for this…. O.o I'll just reply for
your reviews on chapter eight in chapter ten! Oh how I want to explain things
out so you can understand me…! But that's a different story altogether… *sigh*
Again, ARIGATOU, MINNA-SAN!!!!!!!! Till next chappie!!!!!!!!!!!! ^^
-=Kamui Kinomoto=-
Part Nine- Sinner
AN: *does a happy dance* Minna-san! Heloooo!!!!!!! ^^ This is shorter, I'm sorry!
But I hope you'll like this! This is the step to loads *exaggerated* of shounen-ai
scenes! Yes, yes, I promise to put shounen-ai scenes from now on!^^ Okay...
*drumrolls* I now present you chapter nine!!!!! ^^
~~~~~~
Gentle. But full of burning love.
My mouth is locked with his.
Should I pull out? Or should I let him continue?
Should I kiss him back?
If I'll kiss Subaru back, will Seishirou already believe that we're lovers and
leave the crap out of us? Out of me?
Subaru's like drawing my soul out of my body. But in a very moderate way.
I want to pull away, but his fingers are awfully pierced at my waist, his other
hand fastened at my right one.
What's happening around? Is Fuuma still there? Is he watching us?
I know this doesn't make any sense. I know he doesn't see this as a big deal.
So what if someone's kissing me? The hell he cares.
But I want him to know that I don't want this. I would like this if he were the
one… kissing me. If it is his mouth currently playing with mine. If it is his
saliva I taste.
I want to burst out into a cry and shout to everybody that it is Fuuma I love. I
don't care if they don't care. I just want everybody to know.
Subaru's kissing me. This isn't new anymore. I've experienced him kissing me
already.
That moment I almost gave up my love for Fuuma. That night I almost lost the
most precious feeling I have inside of me, despite the fact that it's also that
feeling which always causes me pain and frustration. But I don't care. As far as
it is only I feeling the pain, and I can still stand it, I'll continue feeling.
I'll continue loving.
They say that if a person doesn't care about his own good, he doesn't love
himself.
And if he doesn't love himself, he'll not be able to love others.
Is that true?
Pain seems to be my cup of tea. Crying seems to be my hobby. Desperateness seems
to be my friend. With these things I'm with, do you think I should still love
myself? I let those things happen to me. Why? Because I can indeed do nothing to
prevent it. Do you think I'm worthy of such life?
Okay… Maybe I should stop thinking such imbecilic stuffs.
Thinking, thinking, thinking…. I didn't notice that I'm already giving in to the
kiss.
"That's it! Let me leave the hell out of here!" I hear Fuuma… growled…?
You heard him, Kamui! Now snap the hell out of this!
"Oh Fuuma, why have you suddenly gone mad?" Seishirou starts his surly teasing
again.
"I haven't gone mad! This is so witless, Sei! I wouldn't have guess that you'll
actually come up with a freakin' idea that is so corrupt as this!" He turns to us, "The
two of you! Try checking-in in a hotel for good! All of you are wasting my
time!"
"Say that again." Seishirou says, almost like a threat.
…And Fuuma shuts up with that.
I can't breath anymore! Can Subaru still manage breathing?!
I scratch my fingers at his chest, wanting him to know that I already want him to
stop.
Glad he understands that.
He pulls away. Our body, including our lips finally has separated. Finally.
"Kamui….", is the first thing Subaru says after that foolishness Seishirou has
provoked us.
My eyes are widening now. It finally comes to my senses that that shouldn't have
happened!
"Fuu---! No! I mean! Ah--!" I want to explain. I want to confess. But what's the
use?
"Okay. Good boys, best wishes." Seishirou winks.
There. He already has gotten what he wanted to. I hope… he's happy now.
I want… to die. I find this more terrible than Seishirou killing me and burying
me under a tree. I don't want Fuuma to think that I'm a phony. That I'm a
low-life. Even in my dreams I didn't foresee this flippancy happening. Is this
what I got for loving Fuuma? Is this the punishment I deserve because I love a
person who is a god in his own way?
I remember Nataku has said /The world is like punishing me. BUT I HAVE DONE
NOTHING WRONG! Is loving Fuuma wrong?!?/
…We are being punished, aren't we?
Yes… Maybe loving Fuuma really is wrong. Therefore I should tell Nataku that he
has done something wrong… and that 'wrong' is 'loving Fuuma'.
If loving Fuuma is wrong, then I can in no way be right.
Hah. I read that somewhere and I never thought that I could use it here.
But it's true. I'll choose to be wrong forever than curb myself from loving
Fuuma Monou. Maybe you're thinking that it's my fault I feel such pain because I
insist loving Fuuma but I've said that I'm used to it, right? So don't mind me.
Stop thinking.
Okay… you can slap me right now and tell me I'm already insane.
With these, I haven't noticed that I'm already sobbing. My shoulders trembling.
Subaru wraps two protective arms around me then fondles my head affectionately.
I don't know but I quite feel safer now. Subaru. His arms give me warmth. This
is the first time I feel such warm from Subaru's care. He often caresses me,
hisses me sweet and gentle words, embraces me…
But I've never appreciated those. Maybe because I never have paid any attention.
Hai… I admit that I'm relishing it now. Perhaps because I was just so much
afraid a while ago and I was praying for protection. And yes, I have it now.
"Why, Kamui…? Why are you sobbing…?" Subaru's eye is gazing at me, full of care.
I force out a small smile, still a part of the game that I admit I've started.
"N-- nothing… I don't know…" I manage to whisper.
I take a peek at Fuuma. He's still stupefied and I have a feeling that he'll
forever be. I'm starting to feel that he cares.
I sigh mentally. I know that would never happen.
Subaru turns to Seishirou then gives the devil a callous eye, "Do you believe me
now?"
Seishirou just smiles then pull out a cigarette stick and a lighter from his
satchel. Lit it and then starts his 'habit' again, "Yes, I do believe you now,
Subaru-kun. See you around."
Subaru didn't even flinch a bit then transfers his callousness at Fuuma. And yes
I gulp with that.
"I heard you are Fuuma. Do you believe us now? Are you satisfied?" He asks.
No, Subaru! You asked the wrong person! This is not Fuuma's game…!
"Don't ask me for I don't give a damn." Fuuma answers, more callous than Subaru
is. "I'm going home. This is nothing but a fucking nonsensical scene."
Yes, Fuuma, you're right there.
He starts walking, eyes press shut, "I'm going home."
"I thought you'll get something from my house", Seishirou calls back. But Fuuma
rather ignores it.
"Where's my goodnight kiss?" Seishirou calls back once again, not wanting to
Fuuma go.
Apathetically, Fuuma turns back to Seishirou then grants the wish.
A kiss. A wet one. A very, very passionate one.
I can only watch. I can only wish I were Seishirou.
That rough burning kiss. Fuuma's way of expressing his intense love for this
person… person named Seishirou. Not Kamui.
Through that kiss, Fuuma's like shouting right in front of my face that he also
has the right to exchange a kiss with the person he loves.
It's only my illusion but it hurts.
I watch them. More dishearten than ever. I want to cry but I know that even if I
do, Fuuma will not stop from kissing Seishirou. I can't describe what I'm
feeling now. I feel more and more hopeless. I feel like weakening. I feel like
collapsing.
I'm ready to collapse but Subaru's arms are still here to support me. He presses
me closer to his chest and I can now his heartbeat. I wish Fuuma's beats the
same way.
"Are you okay now, Kamui?" Subaru spreads my blanket up. Covering my whole body.
This day is finally ending. Subaru and I are finally home. I'm already lying
down my bed. My very own bed. Not Kakyou-san's. Not underneath a Sakura tree.
I'm alive though the scene a while ago almost killed me.
"Yes, Subaru… Thank you…" This is the first time I actually said the word 'Thank
You' to Subaru because often, I tell him to shut up or get off.
"I'll not ask what happened anymore because I know it will only distress you
more."
"Don't you want to know…?" I whisper. A trick. A trick to know if he will take the
opportunity to impose me again.
He only shakes his head and takes out a deep breath, "I want to. But I know you
don't want me to."
He leans down, brushes his lips against my forehead. That's warm. I smile with
that.
…smile with that…
"Forget everything that has happened. Sleep well, Kamui…" He whispers, his soothing
breath touching my ear. It feels so nice.
Forget everything. Guess that would work.
But it's not that easy to do.
He stands up. He's staring at me sincerely, "Just call me if you need
something."
I nod gently, then close my eyes. I know I'm safe now.
"I love you, Kamui…" Subaru says under his breath. I hear that. I'm happy to
hear that despite my feebleness, somebody still loves me. But I can't do the same.
Oh now I'm thinking the exact opposite about Subaru the way I used to.
I hear the door closes. Subaru's out now.
Guess what. There's only one thing I've discovered with this day.
Fuuma is a sin.
A gorgeous sin that you can't help but to commit it and become a sinner.
"I've already talked to Ms. Director and I told her what you wanted me to. I
told her that you back out because your schedule doesn't fit with the rehearsal
times. I exactly know that she doesn't believe but I know she understands."
Keiichi spins.
"You're sulking, Kamui… Daijobu?" He finally notices. He doesn't have any clue
on how my yesterday ended.
Lunch time. We're here again at the campus' backyard. Birds are singing
cheerfully. I appreciate that so little and now I appreciate not even a little
of it. I feel so jaded.
"No reply as usual. Umm… Kamui, have you already heard about the latest humors?"
I'm astounded but I'm listening to him. I shake my head. I have no time for much
more silliness.
" 'Verboten Love' vanished. " He says. And that slaps me.
I look at him, my facial expression already enough for him to understand that
I'm surprised.
"No main characters. Obviously the play's dead." He starts grimacing.
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"Nataku has withdrawn. He talked to me a while ago and confessed to me that his
conscience almost killed him. He knows that you are much more deserving of the
role."
"How about his love for Fuuma? I spoiled the opportunity and he did the same?!"
"That. That's the shocking news. Fuuma has confronted the director and guess
what! Fast! Guess what!"
Here goes Keiichi again, confusing me. "What…?"
"He abandoned his role! He shouted, 'If Shirou Kamui won't play Tsuki, I'll
quit! I'm a big risk, have you realized that? No Tsuki, no Asahi! Get him back
or you'll gonna go look for two main characters!'. Then the director pleaded,
'Monou-kun, why are you doing this to us? We should understand him. He doesn't
want to do it anymore. We'll look for somebody better than him. We can't afford
to loose you now.'. Then he said, 'You heard me! I'm already accustomed with
him!'. The director again, 'But you have done ONLY ONE practice scene with him!'.
Then he left! Growling! NYAAAAH!!!!! Isn't that sweet?"
I can't… believe what Keiichi has just said.
Did Fuuma really say that? Did he…? I don't have an ear-defect, do I?
"You'll say I'm on crack but I think Fuuma-kun has a crush on you! I often catch
him stealing glances at you! Really! I'm saying the truth and nothing but the
truth!" He swears right into my face.
"Yes, Keiichi. You are on crack. H-- how did Seishirou react on that?"
"Oh, that's another story! Seishirou isn't around the whole day, you know?
That's why his fanatics are so disappointed!"
My eyes enlarge with that.
Seishirou?!? Seishirou isn't around to guard Fuuma?
In that case, miracles do happen.
"Kamui, get the role back. Onegai, believe me! That's for you!" He says with
puppy-eyes.
Out of the blue, he grabs my wrist then drags me inside the campus building.
"W--- where are you taking me…? Keiichi, let me go!" I scoff like a kid who's
having his tantrums.
He looks back at me, still tugging me. He's like frowning but when I'm already
thinking that he's serious, he smiles, "I'll not let go of you." He grips my
wrist more willfully this time.
"I tell you! Let go! You're hurting me!" I cry out.
He's not really hurting me. I just want him to let go of my wrist then let me
walk without him pulling me like I did something wrong.
"You don't want to do it yourself? Then I'll make you!" He exclaims.
Just then, he stops. Then looses his grip.
I realize that he has brought me here at Ms. Director's office. I think we shall
know her name so that we could stop referring her in that way, no?
I look inside. Then see Fuuma.
"Have you convinced him to return yet?" He asks, almost snarling at the
director.
She just looks down, sighs, "Not yet. We haven't even talked to him. Mo----!"
Now he's really snarling, "Get Shirou Kamui, okay!? That's my condition to play
Asahi."
He continues, "Three hours! I'll give you three hours to get him! Get him or no
play!"
Keiichi looks at me, amazed, "You heard that, Kamui?????"
I'm dumbfounded.
Fuuma has… mentioned my name? He actually did that? I… I heard him!
"Damn! Give me an answer right now!" He shouts, discharging all his left respect
for the elder.
Obliviously, I step in slowly.
"K-- Kamui?? Where are you go---" I hear Keiichi calls back but I ignored him.
I'm walking in. Until the director and Fuuma notice me.
"Sh-- Shirou-kun…?" She's surprised.
Fuuma immediately gains his composure. "Mau---- oh, I mean… Shirou…..?"
I blink five times. Why am I here? What am I doing?
I open my mouth.
I don't want to! I think I'm under a spell!
Then I say, " Can I claim back the role I've forsaken?"
Fuuma's eyes flaps with that.
He's looking at me. Only at me. Believe me.
I see and hear him let out a sigh of relief.
Vast relief.
Then with his lips quivering a bit, he forms out a smile.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
-Tsuzuku.
~~~~~~
AN: MY REPLY TO YOUR REVIEWS FOR CHAPTER SEVEN!!!!! ^^ Please pretend that
you didn't actually have reviewed and read chapter eight! ^^ Sometimes, my
reaction is really delayed even though I didn't want it to be… *sigh*Oh, by the way, for
my own shout-out, my number one favorite pairing of all time is CCS's Touya/Yukito. ^^
But in X, obviously I love Fuuma/Kamui! And Fuuma/Kakyou! ^^ And I love
KAMUI-CHAAAAAN!!!!!!!! ^^
Dahlia-san I'll use it now since it is really your pen name!! ^^!!!!!
ARIGATOU! THANK YOU! DANKEN SHON! *blushblushblush* Oh I don't know what to
say….! I'm SUPER-ULTRA-EXTREME happy that you find my story wonderful!!! ^^
*pouts* But being an addict is bad! o.O I don't want to be the cause of your
addiction, or just make sure it's an innocent addiction, oki? Hehe! ^^ OH, HAI!
I LIKE KAKYOU VERY MUCH!!! He's my…. Urmm…. *thinks of the X charas*
*whispers: Kamui-chan… Fuu-chan… Subaru-kun… Kyou-kun… Kei-chan…
Nataku-chan … Sei-chan…* …Kakyou's my fourth favorite!!! ^^ I thought it isn't
obvious and no one could ever actually discern it, but you have noticed it?!? Cool!
Daisuki, Dahlia-san! ^^
Risa-san!!! Are you a SeishirouXFuuma girl?? You know I am, too, sometimes
because they do look oh so very gorgeous together, don't they?? ^^ Thank you for
R&R! ^__^
Darkness-san!!!! Yes, Sei-chan has to be kept as a big mystery! I'm so proud to
make your mind blank! *maniac laugh* ^^ But did you at least think that it was
going to be a Q&A?? I'm so sorry for chapter eight, I ruined your expectations!!
Yes, Kamui is so confused but I always make sure that he's still sane or else
he'll not have Fuuma! ^^ I hope you'll always wait patiently! For the last time, let
me thank you again! A-RI-GA-TO-U!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^^
Arashi-san! Thanks! Fuuma came over but he was preoccupied! *sobs* Maybe because
he still thinks about you! Hmmm…. *smirks* Or maybe he doesn't want to come back
to you ever again because he's happy with my company and so he's thinking!
Thinking how he will hide from you! NYAHAHAHAHA!!!! ^^
Fuuma: No, no, no!!!!!!! Arashi-sama, that's so untrue!
Kamui K.: *bonks Fuuma* You'll say that's true or I'll kick you out of this fic??
Fuuma: I said I'll never go back to Arashi. *poutspoutspouts*
Hokuto chan-san, you see there in chapter eight, Sei has met Subaru! That was
actually my plan all along so that……….. *quiet* No, no, Sei-chan isn't being
mean at all! ^^ He's just being cool! *_* Thanks again!
Sharon-san! Hello! Thanks for reading! *eyes widen* NO, NO, NOOOO!!!! You don't
have your guesses! *kidding* I'd reveal that Fuuma has been forced into
_________ in the upcoming chapters little by little! ^^ OH! I like F4's songs,
too, though I can't understand a word they're singing! *sweatdrops* But I
actually search around for the translations! ^^ Eheheheh… But their voices and
looks are undoubtedly cool! You should see Meteor Garden, you know! Its story is
so cool, anyone who knows F4 should all get to check it out!
Shinigami-san… I've noticed one thing in your review… where was the word
"PAYCE"?? And can I know what does that mean?? You are absolutely welcome! And…
you have been…...?? What, what??? Tell me! ^^ Thanks for reading again! ^^
Featherlight-san! DOMO! I hope you still like Sei-chan because I still like Sei-chan! I
don't want anyone to hate Sei-chan because of me! ^^ *me crazy*
Fara-san! Domo! No actions yet but I'm planning to put some sooner or later! ^^
For a topic out of nowhere... Godzilla-san! O.o *whispers: The scary Godzilla actually
submitted a message???* Yes, I watch Meteor Garden, it's really groovy and funny,
isn't it? And I admire F4!! ^^ I love Vic Zhou Yu Ming a.k.a LEI the most because he has
those tantalizing eyes that swoon me a lot! I also like Vaness because he's so darn
KAWAII! How about you??? Ya! I agree with you! They are so cool! ^^ Have you seen the
video "Broken Vow"? That features some hints about Meteor Garden II, ne?? I'm so
excited about it! ^^
Venedy-san! ^^ Thank you! ^o^ No, I think Fuuma's not that harsh… just a little
hot! ^^ Oh! And like what I've said, I admire all of the F4 guys but I love Vic
Zhou the most because he's so bishounen and his voice is really cool!! How about
you?? Who's your number one?? And nooooo… am not a Malaysian, why, are you? Ô.Ô
I'm a Filipino! ^^
Futagoakuma-tenshi01-san I hope I'm correct this time! =_=;; Because Kamui
and Kakyou were clueless, they became a lot cuter, ne? ^^
Missblu-san! ^___^ Thank you so much, you love the story! This started out as a
simple fanfic, that angst and all that's why I can't believe that some people
are actually going to like this! *blush* Thank you, you're an inspiration! ^^
FANNY CHAN-SAN!!!!!!! No more cliffhanger! ^^ OH, I didn't realize that I actually
put a lot of cliffhangers in the previous chapters…! Thanks for making me aware!
Whoa, I love that thingy you called me! "Master of Cliffhangers"??? *giggles* Hmmm…
Yes, though evil, Sei-chan really is a bishounen! Clover is an interesting manga and
plus points because Mokona Apapa-sama did the art! Though its story is hanging
now because Amie monthly manga phonebook where CLAMP released it is sadly now
defunct. *sigh* I just hope that CLAMP will find a way to continue it because
Clover really is a beautiful manga! Lastly, THANKS!! ^^
Ishuzu-san! Now I'm really starting to believe Fanny chan-san… I'm sorry for
always leaving you hanging in the endings of each chapter! Though I've noticed
that you actually find it fun! ^^ Thank you, you're enjoying my fic! I'm so
happy! You know I also enjoy reading your review because it gives me so much
inspiration to continue this! ^^ Hmmm… I'm afraid that I'll not be able to
update this in a regular basis now because opening of classes here is actually
approaching! *sigh* But I promise to still do my best! ^^ Thanks again!
Tuzuki-san! ^^ You know I found myself chuckling after reading your review! ^^ I
actually do the same, running around the room after reading a fic that I love so
much that's why I understand you! ^^ Forgive me for making you feel that way! ^^
DOMO!!!! Sei-chan is a HOT evil villain! ^^
Madiha-san! Thank you! ^^ I hope that I can always make you interested! Ô_Ô
Inuyashalover17-san! ^^ I'm so happy you've loved this X fic of mine! I'll write
some more and twist some more because I don't in fact know yet how to end this!
^^;; I'm just going with the flow! (^_^)v
Shini_kun-san! I'm evil….?? *SOBSSOBSSOBS* Don't worry *sniffs* it didn't bother
*sniff* me… Hihi! ^^ I hate myself!!! Graaaaa!!!!! *bangs head on the ground* I
don't like anyone to hate Sei-chan but I actually made everyone!!! *recovers* ^^
Anyways, thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I'm so glad to know how
you all have felt after reading this fic! ^^
Well….. I think I've taken a lot of space for this…. O.o I'll just reply for
your reviews on chapter eight in chapter ten! Oh how I want to explain things
out so you can understand me…! But that's a different story altogether… *sigh*
Again, ARIGATOU, MINNA-SAN!!!!!!!! Till next chappie!!!!!!!!!!!! ^^
-=Kamui Kinomoto=-