Gunsmoke: Never Wanna Live Without You

Part 5

Later that night, Kitty fell into bed exhausted. Matt hadn't come to find her, but she didn't expect him to either with a jail full of prisoners. She noticed something in the look that he had given her earlier. It was almost as if he was upset with her, but she couldn't imagine why. And people say women are complicated, she thought to herself.

She didn't even bother going back to the dance afterward. Things had gone from great to bad in a matter of minutes and she wasn't in the mood to be sociable any longer. The dance was still going on actually; she could hear it even. Just as she was about to doze off, she heard footsteps on the stairs. She could tell by the heaviness of them that they had to be Matt's. She laid there until she heard his fist on the door.

"Kitty?" he called softly. She rose from the bed and went to open it.

"Matt," she greeted and stepped aside so he could enter, "I didn't expect you here tonight," she said somewhat cautiously.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay," Matt said as he took his hat off. He glanced at her and then turned around to survey the room.

"I'm fine," she told him as she walked over to stand in front of him. "How's everything at the jail?"

"It's fine. The judge will be here in a couple of days and then I'll probably have to escort them to Hays," he explained. Kitty nodded. She continued to stare at him while he stared at his hat. She could hear the laughter and music in the distance; she could hear the clock ticking on the wall. Even on the first day she had ever talked to this man, there had never been such a lull in the conversation. Sure, they knew how to simply enjoy each other's presence, but she could feel the tension in the air and she didn't know why it was there.

"Matt, why all of a sudden, is it hard for us to talk to each other?" she asked as she crossed her arms over her chest. She could only remember one other time when he had acted this way and it was when she accepted a dinner invitation from a cowboy. It was sometime during the first month she came to Dodge. Of course, she would have rather it been him, but he wasn't acting very interested, so she had accepted. After that, he seemed to avoid her for days and when they got together for a drink, Chester always ended up doing most of the talking. A few weeks passed and she hadn't seen anymore of the cowboy or anyone else and then Matt seemed to get back to his old self.

Matt didn't say anything for a moment and then he blurted, "Kitty, I think maybe we oughta take things easy for a while." He still wouldn't look at her.

Kitty was definitely shocked, but she hid it well. A few hours ago, they could barely keep their hands off of each other and now he was breaking up with her? "So, you're dumping me? Just like that?" she said, allowing some of her anger to seep into her tone.

"Look, Kitty, things have been fun between us, but we were never really a couple to begin with were we? I never asked you to be my girl," he said callously.

"Matt, what is wrong with you?" she asked him as her brow furrowed.

"Nothing is wrong with me. I just don't think this is gonna work," Matt said gesturing vaguely. He turned away from her and walked toward the window. "I'm just too busy to be involved in any kind of relationship right now."

"And this just all of a sudden came to you after three months?" Kitty said as she followed him. She knew that there was more to this and she wasn't going to let him go that easily.

"Kitty, this has crossed my mind every day since then. I don't have time to court a woman. You know that as well as I do. How many dinners and dates have I had to cancel? And tonight even. I couldn't even take you to the dance."

"And have I ever given you the impression that I care about those things?" she countered. He didn't say anything. "Matt," she said gently, "Why are you doing this?" she placed her hand on his back and felt him relax some. "Is all this because of John?" She knew it was the wrong thing to say as soon as she said it. She felt his back tense up and he pulled away from her.

"This has nothing to do with him," Matt said shortly. "But now that you mention it, that's another thing. You're too trusting, Kitty and because of that you were almost hurt tonight. It's not safe for us to be together. Any nut on the street will use you against me and I can't have that on my conscience."

"John wouldn't have hurt me, Matt. I…"

"And how do you know that…because you know him so well, hm? You knew that he was an outlaw…a thief?" he said rather harshly. Kitty was having a hard time controlling her anger.

"So, let me get this straight then," she said crossing her arms over her chest again. Matt chanced a peek at her and saw that his words were starting to affect her. He did want to hurt her, but it was the only way he knew to keep her away from him. "You think I'm an idiot and you think I'm shallow," she said. Her breathing was certainly becoming shallow and it was taking almost everything in her not scream at this man.

"Kitty, I didn't say that," Matt tried to correct.

"Well, you may as well have!" she yelled. "It's obvious that I'm nothing but a hindrance to you…I just get in your way. Well, you won't have to worry about this girl gettin' in your way anymore," she said as the lid flew off of her anger. She walked over to the door and held it open. "As soon as you walk out this door you won't ever have to voluntarily see my face again," she said, her voice shaking slightly.

Matt quietly walked over to the door. "Look, Kitty, it's nothing personal," he said feeling like a heel.

"Right," she said scornfully, "I've shared things with you that no one else in this world knows and I almost gave you my body, but hey…nothing personal." Matt finally looked at her full in the face and could see her eyes brimming with tears. He felt sick to his stomach. He placed his hat on his head and walked out.

Two weeks later…

The Dodge City sun had set long ago. Chester hobbled towards the jail after a couple hours of drinking and talking and opened the door to find Matt sitting at his desk doing paper work just as he had been when he left.

"Mr. Dillon, you sure have been workin' awful hard lately," he said.

"I always work hard," Matt said teasing the young man. Last week he had taken his prisoners to Hays and stayed for their trial. The three who had actually done the robbing were sentenced to four years in prison, while John was only sentenced to one year since he didn't take part in the actual crime.

"I know that, but what I mean is that I haven't seen you take a break at all during the last week except to eat maybe. You haven't even stopped by the Long Branch."

"Well, Chester, there's a lot of paperwork to be done. I can't let it get too backed up or I'll be out of a job." Chester sighed and took a seat at the table on the other side of the room. "Everything quiet out there?" Matt asked as he kept on writing.

"Oh, sure. Everything is nice and peaceful. The town seems to be in kind of a tranquil mood these days," Chester observed.

"You think so?" Matt said only half listening.

"I really do. Seems like the beginnin' of autumn just brings a calm over everythin'." They sat there for a while in silence with Chester thinking about bed and Matt trying to think about nothing. "Well, Mr. Dillon," the assistant said behind a yawn, "I think I'm gon' turn in fer the night."

"Alright, Chester. I'm gonna go and make my rounds. I'll be back in while."

mkmk

Matt walked through the darkened town slowly, checking locks and peeking in windows. The days and nights had steadily been getting cooler throughout the last couple of weeks and tonight Matt could really feel it. He pulled the collar of his jacket a little tighter and continued.

The music and laughter got louder as he walked on. He always saved the Long Branch for last when he did his rounds. Normally, it was so he could spend time with her at the end of what was usually a long day, but now it was just a habit. He hadn't stepped foot in the Long Branch since he got back from Hays and surprisingly there were no disturbances to call him in. He knew that he wouldn't be very welcome anyway. He approached slowly and stood just outside the double doors. There she stood looking as lovely as ever. She was leaning on the shoulder of some lucky cow poke talking and smiling, but Matt could tell that she wasn't the same vibrant Kitty and he knew it was his fault. He could see that her smile wasn't as bright as it used to be and he could swear that her shoulders were slightly slumped. Never had he felt like such a jerk. Suddenly, she looked up and straight into his eyes. He wanted so badly to go to her and ask her how she had been, how her day went, but he didn't have those privileges anymore. He turned and walked away before he couldn't stop himself.

Kitty's mood had gone from bad to worse the moment she saw him. She excused herself from the table and walked over to the bar. "Gimme a whiskey, Sam."

"Aye, Miss Kitty." He sat a tiny glass in front of her and filled it.

She thought that Matt Dillon was different from the other men in her life and it hurt to find out that she was so wrong.

She took a small sip of her drink.

The way he had spoken to her that night. He had never done it before. There had to be some reason as to why he would all of a sudden change his mind about her.

Making a decision, Kitty pushed the small glass away and went outside. She looked to her left and saw his retreating form. "Matt!" she yelled out as she quickly walked toward him.

"Kitty, what are you doing out here?" he said, trying his best to sound disinterested. He could see the chill bumps on her bare arms.

"I want a straight answer from you," she demanded. Matt looked at her like she was crazy. "I want you to tell me why you're acting this way. I don't believe what you told me the other night. I think you were just saying that to hide your feelings."

"Kitty, I don't know what to tell you. I meant everything I said. You and me just won't wor-"

"No! I know that I haven't known you that long, but in that little bit of time you've shown me the real you," she said as she stepped closer to him. A small wind blew and the sweet scent of her perfume floated up to his nose. "You've shown me a side of you that I doubt many people have seen. You're the most caring man I have ever known and I refuse to believe that you were just pretending all this time," she said stepping even closer. She placed her hands on his chest and looked into his eyes. Matt's breathing became shallow at the feel of her pressed against him.

"Kitty, it's cold out here. You should be inside," he said unconvincingly. She wasn't falling for it. She pulled at the lapels of his coat and brought his face down to her level. Matt was helpless. Her soft lips were kissing his before he knew it. His hands went around her small waist of their own accord and pulled her closer. His tongue roughly pushed passed her lips and he could taste the whiskey she'd had earlier. The woman was intoxicating. Neither knew how long they had been standing there before the need to breathe became mandatory. Matt was the first to pull away. "Kitty, no," he said softly. "This doesn't change anything."

"Why are you doing this?" she said as she lightly tugged on his coat. "Why won't you tell me what's wrong? Tell me what I did!"

"Kitty, I told you," Matt said as he pried her hands from him. "It's nothing personal. I don't have time to spend with you and you'd just be in the way besides. I have a job to do and this job and a relationship just won't work," he said, finally regaining control of his emotions. "I gave it a shot, but it just-didn't-work," he said stressing the words. Kitty dropped her hands to her sides and simply stood looking at him. Matt knew that this time his words would stick with her. "Maybe I'm not as sweet and caring as you thought I was." With that, he turned and walked away leaving Kitty standing there in the cold.

To be continued…