Gunsmoke: Never Wanna Live Without You
Part 9
A few minutes later, Matt, Paul, the other driver named Jeff, and the relay clerk walked in with a dusting of snow. "Looks like you folks are gonna be here for a while," said the disheveled looking man. He hung his hat and coat on the hook and walked over to the fireplace to warm his hands. "I got some beans and bacon, but that's about it. Coffee's gettin' kinda low, too. Ain't been able to get to town in this weather for more supplies," he said talking to no one in particular. Kitty stood from her seat.
"Well, mister, you tell me where everything is and I'll see about heatin' up the beans," she offered. It was the least she could do since he was offering them something hot to eat.
"I don't mind fryin' some bacon," Paul said standing as well. He looked over to Kitty and smiled. Matt rolled his eyes at the man's attempt to impress her.
"Well, good, good!" said the clerk smiling. "I'll just git ya set up." Everyone watched as he scurried off behind one of the doors, coming back a few minutes later with the rations.
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An hour later, everything had been cooked and placed on the table; beans, bacon, biscuits, and the last of the coffee. Kitty sat picking at her food while listening to Ginger try and win Matt's affections.
"Ain't you hungry?" asked Paul from beside her. His jaw was packed with a mouthful of bread.
"Hmm?" she said looking over at him. "Oh. I guess I'm not," she said even though she bit off a piece of bacon.
"So, where are you from?"
"New Orleans," she answered.
"New Orleans," he said as if he was tasting the word. He always imagined that the woman of his dreams would be from the south. Some genteel belle who he could take care of. "I've heard its some fancy town." Kitty shrugged.
"That's true I suppose."
"You don't like it there?"
"No, no," Kitty assured him, "I liked it just fine. I guess a part of me just grew beyond it. I wanted to travel and see different places. I guess I always figured that there was more to life than fancy shops and debutant balls," she explained.
"Well, you're right about that," Paul smiled. Kitty looked over at him with a small smile of her own.
"I take it you've been around?" she said.
"I've been to my fair share of places." He took a swallow of his coffee. "There's not much that can compare to a sunrise out on the prairie or the sight of wild horses running just feet from the stage. It's an awesome sight, Lady." He winked at her. Kitty smiled and turned back to her plate.
Matt was half listening to Ginger as he watched Paul and Kitty at the other end of the table. He hadn't known Paul for very long, but he knew when a man was interested a woman.
"…thinking maybe you could show me around when we arrive in St. Louis."
"Huh?" Matt said almost choking on his food. He took a drink of coffee to clear his throat. "Look, Ginger, I think you're a nice girl, but I'm not interested." He grabbed up his plate and walked away. He knew that he wasn't using much tact in the situation, but he had other things on his mind and not one of them was the spoiled young woman.
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"I got a few bottles if you folks is interested," offered the relay manager. He had told everyone earlier to call him J.R. Dinner was finished and everyone was pretty much sitting around bored. Paul and Jeff had gone back out to check on the horses as the weather picked up. Ginger sat by the fire primly and Kitty was still at the table along with the two nameless men.
"We'll take some of that, old man," said one of 'the two' as Matt had dubbed them. J.R. happily went to retrieve the bottles and some glasses. It had been a while since anyone had to stay at the station over night and he was glad for the company.
"I don't really got no place for all you folks to sleep 'cept out here on the floor. I got a few blankets. You might have to share," he said placing the whiskey and glasses on the table. "I got me a small cot in back, but the floor might be some better," he said chuckling at his own joke. "And there's a washroom through that middle door." He shuffled off to fiddle with something behind the counter.
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Later on, Kitty sat trying to play a game of solitary. The two men had been drinking heavily and they were already started on the second bottle.
"Ha! You couldn't be beat me in arm wrestlin' even if my arm was broke!" bragged the blonde haired man. He threw a shot back, some of it dribbling down his face, and proceeded to burst out laughing. They were steadily getting louder and clumsier. Kitty already had to straighten her cards three times.
"I can beat you wrastlin' with just my itty bitty pinky! Hahaha!" the brunette bellowed. Before they were quiet and kept to themselves, but apparently it only took a little bit of whiskey for their true colors to really start showing. He slapped his hand down on the table, jostling her cards once again. Her hand stopped in mid play.
"Do you two mind?" she said tight lipped. The men's laughter slowly died down and they looked over at her red-eyed. The blonde man picked up a few of the cards and whipped them across the room. Kitty stood up and put a hand on her hip, the rest of the deck still in her other hand.
"And just what are you gonna do about it?" he snarled up at her. Matt, who had been watching the whole thing play out from his seat at the other end of the table, quickly stood to stand beside her.
"She won't have to do anything 'cause I'll take care of you myself," he said in a calm, threatening voice. He wasn't sure if anyone besides Kitty or the drivers knew he was a marshal, but it probably didn't matter anyway. The men were so full of liquid bravery that they would most likely try something regardless.
"Aw, come on, big man," began the blonde smiling, "We was just havin' a little fun." Matt watched him carefully as he stood and slowly turned away from them, blocking his holster from view.
"Don't even try it, mister," Matt warned in a deadly tone. His eyes darted over to the brunette as he slowly placed both of his hands on the table. The blonde man turned his head back to face Matt.
"And just who the hell are you?" he sneered. Matt stared him down and then slowly moved away from Kitty.
"I'm the man that's gonna kill you if you pull that gun." Everyone stayed silent, waiting to see if the man would be a fool.
"Don't do it, Jace!" blurted the man's partner. "That cheap bitch ain't even worth it," he said with a wave of his hand. Jace looked over to him, a crazy grin spreading across his face.
"You got that right, Ben," he said, his body relaxing. He grabbed the half empty bottle off of the table and took a healthy swig. "I ain't fixin' get killed over no broad." Matt glanced over to Kitty who was still fuming. Just then, Ben grabbed one of the empty glasses and threw it across the room where it crashed into the wall near Ginger's head. She let out a painful scream as a shard ricocheted and stuck into her hand. Kitty and the clerk ran over to check on her, while Matt marched over and grabbed the man by his scruff.
Before Ben knew it, the big man had grabbed his gun out of its holster. "Hey, you got no right to take my gun!"
"Well, I took it!" Matt said as he nearly drug the man over to the door. He opened it to the thick falling snow.
"What are you doin', man?" Ben yelled.
"What are you doin'? You can't put him out in the cold like that!" screamed Jace coming to his partner's defense. He stomped over just as Matt shoved Ben out the door.
"I can and I did," said Matt. He grabbed Jace's gun, too. "You're goin' with him."
"This ain't right! You got no right!" Jace hollered red faced. Matt just stared at him.
"Go," he said in a deadly calm voice. Jace was fuming as he stormed passed Matt to where his partner was kneeling in the deep snow. "If you two can't act like human beings then you can sleep out in the barn with the animals." With that, he slammed the door closed. Turning around he saw Kitty leading Ginger into the washroom. She came out a few minutes later with bloody hands.
"I need water," she told J.R. He was looking at her hands very concerned. "It's not as bad as it looks. I just need some water to rinse the wound…and some bandages." J.R. nodded and went to get his coat.
"You go and get the bandages, J.R.," Matt instructed, "I'll go and get the water."
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Matt stood by the well, cranking up the bucket full of icy water.
"Marshal," he heard from behind, "What's goin' on?" asked Paul as he and Jeff came over.
"Yeah," Jeff said jerking a thumb over his shoulder. "Why are them two fellas holed up in the barn?"
"They got too rowdy," Matt briefly explained. He unhooked the bucket from the rope and quickly walked back to the station with the two drivers behind him.
He opened the door and Kitty swiftly walked over to take the water from him, once again disappearing behind the washroom door.
"You think them fellas are gonna try anything?" J.R. asked as he came over to put some more wood on the fire.
"I doubt it," Matt told him. "They haven't got any weapons and besides it's too cold."
"They ever say what their names were, Marshal?" Paul asked.
"You're a marshal?" J.R. interrupted surprised. Matt nodded.
"Outta Dodge City."
"You did that on purpose!" came the shrill voice. All four men's heads whipped around as Ginger stormed out of the washroom followed by Kitty.
"Look, honey, you can bleed to death if you want, but if you don't put your hand in the water it won't stop!" Kitty tried to explain.
"You just did that to be mean. You could've told me the water was so cold." Kitty threw the rag that she was holding onto the table and walked over to grab her cape off the hook.
"You can take care of it yourself. I'm gonna get some air." Matt moved to followed her, but not before Ginger blocked his path.
"Matt, do you think you could help me?" she asked innocently. She looked down at the sight of her bloody hand and stumbled forward. "Oh, I don't feel so good." Matt rolled his eyes and brought his hands up to her arms to steady her. The other three men were trying to control the grins spreading across their faces.
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Kitty stood near the edge of the porch watching as the fat flakes of snow fell to become one with the white mass already on the ground. She took in a deep lungful of the cold but refreshing air and exhaled through her mouth, watching as the foggy breath vaporized into the night.
St. Louis was supposed to be her final stop, but she didn't know if she wanted to stay with Matt being there. When she had left Dodge, she was on her way to California, but after a few days on the stage, her anger left her and she thought twice about that decision. She waited until the next stop and then amended her ticket. She traveled to different cities in Kansas, stopping here and there to replenish her money, and eventually she ended up in Jefferson City, Missouri. She had been there two weeks before deciding to move on.
On the outside she had been handling Matt's presence well, but inside all of the feelings were starting to come back full force. This was the man that she thought she would be spending the rest of her life with. She used to imagine that one day they would have a house together and babies. Of course they'd had the talk about his job and how those things would be a long way off, but still, she didn't even want to dream those things with anyone else. Now, those dreams had been obliterated and Matt's presence was only reminding her of the things she wouldn't be able to have with him. Kitty had never fallen for someone so hard, so entirely. She had always been careful not to. He was the first person that she had let get so completely close to her. She wanted to scream in anger at the tears that suddenly stung her eyes. She figured that it had to be the worst feeling in the world to love someone who didn't love you back, but at least he hadn't used her for sex, she thought acrimoniously as the tears came even harder. She didn't hear the door open and close softly behind her.
Matt watched her for a moment as she stood facing away from him. The moonlight showed him the flakes that were sticking lightly in her hair. He took a step closer and she spun around suddenly. The moonlight also showed him the tears in her eyes.
"Kitty, are you alright?" he asked stepping closer. His hands came up to her arms, but she moved away before he could touch her. She turned away from him and tried to discretely wipe her eyes.
"I'm fine," she told him. "You just startled me is all." Matt sighed quietly as he watched her. He wanted to say more, but he didn't want to push her. "So how is Nutmeg's hand?" she asked mockingly. Matt wanted to laugh, but he held it in.
"Its fine," he answered. "I finally got her to put it in the water." She nodded. "You should come inside, Kitty. You've been out here for ten minutes already." She turned her body a little and he could see her chin quivering again. Her ears and her cheeks were blushing from the cold.
Kitty knew that he was right, but she didn't want to go inside yet. "You go ahead, Matt. I'll only be a few minutes." She stared unblinkingly into the night, more than aware of his closeness. She wanted him to leave, but at the same time she didn't.
Matt smiled. "Well, if you insist on stayin' out here, at least let me keep you warm." It was like he couldn't help himself. "I don't want you to get sick." He stepped closer and before she could protest, he wrapped his arms around her tightly, his hand rubbing up and down her arm.
Kitty surrendered into his warmth and turned until her face was pressed against his chest. One of his large hands wrapped around her waist, pulling her tighter to him, while the other moved to her back. She was so tired and he felt so good.
Matt had forgotten just how good it felt to hold her, and she smelled so nice. Since she had been gone, he buried himself in his work and he tried so hard not to think about how much it hurt to let her go. Doc had been angry because he thought that Matt didn't care, but he of all people should have known how much he did. He leaned down and planted a light kiss on her head. "I still care, Kitty," he whispered. He wanted her to know that, at least. She slowly lifted her head from its warm spot on his chest and looked into his eyes. Matt brought his hand up to rest against the side of her face. Kitty closed her eyes at his touch and he couldn't resist as he leaned down to brush her lips with his own.
Her cool mouth against his was like heaven. He moved to nuzzle her cheek—her smooth skin against his rough face. Kitty couldn't help herself as the soft noises escaped her. Matt brought his mouth back to hers and took her lips in a starving kiss. She felt his tongue inside of her mouth exploring and tasting and she wanted to lose herself in the passion forever, but unfortunately her brain reminded her that this was the man who had rejected her not very long ago. Suddenly, she pulled away, holding him at arms length.
"Matt," she breathed heavily, "No…no…" she said closing her eyes, trying to fight the sensations coursing through her body. Matt stood panting, his breaths coming out in cloudy puffs. He tried to pull her back to him, but she stood her ground. "No," she said stronger this time, having regained control of herself, "No. You can't do this. This isn't fair." Matt saw the spark of anger in her eyes. "You made it perfectly clear how you felt all those months ago and just because you're lonely doesn't mean that you can just use me for comfort!" She fumed. She knew deep down that Matt wouldn't do such a thing, that no matter what they had been through he wouldn't do that, but he was sending her mixed signals and it was making her angry.
"Kitty…" Matt tried to assure her, but she wouldn't hear it.
"No." She dropped her hand from his chest and calmed herself. "Look, we still have quite a ways to go on this trip and I don't want to have to feel uncomfortable around you."
"Kitty, you don't have to feel uncomfortable around me. You know I would never do anything to hurt you," he hurried to explain. It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her that he loved her, to beg her to come back to him, but then he remembered why he had ended things in the first place.
"But you did hurt me," she whispered. "Whether you meant to or not," she said in a shaky voice, "And I know you've apologized for it, but it doesn't really help." She closed her eyes for a moment, once again trying to get a hold of her emotions, which were always out of control when she was near this man. She didn't mean to reveal to him just how bad she felt inside. "It wasn't fair of you to…kiss…me," she said awkwardly. "I doubt that you've changed your mind about us." Of course, she was expecting it, but it still hurt when he slowly shook his head.
"No," he whispered. She didn't know how badly he wanted to say yes. He felt like a little boy being scolded and he knew he deserved it. He wanted to beat himself up for his lack of control.
"We should go inside," she said breezing past him, and not for the first time, Matt felt like such a jerk.
To be continued…