Disclaimer: I don't the Teen Titans or any of the music mentioned in the story. I do own the poem so paws off!
Silence
by Reya Wicked
Silence is golden, they say
It's a peaceful subtle delight
The stillness, the soft serenity
It's a voice filled with pure white
Silence. For once in the Tower, everything was completely and utterly silent. A blanket of hush was spread across all the rooms that spanned the giant building, and the resident witch reveled in it. Raven sat with her shoulder pressed against the glass of the window in the living room with a knee propped up near her body as she gazed out into the landscape. If there had been anyone watching her, someone could say she held an evocative perhaps poignant expression upon her usually stoic features. Then again, if that same person were to blink, the manifestation of emotions would be gone and one could wonder whether or not it was merely just a trick of light.
The silence was due mainly in part to the fact that the other four members of the team were absent on that particular Sunday afternoon. Everyone had opted to go out and enjoy the lovely sunny day. Cyborg and BeastBoy were supposedly eager to go out to the park for a game of Frisbee, but BB had confided to Cy, in attempt to be surreptitious, that he really wanted to pick up some girls.
"Dude, what chick could resist a cutie superhero showing off his skills?" He grinned enthusiastically, waving around the plastic purple disk.
"Any gal with a brain." Cyborg, on the other hand, simply gave a rolls of his eyes at the younger boy's antics. "Besides, man, you suck at playing Frisbee."
This lead to an arguement over which of the two had better skills at the game. The boy who was half-metal and machine or the boy who could turn into anything with fur, scales, and a tail. Raven didn't even bother to bat a single lash at the scene that unfolded before her. She was used to their friendly rivalry. Instead, she tried to make it past them towards the kitchen. She had been craving some tea to soothe her nerves. All the noise and business of the tower was putting her on edge, and she figured some tea and meditation would be the perfect solution to calm herself. But things rarely go as planned because the moment the two boys caught sight of her, they immediately asked who was the better Frisbee thrower.
Her answer was silence. Silence and a dark glower from beneath her indigo hood.
"Aw, c'mon, Dark Girl, you know you want to say me, right? You just don't want to hurt poor BeastBoy's feelings." Cyborg winked while nudging her slightly with his elbow.
"Oh, whatever, Cy. She knows it's me. She just doesn't want to say so because your tears might rust up your metal!" BeastBoy shot back smugly.
"What!" Cyborg exclaimed. "Now I know you didn't just go there, grass stain!"
"And what if I did? I still rock harder than you when it comes to Frisbee!"
"You only wish you were."
"I don't have to wish, dude!"
"Chicks don't dig green, man."
"Right like they dig blue?"
"Heck, yes, they do."
And pretty soon the conversation of who was better at Frisbee was forgotten. It soon metamorphose into a quarrel over whether girls preferred green over blue which somehow altered itself into who was funnier and then into who had cooler superhero powers. Finally, it somehow managed to end up into the classic tofu/meat battle. How all this happened in span of two minutes, Raven would never know. Actually, she didn't want to know.Didn't men always say that it was the females who were quite flighty in conversations? Such a strange and somewhat disturbing role reversal.
"Tofu!"
"Meat!"
"Tofu!"
"Meat!"
"Tofu!"
"ENOUGH." Raven commanded crossly, hovering the air with dark energy surrounding her. Their were two audibly clicks as the boys slammed their jaws to a shut. Sheepishly, they looked at her as they scratched the back of their heads. She was already irate from all the noise from earlier, the ruckus from the pair further increased her aggravation. Incensed, she forced herself to take a few deep breaths. She murmured her faithful chant to quell her frustration.
"Either go to the park or I'll force you there myself." She said with her voice laced with her tempestuous wrath.
No sane person would need to be told twice.
"Want to come along?" BeastBoy questioned with a grin of a man who knew he was tempting to fate.
"OUT!"
Well, with the exception of BeastBoy at least.
With Tweedle-Dum and Tweedle-Dumber out of the house, Raven resumed her path towards the kitchen. Everything was strangely still. As she placed the tea kettle on the stove for it to boil, her brows furrowed in thought. There were no sounds of the Gamesation running or Starfire commending the day for its glory. Could it be possible that they had gone out already without informing her?
But that couldn't be right. Usually Robin made an effort to at least inform her that he or the group was going out and perhaps even invite her to come along. A vain effort the majority of the time.
A frown graced her apathetic features. For a moment, she felt an urge to go out in search for Robin and Star just to see if they were still in the building. She didn't have to go far because when she turned to face the fridge, there was a note neatly placed for all to see.
Raven,
Decided to take Starfire out for a movie. Figured you would prefer to meditate instead of being cooped up in a dark theater with a 'pointless' movie. Hope you enjoy having the tower to yourself for once since I know Cy and BB are going to be out as well. We should all be back this evening.
-Robin
A foreign feeling welled up in her. An emotion that Raven was terribly unfamiliar with. After being forced to control her emotions all her life, she knew her emotions well especially if you consider that fact that she took regular visits to Nevermore.
So what in Azar's name was this strange feeling? The bewildered empath couldn't quite put a name for it. There was a heaviness that sat in the pit of her belly as she re-read the note. A heaviness that wasn't at all pleasant to feel.
In fact, this feeling wasn't avery pleasing one at all.
She stood there, mulling over this new developement in her. Why should Robin going out on a date with Starfire bother her?
'You know why, Raven.' Jealousy whispered in a traitorous tone.
'Obviously not or else I wouldn't be standing here in the kitchen like some kind of imbecile.' She thought to herself darkly.
Before she could further sort out her emotions, the screeching of the tea kettle yanked her out of her reverie. Raven turned to gaze at the stove. Suddenly, she wasn't in the mood for tea after all. She highly doubted a single drop of her beloved tea would alleviate her now.
Wandering near the windows, she perched against it which is how we found originally found our troubled heroine. The afternoon passed her by without care. It may have looked like she spent all of it simply sitting there daydreaming, but those that knew the Dark Witch knew better.
Raven was meditating. Simple as that. Granted, she was doing it with her eyes open, but meditating was meditating. Faintly, the only noise that came from her was her chant. Her grey lips wrapped around the words so urgently that one might think she was in fervent prayer.
And perhaps she was.
Silence is bliss, they say
Perfectly tranquil and calm
All noise is smothered
Even the robin's sweet song
"Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos."
The Titans once got into conversation once about music. BeastBoy adamantly stood by the fact that he only listened to alternative rock and perhaps a little R&B on the side. Raven, unwilling to make the effort to join the conversation, decided against telling the group of the cases of showtunes she found strewn on his bedroom floor through a crack of his door.
Starfire surprised them all by confessing that she had a passion for the classical works of Handel and Mozart. Her absolute favorite was Holst's Fantasia On the Dargason. The rest of the Titans always assumed she would be a fan of of the more mainstream pop music and not the easy listening of classical music.
Of course, no one was too shocked when Cyborg gleefully announce his love for rap and R&B. The fact that he worshipped Sir Mix-a-lot only left the other four members with blank faces. On various afternoons when there was actually a moment's peace, Cy would ruin it all by strutting about, dancing, and even singing along to the infamous Baby Got Back. This little scene occurred so numerously that each of the other Titans knew the words (and Cyborg's dance moves) by heart.
"And here I thought you were more of a heavy metal kind of guy, Cy!" BeastBoy crowed with laughter, tears pooling in his eyes. "Get it? Heavy metal kind of guy!"
BeastBoy only recieved a pillow well-aimed for his head and a comment from Starfire.
"This is meant to be humorous, yes?" She inquired curiously, looking at them all.
"Meant to be being the keyword." Raven drawled dryly.
"What about you, Raven?" Robin questioned the empath, speaking up for the first time in the conversation although he'd been listening closely to the whole thing.
"Yeah, Rae." Cy jumped in, just as inquisitive as his leader.
"I don't listen to music." She declared blankly.
"Aw, not even those crazy CDs that play the sound nature or something like that when you meditate?" BeastBoy cajoled playfully.
"No."
"The sound of nature?" Star tilted her head confusedly. "Why would one purchase a silver disk with the sounds of nature when one could simply venture out and here it at no cost?"
BeastBoy slumped over in his laughter which came in bigger wave than when he made his 'heavy metal' joke.
Robin arched an unbelieving brow as he gazed at Raven. "You honestly can't tell us that you don't like music at all."
"I believe I already did."
"So what? You prefer silence instead?"
"Silence," Raven met his eyes unwaveringly, "is music in itself."
Raven knew about silence. She enjoyed it maybe a little more than she should which was why she seized her little slice of hush alone in the tower like a dying man clutching his last lifeline.
She meditated much easier in the quiet, and right now she needed meditation more than anything.
"Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos."
Why had Robin's note caused such internal conflict? It couldn't be because she liked him, could it? No, of course not. Sure, Robin and she shared a special bond, but who could blame them? It was Raven who melded her mind with his when he was hallucinating from the agent on Slade's mask. She was the one to realize that although it wasn't real to the rest of the Titans, it was still very real to their leader.
But not only that, she unwittingly saw into him, she felt him. She didn't just see into his past, but she felt everything he felt in those moments. Most of the memories she attempted to block because she didn't want to trespass into his privacy more than she already was, but even those fleeting recollections were enough to create a unique union between the two.
She wasn't the only one to feel it either. Raven knew that Robin was well aware of their link. Sometimes Raven thought that that was why he fought so hard to protect her when the time came for her to be her father's key into their world. It was he who went down into the bowels of the earth in search of her, and it was his protection and kindess that brought her back.
So it was completely natural for her to feel a special kind of fondess for the masked hero. Even expected maybed.
Raven felt a little more eased now. That had to be why the note perturbed her. She just had a natural attachment to him everything that's happened. She was so used to him putting out the effort to make her feel like she wasn't alone, so the one time that he didn't, it made her feel disconcerted. That's what it was.
'Liar, liar.' Jealous teased almost nastily. Hm, Jealous seemed to be unusually vocal tonight.
'That is exactly why.' Raven replied to the emotion stubbornly. Now that one strange matter was settled, she moved on to the next. She was determined to figure out why Jealous, who was generally silent and docile, was so active.
Raven? Jealous? She had nothing to be jealous of. She was never jealous of anyone or anything. Envious perhaps, but jealous? Many people got the two emotions confused, thinking they were one and the same, but she knew better.
Envy was wanting something another had, but jealousy was wanting something another had only for yourself and yourself alone. Raven had never truly been jealous before.
Jealous wrapped itself around her like a snake settling upon her shoulders. 'You're jealous because you want her boy.'
Silence is fierce, they say
Powerfully strong without sound
A dangerous contagious disease
Affecting all lost and those found
Her boy? Who's boy? What boy? The weight returned to the bottom of her stomach. Such an awful feeling. A part of her was glad that she had trained herself to keep her emotions carefully suppressed. They were such messy, complicated things to deal with. She had no idea how other people put up with them.
Her indifferent expression was broken when her lips twisted into another frown. It looked like the problem of solving Jealous was going to be much more difficult than the problem she had earlier with Robin. Strange though. She felt the same feeling of illness deep within her when she thought about either one.
Intelligence couldn't hold her silence any longer. 'Oh, my. For a girl who's in tune with all her emotions, you're being pretty thick right now.'
Then all hell broke loose. Earlier, Raven had managed to keep her emotions subdued with the exception of Jealous. After Intelligence decided to put her two cents, everything went to pieces.
'He's so delectable and drop dead gorgeous!' Lust sensuously enlightened.
'Couragous too! Gotta love that in a man!' Brave nodded in agreement.
'But he's not ours.' Timid reminded them softly.
'Not yet anyway!' Passion delcared resolutely.
'He is hers.' Sad intoned mournfully.
All the emotions insisted on getting a word or three in and the sudden chaos sent Raven into an unstable state. A hand flew to her forehead as dark tendrils of energy snaked towards the furniture. Faintly, she could hear a few items exploding here and there, but her main concern was to regain control.
"Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos." Raven feverishly said to herself. It felt like this sudden attack just came out of nowhere. Attempting to return to her apathetic condition, she tried to figure out what triggered it all.
"Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos." It all started with Jealous whispering cryptic hints to her about someone's boy. There was no boy in Raven's life that she wanted. For all she cared, they could have the boy.
'Why do you keep lying to yourself?'
Damn Jealous. That was the problem here. Jealous was the one that wanted to wreak havoc with her emotions. "Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos."
'We're so much alike. The both of us are so similar that you can't even see it.'
'He taught us hope.'
'He gave us something to hold on to.'
"Azarath," Raven groaned, attempting her chant once again. They were too loud, too busy, too much to deal with.
'Open your eyes, Raven.' Hope nudged her gently. 'Open your eyes and see.'
Jealous was determined to get the last word. 'No more lies.'
"SILENCE!" She screamed in fury.
"Raven?" A familiar voice cautiously called to her. "Are you okay?"
'Open your eyes and see.' The voice of Hope echoed in her head once more and for once, she did was she was told. Raven's eyes quickly blinked to an open.
Robin and Starfire stood not to far before her with concerned looks on their faces. There were a few broken items scattered about, but they paid them no mind.
"Friend Raven," Star questioned worriedly, "is all well?"
But Raven didn't hear her. Her violet stare was fixed upon the young man in front of her. Her body felt like a bag of cement was tossed onto her shoulders as the sinking feeling returned to her at full blast. Everything that happened just simply, well, clicked.
It was like those silly cheesy love movies or the trashy romance novels that she abhored. Where there was darkness and uncertainty, things just became so crystalline clear in clarity. The issue with Robin and Jealous weren't two different problems.
They were one.
Raven, the frosty ice witch of the Titans, wasn't just fond of the Boy Wonder because they had a special bond.
No, she was head-over-heels, lost beyond lost, drowning in the deep end in love with Robin.
The very thought made her ill to the stomach. How. . . unoriginal. The untouchable witch lovesick for the brooding Golden Boy. Why didn't she notice all this before? Why didn't she notice the soft pang of joy whenever he invited her out with the others or the fluttering in her chest when they played chess in comfortable silence?
"I need to," She stammered uneasily, "I need to go."
Without another word, Raven stormed past the very confused couple and headed straight into the bathroom.
Robin and Starfire watched her leave, brows furrowed in perplexity.
"Should we go after her?" Star looked to Robin curiously with the anxiety for her friend etched all over her features.
"No, I think she needs a little more time to herself." He answered her lightly, taking note of the way his teammate gaped at him like she'd never seen him before. He felt worry bubble within him as he, himself, fought the urge to follow her.
In need of reassurance, she slid her hand into his. Robin bit his lip for a moment, stilldeep in thought about Raven, before squeezing her hand gently.
»- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -»
Raven kneeled over the toilet, dry heaving the contents of her empty stomach. She felt ill as if her new revelation was a sickness. Her body felt clammy, and beads of sweat gathered at her brow. All the trouble her emotions gave her was almost too much to bear for the day. An overload on her psych and her heart as well.
Breathing heavily, she leaned back against the wall to gather herself. Her emotions were silent now, allowing her her apathy. She slowly sifted through everything that just happened. The jealousy, the chaos, the realization.
Could she really. . . love Robin? Even moreso, could she be in love with him? It wasn't like it was impossible. It would only make sense after everything they'd been through together. It couldn't be as crazy as it sounded in her head.
Raven pulled herself to her feet so she could see her reflection in the mirror. An image of a troubled, unsure girl stared back at her. Taking deep breaths to calm herself, she placed her hands upon the white sink.
"I am. . .," She struggled out carefully, "in love. . .with. . ."
Shaking her head, she attempted it again. "I am. . . love. . .Robin."
"I am in love. . . "
"I love. . ."
". . . .with Robin."
"I am. . . in love. . .with. . . Robin."
Her eyes widened at the statement.
"I am in. . . love. . .with Robin." Her voice sounded steadier and stronger, surer of itself.
"Raven is in love with Robin." How absurd it sounded to her ears, yet not so absurd at all. It felt like her world was contradicting itself. Everything she was sure about before, she wasn't sure now. Although she gained a new vision of understanding, her life felt all the more uncertain.
Cracking open the bathroom door, she peeked outside.
Silence.
Raven crept quietly down the hall to get a look into the living room where she was confident Robin and Starfire were. Indeed they were. They sat on the couch watching some inane television show with the volume at a soft hum. She observed, eyes tinted green with jealousy, how close they sat and how their hands were entwined.
Yes, Raven may be in love with Robin, but he wasn't in love with her.
Robin was in love with Starfire.
Her body felt heavy. The day was just full of new comprehension.
Another realization dawned on her. No matter how strongly she felt for him, she would have to feel it in silence. Though she loved him, he didn't reciprocate the feeling. And the thing she wanted most in the world besides himself was his happiness. If he was happy with Star, well then, so be it.
Raven refused to be the one thatbroke the happy couple up. She refused to be that person. As long as he was happy then Raven would learn to be happy for him as well.
After her father's defeat, the world seemed so full of hope and possibilities. It felt like she could handle anything, take on the world's worst problem and come out victorious. But this. . . this was something she was not expecting at all. To be in love with one of her teammate, better yet, her leader? This seemed so much more terrible to deal with than the end of the world.It felt as if she traded in one demon for another.
Determination flashed across her face. No one would ever know how she felt about him. Everything would go on like it would normally would. She wasn't going to allow an emotion like love ruin her or the new life she created with the Titans. If she was lucky, the feeling might go away. It could even be a passing fancy.
But even to her ears, it sounded like a poor lie.
Taking one more deep breath, Raven made sure she had her composure back. The show must go on, after all. Walking out into the living room, she had her blank mask perfectly in place.
"Friend Raven!" Starfire brightened the moment she set eyes on the girl. "Are you well now?"
Raven gave her a noncommital shrug. "I'm fine. I just haven't eaten much today, that's all."
Robin's masked vision was trained carefully on her, trying to figure out whether she was being honest with them. The way she looked at him earlier wasburned into his memory.Something must've happened to cause such a reaction, right? He was still worried even though Star seemed pacified byher answer.But before he could speak a single word, he was interrupted by the orange alien.
"Oh!" Star clapped in pleasure. "Then I shall concoct the Tameranian cookery of G'lorf Schv'lt! That shall ease your hunger most enjoyably!"
Raven didn't even bother to turn the slightest shade of green at the mention of her friend's cooking. Instead, she only offered another shrug. "I was just going to make some tea."
Starfire dismissed her answer with a wave. Reaching out to tug the surprisedRobin into the kitchen, she beamed at her undauntedly. "Robin shall help and we shall have a magnificent feast tonight. I cannot wait for Cyborg's and BeastBoy's homecoming from the park."
With that, she began bustling with the pots and pans with Robin in tow. Raven watched them silently together in their quiet adoration.
Raven knew about silence. She enjoyed it maybe a little more than she should, but somtimes it wasn't as satisfying as she thought it would be. A resigned feeling quelled the sickness in her chest. She would love him from afar in the shadows, in the silence. Maybe it was better that way. She wouldn't risk the chance of being hurt by words and rejection because no matter how much it pained her to keep her feelings quiet, silence was safe. That much she knew.
"Beloved Robin, please dispatch to me the fle'rorg beetles. They must simmer or else they will not be fit for consumption."
At least, that's what she believed.
Silence is deadly, they say
It can painfully tear you apart
Words may cut and words may scar
But silence can break a heart
Author's Notes: So what do ya'll think? This is obviously for Alena-chan's challenge. To tell you the truth, this is the first fanfic I've written in awhile. Not only did I want to enter the challenge, but I wanted to prove to myself that I have become a stronger writer. I hopenone of the characters,Raven especially,weren't too OOC or the storyline too cliche. Please give me some feedback and tell me what you think! Love you guys like pancakes!