Gunsmoke: Never Wanna Live Without You
Part 11
It took another two days before they finally arrived in St. Louis. The snow caused them to make frequent stops at relay stations and small towns. This time the seating arrangement was different. Matt insisted that Kitty sit next to him and Kitty, being too tired to argue, did so. She didn't want to, but she couldn't stop herself from leaning on him. Her head didn't seem to be getting any better and she couldn't help dozing off and waking up to find that she was leaning all over him, and although the snow helped to soften the ride, the occasional rut in the road didn't help it any. A few times she woke to find that his arm was around her and she was snuggled into his warmth, but rather than fighting, she simply closed her eyes and continued to rest.
Ginger, who was none to happy about having to watch the affectionate display between the two, was sitting next to Kitty while Ben, who was now Matt's prisoner until they arrived in St. Louis, was on the other bench with his leg propped up. Paul had tended to his knee as best he could at the relay station, while Matt was tending Kitty. Surprisingly, he hadn't made a peep since the whole incident, except to groan in pain every now and then.
Now, they all sat anxiously as the stage made its way through the busy town. Matt wanted to find a doctor for Kitty right away, but he had to take care of his prisoner. He cursed the situation of having to put his job before her. Maybe Paul could help him.
The stage finally stopped in front of the stage office that was conveniently located next to a hotel. Jeff opened the door for them and proceeded to help Ginger off of the stage first.
"Kitty," Matt said with his arm still around her. "Just as soon as I take care of him, I'm gonna get a doctor for you. Your head should be feeling better by now."
"Matt, I'm fine. I can take care of myself," she said weakly. "I just need food and rest. I haven't eaten a thing all day." She summonsed all of the strength she had and proceeded to get out of the stage without anyone's help. She didn't want Matt trying to baby-sit her all night. She stepped out onto the boardwalk and Paul was standing there with her bags ready.
"Kitty," Matt said getting out behind her, "You've been in a stage wreck and you banged your head up pretty good. You need to see a doctor," he insisted.
"What about me, huh, Marshal?" yelled the prisoner from still inside the stage. "I need a doctor more than she does!"
"Paul," Matt said ignoring the man, "Where's the sheriff's office in this town and the doctor?"
"The jail is right down the street, Marshal," he pointed, "And the doctor is the next street over."
"Matt, don't be ridiculous. You have a prisoner that needs to be locked up and I can take care of myself," Kitty claimed. She didn't want to admit just how bad she really felt and she knew that if she didn't find a bed soon, she would pass out. "Besides, your job is more important," she said before turning around to walk toward the hotel.
She hadn't really meant anything by them, but her words hit him like a slap in the face. Is that what she really thought? Had he ever given her a reason to think otherwise?
"Paul," he called as he kept his eyes on her retreating form, "I need you to do me a favor."
"Sure, Marshal. You want me to look after her?" he asked.
"No, I want you to take him down to the jail for me. And if they give you any problems, tell the man in charge that you're an acting deputy for U.S. Marshal Matt Dillon outta Dodge," he told him.
"Sure, Marshal." Matt wasted no more time and grabbed his bag. He hurried to catch up with her and he saw her stumble at the door to the hotel. She fell back against the wall of the building and began to sink down. Matt jogged the rest of the way to her and grabbed her around the shoulders just before she hit the ground.
"Kitty," he said panicked. She leaned against him heavily as her bags fell to the boardwalk.
"Matt," she breathed weakly. Her vision was swimming and before she knew it she was passed out. Matt picked her up easily and carried her inside the hotel. He spotted the clerk and called for him to get a doctor.
mkmk
Kitty woke up to the sound of deep, rumbling voices. Slowly, she opened her eyes and looked around the room, but didn't see anyone.
This time, the walls were decorated in a mauve color. There was a nightstand at the head of the bed with a lit lamp, and a cushioned chair against the wall. She turned her head to the sound of crackling and found a medium sized fire burning bright in the fireplace; the room was nice and toasty. One thing she knew for sure was that they weren't at the relay station anymore.
She brought a hand up to her neck realizing that she was hot, actually, and starting to sweat. She unbuttoned her jacket and the top few buttons of her high collared blouse and then let the back of her hand rest against her forehead.
The voices must have been coming from outside the door. She let herself rest for a few more minutes and then eased into a sitting position. No dizziness. That was a good sign. She took a better look around and noticed a small table and two chairs near the door. She also noticed another door, which was probably the washroom. Standing, she took a few tentative steps and made her way to the window and looked down onto the busy street below. Now she remembered. They had made it to St. Louis, finally.
It was dark outside now and she looked at the clock to see that it was almost six thirty. Turning around, she dropped back down onto the bed. She felt weak, but she was sure it was only because she hadn't had any food at all that day. She looked to the nightstand on the other side of the bed and spotted a glass of water and a small container of beige colored pills. Obviously, some sort of doctor had been in the room with her. She wondered where Matt was. As far as she could remember, he had a prisoner to take care of, so she wondered who was responsible for getting her into this room. Paul, maybe. She wasn't terribly worried about it though. All she knew was that she wanted a hot bath and something to eat.
Where are my bags? She once again stood from the bed and began looking around the room. Finally, she spotted three bags located at the foot of the bed and she recognized the one as Matt's. So, he was who had taken care of her after all. Where was he now?
Just then, the door came open and there he was with some sort of basket in his hands.
"Kitty," he said surprised, "You're awake." She took a few steps toward him with a determined look on her face and he was sure he was about to get sent away.
"Is that food in that basket?" she asked trying to peer inside, her voice still thick from sleep. Matt nodded and sat it on the table and she began to rifle through it. At least she wasn't trying to get rid of him.
"There's baked chicken, green beans, boiled potatoes, and I got you some sweet potato pie," he told her. She gave him a quick glance when he mentioned the pie. He knew it was one of her favorites. There was also coffee.
"Thanks," she mumbled and sat down to eat, not caring in the least about etiquette. She uncovered the plate and picked up the chicken leg. Matt couldn't help the smile that came to his face as he watched her take a healthy bite.
Her having an appetite was definitely a good sign. The doctor had assured him that there was nothing seriously wrong with her and that she merely hit her head harder than they originally thought. He knew he should have insisted that she get more rest at the relay station before they left, but it was too late now and he was simply going to make sure that she took it easy for a few days, no matter how much she fought him on it.
"Aren't you going to eat?" Kitty asked as she picked the skin off of her potato with her fork.
"Yeah, but first I need to stop by the jail and make sure everything is taken care of," he explained and started for the entrance. "I'll be back in a little bit to check on you." He closed the door before she could protest.
mkmk
After she had finished eating, Kitty went downstairs to see about getting some bath water sent up and twenty minutes later she was soaking her tired body in the steaming liquid. Her leg was propped up on the edge and she lazily ran the bar of soap down her thigh, slick with water. She felt ten times better after having had something to eat, but she still had a small headache, something she was sure a little more sleep would cure.
A little while later, she came out of the bathroom to find Matt sitting at the table eating. Why was he still in her room?
Matt looked up at the sound of the door opening and watched as Kitty walked out in a fluffy robe. She stopped to look at him with a blank expression and then continued on to her bags. He figured that now was as good a time as any to tell her that they had to share a room. "Kitty," he started. She looked over to him and waited for him to continue. "Umm, I guess I should tell you…we'll have to share a room for tonight at least. A lot of runs come through St. Louis and a lot of people got stuck here due to the weather. Everything is all booked up," he explained. She just stared at him for a few seconds and then made her way back into the washroom.
She wasn't acting at all like he expected. He thought for sure she would fuss or something, but he couldn't even make out an expression on her face. Kitty was a rebel; he wasn't used to no response from her at all, in any situation. She came back a few minutes later, changed into a light blue sleeping gown and her face clean of makeup. Walking over to the table, she poured herself a cup of the now lukewarm coffee and went over to sit on the bed. Matt's nose was hit with the fresh scent of her. This situation was even more awkward than the stage ride and the night at the relay station.
Matt figured he better get himself cleaned up, too. He grabbed his bag and headed into the washroom and when he came out fifteen minutes later, Kitty was sitting in the middle of the bed playing a game of solitary. She didn't even look up when he came into the room. Matt was pretty sure now that she was ignoring him. He looked over to the nightstand to see that the pills and water hadn't been touched.
"Kitty, the doctor strongly suggested that you take two of those pills for your head," he explained.
"I don't need them. My head feels fine now," she said in a flat voice. There was still the ache behind her eyes, but like she told herself, nothing a little more sleep wouldn't cure.
"I don't think you should take any chances," he said. Kitty looked up at him then and Matt could see that familiar spark in her eye.
"Frankly, Matt Dillon, I don't really care what you think right now," she said with a little anger in her voice. She looked down to her game and flipped the cards with a little more force than necessary. Then she gave up on the game completely and began gathering up the cards.
Matt was wise to say nothing. He went about getting ready for bed as he discretely watched her do the same. It was just turning eight, but he had to be up early for the conference tomorrow and he was sure that Kitty needed her rest as well. One thing he wasn't looking forward to was a night on the hard floor. The bed was quite big actually, and he was sure they would both fit on it without having to touch, but he doubted, very much, that she was up to sharing and when she threw a pillow onto the chair for him, he had his answer for sure.
mkmk
They had turned the lamps down an hour ago and Kitty lay in bed wide awake, despite how tired she was. She couldn't believe that she was sharing a room with him. She watched as the shadows of the flames danced on the walls and listened as he tossed and turned on the floor in front of the fireplace.
"Matt?" she called to him. Her anger from a while ago had faded.
"Yeah?" he asked as he folded his pillow, trying to make it more comfortable.
"Why are you here with me?" she asked directly.
"Kitty, you hit your head and you passed out…"
"No," she interrupted, "Why are you taking it upon yourself to take care of me? I'm sure Paul or someone would have made sure I was okay," she tried to explain. Matt made a sour face at the thought of Paul sharing a room with her instead of him. He stared up at the ceiling and chose his words.
"Kitty, it's like I told you at the relay station, I still care about you...your wellbeing."
"Why?" she asked as she sat up in the bed. "You made it perfectly clear in Dodge that you didn't want me anymore and I still can't say that I completely understand that. So, why would you take it upon yourself to try and help me now?" she asked. He stayed quiet for a long time and Kitty wasn't sure if she was going to get an answer or not.
Matt didn't really know how to answer her. He knew what he wanted to say, what he had been thinking ever since that day in Dodge, but he didn't know if he had a right to say it. He figured he had put her through too much already to give her a half truth now though.
"Kitty…" he began slowly, "I meant what I said. I do care about you…a lot…I wouldn't trust anyone else to take care of you." He paused having to force his next words out. "Kitty, I think I was wrong to let you go. I told you that a relationship wouldn't work with my job and part of me still thinks that, but the other part of me just used it as an excuse." He rubbed a hand across his forehead. It wasn't easy for him to have to talk about his feelings, but it was Kitty and she deserved honesty. "I saw how John was with you and it made me angry that I couldn't be there for you like he was. Then I thought about Leona…and how she left. She was sick of my job, but I couldn't do anything about that and I figured it was only a matter of time before you got sick of it, too…and left me, too." Kitty stayed quiet as he continued. "It wasn't fair to you, but I figured I would save myself the hurt in the long run and send you away before you left me." If he sat up and looked at her, he would have seen the tears running down her cheeks. "I still think that my being a lawman could be unsafe for you, but since we met again on the stage, I'm beginning to realize that I don't want anybody to watch out for you but me. I couldn't stand it if something happened to you, Kitty," he finished. Now it was his turn to wait and see if he would get a response.
Kitty closed her eyes and wiped her face. Matt had just poured his heart out to her and she knew that was a hard thing for him, but she was still hurt by his actions. She wasn't ready to tell him that she understood—even if she did, now—or that everything would be okay. She eased back down on the bed and once again faced away from the fire.
Matt heard her sniffles as he continued to stare at the ceiling and he was sure that he had just made the situation even worse. What did he really expect her reaction to be? He wanted her, needed her, loved her; there was no doubt, but did he deserve her? He stood up from his pallet on the floor and walked around to stand in front of her. He kneeled down and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.
"Kitty…please, don't cry," he told her gently as he leaned in to place his forehead against hers. He didn't expect it when she reached out to hug him around the neck. He hugged her back tightly and buried his face into her neck. "I'm so sorry, Kit. I never meant to hurt you," he whispered. Kitty hugged him even closer and he climbed onto the bed next to her. "I'm sorry," he said again.
They laid that way for a long time and Kitty's cries eventually calmed. Her grip had loosened some on his neck and he was sure that she was asleep. He moved a little to make himself more comfortable and he felt her stir.
"Matt," she said sleepily, "Don't go."
"I'm here," he told her, planting a kiss in her hair.
"Matt," she said again after a few minutes silence.
"Yeah, Kitty?"
"I would have never left you," she said softly before drifting off.
To be continued…