Gunsmoke: Never Wanna Live Without You

Part 12

The next morning Matt woke up exhausted. He had slept curled around Kitty all night and he didn't want to move for anything, but, very reluctantly, he did. The room had cooled immensely and he moved to restart the fire so that Kitty wouldn't have to wake up to the cold.

Fifteen minutes later the fire was blazing and he was ready for his meeting, dressed in his charcoal gray jacket, black trousers and string tie. He put on his black, wool coat and black hat, and then scribbled Kitty a quick note, placing it on the bed next to her. He didn't know when he'd be back, but he hoped that it wouldn't be long. He wanted to get back and make sure Kitty rested and he wanted to talk to her more.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, he watched her beautiful face tenderly. He traced an index finger gently across the healing cut on her forehead and sighed. If he had any chances left with this woman he was going to take them, even if he didn't deserve her. Leaning down, he kissed her cheek and then left the room.

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Kitty woke a few hours later to the sound of the hustle and bustle on the street. The fire was still going steady and the sun was shining brightly into the window. She sat up in the bed and was happy to find that her headache was gone. She felt good—a lot better than she had in the past week. Her cry last night had refreshed her, allowing her to release all of the bottled up emotion she had been carrying around. Her thoughts drifted back to what Matt had said to her last night and she knew she had a lot to think about.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the note sitting on the bed.

Kitty,

Had to go and take care of some things. Hopefully I won't be gone too long. Please, take it easy today and eat a big breakfast.

Love, Matt

Love, Matt? Kitty was shocked at his openness. He had never actually told her that he loved her and not wanting to think about it just then, she sat the note aside and headed into the washroom.

A short while later, she was clean and dressed. She did intend to take it easy, but there was no way she would stay cooped up in the room all day. After all, she had come to St. Louis to visit a friend of hers and that was exactly what she was going to do.

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After a hardy breakfast of oatmeal, bacon and eggs, Kitty walked to the cluster of houses located near the eastern edge of town. Gilly's letter said to look for a brown house with a black door. She walked along the shoveled pathway until she came to it, and opening the gate, she walked up to the entrance and used the brass knocker. A few minutes later, the door opened to show a blonde haired, blue eyed woman wearing a deep green dress.

"Kitty!" she exclaimed and pulled her into an embrace. She pulled back and examined Kitty's scratched face. "Honey, what on earth happened?"

"Oh, Gilly, I'm okay. It's so good to see you," she said as she hugged her friend to her tight.

"How about some tea?" Gilly asked a few minutes later.

"Oh, I'd love a cup," Kitty said as she took a seat at the kitchen table. She and Gillian Olson had been best friends back in Louisiana and it had been a good two years since they last saw each other. They always kept in touch through the occasional letter, though. Gilly was married now and she had a son. They had all moved to St. Louis a year ago.

"How long will you be here, Kitty?" Gilly asked as she joined her at the table and poured them both a cup of tea.

"I'm not sure. A couple of days maybe," she said and wondered how long Matt was going to be in town. "I'm staying over at the Pavilion."

"Best hotel in town," Gilly smiled, "But Kitty, you should have come right away. You could have stayed with me."

"I know, but it's been a rough couple of weeks for me and I was just exhausted from the stage ride," she said vaguely, not wanting to go into all of the details.

Gilly gave Kitty a skeptical look. "There has to be more to it than that. Are you going to tell me what happened to your face or am I going to have to guess?"

"You know me too well," Kitty conceded with a sigh.

"You're right, I do, and we're gonna go into the parlor and get comfortable so you can tell me all about it," Gilly bossed.

And Kitty did. She told her all about Ben and Jace and the accident at the relay station, but she conveniently left out any personal involvement between her and Matt.

"Oh, Kitty, you must be feeling terrible."

"Well, I've felt better, that's for sure," Kitty said. "Where's Dirk and Greg?"

"Dirk had to go out of town on business and Greg just begged and begged to go along," Gilly said smiling. "I sure wish they could have been here so you could meet them. Greg is always asking me when he gets to meet his Aunt Kitty."

Kitty smiled. "When do you expect them back?"

"Not for a couple of days yet. Maybe you'll still be here when they get in."

Kitty and Gilly had been talking for hours now and Kitty was more tired than she thought she would be. She stared into her empty tea cup, wondering what she would say to Matt when she saw him later.

Gillian watched her friend lost in thought. She could tell that there was even more to Kitty's story. The Kitty she knew didn't let much get her down and she could see the sadness in her eyes. "Kitty, what is it?" she asked her gently.

Kitty knew it was silly to try and get anything past this woman. Back in Louisiana they had always stuck together like glue, had always looked out for each other. Gilly was one of the few people in the world who knew the real Kitty Russell and she knew that if there was ever a person she could talk to, it would be Gillian Olson.

"It's a man isn't it?" Gilly said knowingly. Kitty looked at her.

"And just why would you think that?" she asked. Gillian held back a smile as she watched her friend fiddle with her hands.

"Honey, you forget who you're talkin' to. I've known you since you were a girl and I can only remember seein' you this way two times. Once was when Joel Porter stole your first kiss from you behind the schoolhouse and the other time was over Cole Yankton," Gilly said. Kitty couldn't help smiling at the mention of Joel Porter.

"I haven't thought about Joel in years," she said as Gilly laughed. Kitty was twelve years old when he had stolen that kiss from her and after she had gotten over the shock of it, she punched him square in the mouth. The next day he followed her around like a puppy. Gilly had teased her and teased her until she realized that it was upsetting her. Then she figured out that Kitty had a crush on Joel and somehow, the next day, she and Joel were going steady. The courtship had lasted a good week until he tried to kiss her again. She was forced to give him another bloody lip.

"Oh, Gillian, I haven't had a laugh that hard in ages," Kitty said as the two women reminisced about old times.

"Tell me about him," Gillian said. Kitty sighed, knowing better than to think Gilly would forget.

"Well, he's a marshal out of Dodge City…"

"A lawman…impressive," Gilly interrupted.

"Don't go gettin' too excited. That's part of the problem," Kitty told her dryly.

"What's wrong with that?"

"Well, it's not my problem, it's his. He thinks I'll get hurt being with him."

"You could get hurt anywhere."

"Yeah, but he'd rather it not be while I was with him."

"So, what else?"

"I think he wants me to go back to Dodge with him."

"You mean he's here in St. Louis?" Gilly asked surprised. Kitty nodded. "He came all this way to get you?"

"No, he came here on business and we happened to run into each other."

"I thought he was afraid you'd get hurt?"

"He doesn't trust anyone else to look after me."

"Since when do you need looking after?"

"Since I became his."

"Is he a good man?"

"He's the best," Kitty sighed.

"Then what's the problem?" Gilly asked confused. Kitty didn't say anything. Gillian watched as her eyes became glassy. "Kitty, you're in love with him," she said matter-of-factly. Kitty nodded and her mouth turned into a pout. "Then what's stopping you from going to him?"

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Matt stood on the boardwalk and stretched like a bear after a long day of meetings. He wasn't too happy about having to come all this way just to discuss policy and procedure. He looked up to the darkening sky and then pulled his watch out to see that it was almost five-thirty. The meeting really had taken up the entire day. He stepped off of the boardwalk and headed toward the hotel so he could check on Kitty.

Walking into the room, he found it empty and he also found himself a little upset that Kitty didn't do as he had hoped. She had been in a pretty terrible accident, but she wasn't taking care of herself like she should.

Figuring she would probably be back soon, he went to see about getting their dinner.

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"Oh, Kitty, we've been sitting here all this time and I haven't offered you a thing to eat," said Gilly. "Why don't you lie down while I fix us up something," she suggested.

"That's mighty nice of you, Gilly, but I think I'd better be gettin' back to the hotel," Kitty said, thinking that if Matt was back by now that he was probably wondering where she was. "How about I stop by again tomorrow and we'll have dinner then?"

"That'd be wonderful. I'll cook something special for us," Gilly said walking her to the door where they stopped to hug. "Kitty," she said with her hands on the redhead's shoulders, "I think you should give this fella another chance." Kitty only smiled and gave her friend one last hug before leaving. She was thinking that maybe she would.

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When she arrived at the room, she noticed that the door was open slightly. Peeking inside, she saw Matt stooped down in front of his bag. The door creaked as she pushed it open further and Matt whipped his head around. "Kitty," he said with what sounded like relief to her ears.

"Matt," she said as she walked over to the fire and prepared to take her cape off. Her heart was beating fast.

"Where were you?" he asked, trying not to sound like he had been worried.

"I went to visit that friend of mine," she answered as she glanced at him.

"Oh, well, I brought some dinner for us," he said running a hand through his hair and scratching the back of his head. "I hope you're hungry."

"I am thank you. I, uh, think I'll go and freshen up first, though," she said with a small smile as she went into the washroom.

Matt stood watching until the door closed quietly and then let out a nervous sigh. He had never been as unsure of himself as he was around this woman. He didn't know if he should bring up their conversation from last night or if he should wait until she said something. He didn't want to push her. She knew how he felt, but then again, he hadn't actually told her that he wanted her to come back to him. Maybe he needed to make himself clearer.

He walked over to the table and began taking the food out of the basket.

Kitty was in the next room giving herself a small pep talk. She wasn't even this nervous when they shared their first kiss and she closed her eyes at the thought of it. She had missed his touch so much.

Walking over to the water pitcher, she washed her hands and tried to calm herself. When she was done, she went to the door and took a deep breath before exiting.

Matt was squatting in front of the fire and stirring it with the poker. Looking over at the table, Kitty saw that everything had been laid out nicely. Most of the light in the room came from the fire, but there was one other lamp by the table that was lit as well. The room looked like it had been staged for a romantic evening. There was even a bottle of wine. She looked back over to him and stared.

Matt stood from the fire and stepped closer to her. "Everything is ready," he told her as he motioned over to the table. She didn't move, but kept on staring at him and he found himself caught up in her gaze. He stepped even closer, wanting so badly to touch her. "Kitty," he whispered. His hand reached out to hers and he watched as her eyes fell shut, her breathing heavy. Her fingers tightened around his and he brought them to his mouth, kissing them softly. "Kitty, I meant what I said last night. I was so wrong to let you go." He placed her hand over his heart where she could feel it beating rapidly. "I know I don't deserve you, but I want you," he said emotively. He brought a hand up to her face and her eyes opened, looking directly into his spirit. "I love you," he told softly, "Like I've never loved anyone…and I need you..." He traced a thumb across her bottom lip and slowly leaned in to kiss her.

Kitty didn't resist as she felt his lips caressing her own. She couldn't if she wanted to. Her hand was still on his chest and his heart couldn't lie to her. It told how sincere he was and how scared. Her other hand found its way to the back of his head and she deepened the embrace. It had been so long and it was almost overwhelming now that it was happening. She pressed her body closer to his, wanting to feel all of him.

Matt ended the kiss and hugged her tightly to him, his face pressed into the softness of her hair. "Kitty," he said. He loosened his hold some and looked at her, his hands on either side of her face. "Please, forgive me. I was stupid. We shouldn't've had to go through all of this pain and it's my fault because I was too afraid to tell you what I was feeling." He pulled her into another hug.

"Matt," Kitty said softly, as if she were waking him from a dream, "I forgive you and I love you. I never stopped. I couldn't." She pushed away from him slightly to look into his face. Her hand came up to the rough skin of his cheek. "I missed you so much," she said as she started to cry. She couldn't hold it in any longer.

Matt kissed her wet cheeks. He had come as close as he ever had to pouring out his heart these last couple of days. Like most men, he was taught that it was a weakness to show too much emotion, but with Kitty it was different. If there was anyone in the world that a man could show his feelings to it was his woman, and not showing her how he felt almost cost him the best thing that ever happened to him. He wouldn't make that mistake again.

To be continued…