Phone Calls
Chapter 5: Meaning
Okay—so he sent her a prism. It was pretty and she spent hours holding it up to the light and watching it shine. But why had he sent her that? Why a prism? What did it mean? Did it mean anything?
And why a line from a poem? Why that poem? Why that line? "now i lay me down to dream of Spring" She'd spent hours reading over the poem. Searching the internet for some meaning. Did he mean she was Spring? It was the only word capitalized in the line. Did he dream of her? Or did she make him want to sleep.
Considering she spent her life solving problems and finding answers this mystery was driving her insane.
And mail seemed to come daily now. Lines of poems, songs, quotations that she would read, memorize and burn, wanting to leave nothing that could be traced to him. She even began carrying the prism in her purse in case anyone looked in her apartment. And, okay sometimes she snuck to a back room at work to watch it shine in the light. But only sometimes, rarely, not everyday.
As she collected lines of poetry in her mind, wound them together and replayed them like a daily reel she asked herself why she was doing this. Why she was sitting at home waiting for index cards full of writing from a not-so dead man who she'd probably never see again. She found it less puzzling to wonder what Jack's actions meant rather than her own. Why was she clutching to something that could never be? Especially when she didn't know what that something was. Why did it feel as though Jack were still beside her when really he was hundreds of miles away?
She thought of the lines of poetry he sent her. She had found most of the poems online at a "Love Poems" website. And that got her thinking about that word, "love." What was it exactly? How did you know love? How did you measure it?
Did she love Jack? Is that why she could not let him go? Is that why he risked exposing himself to send her letters? To let her know he cared, maybe even loved her? How did she know? Was it love when you'd risk your job, your livelihood for another person, when she still risked it by pretending he was dead? She would do anything to protect Jack. Even if it meant risking her life. And she would do anything to keep him with her, even if it was only a small part of him. Even if that meant risking her life.
That must be love, right?