PLEASE READ

Please don't hit me! I have a good reason, I promise! My life has been VERY stressful of late. Very. And me being as smart as I am thought it would be a good idea to take care of my student learning hour project. I've been tutoring elementary school students and MY GOSH THEY ARE SO CUTE! -ahem- But any way, I find it very rewarding to see the look on their faces when they finnally understand how to do something. I have been writting this chapter under the cover of darkness for like...A month...Sentence by sentence -twitches- Alright, so I'm exagerrating about the sentences bit but...It took me awhile to do between tests, homework, and those incredibly cute children, here it is.

Thank you all for being so patient with me and for all your beautiful reviews. Sometimes, when I have a really hard day, I'll read them over and they make me so happy! So...Thanks! Happy holidays, this is my gift to you.

disclaimer: I don't own a thing.

ps: Read the little paragraph under the chappie when you are done, it may help to clear up a little confusion from the last chapter.

Chapter 10- The Master of Lies and an Encounter witha Stranger

It's been three days since I've told Kai about my 'incident'….And there hasn't been a moment since where I've felt like Kai wasn't hovering over me.

I wish…I wish I had been able to keep myself together. I should have clamped my mouth shut and never uttered a word of the whole situation…I hate lying to him, to everyone, but I've grown so good at it over the years.

Sometimes it's my only defense, and if I want, during those times when it hurts more than ever, I can even convince myself that everything's fine… Almost anyway.

But almost isn't enough…

To block out the truth with these wavering lies…It's not enough to hide behind…And the truth always shines through in the end, all the clearer and more painful than the beginning promised.

I hate it.

And Kai will just look at me with those eyes of his, those honest, true eyes… And I find my own pair of blues can't meet his gaze, for fear of becoming transparent, with all that I've locked away in full view.

"Are you all right?"

He'll ask, and I suddenly become a masterful actor, hiding behind his part in a script…And I'll answer with that usual lie…That lie that works every time. I'll slip on my best smile, molding into character.

"You worry too much."

"Stop fussing!"

"Kai, honestly, I'm fine."

Inside I'm screaming, trapped inside the confines of my expected character when all I really want…Is a chance at playing the only roll my soul is fit to play...Myself.

But then he'll turn away, oblivious, content for the moment, but always he'll always ask me again, and for that I thank him.

Because, even if it's not meant that way, that "Are you okay?" serves as beautiful reminder, that I'm cared for, that someone will miss me when I'm gone, and… sometimes, that's the only thing that pulls me back from staring over the edge…The only thing that sets me back on solid ground.

I rub my temples, I've being trying so hard of late to be happy, and the Bladebreakers –even Tyson- have been nice to me…Yet it's still not enough.

I long to see the faces of my teammates…Ian, Bryan and Spencer, I miss them more than I could imagine possible.

They've just always been there, and suddenly, when I wake up and I'm not greeted by the sound of Ian and Bryan's quarrelling or Spencer shifting through his stacks of books, I feel a great sadness weighed upon me.

Perhaps the separation would be more easily endured if I was able to call them, but 'to be safe' I'm not allowed to risk it.

I reach into my pocket and produce the ruddy brown packaging, which held such wondrous memories. (a/n: remember the gift that Ian, Bryan, and Spencer gave him? Well, this is it.) Carefully sliding my fingers under the taped edges, I opened the gift for the third time that day.

I find I can't help but smile as I sift through the photographs, and I can't help but wonder what life would be like now if it had remained the same as the innocent scenes captured between the picture frames.

I sift through the pack and find my favorite photo, my favorite memory.

In the picture I'm years younger, just a wisp of a boy with thin shoulders and a face that looked like it should have been rounder than it was. I'm standing on a stool, looking over a bowl containing a suspicious blend that resembled something akin to cake batter.

Next to me is Spencer, lips pursed, nose wrinkled, giving me one of those "I knew this was a bad idea" looks.

Then there's Ian, a mucky smock slumping off his small, stout frame as he runs around the perimeter of the kitchen, holding a bag of flour above his head.

The white powder is sifting about everywhere coating everyone and everything with a powdery white. The only thing that remained bright and clear were the eyes of the small children crowded around in the small kitchen.

A smaller version of Bryan was hot on Ian's heels had an especially thick layer of flour coating him, making the already pale boy look like some vengeful ghost.

And I can't help but smile as I look at the expression of maddened rage on the lilac haired child's face…He hasn't changed at all.

Life had been good at the orphanage…Until Biovolt had offered to include it in their 'special' program…

I'm thrown from my reverie as Ushka jumps on me, his small body curled into my lap. I pet him gently, loving the feel of the soft fur beneath my finger pads.

"Mew?"

I look down at the small grey bundle tucked into my lap, and the little creature looks up at me, those big orbs of his impossibly full with innocence.

"Kai'll be back soon." I say, and a small paw presses against my shirt.

"Mew." Comes the insistent response.

Its incredible how attached this little kitten is to Kai, after all he and the others have only been gone…What? Just about fifteen minutes, but to look at Ushka, you'd think he was never coming home.

What's the reason for Kai's departure you ask? Well, sometime around the afternoon, Tyson had come up with another one of his genius ideas.

Flashback

The stormy eyes widened, and then they were filled with sparkling glee, the already round face smiling around the handful of chips that had been stuffed into the mouth only seconds before.

"Mff, goef, da shmet shmarf!" came the predicted outburst of idiotic bliss, fragments of half chewed Pringles spewing everywhere.

"Tyson, goddamn it!" screamed Ray who had uncharacteristically lost his cool "You've got drool all over my shirt!" Ray looked disgusted beyond belief, nose wrinkled in disdain, eyes almost tearful with the loss of his once clean shirt.

Kai pinched the bridge of his nose and, taking a deep breath, addressed the dragon who was apologetically swallowing his load of chips. "What, is it this time Tyson?"

"I can't believe you didn't hear me the first time!" Kai shot the dragoon blader a murderous glance.

"Uhhh… Well I think it might be a good idea to go to Pet Smart. You know, for Ushka…"

End Flashback

It only took around half an hour for Tyson's insistent wining to drive us all clinically insane and make this whole 'going to Pet Smart' thing sound like a good idea… then of course another ten minutes to untangle Ushka from Kai's pant leg when the kitten realized he hadn't been invited to join them…and another five minutes to convince Kai that it was alright to let me stay with the distraught kitten.

So here I am.

Waiting for them to get back.

And then once more, I'll have to slip on my best smile, I'll have to make myself look how I want them to see me, and it must -it will - be done perfectly.

Every move calculated to perfection, every sentence executed precisely at the right time… because lying is an art, my friends, and I…I have mastered it.

"Everything's alright." …a confident grin is all it takes …

-With theBladebreakers-

Three. Hours.

Three hours of pulling Tyson away from dog treat samples because, even if the packaging says it was made with real beef doesn't mean that people can actually eat them… and live.

Three hours of Max trying to buy Ushka pet clothing because "Every cat has to look his best! I mean, don't you think he'd look cute with a bib?"

It had been three hours, but to Kai it had felt like an age.

By the time they left the shop, the sun had given way to stormy clouds that hovered about low and cumbersome.

Kai shifted his hefty bag; the plastic handles had begun to imprint themselves against the pale flesh of his fingers.

He found he couldn't help but wonder if Tala was alright. He couldn't quite explain it but, he was almost certain that his friend's rape had done more damage than Tala was letting on.

The way the blue eyes dimmed…

The way the redhead moved…

The way he'd fall quiet in the middle of a conversation…

The long, slender fingers tapping against the table…

"Kai, honestly I'm fine!"

His smile….. Kai knew when he was being lied to.

"Oh c'mon Rei! If cats can eat it, why can't people?"

Rei looked back at Tyson, "My god, you're stupider than I thought."

"Hey!"

"Tyson, it just doesn't work that way!" came Max's voice as the blond balanced his load precariously on his hip, searching in vain for Ushka's new set of clothes (a/n Poor little kitten!).

"Max, I can't believe it! I thought you were on my side!" Tyson said indignantly, head hanging low, but it wasn't until his stomach growled that he became truly distressed.

"Betrayed by my best friend, Maxie, how could you!" Tyson sobbed on to Kai's shoulder.

Kai shrugged him off, glaring murderously at the navy haired teen "Don't. Touch. Me."

Tyson sniffed, looking rather offended, and within minutes his 'wounded pride' under went a miraculous discovery as one of the cans of cat food rolled from Rei's bag.

"Tyson, don't you dare!'

"What, I'm just picking it up for you!" a sly grin spread unbearably thick across his round face, stormy eyes switching back and forth as he snatched up the can.

"Mine, all mine! I'll never be hungry again!" Tyson giggled hysterically, as the his team mates gazed at him, stunned into a slack –jawed silence, except –that is- for Kai who's eyes were creased with worry.

"I'd say Tyson has reached what the rest of the world calls: rock bottom." Kai said, shaking his head with shame.

After Kai's comment, the stunned silence which had settled after Tyson's "Gollum moment" (as it would later be referred to) faded quickly, leaving Rei feeling very annoyed.

"Tyson, c'mon, this is stupid, even for you! There's plenty of food at home, there's no need to settle for cat food!"

"But, I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hungry!"

"Give it to Rei Tyson." Kai said, looking as dangerous as his worried mind would allow.

"No."

Kai took a deep breath, "It's going to rain Tyson. Do you want to be caught in the rain? No? Well then I suggest you move your fat ass and forget about the damn cat food."

Tyson sniffled, head bowed as he thought about the empty hollow in his stomach, yet, his good sense returned.

"Alright i-if you really want me to starve…" Tyson said as he slowly unwrapped his fingers from the round metal.

"Yes Tyson, we really want you to starve!" Rei replied, impatient. "Just give me the can!"

With another dejected sniff, Tyson opened his fingers completely so that the can lay flat on his palm.

"A-alright1 Take it!" just then, whether by fait or chance, a passing stranger knocked the Rei's bag from the Chinese blader's tired hands, cat food and pet toys spilling everywhere.

"Oh gosh! I'm sorry! Here let me help." The man stooped down, revealing two-toned hair, the bangs where a silvery blue while the back was a dark navy color.

The slate bangs slanted wildly the man's eyes, the wind ruffling the wiry strands of hair.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I'm so clumsy I- Oh never mind I'll probably say something stupid...I have a bad habit of that." The man half laughed, tilting his face up so he could meet the neko-jin's eyes, who had stooped down next to him.

Rei found he couldn't help but gasp.

The face that greeted his gaze was…. Eerily….-Yes, that was the word-… familiar to someone he knew.

A big, almost goofy, smile shone up at him and the dark brown –nearly crimson eyes- were surrounded by feathery smile-creases as the stranger beamed at Rei.

Strong, straight silver eyebrows arched apologetically over the remarkable eyes as the man gathered up the rest of the cans and squeaky toys.

Kai –who had been on the opposite side of the whole ordeal- now moved closer to Rei, confused by an awkward bubbling tension that rushed through him.

One glance was all it took, Kai sucked in a sharp breath, eyes wide with disbelief and briskly walked away...He had seen enough.

"Hey Kai, where're you going buddy?"

Kai ignored Tyson's call but the stranger did not. The man's head lifted sharply, silvery bangs dancing around the saucer wide eyes.

"Oh my god, K-kai?"

After all these years…

The man was standing now, looking rather teary eyed and desperate.

"Kai, please!"

After all these years of searching…

The stranger's breath came in short desperate puffs, chest contracting painfully with memories.

Of being let down,

Of guilty tears…

"KAI! KAI PLEASE DON'T WALK AWAY!" The man was yelling now, screaming, but not out of anger…Instead the man was afraid.

And I know it's you,

And I won't let you go…

"Kai, I don't want to lose again…"

And this time, Kai stopped, wheeling around to walk back towards the slate haired man facing him with anger and hurt and…That same fear that the stranger's eyes had held.

"Lose me? You don't want to LOSE ME?" Kai's voice gained momentum, the crimson eyes flashing "Well let me tell you something, Nicolas, you lost me years ago when you broke my mother's heart!"

Such an acute, sharp pain shown through Nicolas Hiwatari's eyes, that it was heart breaking to watch.

Everyone else faded into the background…And all that mattered… All that had ever mattered… was standing in front of him.

"Kai I…I'm sorry… I was…"

"Sorry! Sorry would have worked ten years ago, but not now! Not when Alexei is dead!"

The man's eyes widen, tears leaking from under the heavy lashes. "A-Alexei is-"

Kai's face twisted in disgust.

"Oh, that's right, you didn't know, did you?" And despite the harsh words, despite the flashing eyes, all the pain that had built up over the years shown through clear as day.

"So tell me 'dad', what were you doing out there in this big, wide, world, that was more important than missing your own son's funeral?"

"I-I…Kai please… I-I want to make things better…I want to take care of you…T-this time things will be different… P-please-"

The silver brows rose, and Kai's voice spiraled out cold and venomous "Don't you want to know how he died, dad? Or does it even matter...?"

"Oh god, K-Kai..."

"He went looking for you… It was so cold outside…The roads were slippery… And the driver never saw Alexei until my brother was stuck to his wind shield."

The older Hiwatari was sobbing now, one arm wrapped around his midriff as if in pain, the other raised to shield his eyes.

"I never wanted this-"

"The doctors worked on him for three days…"

"Kai-"

"Until finally-"

"I-"

"His heart stopped beating…Mom was in hysterics-"

"Kai please…"

"She couldn't accept he was gone…"

"I was so afraid…T-that I couldn't support..."

"You're a murderer!"

"...The ones that I loved…"

"He went looking for you! You killed him! Alexei is dead because of you!"

"Oh G-god! I-, How can I m-make y-y-you understand…" the older male was sobbing now, big fat tears rolled down his face, making the hardship the man had seen over the years visible to the world in dark creases.

"Understand?" Kai was so angry… There was an awkward silence, and for a moment it seemed as if Kai was done…Kai was far from done.

"I…" he started, his voice low and angry and hurt "I have been trying to understand for as long as I can remember (a/n: this ties in well with the second chapter.) why things happened."

The older Hiwatari looked up at his son.

"Why you left."

It wasn't fair…

"Why Alexei died."

It hurt so much…

"Why mom left me to rot in that god damned abbey!"

I don't understand…

"But you know what hurts the most…Dad…?"

How could you know…

"Do you know what keeps me awake at night, when all else lies asleep?"

I can't stand it any longer…

"….When every light had been dimmed and I was left to the dark?"

But I'm so used to the dark…

"Do you know what I still c-can't…Understand… Dad?"

Nicholas Hiwatari lifted his eyes to meet his son's, he could see hurt, and pain, and anger, he could see all the suffering this young man had endured over the years…

Yet, he could see the desperation of a child, the hope, the fear of rejection, the need to feel wanted….All directed towards him, as if he were a life line, that had been worn to a single thread over the passing of years…And the fading of hope.

"I still can't understand… After all that you've done, a-after all those years of hoping you might find me…And then the bitter anger when you never came…And I-I still don't understand…How I-I c-c-can still love you."

All Kai's hopes of being able to stay under control, all his defenses, all the ropes and ties and chains which had kept the mask secure to his face….Where broken within that instant.

A tidal wave of grief and pain struck him like a brick wall. Tears gushed from his eyes, his heart throbbing, his chest constricted….And then Kai did as he had always done….

He ran.

From his problems, from his feelings, from his friends…From his dad.

And as Nicholas watched his son go, too stunned to follow, he became aware of the wet streams that had soaked through his clothes and numbed the warmth in his heart.

It was raining.

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HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I'm sorry to say that I won't be able to respond to reviews (my homework is calling) but, perhaps I can clear up some of the confusion about the last chappie.

Bassically, Tala is tracked down and raped by Boris. This is why he is sent to live with the bladebreakers, Mr. Dickinson believes he'll be safer in Japan...But a change of address never stopped Boris before...-evil grin-

I'll try to updat as soon as possible, until then,

c'ya,

-Wolfchilde-