Chapter 21

When Angel exited his office after speaking with his sister's boyfriend, Gunn, he was surprised to find Buffy standing at one of the front windows of the house, staring outside. In the short time she'd been staying with him, he'd noticed that she usually stayed up late, and slept through the morning. So he hadn't been expecting to see her up.

He stood in the doorway between his office and the living room and watched her for a moment. There was something...longing...about her posture there at the window. Her forehead looked to be nearly touching the glass, and the palm of her right hand was pressed against the boundary, fingers spread along it. What was she thinking about, he wondered? He didn't have to wonder long as Buffy soon spoke.

"Do you think I'll ever be free, Angel?"

The question started him a bit. "Free?" he repeated dumbly.

Finally, Buffy turned away from the window. She paced across the room, and found herself gazing out one of the back windows. Different sight, but the same feeling stole over her. So she forced herself to look away and back to Angel.

"All those years Daddy kept me in the house, I didn't understand it, and I snuck out at night, but at the same time, the attic was where I felt...safe. I wanted to be able to go places, but I also didn't want to leave." She paused, scrunched up her nose. "Does that make sense?"

"Yeah," Angel nodded. "You wanted to be able to leave, but you don't know if you actually would have done it if you could, right?"

"I guess that's what I mean," she shrugged, jammed her hands in the pockets of her shorts. "I don't know. But now...now it's like I want to go everywhere. I want to go to the mall and buy new clothes. I want to go to a pizza place and sit down and eat. I want to the movie theater and buy popcorn and a soda and watch a movie. I just want to do everything. It's like an itch I can't get rid of."

"That's understandable," Angel replied sympathetically. "You haven't been able to do all those things for a long time." And he wished he could take her to do all those things. She deserved to be able to be free to do whatever she wanted. Soon, he told himself, soon she would have the freedom she wanted.

"But why now?" she asked. "I spent the last four years with only a vague need to go out, but now it's constant, and right there in front of me all the time."

"Because everything is changing now," he explained, leaning a shoulder against the bookshelf next to him. "The truth is starting to come out, your friends are back in your life. All the lies that have kept you a prisoner for so long are crumbling and it's to be expected that you'd want some kind of normal life."

"What if I never get it?" she again posed her original question. "What if your plan doesn't work and I'm never free?"

"It will work," Angel said vehemently.

"But what if it doesn't?" she repeated emphatically. "This has gone on for seven years. What if it goes on forever? Will I always be stuck hiding in somebody's house?"

Angel hated the very idea of that. Buffy was a vibrant, young woman. She shouldn't be spending her days hiding from the world. She should be out living life. He had faith that the truth would come out, and her name would be cleared. But what if...the system had already failed her so many times. What if it did again?

"You could go somewhere, like Giles suggested," he posed. "Australia, or England. Somewhere nobody knows you and start a new life."

"I guess," Buffy replied, not entirely enthused by the idea. "But I'd still be considered dead and a murderer."

Walking over to Buffy, Angel took one of her hands and looked into her eyes. "I promise I'll do everything I can to make sure the truth – the real truth – comes out."

"I know I've said this before, but thank you for everything, Angel," she told him sincerely. "If it weren't for you, I'd still be hiding out in my rooms and my friends would still think I'm dead. Whatever else happens, I'm grateful for that."

"I just want to see you happy," Angel responded in complete honesty. It was the truth. He just wanted her to be happy without having to look over her shoulder all the time.

An awkward moment followed as Buffy stared up at Angel, her eyes meeting his. Butterflies settled in her stomach, and she swore her hands trembled. The way he was looking at her, it was as if he was gazing inside her. She had the distinct impression that he wanted to kiss her again. It seemed like eons ago that he had kissed her by the door in the kitchen. Did she want him to do it again?

Old fears resurfaced inside her. She told herself she was being stupid. Angel was a good guy. He wouldn't ever hurt her. But she couldn't push the fears, the memories, away. So she shifted away, breaking the intimate moment.

"You called your friend," she said suddenly, remembering the conversation she had accidentally overheard.

Angel was abruptly aware of the broken moment. He wanted to kick himself. He'd been so tempted to lean down and touch his lips to hers. Stupid, he cursed silently. This was definitely not the time to be putting moves on Buffy. There may never be a time for that. She needed his help, not his come-ons. So he took a huge mental step back and focused on her question.

"Yes, I just got off the phone with him," he answered.

"What did he say?"

Angel shrugged and stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Not much. I really didn't tell him anything, just that I was going to be faxing some stuff to him. And I asked him to look it over and then call me back."

"Why didn't you tell him about," she waved her hand around, "all this?" Buffy inquired.

"I didn't want to prejudice him," Angel explained. "If I told him the situation first, he'd read the files with preconceived notions. I wanted him to read the files cold."

"Oh, that makes sense," she said, considering it.

Angel could see her nervousness. Her whole life depended on his idea. It was a heavy weight to bear. He hoped Gunn came through for him. "He'll see just what I saw in those files, Buffy. He'll see that you weren't the one."

But she wasn't so sure about that. She turned away and asked, "so who is this friend of yours?"

"He's actually my sisters boyfriend."

"Really?" Buffy posed curiously, facing Angel again. "How did she meet him?"

"He worked for the LA Police Department for a while, and few years ago there was a problem in the building Fred lived in. Some vandalism, nuisance stuff. Gunn was one of the officers who handled it, and they hit it off," he relayed, remembering how worried he'd been when Fred had reached him on location in Africa and told him about the problem.

"Wow, they've been together for years?" The idea of two people being together for so long was almost foreign to Buffy. Practically everybody she knew, well, had known, had been divorced or broken up. The only relationship she'd seen work had been her parents, but she quickly pushed thoughts of them out of her mind.

"Sort of," Angel responded. "They dated for a while, then broke up and Fred was seeing someone else but that didn't work out. When Gunn came back to California after his training at Quantico to join the FBI, they started dating again."

"His name is Gunn?" Who named their kid Gunn? Buffy wondered.

"It's Charles Gunn, actually, but everyone calls him Gunn except for my sister."

"So you like him?" Buffy pressed further, finding herself intensely curious about Angel, his life, and the people in it.

"Yeah, he's a good guy. I hope he and Fred stay together." He glanced down at his watch and winced. "I better go, Giles is...," he trailed off, realizing he'd said her father's name.

"It's okay," she assured him. "You don't have to avoid the subject of my dad."

"Well, I um...we have a meeting this morning, so I need to get going," he finished his previous statement.

"Okay."

"You'll be fine here today?" He worried about leaving her alone. With the way things went in this town, Angel didn't want anything else to happen to Buffy. But he needed to go to work.

"Yeah. I think I'll watch some TV, or maybe read a book," Buffy answered casually. She really had no idea what she would spend her day doing. But surely she could find something. Again the restlessness rose. She couldn't go anywhere, not even to a convenience store to get a soda or a sandwich. She was stuck here.

"All right," he said with a nod and started to walk away. "I should be back by five."

"Okay. Tell my..." She stopped, unable to voice what had popped into her head. "Never mind.

"I'll tell him your fine," Angel filled in comfortingly, sensing what she'd been about to say.

"Thanks."

The day was half gone before Angel the chance to sit back and take a breath. He'd been on the go since the moment he'd walked into the door. And he certainly couldn't forget the meeting he'd had with Giles. Uncomfortable wasn't exactly the word he would use to describe it. They'd been wary and tense, circling each other like a pair of warring buzzards after a piece of road kill. Only, in this case, Buffy was the ultimate prize. Giles still believed they were doing the wrong thing. But Angel hadn't backed down.

Checking the time on the corner of his computer screen, he saw that it was two-thirty. He still had a few hours to go before he could leave. The urge to call Buffy, to make sure she was okay, to hear her voice, rose within him, but he ignored it. She probably wouldn't like him checking up on her. She needed some freedom. Plus, he couldn't take the chance of someone overhearing him. If he slipped up and called her by name, all hell could break loose. So he looked back at his computer and his current project.

Several minutes later, the phone on his desk rang. His first thought was that Buffy was calling him. But then he told himself that was stupid. She wouldn't call, and besides, she didn't even have his work number.

"Hello?" he said after picking up the receiver.

"Angel? What's going on?" his sister asked immediately.

Angel winced. He should have expected this. Still, he played dumb. "What do you mean?"

"Charles told me you called at the crack of dawn this morning, and that you asked him to look at something, newspaper clippings, and some other papers," she explained hurriedly.

"It's nothing, just something I came across," he lied. He didn't want to worry his sister, though he knew she would anyway.

"Angel..."

"Really, Fred. It's just something I wanted Gunn's thoughts on." Another lie. God, he hated lying to Fred, but the less people who knew the situation at the moment, the better. He'd make it up to her.

"You're not telling me something," she pressed, her concern for her brother evident in her voice.

Angel sighed and rubbed his forehead. He should have known she wouldn't let up. "I can't explain it all right now, but I promise I'll tell you everything when I can."

"Are you in trouble, Angel?" she asked.

"No." Well, not really. He could be if things got messy, and if he got on the wrong side of some bad people, namely the mayor and the police chief. He really hoped that didn't happen.

"Angel," she started, the paused. "Just be careful, okay?"

"I will, I promise," he tried to reassure her. "Listen, I've got to go. I have a meeting in five minutes. I will call you soon."

"All right. Bye.

"Love you. Bye."

When Angel returned back to his beach house, it was a little past five. The foyer was dark and silent when he entered and worry instantly crept up inside him. Had something happened to Buffy? He started to shout out her name, fear clenching in his gut, but logic prevailed. What if there was someone in his house, someone who shouldn't be there? He carefully, quietly, set his briefcase on the floor, but kept his keys in his hand, not a good weapon but a weapon nonetheless.

Just then, he caught the low murmur of something, voices maybe, coming from the direction of the living room. He walked on his tiptoes toward the room, wondering what he'd find. When he peered through the doorway, he wanted to laugh at himself. The murmur came from the TV, which was on with the volume apparently turned down low. And there on the couch was Buffy, sound asleep.

He entered the room further and gazed down at her. She was stretched out fully on the couch, her head on a throw pillow, and one hand tucked under her cheek. She looked absolutely at peace, not a single worry line marring her beautiful face. He was glad she was getting some decent sleep. After all that she'd been through, he had a feeling she didn't often have nightmare-free sleep.

Shadow lifted her furry little head from where she slept curled up next to Buffy's chest. The kitten cocked her head and blinked at Angel, as if accusing him of disturbing her nap. Angel grinned and patted Shadow's head. He wouldn't wake up Buffy. She probably needed the sleep. So he left the room just as quietly as he'd entered. There were plenty of things he could do before Buffy awoke.

Buffy came awake slowly, her eyes fluttering open. She yawned and lifted her head, wondering how long she'd been out. She really hadn't meant to fall asleep, but after watching TV for a while, she'd found herself exhausted. Next to her, Shadow meowed and stood up, giving a little shake to work out the kinks.

"Still here, huh?" she said to the kitten, scratching behind her ears. "You must have been as tired as I was."

Shadow meowed again then jumped off the couch and stalked out of the room. Buffy sat up, noticing for the first time that it was now dark out. Wow, she must have slept for hours. Was Angel home? she wondered. He had to be, it was way past five, when he'd said he would likely be home. He'd probably decided to leave her sleep. It was something he'd do.

She rose from the couch and stretched, her back protesting from the long nap on the not-as-soft-as-they-looked cushions. In mid-stretch, her stomach growled, reminding her it had been hours since she'd eaten lunch. Maybe she'd go find Angel and see if he had eaten dinner yet.

Angel wasn't in his office so Buffy headed for the kitchen. The room was dark except for the little light on above the stove. Angel obviously wasn't in here either. Before she turned to leave, she noticed the back door was open and that there was a light on outside. She walked over to the door and peered outside. And there was Angel. A whole lot more of Angel than she'd ever seen before.

Her hand stopped midway to the doorknob and she found her eyes riveted to the sight before her. Under the pale light on the back deck, she could see Angel standing next to the hot tub, wearing only a pair of short swimming trunks, with water dripping down his body. His almost naked body.

Oh. My. God. she thought, her eyes taking in the well-toned muscles, the dark tan, the broad back. Her mouth went dry and her hands trembled. He was gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous.

Buffy could do nothing but stand there and stare at him as he toweled off. All sorts of foreign feelings and emotions assaulted, things she hadn't felt since before...

Instantly, all thoughts of Angel's half-naked body fled her mind at the reminder of what had happened seven years before. She knew what men could do. She knew how they could hurt her. This was wrong. These feelings were wrong. She wasn't ready for any of this.

Backing away from the door, Buffy tried to calm her now rapid breathing. Angel wouldn't hurt her. She knew that. But she couldn't forget what had happened with Cameron. She couldn't ever forget. Angel was wrong. She wouldn't ever be ready to...to be with a man again.

Her heart was still pounding as she tried to think of something, anything, other than the thoughts currently invading her mind. Dinner. Yes, she was hungry. She'd find something to eat. Hurrying over to the pantry, she tried to push everything out of her mind but soothing her still growling stomach.

Five minutes later, she was standing at the stove when she heard Angel enter through the back door. She kept her back turned, focusing solely on the task of fixing dinner.

"Hey," he greeted her.

"Hi," she answered back, casting a quick glance over her shoulder, glad to see that he'd put a shirt on. "I thought I'd make some pasta for dinner." She shook the box of noodles she'd found in the pantry.

Angel was about to tell her she didn't need to cook, but he bit back the response. He could tell she was tense about something. Seeing that, he decided not to say anything about seeing her at the door only a few moments ago. He didn't know what was bothering her, but something told him it had to do with him. The last thing he wanted was to make her uncomfortable.

"Sounds good," he replied with a gentle smile.

Before either he or Buffy could say anything else, the phone rang. Angel walked over the cordless phone sitting on one end of the kitchen counter and picked it up. "Hello?"

Gunn's voice came back through to him loud and clear.

"Angel, man, what the hell have you gotten yourself into down there?"

TBC