Title: Standing on the Edge of Me
Author: Karleen
Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with Warner Brothers. I do not own The OC or any song (if there were) used in this fanfic. This was just written for fun.

Chapter 6 :: Not Letting Go

"Would you want to go? It's not for another month." He asked her if she wanted to go to the Annual Chrismukkah party in his office. They have been together for three months now but no one except for Sandy and Kirsten knew about them. Seth was getting agitated. He wanted the world to know who was making him so happy. He just wanted the secrecy to be over. He had kept quiet for the first half of his life, he didn't want to spend the next half keeping his feelings shut. "I mean I just want you to come, we don't have to be all couply."

"Is couply even a word?" She wanted to tell everyone that she loves him because she does. However, fear still lingered around her even after all that he's done for her. She had been hurt countless times and she just wanted to make sure that this was it. Along with that sometimes came doubt and denial and she hated herself for thinking about the worst. "I'll go."

xxxxx

Seth once compared Chrismukkah to their daughter Samantha. Christmas and Hanukkah are completely different holidays. When combined, they form a super holiday called Chrismukkah which brought both religions as one. He envisioned in his head that Summer was Christmas and he was Hanukkah. Sam was his beautiful miracle, his personal Chrismukkah.

xxxxx

It was the way she imagined Seth's company would celebrate Chrismukkah, his favorite and most beloved holiday. It was nothing compared to her office's holiday party, here decorations were over the top and she loved it.

They had an open bar so everyone was pretty much buzzed that night. Seth was slurring his words and kept saying I love you to Summer. She would mouth it to him but kept telling him to stop. He had gotten fairly drunk in the end of the night and was fed up with the secrecy.

"Is.. It so bad... That I said those ..things to you?" He said stumbling as he pulled her to the side.

"No, but you said that we don't say anything about this if I am not comfortable yet." She said as she held him upright. Seth wasn't an alcoholic, the drink just got the worst of him.

"You're telling... me after all this time... You still don't trust me?" He shoved Summer's hand away.

"I just don't trust myself when I'm with you."

"What?! I thought we were passed this." He tried to gather himself up but failed.

"I love you.. But I need more time Seth." She looked away.

"Time for what?... To figure out what I mean to you?... Haven't I shown you enough for you to believe me?" She had never seen him so enraged.

A song started to play in a low volume. "Now or Never"- by Duncan Sheik

Could I change the way you feel?
Could I make you see there's more than holding on?
Can you ever let your heart believe again?

"I'm sorry." He started to walk away but she pleaded with her eyes for him to stop and listen to her. "I want us to be together. I do, I want the whole world to know. I just, I mean so much has happened in the last few months that I think we're going a little too fast." He looked at her with so much pain that she couldn't bare to look him in his eyes. His eyes conveyed a look that she saw before, when she broke up with him many years ago.

So this is where we are,
And this is all that life has got to give.
Maybe all that's left is just to live.

"I guess I don't deserve to be happy." He said after a moment of complete silence. "And maybe I won't ever be. " He takes out a rectangular box and hands it to her. "I thought this time it'd be different." was the last words he said and then he stormed out.

Caught up in when or whether,
I didn't want to tell a lie.
But I saw forever there in your eyes.

So what you're trying to say,
Do you really think it's worth just walking away.
Well is it fair to tell me I'm to blame.

She didn't know why she said those things to him. She knew she was afraid of getting hurt again, but she hadn't realized until tonight that she hurt Seth more than anything. She opened the box and revealed a necklace that she told him she loved. She told him that it reminded her of the one she had when she was just a little girl. Her heart sank even more.

Well you know you've got to choose,
And you know you are afraid of what you'll lose.
How can you believe what just ain't true.

Caught up in when or whether,
I didn't want to tell a lie.
But I saw forever there in your eyes,
I know it's now or never.
How could you ever say goodbye?
When you see forever here in my eyes
.

xxxxx

Seth felt a little drowzy but sober enough that he wouldn't get in trouble if a cop pulled him over. He drove not even knowing where he was going. He just wanted to get out of there as fast as he could. He loves her, why couldn't she see it? He asked himself that question over and over. He knew that she was scarred but he constantly reassured her that he would never do anything to hurt her.

Baby forgive me,
Cause I got nothin' left to hide.
Don't ever leave me,
Cause there'll be nothin' left inside.

Could I change the way you feel?
Could I make you see there's more than holding on?
Could you ever let your heart believe again?

xxxxx

Summer tried to call him but he didn't pick up. Sam asked Summer where her father was and she told him that he was just running late. She tried and stayed calm for her daughter not to worry. After she had put her to bed and tucked her in, she continued to worry about him.

Caught up in when or whether,
I didn't want to tell a lie.
But I saw forever there in your eyes,

xxxxx

He wanted to get coffee because the alcohol was slowly kicking in. He decided to drive to the nearest diner and maybe even eat something while he was at it. It was one o'clock in the morning so it was just him and a family of four in the corner of the diner. The two children looked so happy as their food arrived, like when kids opened their presents on Christmas day. As he stared at the family, the waiter told Seth that tonight, the twenty third of December was that family's annual dinner before Christmas Eve. Something clicked as he got his plate of fries and coffee.

He wanted a family. He wanted a family tradition of his own. He wanted to be with Summer and Sam. He realized that he didn't fight for her and that's what scared her. He realized that she had been left out on her own countless times and it scared her to depend on him.

"It wasn't because she didn't trust herself with me, it was because I was too much of a coward to fight. I proved her right, and I just left her." He said to himself as he paid his tab.

He started the car and decided that he would head back home. "I'm not letting go without a fight this time. I love her. I love them and she has to realize that." He wanted to call her and tell her not to worry. He looked at his clock and it was almost two in the morning. He drove through the empty streets with ease. He was nervous for the fight he was about to put up but determined to win her heart once and for all. He was going to prove her wrong.

I know it's now or never.
How could you ever say goodbye?
When you see forever here in my eyes.

song fades.

Seth turned at the corner to see if the flower shop was still opened.

It wasn't.

He walked back to his car and started to head home. He stopped at the red light just on time. The next thing he felt was a blinding flash. A drunk driver spiraled towards his car and slammed into the driver-side door at about sixty miles per hour. Upon instinct, he painfully reached for his phone and dialed 911.

"911 emergency"

"Help me..." the he was knocked unconscious.

"Sir? ... Sir? Are you still there??"

to be continued...