Title: Chronicles of Boredom

Authors: Cindy and Sandy

Rating: PG-13

Story 4-The Day We Got a Flat Tire

Disclaimer: You can barely count this as a story, but we clearly don't own anything here except the marvelous plot and the sex appeal spray. If you steal that, we'll sue your asses.

A/N: This takes place in a car. Thought I should make that clear. Doggett and Mulder are sitting in the back...Reyes and Scully are yada yada yada...

Doggett: Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

Mulder: ((farts))

Doggett: ((giggles))

Scully: Mulder, did you have to!

Mulder: ((points to a plastic McDonald's Barbie)) It was her!

Reyes: Sure...blame it on an inanimate object!

Doggett: She's not amininint! She's an innocent little girl who wants to grow up to be a popstar like Britney Spears. Just like me! ((gets dreamy look in eye))

Scully: She's halfway there.

Doggett: ((plays Barbie's voice)) I'm not halfway there, I'm all girl! ((looks lovingly at Barbie)) I'm gonna name mine Monica because she's so pretty and delicate.

Reyes: Oh, John.

Mulder: I'm going to name mine Maggie after Scully's mom.

Scully: Why don't you name it after me?

Mulder: A Barbie can't be named after you! Barbies are tall, blonde, and pretty, and they don't wear black!

Scully: ((growls))

Mulder: ((talks "Maggie's" voice)) Wow, Monica! You sure are pretty!

Doggett: ((plays "Monica's" voice)) You are too, Maggie! But you sure had an ugly daughter!

Scully: ((turns around, grabs Monica, breaks her in half and throws her in the back seat))

Doggett: ((grabs Monica and pets her hair)) You'll be alright, Monica. We'll fix you when we get home, just hold on! ((starts to cry))

Reyes: ((turns to face Scully, evilly)) I have some superglue in my purse. ((hands it to him))

—3 hours later—

Monica: Hey, Maggie, wanna go to the mall?

Maggie: I got a better idea...Let's sing!

Doggett: ((Dives in the front seat, shoves CD in. Tries to get back but gets stuck between the front seats)) Ahhh! I'm stuck!

Mulder: ((Tickles Doggett))

Doggett: ((giggles and flies into the back seat)) That tickles!

-Music starts playing-

Mulder and Doggett: ((singing)) I'm a...Slave for you!

-The car "bumps" and...-

Scully: Ahh! A bomb, everyone get down!

((everyone except Scully ducks. The car goes to the side of the road. Everyone sits back up))

Scully: Oh, nevermind, we just got a flat tire.

Doggett: ((ducks)) Ahhh!

Reyes: ((turns around)) That's not scary, moron.

Doggett: Oh...

Reyes: And we don't have a spare! Doggett just HAD to make room for his Pretty Pretty Princess game. ((looks at Scully accusingly))

Mulder: Does that mean we have to walk now?

Scully: It's not my fault! I'm not the little girly man that brings his toys wherever he goes.

Doggett: I have to go tinkle!

Mulder: So we're walking now, right?

Reyes: Well, you're the one who bought it for him in the first place.

Scully: Well it's not like I could forsee this. Besides, I didn't think you'd be dumb enough to take the spare out anyway!

Mulder: I'm gonna start walking.

Doggett: Dashboard, dashboard, dashboard...

Reyes: You could forsee this. That's why you bought it for him.

Doggett: Did you know if you say dashboard enough you start thinking about dashboards? Why do they call them dashboards? Do you dash into them? And where did Mulder go?

Reyes and Scully: He went for a walk!

All: Oh yeah! ((all run up to catch up with him))

—2 miles later—

Scully: Who would've thought we'd find a hotel in the middle of nowhere.

Doggett: ((comes out of bathroom)) I am the happiest boy alive!

Hotel Dude: I'm sorry, we only have one room.

Scully: WHAT! You want me to stay in a room with them? ((looks back at Mulder dancing and singing, Doggett playing with Monica and Maggie, and Reyes banging her head against the wall))

Hotel Dude: I'm sorry ma'am, but...

Scully: I am not married! Don't call me ma'am. Call me miss!

—In the room—

Scully: I'm going to go take a shower now...

Maggie: You shouldn't waste water like that...you're already ugly.

Scully: ((Starts to wrestle Maggie with Mulder's arm still holding her))

-CRACK-

Mulder: Ahh! You broke my arm! ((holds up limp arm)) It hurts.

Doggett: Eww, put it down. It's gross.

Mulder: Nevermind...She just broke Maggie. ((picks up Maggie with "broken" arm)) Reyes, I need your super glue!

-END-