A/N: Hi! This is my first Harry Potter fic. If it's bad, please don't kill me. I have no idea where this idea came from – it just kinda waltzed into my brain. It takes place in the nearfuture.
Disclaimer: The most I own in life is… man, I don't own anything. It's all my parent's. That's depressing.
"Are you insane? Do you want to get killed?"
Ron groaned and rubbed his back as he got up from the carpeted living room floor of 18 Enright St, Hamptonshire. "Bloody… I didn't expect you to be so jumpy. It's only me!"
"I have psychotic, blindly obedient guys in masks after my skin 24-7, an evil overlord who wants nothing more than to kill me and take over the entire known and unknown world, (and perhaps bits of outer space) and I haven't slept in days because I've been working on getting rid of said lunatics, resulting in a lot of caffeine in my system. I think I'll reserve the right to be jumpy."
Ron grinned at his harassed-looking friend. A couple of days off would obviously do him good. He was pretty sure even Harry's eyeballs were tensed. Which was actually quite… disturbing.
"Alright, I'll give you that. I just came to tell you that your luck has finally changed!"
Harry blinked and stared at his friend, momentarily forgetting to blast him for invading his privacy. "What?"
"I'm here! I'll be able to help you out, give you friendly advice, and at night, we can sit around the fireplace roasting marshmallows and wishing that someone would Floo in and get covered by the sticky sweets!"
Harry just stared as he wondered whether the youngest Weasley boy had had a bit too much of the Euphoria Draught. The last time he had it was two years ago, but the image of a buck-naked Ron prancing in the moonlight singing the joys of fuzzy ducklings and their feet was not something easily wiped from the mind, nor was it something he wished to witness again. Even the twins cringed at the memory – and they were the ones who slipped it to him.
"I'm sorry, Ron, but I really don't have time for anything particularly… fun at the moment."
Ron looked scandalised. "What? No time for fun? This is not Harry James Potter speaking."
"I'm knee-deep – elbow deep – in work – "
"Which you give yourself – "
"I'm tired and stressed – "
"All the more reason to take a break, by dear – "
"I haven't spoken to many friends in months – "
"One: Your fault, Two: Helllloooo – "
"And I think I'm on the verge of finding out where he is – "
"You day that all the time. It doesn't mean anything anymore – "
"Therefore, I cannot give up now."
Ron groaned inwardly. His friend could be really stubborn when he wanted to. Alright then. Time for some gentle persuasion. Which is a nice way of saying 'Whine'.
"Haaaarrrrrrrreeeeeeeeee!"
Harry barely resisted the urge to cringe at the brutal maiming of his given name.
"Yes, Ron?"
"Come on! You won't be giving up. You'll just be taking a sabbatical. And happen to wind up on a lovely beach in Australia in the process. Think about it! Aussie witches! All tanned! You know why? It's always sunny in Australia! You can't go anywhere and not get tanned! And they think the way we talk is cool, you know that? I know because my cousin in Australia came over and couldn't get over the way we talk…" Man, he wanted to go now. Stuff girl hunting here – look out Australia, Ron Weasley is coming!
"Take a break from hunting down Evil Incarnate ™ to get a tan… Does that seem like a good idea to you?"
"… yes?"
"And what if said 'Aussie witches' get killed?"
"Why would they get killed?"
"Because there's a crazy evil lunatic out to get me, and I happen to be hanging out with a bunch of tanned girls on a beach in Australia all relaxed with no protection at all and endangering all the girls instead of hunting him down!"
Sheesh, he was getting paranoid.
"Fine, we'll go some place without people. Like the park! No-one goes to the park anymore!"
"Except mothers and their babies."
"Swimming?"
"Where would I hide my wand?"
"How about mini-golf? You got anything against mini-golf?"
"Well – "
"Alright! I get it! Can't you just leave the house for a little bit?"
"No."
"Why?"
"I just explained it to you. No."
Ron stared at Harry in disbelief. He had offered him everything – a picnic in the park, a leisurely swim, mini-golf – Australian witches, for crying out loud – and nothing. Harry had to be a zombie or something. An obsessively good, evil destroying zombie with no needs, wants or desires. Only someone like that could turn down Aussie witches.
"You sure?"
"Yes."
"You don't want to go out?"
"Yes."
"You want to stay here, all by yourself, sitting in the lounge room, brooding over various ways of slicing and dicing demented mask-men?"
"Pretty much."
"…alright then. I'll go. Give me a call when you want to rejoin the living, okay?"
He wasn't bitter – just… disappointed. I mean, he even brought marshmallows!
"Alright. I'll owl you in a few days. I'm sorry, I just don't feel like doing much right now."
"It's okay."
Harry embraced Ron - allowing Ron to slip a couple of marshmallows down his robes, but of course the zombie didn't feel them – yet. They were the kind that got stickier and stickier over time.
"Bye!"
Ron apparated out, leaving Harry by himself – almost. He relaxed and heaved a sigh, then looked over his shoulder toward the cupboard under the stairs, a slight smile on his face.
"You can come out now."
The door opened and out emerged a disgruntled looking young girl wearing a bathrobe.
"Geez, Harry, way to prolong a conversation!"
He looked apologetically at her fierce expression. "I'm sorry, but he just wouldn't let up! I never realised how hard it was to deter Ron. Whenever he sets his mind on something it's hard to move him otherwise. Usually because it involves Australian witches more often than not."
"And you still jumped him, even though you saw him out the window."
Harry walked over to the girl, helping to brush her off. "Yeah, of course! One: It made it look like I had no idea he was coming, and Two: It gave him extra incentive to leave!"
There was a slight pause, as they both just enjoyed each other's company and mulled over the previous events. Her curiosity broke the silence.
"What is with him and Australia?"
"I don't know, but I think it has something to do with a platypus."
She stared at him. "What?"
"In our dorm he used to talk in his sleep about evil scientists and platypus'. I didn't ask."
"Ah. Well, that explains… not much, really."
"I'm assuming he doesn't know about the various huge poisonous spiders they get there. Did you know there are spiders that eat birds?"
"Speaking of spiders…"
Uh-oh.
"What on earth was the big idea, shoving me in that hole?"
"Where was I supposed to put you – in my pocket? Did you want to get caught?"
She ignored the question. "I was pretty sure I was going to die of suffocation. Or at least sustain major brain damage from lack of oxygen."
"Nonsense. I lived in a similar space for eleven years and I turned out just fine."
She grinned. "I beg to differ."
"Wha – Hey! Ginny!"
She quickly pulled him into a hug, whispering into his ear, "It's alright. I still love you – brain damage and all."
They stood like that for a few minutes, comfortable and content in each other's arms. And then…
"Harry, my arms are stuck to your back."
A/N: Thank you for reading! Please review if you have the time!