Title: Apple pie
Author: annoyanonymous
Rating: AA (sexual content)
Summary: Harry wants apple pie and realizes his feelings for someone unexpected.
Disclaimer: Characters are JKRs. Duh!

Author's Note HBP SPOILERS in this chapter! Please take the time to review if you like it or hate it. I don't know how many chapters this story will be.

Harry walked up to his dormitory with a smug grin on his face. Ron's curtains were closed shut. "Perhaps I should try to talk to him." thought Harry trying to hide his smug smile. Harry decided against it, because stereotypical boys don't talk about their feelings, or need comfort. Harry climbed into bed and pulled the curtains shut, "Man, now that I had a piece of Luna, I don't know if I want to leave her." Harry noticed he had a huge erection and decided to treat it as he thought of Luna. His mind wandered to picturing Hermione, a sudden flash of Dudley eating apple pie very messily and then thought about Hermione and Luna making out. "Hermione and Luna going at it would be hot…" thought Harry. Harry moaned as he finished treating his erection. "Scorify." Harry muttered. The mess was cleaned up. Harry turned over and went to sleep.

Harry felt his boy shaking, when he opened his eyes, "Holy shit mate," said Harry as he looked up and saw Ron's tear stained face. "What are you trying to pull?" Harry said heatedly, "Waking me up so early."

Ron wiped away a tear and said, "Its noon."

"Yea and its Saturday." complained Harry.

"I needed to talk to you mate." Sobbed Ron, "It's about, about… Her… Hermione."

"WHAT ABOUT HER!" Harry yelled, as he jumped out of bed and scratched his balls quickly.

"She and I are through." sobbed Ron, "We had another row last night."

"Well you can't say that your relationship wasn't doomed to fail…" trailed Harry.

"What do you mean." cried Ron.

"All you ever do is fight, you can't converse without raising your voice." stated Harry.

"But its sexual tension!" wailed Ron, "We're supposed to fight like that, everyone agrees. Mate, I was going to marry her some day."

"You only dated for like three days…" trailed Harry.

"But they were the best three days of my life!" wailed Ron.

"Full of fighting and pressuring her into sex…" stated Harry.

"But you got laid by Luna and you haven't even been dating for a whole day!" complained Ron, "I'm going to be a virgin til the day I die, no one wants me."

Ron sobbed on Harry's shoulder. Harry started to pity him. "Tell you what, if you find me a horcrux, I'll make sure of it that you get laid, whether it me be by me, Hermione, Luna or even Gin… wait not Ginny, that would be disgusting, or even umm… Draco.

Ron smiled. "I would prefer Hermione."

"I know mate, but in reality, she loves me on a much deeper level." whispered Harry.

Ron frowned.

"Now go find that Horcrux, anyone will do!" laughed Harry, "Go on!"

"You mean like this one?" said Ron pulling out Nagini, from behind his bed. Nagini hissed fiercely.

"Aw! I wanted to find the snake." pouted Harry. Harry pointed his wand at Nagini and "Destoius Voldeous!" He exclaimed.

The Snake withered in pain, emitting weird sounds. The movements stopped and Nagini turned into a pile of ashes.

"Aw! Man!" groaned Harry, "Now I have to clean that up."

Harry pulled out his wand, "Scorify!" he exclaimed.

"Now can you find someone to get me laid." said Ron.

"It'll be tough, just like finding all the Horcruxes, but I will indeed find you someone to score with." said Harry, "And that's a promise."

Ron smiled.

Harry left Ron and walked down to the common room. Hermione was sitting on the couch wiping tears from her eyes. "Hey." said Harry, "What's wrong?"

"Ron and I had a row, and I broke up with him, but now I'm going to be alone forever." sobbed Hermione.

"No you won't." said Harry compassionately, "You're a pretty young women, any man would be lucky to be with you."

"You're just saying that because you're my best friend." sobbed Hermione, "Who could ever love an ugly, brainy, bookworm."

"I do." said Harry.

"You… do?" said Hermione

"I love you Hermione, since my first year here." explained Harry.

"What about Luna?" said Hermione sharply.

"Oh yea!" though Harry, "I can get her to score with Ron!"

"She told me she doesn't love me." Harry said sadly, while forcing tears to his eyes. "She said she only wanted me for… for… sex." cried Harry.

Hermione patted Harry on the back. "I love you Harry, that's all that matters."