Chapter 2
It stopped raining soon after Rin fell asleep, though the chilly night air remained. After careful consideration, Kakashi finally worked up the nerve to sneak Rin's blanket out of her backpack and wrap it around her as stealthily as he could. Rin did not stir once, a testament that Kakashi really did deserve his Jounin rank.
Half way through his self-imposed night watch, sensei returned, looking worse for wear. Kakashi didn't ask where he'd been; his battered and exhaustive state was enough of an answer.
Rather than have sensei tell him to get some sleep, Kakashi retreated to the lower braches of the tree, and just sat there. Rin wasn't the only one reliving recent events.
Even Kakashi, the best of the best at repressing memories and emotions was not having any luck in forgetting their latest mission… Obito's last mission…
Kakashi slammed his fist into the truck of the tree he was sitting in.
Kakashi could feel his emotions running rampant under his carefully constructed exterior.
Idiot. Idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot… Kakashi silently and savagely berated himself, each 'idiot' accompanied by a hand-numbing punch to the tree.
Stop it. Stop it right nowOf course he's dead; they all die, don't they? You're shaming yourself; what kind of weakling shinobi feels this? You want to end up like Sakumo? They'll hate you. They'll hate you like you hate yourself... even Rin and sensei, and Obito too, from… wherever he is…
Kakashi closed his eye. Best not think about where Obito was…
He killed others. So, where else would he end up but-
Kakashi decided to stop thinking at that point. Really, what good were thoughts, anyway? A tool didn't need to think, and that's just what Kakashi aspired to be: an emotionless, efficient killing machine. That was his dream. To follow his father, and then keep going where Sakumo stopped, to take the right fork where Sakumo took the left…. And he'd already failed. There was still a chance they could complete the mission, tomorrow… but Kakashi had already had his moment of weakness.
How can I still be here, now, alive? I was weak, undisciplined, a disgrace… so why am I still alive?
Kakashi's gaze swept the forest, and, much to his chagrin, settled on Rin.
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A few short and restless hours later, Kakashi was given the chance to complete his mission; destroy the bridge supplying the Rock-nins. He finished it in a rush, for once eager to put all this behind him, move on.
Things weren't going to be so easy, though. Some things you can't let go, no matter how hard you try, even if it's your fondest wish to let the past be the past, and bury it.
---
The trip back to Konoha was empty; only endless plains with the forest looming ahead of them.
Three days into the trip back, and very close to Konoha, Kakashi trailed behind his sensei and Rin, the latter shooting him unmasked looks of concern every couple minutes. Kakashi pointedly ignored them; he knew he was sluggish and more than a bit slow today, it had been getting worse every day, but what did they expect? For him to be able to sleep? He had plenty of time to sleep when he was dead… and considering his occupation, he expected it wouldn't be too long before he caught up on his foregone sleep and then some.
Soon enough, though, little growls of annoyance accompanied Rin's pointed looks. Kakashi, in turn, pointedly ignored her. He didn't want to explain his obvious lack of sleep; Too much trouble to think of an excuse anyway. What would he say, anyway? 'I was kept awake by my guilt about Obito'? It was too lame for words, in Kakashi's opinion. Better to just let Rin keep throwing him looks than to say anything...
Inevitably, sensei made them stop to rest under a small stand of shady trees, and Rin pounced.
She shrugged off her pack, rotated her arms a bit, and then turned on Kakashi with a glare.
Kakashi stared at her without any visible emotion.
Rin's glare grew a notch more heated, and her hands were planted on her hips.
"What?"
Kakashi's voice was monotone, and his eye, the only part of his face visible, was half-lidded with lethargy.
Rin didn't bother answering, just huffed and turned around, as if saying 'if you don't know, why should I bother telling you?'. Kakashi was amazed; it looked like he was going to get off scotch-free…
"Get some freaking sleep, Kakashi." She said in a low voice. Well, ordered would be more accurate.
That said, Rin went to sensei, exchanged a few words, and sat under a tree, arms folded behind her head.
Kakashi stared. Did she just, basically, tell him off? Did sweet, innocent, ever gentle Rin just tell him off? And with a hint of actual anger, too? Kakashi was stunned. From her spot under the tree, Rin opened one eye and shot him a look.
Maybe… this one time… I should listen to her…
Kakashi thought and, fortunately for him, decided to give sleep a chance.
--
What the hell is his problem! Rin asked herself, extremely frustrated with her teammate.
After the second day, Kakashi's lack of sleep was all too obvious, especially to Rin who'd had to put up with this kind of thing before.
Last time, though, Obito had been around to knock some sense into Kakashi... with a rock… a big rock…
Frankly, Rin didn't think she could bring herself to actually hit Kakashi over the head with something… but Obito always had been the one to get stuff done when it came to Kakashi. Looking back, Rin realized that every time something happened with just one of them, it was Obito who came to the rescue. Though, when ever something happened between more than one of them (usually Obito and Kakashi) it was Rin who stepped in. Well, tried to step in. She may have wanted them to get along together well enough, but wasn't insane enough to actually get between them… who knows what would happen?
Rin shook her head slightly, frowning at her random thoughts; Obito wasn't around to fix the others any more; it was her job now…
I won't fail… Rin vowed.
