"Come on hurry up! Let's go let's go!" Emma rushed her family out the door. They grabbed a cab and all squeezed into the back seat.

"Newark Airport please." Rachel said, handing the driver the money in advance. "As fast as possible… we're late."

Emma happily brushed her hair and smiled. She couldn't wait to see Ben. She remembered when Danny Bell called her ugly in 6th grade and Ben drove all the way from Jersey to beat him up.

"I'm not sitting next to Eryn!" Emma complained as she placed her bag in the overhead compartment. "And if I do I want the window seat!" Emma sat down in her chair, Eryn taking the isle seat.

Emma explained on the last day of school that she would be in London for a week. Sadly she wouldn't be spending Christmas there. They would fly home on Christmas eve, eve. "Why can't we just stay and come back after Christmas?" Emma asked on Friday.

"Because we don't have room to fly the presents back." Ross explained. "No quit your complaining."

……………………………………………………….

Emma jumped up and down looking for Ben. "Where is he?" She jumped pushing down on Eryn's shoulders. "There! Over there I see him!"

Emma ran over to him and gave him a huge hug. "Ben how are you!" She looked over to see Libby at his side. "Hi Libby." Emma mumbled.

Ben was Emma's safety pad. She told him everything and anything. Ben would know stuff before Emma's best friends and even her parents.

"I'm good Emma how are you?"

"Totally awesome!" Emma grabbed his hand and showed him and Libby to their parents.

"Ben! Hey buddy." Ross gave his son a hug.

"Let me take that dad." Ben grabbed Ross's bag. "Hey Rachel." Ben gave her a kiss.

"Let's see the place!" Rachel squealed excitedly.

Ben and Libby were quite rich in London. They owned a home in Fulham. It was a trendy place outside of London. They drove there in two cars. Ben, Libby, and Ross in one, Rachel, Emma and Eryn in another.

"Why couldn't I go with Ben?" Emma asked.

"Let Ross and Ben talk. They have a lot to catch up on." Rachel answered.

"It's been like a week." Emma talked back.

"Emma you need to learn to keep your mouth shut." Rachel said.

They all entered the house together. It had beautiful crown molding and rich Terra Cotta and Burgundy colours in every room. "It's beautiful Ben." Emma looked around the place.

"It's bloody cold in here." Libby said. "Would anyone like some tea?"

"Yes please!" Ross said. Rachel looked at him. "For you…" He lied.

They sat in the huge living room with a tray filled with scones and tea. "It's lovely having you here Mr. and Mrs. Gellar. You kids as well." Libby smiled.

As they talked about the house and neighbourhood, Emma explored the house. She sat in her room they had set up for her. There were pictures of her at the wedding and with Ben. It had baby blue bedding with pink pillows and a teddy bear.

Emma suddenly felt like the girl that she was one week ago. Sober, with Ben, and miserable. She realized that her new life made her happy.

But maybe the liquor was putting those thoughts in her head. Emma didn't realize that at the moment. Suddenly Ben walked through the door. "We're going to walk around our block. Want to come?"

Emma put the teddy bear back on the pillow and gave Ben a hug. "Ok…"

Emma stopped at every house to check out the lights. Rachel would wait with her, everyone else ahead of them. At one house Emma looked at the manger they put in the front yard.

"Beautiful huh?" Rachel said. She wrapped her arms around her daughter.

For once Emma hugged back. Why did she feel so different then the way she felt in New York? Was Ben the reason she became the way she was?

Emma glanced down at her right wrist. On Thursday she was called down to the councilors. Mrs. Birch said she understood her outburst. And that it is ok to feel hurt.

It made Emma think about everything. Eryn hating her, Ben leaving her for London. It all seamed so unfair. That everyone was jealous of her. Or so she thought.

Emma had gone into the school bathroom after school. She had stopped earlier in the shop room. When everyone was out of the room she smashed a glass against the ground, and picked up a piece.

She had slit her wrist that night, and she had never felt so relieved. She did it again on Friday when she found out they weren't staying in London for Christmas. Emma felt some sort of security when she did it, even though she knew it was wrong.

"Emma." Rachel poked Emma again.

"Huh what?" Emma looked up at her mom.

"Come on let's go. We've been staring at this house for 5 minutes I'm freezing." Rachel pulled Emma along back to Ben and Libby's house.

Emma slipped into her pajamas and crawled into bed. She hugged the teddy bear, slowly releasing it as she fell into sleep.

The next morning Emma had a huge chocolate chip pancake for breakfast. "Delicious Libby. Thank you…" She dumped her plate in the sink.

"Well thank you darling. Today us girls are going down to the lake while Ross and Ben spend some time together." Emma's heart sank. Why wasn't she aloud to go with Ross and Ben?

Emma stared at the lake while Libby and Rachel chatted away. "It's very cold weather up here." Rachel complained, wrapping her scarf tighter.

"I know it's been dreadfully cold up here. It drives me mad!" Libby said, rubbing her hands together.

Emma didn't seem to notice the cold. She just wondered what Ben and Ross were talking about. Maybe she would get a chance to talk to him the next day. She hoped so.

"Can we go? I think it's snowing now." Emma said. They stood up and huddle together. Emma moved to the other side when Eryn walked up to her.

Back at the house, Emma decided to ask at dinner. "What are we doing tomorrow?"

"Umm… Ross and I are going to a paleontology convention." Ben said.

Emma hated saying this. "Can I come?"

"It's really, uhh… father son thing Emma." Ross answered.

Of course. Emma thought. "Excuse me." She ran upstairs to the bathroom hiding her tears. She scrambled through the bathroom cupboards, finding a pair of scissors.

Emma tied a washcloth to her arm and bit it. She slid the scissors across her wrist, breathing heavily. She grabbed the cloth and pressed it on her wrist, rocking back and forth.

The bloody scissors fell to the floor. Emma threw them in the cupboard and shut it with her foot. She patted the drops of blood and ran into her room with toilet paper wrapped on her wrist.

Emma smiled with relief as she ran her fingers over her hand.

A/N: trying to steer away from the Emma loving Ben vibe. Hope this explains things and doesn't give off a brother sister relationship.