Chapter Two - If I Could Talk To The Animals ...
"Er, um, yes." said Giles. "Something. Only of course, the presence of a crowd, and the size, and location of our visitor, make it all rather difficult." He scratched his jaw. "And we don't want to open the rift again. Or just send it randomly on to another planet to wreak havoc. We need to act responsibly."
"Oh for heaven's sake." Anya walked boldly forward, tilted her head back, and shouted, "Oi! You!" The dragon started violently, and hissed, and the crowd murmured in alarm and the tower rocked violently beneath her weight. "Oi!" said Anya again, and a few people at the edge of the crowd glanced her way.
Giles rolled his eyes. "Oh yes, that's the perfect way to address a dragon, I'm sure. Very respectful."
Anya threw him a disdainful glance. "The trick is to show no fear. And also, to make sure you're not a virgin," she added as an afterthought.
"Or a cow," whispered Willow under her breath. Anya stared at her suspiciously, and she gave a little wave, even as she and Tara shifted their focus a little to extend the 'not-noticing' spell to Anya as well as the dragon.
The people in the crowd turned their backs again, and Anya continued. "Get off that tower at once, Impious One," she shouted. "You are preventing the inhabitants of this settlement from communing with their God. Begone to the northern wastes of Oregon, where I hear there are many fine cattle, and probably even some virgins as well."
Buffybot frowned. Surely it was wrong to send the dragon to ravage someone else's lands? But Tara wasn't objecting, or Mr Giles ... Ooh! She bounced on her toes. It was a ploy! To get the dragon to come down off the tower, and go somewhere quieter, where they could deal with it. She gazed admiringly at Anya. How clever she was.
"Hey, it's ten to nine!" Spike had appeared with the sunset, and he pointed at his watch accusingly. He turned to Buffy, who was in a sotto voce discussion with Giles. "Just nip up there and cut its bleeding throat, why don't you?"
Buffy frowned. "Why don't you try it, Spike? You're the big bad vampire after all."
Spike rolled his eyes. "Don't be daft, Slayer. It would fry me in my size 10s before I got anywhere near it. How stupid do you think I am?"
Buffy folded her arms. "And how stupid do you think I am?"
They faced each other, glaring. Giles rubbed his forehead. "If we could all try and take a sensible approach here," he began, with very little hope on his voice, "we might get somewh …"
"Get off that tower!"
Giles jumped, as Anya's voice boomed out. She stamped her foot, and the dragon shrank back. Then its head turned to one side, as it appeared to consider Anya's words. It looked at the ground, and then, before anyone had a chance to react, it leapt off the strutwork, and plummeted to the ground directly in front of them, landing with a shuddering thump.
The ground shook, and the crowd scattered, with screams of "earthquake!" Anya took a hasty step back, colliding with Giles. The dragon stepped after her. The Scoobies drew reflexively together into a little knot.
There was a sound of sirens in the distance. Someone had finally decided that a shaky 80ft tower in the middle of town might be dangerous. Everyone's head turned towards the sound, the dragon's included.
"Okay," said Buffy, "We need to do something very quickly."
The dragon's huge golden eyes took in their little motley group, shifting from one face to another, the colours whirling in its pupils. Spike stepped prudently backward, to the rear of the group. Xander, now suddenly at the front, shifted uncomfortably. "I don't like the way it's looking at us," he whispered.
The dragon's head swung in his direction, and he shut up, his throat convulsing a little. The dragon's eye moved on, and settled on Buffybot, who was standing to the side, quivering with excitement. She waved a merry little wave and smiled a friendly smile. The dragon's gold eyes darkened to bronze, as it stared into Buffybot's clear hazel ones. A thought bloomed in her head, like a bubble, cold and alien and yet crystal clear.
"She wants to go home!" cried Buffybot excited. "She doesn't like California." Her smile faltered a little, as she contemplated someone not liking California. But she recovered - after all she'd heard that some people didn't even like Disneyland. She turned to her friends. "She told me, in my head." She tapped her skull for emphasis.
"Oh great," whispered Willow, "we've got our very own psychic E.T."
Tara sighed, "Well, luckily she's not going to fit in Buffybot's bedroom." She squinted at the scaly and magnificent length of dragon, and then turned to Buffy. "Do you think she'd fit in the back yard?"
The dragon's eyes glowed red, and a hiss of steam escaped her nostrils. "Or not," said Tara hurriedly. "That was a dumb idea. Obviously it, she, wants to go home." The dragon's eyes faded back to bronze, and everyone let out a breath of relief.
Buffybot turned to Giles."Where do dragons come from?"
Giles smiled at her. "That's a very good question, Bottie."
Buffybot beamed proudly. "Is it Europe?" she said hopefully. "I'd like to go to Europe. Everything there's small and old, and shaped funny. It sounds great."
Giles closed his eyes briefly, pained. "In fact, dragons are not exclusive to Europe. There's a great deal of literature on the subject - most of which is the most appalling flowery and pretentious twaddle. But the general consensus, among the serious commentators at least, seems to be that they're from another dimension, and pop into this world from time to time."
Anya tapped her foot. "I do wish you'd forget about all those musty old books and just pay attention to me sometimes, Giles. I'm a thousand years old, you know. Dragons are just another, rather inferior, kind of demon…" The dragon hissed again and its eyes burned like red coals. A little jet of steam blew from its mouth, and kicked up just in front of Anya's feet. She jumped. "Never mind," she said rather shakily, "you carry on, Giles, with all that interesting book stuff."
Giles gave her a cold look. "Oh, thanks ever so."
"So, how do we send it back to another dimension?" asked Buffy. "Tell me it isn't going to be temporal rifts again. I hate temporal rifts."
Tara coughed. "Perhaps the dragon can tell us. Um, if she would?"
The dragon glanced at Tara, and seemed to nod. Then she stared at Buffybot again, and another cold bubble of knowledge formed in her head. "There's an orb," she cried excitedly, bouncing on her toes. "But the dragon can't make it work. Her claws are too big."
The dragon held up a demonstrative claw. A golden orb swung from her talons, dangling by a chain. They watched it swing, mesmerised; then Buffybot skipped forward, grasped the orb, untangled the chain from the dragon's talons and examined it.
"Be careful, Bottie," said Tara anxiously.
"Oh," said Buffybot, delighted. "I've worked it out. It twists this way." She took the orb, and turned it just so. The dragon, and Buffybot, vanished with a loud pop!
"Right, problem solved," said Spike. "And I'm off to watch the footie."