Artemis Fowl: The Kindergarten Catastrophe

Disclaimer Sniff I don't own Artemis Fowl, and I never will.

Chap. 2: Beetroot

Commander Julius Root. The youngest commander in Recon's history. He knew all about his nickname, Beetroot, and he knew that Captain Short thought he was a sexist, mean old fogy. Or something to that extent. However, he also knew that he was a great commander. It wasn't pride, or arrogance that made him think it. It was the simple truth. And Beetroot always told the truth. (Except for that one time, when he'd been a captain, and there had been the issue of whether or not to tell his commander what he was doing, but that didn't count.)

Holly was tired. She wanted to stop and rest, but that was not an option. Especially with Root on her back all the time. She sighed. The Commander was really starting to get on her nerves, with all his-

"SHORT!" –bellowing in her ear when she was on a mission.

"Yes, Commander?" Holly attempted civility, but she knew her voice sounded strained.

"Hurry up on that perp. It's almost daylight! Oh, and the centaur here says he may have found him." Holly grinned at the pointed emphasis on the may part of Root's little speech.

"Ok, I've tracked one of his tunnels. We think that he may be at the Hamburg Academy. Now, don't laugh, I hacked into their records. They've been going through a lot of kindergarten teachers-" Holly interrupted.

"Why?" She could sense Foaly's shrug. Root, who was no doubt living up to his nickname, and turning very, very, very red, suddenly rudely interrupted them.

"I hate to break up the school lesson," the pun was lost on all but Foaly, who snorted, which earned him a threat of budget cuts. Big ones. "But what does this have to do with Holly's mission?"

"I'm getting to that. Well, let's put it this way. They just got a new teacher named Mr. Bruce Diggs." Holly raised an eyebrow.

"I'm already there. Sort of, well, maybe I'll be there by nine. A.M." She had to cut off the radio to save her eardrums from being burst from Root's yelling.

Artemis looked at his new teacher, and raised his hand.

"I'm sorry, did you say school safety officer?" Mul- I mean Mr. Diggs- nodded. Artemis rolled his eyes. He also motioned to Butler.

"I may become sick during the assembly. Please be ready to escort me home." Butler suppressed a small grin. This young boy already was good at getting out of things.

At nine-thirty on the dot, Officer McDuff and his puppet dog, Growlers, had entered the class. Mulch decided that now was the time to bargain. Now, or never. Quickly, he strode to the door, locking it. The key was swallowed. Oh, it would come out, less rusty too, but not until he had been granted the right to live among humans. And that the LEP wouldn't ever get him.

Holly was panicking. It was already ten in the morning! How would she manage to get Diggums back? Luckily, she was still able to shield (a/n "Sun bleached their magic like a photo negative…" – Artemis Fowl. And I didn't even have to look it up…. Spooky!) She decided that there was only one thing to do. Screwing up her face, like she was about to plunge her and into boiling oil, she reconnected her earpiece.

Author's Notes:

Well, I'm sooooooo sorry for the shortness. I'm going to make Chap. 3 longer. I don't even know what it's going to be named yet, but no matter.