Dobby: Ha, see Winky, I updated!

Winky: Sure took you long enough.

Dobby: Sorry for the wait, folks, I hope this chappie makes up for it!

Winky: For your sake, I hope it does too. strangles Dobby

Dobby: choke Read and choke review, people!

Chapter Seven – Attack of the Kneazles

End of Chapter Six

"Sirius and Snape…third floor…"

And then he James collapsed.

End of Chapter Six

Lily was numb with shock for a second, then recovered her composure and remembered she was Head Girl. She was about to rush off to the third floor, then remembered that James was Head Boy and that he was supposed to be helping her.

She jerked him up by his tie and dragged him half-choking along to the third floor with her wand drawn.

"I knew you wanted me, Lily," gasped James, whose breathing was getting shallower and shallower as his tie choked him, "but I didn't know it was this bad!"

Lily rolled her eyes and tugged harder on his tie.

Frank, Alice and Hestia followed, running to keep up.

When they finally reached the third floor, all hell had broken loose.

James tried to breathe, but his tie, being dragged along by Lily, was constricting his air passages. He could hardly see because his glasses were hanging off one ear and his wand was in his back pocket where he couldn't reach it.

So, all in all, he wasn't in a very comfortable position. 'This couldn't get any worse,' he thought moodily.

When they arrived at the third floor, James revised his opinion. 'It just got worse.'

There seemed to be two sides to the fight: Gryffindor and Slytherin. In the lead were Sirius, who was hurling random hexes at the Slytherins and Remus, who was trying to stop Sirius and shield his own face with a book. The main Slytherins were Lucius Malfoy, who was doing the same as Sirius, Severus Snape and the other Malfoy groupies who were doing whatever Lucius told them.

Behind them were random Gryffindors and Slytherins who were passing by and decided to join in on the fun. Peter Pettigrew was curled up in a ball at the corner of the scene, whimpering.

Suddenly, a Slytherin sixth-year sent a hex at Remus' book shield, and it tore in half and burst into flames.

Remus turned purple and the werewolf inside him acted on its first instinct: kill whoever harmed the book, think later.

In two seconds, he had lunged at the stunned Slytherin and was punching every inch of him he could reach. "That-" Punch. "-was-" Punch. "-my-" Punch. "-copy-" Punch. "-of-" Punch. "-Hogwarts-" Punch. "-a-" Punch. "-History!"

With one last punch for good measure, Remus left the whimpering Slytherin on the ground and, forgetting about his Prefect duties, joined in on the fight.

Lily stood for a second, completely stunned at the scene being played out around her, and James, seizing the opportunity, took a breath.

Lily jumped into action, still dragging the tie, and James was choking again.

"Levicorpus!"

Severus Snape was jerked into the air, as if a hook had grabbed onto his ankle, but before he could curse over his predicament, he was dropped.

Yes. Dropped.

Heavily.

Directly on top of Lucius Malfoy.

Who was then immobilized with a clever Stunning Spell.

Before Snape could run, he was Stunned as well.

Most of the Slytherins tried to run for it, now that their leaders were out of the game.

But just then, a person appeared. A person who Lily kicked herself for not calling on earlier.

Professor Minerva McGonagall was striding towards the motley bunch with her nostrils white and flaring.

"Mr. Lupin, please stop punching that poor Slytherin at once!"

Remus looked up, his fist still poised over the petrified Slytherin's nose. "But Professor, he- Hogwart: A History!"

Professor McGonagall merely looked over the top of her square spectacles at him and he hastily got off the Slytherin.

"Miss Evans, please let go of Mr. Potter's tie. I'm afraid that if he chokes, it will mean a lot of tedious paperwork I will have to mention it on your job application."

Lily looked at James with some surprise. He was indeed turning purple and seemed to be having trouble breathing. She let go at once.

McGonagall sent off all the hurt students to the hospital wing, took a round fifty points off both Gryffindor and Slytherin, then gave James, Lily, Sirius, Remus, Snape and Malfoy a detention for that Saturday and promptly stalked off.

"What are we looking for again?"

"Kneazles."

"Why?"

"I don't know why, Pot- James, stop bugging me!"

"Sorry, I just wanted to know why."

"I think they escaped from a Care of Magical Creatures class."

"Oh."

"OW!"

There was a loud yell from behind them, and Lucius Malfoy was sprawled out on the ground.

Lily wondered why the hell Professor McGonagall had to choose who to put her in groups with to do the detention.

She was sure that the imperial Head of Gryffindor had put her with the two people she hated the most on purpose.

James Potter and Lucius Malfoy. Yippee. What fun. Not.

James was so busy laughing at Malfoy tripping that he failed to notice the tree root that was right in front of him.

Now it was Lily's turn to laugh. And laugh she did. Loudly.

"Ah, shut up," muttered James, getting up from the ground; Lily noticed the back of his neck turning red.

"I think we found the Kneazles," added James in a strange voice.

"Why?" asked Lily curiously.

James turned around and even Malfoy got his turn to laugh. Which he did. Very loudly. Rolling on the ground.

"Oh my God, you've got Kneazle crap on your face!"

James looked to Lily for support, but she was biting her lip and couldn't help the snort that escaped her.

"GROSS!"

The yell had once again come from behind them. And once again, it was Lucius Malfoy.

"AAAHHHHHH! I ROLLED IN KNEAZLE CRAP!" Malfoy began frantically trying to wipe himself off onto a tree, and Lily, thinking quickly, got out her wand and conjured a camera.

She took picture after picture of Malfoy, and got in a few snaps of James as well.

"Oh my God, this is such good blackmail! I've got a picture of James Potter with Kneazle crap on his face and Lucius Malfoy humping a tree!"

James lunged at her, trying to get the camera and destroy it, but Lily was too quick. With an efficient spell, she sent the camera to a safe place in her dorm room.

James groaned from the ground where he had fallen after he missed the lunge, "You. Are. So. Evil." When he got up, he was covered from head to toe in Kneazle droppings.

Lily decided to follow the trails of droppings so that they could find the Kneazles and get this over and done with. Malfoy was still busy wiping himself off on a tree, so Lily and James decided to go on.

James said, with a sweeping gesture of his hand, "Ladies first."

Lily smirked and said, pointing to the part of forest they were going into, "Well, what are you waiting for, then?"

James scowled and grudgingly went first.

"OW!"

"Oops, sorry, Snivellus," sniggered Sirius, "I should have held back that tree branch for longer, shouldn't I?"

"Shut up, Black," snarled Snape. He quickly conjured a tree root right in front of Sirius, who promptly tripped.

Remus rolled his eyes and sighed wearily. This had been going on for the past half an hour and they still hadn't found the missing Kneazles.

They went on through the forest and nothing more eventful than Sirius and Snape's bickering happened until-

"SHIT! I'VE GOT A FREAKING KNEAZLE BITING MY LEG!"

"Are we there yet?"

"No, look, there's still a trail of droppings."

"Are we there yet?"

"I said 'no'."

"Are we there yet?"

"Look, this is REALLY starting to get just the TEENSIEST bit annoying. NO, we are NOT there yet."

"Are we there yet?"

"NO, WE'RE NOT THERE YET, POTTER!"

"You promised not to call me Potter!"

"I was not 'calling' you Potter, I was referring to you as Potter."

They walked in silence for a while, James looking a bit disgruntled.

"Meet me at the Three Broomsticks next Hogsmeade trip."

"You said you wouldn't ask me out again!"

"I was not 'asking' you out, I was telling you out."

"Touché, James," said Lily, putting a particular emphasis on his first name and looking up at him and smiling in amusement.

Yes. Smiling. Not the sarcastic little smile that she often wore when she turned him down. A full, warm smile with-with teeth and everything! He had seen her smile before, but it had never been directed at him. 'Merlin, I hope I'm not drooling…'

James was so busy staring at Lily with his jaw hanging and memorizing every bit of that radiant smile that he didn't see the tree that was right in front of him.

"OW!"

This was not, as one might have assumed, because James had crashed into a tree. Well, it was partly because of that.

But the main reason James had yelled was because there was a Kneazle clamped on his head.

"Get it off, get it off," wailed Snape, desperately trying to tear away the Kneazle that was clinging to his leg determinedly.

Sirius nearly wet his pants laughing at Snape's predicament. That is, until another Kneazle leapt at him and bit him in the groin area.

Snape even forgot his pain and panic to laugh so hard at Sirius that he wet his pants. Literally.

Needless to say, the Kneazle let go extremely quickly and ran towards Remus instead.

"Shit," muttered Remus before running like hell.

Lily screamed in shock, then laughed. Really hard.

"A little help here," came James' voice sounding muffled and disgruntled that she was taking this opportunity to laugh at him.

Lily wiped the last tears of laughter from her eyes, then she walked slowly up to the Kneazle and James.

Slowly, she raised her hand and petted the Kneazle's fur. It purred and jumped into her arms where it lay contentedly, purring while she stroked it.

"Awww, you're so cute," cooed Lily, kissing the top of its head.

James stared at the Kneazle, wishing more than anything that he had been born one.

'This is ridiculous…I'm jealous of a freaking Kneazle…'

Remus ran as fast as he could, the Kneazle chasing him, its teeth bared. He had left Sirius groaning on the ground and Snape writhing and screaming hysterically.

Suddenly, he crashed into something very solid. No, it wasn't a tree. It turned out to have very messy hair and glasses that hung off one ear as Remus crashed into it.

The 'it' turned out to be not so much of an 'it' as it was a 'him'.

"Remus, what the hell?" asked James, startled.

Remus looked fearfully over his shoulder. "Kneazle…attack…Sirius…groin…"

Before James or Lily could ask him to elaborate what this meant, another Kneazle burst through the thick undergrowth of the forest.

Both Remus and James yelled and jumped instinctively behind Lily, who had, after all, tamed the first Kneazle.

Before they could worry about the Kneazle, there was a rustling sound from the bushes. It sounded like something large was staggering though the undergrowth.

The second Kneazle jumped into Lily's arms and trembled.

James stood in front of Lily with his wand out.

It sounded like the thing was getting closer to them. Judging by the sound it was making, it seemed ever larger than they had first anticipated.

Lily squeaked in alarm and instinctively moved closer to James.

The thing in the bushes was definitely nearing them now.

An owl hooted in the distance and a wolfish howl was heard from somewhere nearby (no, it was not Remus).

Now Lily was absolutely terrified. She moved even closer to James, if that was possible; she was practically pressed into his robes.

She hoped that whatever it was would not be something very dangerous, though judging by the noise it was making, it probably was.

James felt warm and tingly and he was practically floating; this was the closest Lily had ever been to him. She was practically pressed into the back of his robes.

However, there was a more pressing matter at hand.

There was something in the bushes and whatever it was, it was advancing fast.

"BLOODY HELL!"

Dobby: That was the seventh chappie of our round-robin fic, folks!

Winky: Cookies and butterbeer to the person who guesses what the thing advancing from the bushes is!

Dobby: Winky, it's up to you to decide, so get to writing chapter eight!

Winky: I'm on it.

Love, the Drunkies!