A/N: Hmmm...dunno what this is about, I don't usually write in first person...I think I ruined Sasuke! TT.TT
XxxxxxxxxxxX Between Us XxxxxxxxxxxxxX
It would be nice if we could have a happy ending, confessions of feelings that we both knew we harbored, holding the one you like the most close while forgetting there was a world outside the embrace...Yeah, it would be nice if it could end like that...
Unfortunately, reality was almost never that beautiful. Between us...between Naruto and I...there wasn't any possible happy ending.
The depressing thought swirled through my head, deepening the surrounding dark in the tent. Outside frogs and crickets sang their songs of conversation, calling for mates, barking out anger, and announcing their happiness.
If we were frogs it would be easier. The ridiculous thought seemed the closest thing to happy that had crossed my mind all day, at least since I'd first seen the Dobe on the bridge. Naruto was proclaiming his love for Sakura again as the girl ignored him in her avid search for my affections. It was a typical morning, not something I was at all happy about. Kakashi in his usual style showed late and informed them of the mission. An overnighter. Missions like this always get to me, it was almost too painful.
To my right the blankets shifted as Naruto turned onto his side in his sleep. He was so close and I knew he thought the same, it was almost palpable between us, the tension. It wasn't exactly sexual, but so much more than that.
There was no doubt in my mind that if we could have gotten together, we would be happy. Naruto would no longer feel the glares from the villagers because I would be there with a loving gaze. He would become Hokage, helped on by the love I know I could give him, the love that swept through me in tremors that wracked my body. I would be able to grow stronger, not with the help of Orochimaru or his evil methods, but on my own strength and the knowledge there was someone who loved me waiting at home.
But between us, nothing was that simple.
I couldn't give in, not to Naruto, to show him those feelings...to leave myself so naked in front of the boy...I wouldn't do it. He was the same, I knew he loved me, I'm not blind. But he wouldn't show that side to me, I don't expect him too and he can't. Between us there is love, but there is so very much more. There is pain, hate, jealousy, uncertainty...nothing could erase the past, no one could take back what has already been said and done. It is what it is. I tried to kill him, he fought back just as hard, willing to kill me if I left. We could have killed one another.
The mere memory is enough to make me dizzy with regret, with innumerable amounts of self-loathing and shame. I turned laying on my side and watched the outline of Naruto breathing deeply. He was getting as tall as me, would probably be taller soon, he was more muscular too, broader with a stronger build. There was little light in the small tent but I could see the line of his face.
For an instant I felt the pull from the boy, the gravity that drew others to him, almost demanding I reach out, touch the tanned skin, run fingers over the scars, lay my lips against his...but only for an instant. Even something as simple as a second of contact was far too distant for us. There may come a day when we could touch and not feel emotions pouring from the connection...but it won't be for a long time.
As I lay watching him, thinking of what life could have been like for us, the 'if only's' pounding in my head like the beating of a dozen drums, he stirred. His eyelids fluttered and slowly cerulean blue orbs blinked open.
For two beats my eyes locked on his, I didn't bother to hide the emotion that was probably glowing in my eyes. He watched me and I gazed at the haunting eyes that were so innocent though they had seen the blood of battle and hate. I felt the same thoughts as mine coming from the mind behind the eyes, the same feelings swelling in the chest, the same wishes floating in the deepest recesses of the blondes mind.
Between us there was silence that seemed to stretch into eternity, it was so deep and felt so intense it seemed to speak everything I couldn't, spill all the secrets to you that I wouldn't. In the silence of the tent, as I held the stare that spoke volumes of our hearts to each other like a lover whispering into your ear, I couldn't help wanting this to last till dawn.
It was moments like this that keep me wishing I could really have a different life, one where he and I could have a happy ending...but for now...this gaze was all I could give him...
-Owari-
Hmm...I think I may be an angst-a-holic. That and a hypocrite, I like writing angst, but I hate HATE reading it...strange...O.o