The Shortest Fanfic Ever
The girl sat at her computer desk, ready to create another Mary Sue to unleash into Middle Earth.
Once upon a time, there was a beautiful maiden and her lovely Prince Legbnhggbnhujyh-
Thump. The girl's body convulsed with pain and her head fell forward onto the keyboard. Then came another nasty, solid sound that is only caused by a sharp, blunt object being embedded into one's back. At high speeds.
Like for instance, an axe. Or two.
The body flopped back into the chair with such force that the very chair tipped backwards. Two quiet wisps were also heard. A few more minor seizures and then the accursed Mary Sue creator was dead.
"That one counts as mine!"
"What? That's what you said last time!"
"Yes, but this time I shot the wretched creature first! And now it's dead."
"But it was flopping."
"That's what you said last time!"
"No, I said it was twitching, Master Dwarf. Twitching." The two friends glared at each other, but then their eyes strayed to the bloodied corpse at the foot of the desk.
"Don't you feel a little... bad about this? She was but a child."
"By my beard, Legolas! The Valar warned 'em!"
"Yes, but-"
"Think of all the evil these wenches have done to Middle Earth!"
"Perhaps, but-"
"Think of all the evil they've done to you!" The elf's mouth clicked shut and a dangerous glint entered his eye. He straightened and turned quick on his heel.
"Come Gimli, let's hunt some Mary Sues!" And with a growl and whoop the two companions ran off in search of the evil doers of Middle Earth, leaving the corpse to rot to nothing.
I actually plopped my head on the keyboard to come up with Legolas's name slur. So no one can say I didn't put any effort into this ;) But anyway, I don't own anything, except a bloody rotten corpse, unfortunately. I'll have to sell it on e-bay.
Please R&R!