"Has anyone ever told you how well you faint? I mean, the way you drop so gracefully…"

I tried to tune out the continuous drone of Han's voice. He hadn't stopped flirting with me ever since I made him a pan of brownies with melted caramel drizzled on top.

"Ohhhhh say can you seeeeeeeee…"

He winced as I let my voice hit a screechy chord. "Ok, ok, I get the picture. I'll shut up. By the way oh Cristiness, you seen Eustace around anywhere?"

Eustace had done just as he was supposed to do in Narnia. He claimed that Aslan had appeared to him, and he was changing into a nice boy. Thankfully. He had been a horror when he first arrived. He had even taken me up when I said that Legolas would let him know where the cookies were. I discovered that the ENTIRE cabinetful of Auntie's cookies had disappeared, quite mysteriously, when Legolas was showing Eustace around the house.

"No, I'll go and check. You stay here and finish dinner with the others. Oh, and by the way Hannesss, when you do finish dinner, there's a pan of brownies in the fridge."

I waltzed out of the room; grateful to leave the sounds of Han's wild chewing behind me. Once I had looked inside and seen no trace of Eustace, I took my one-man search party outside. I opened the sliding glass door, and stepped into the backyard. I screamed and ducked as two light sabers nearly released my body from my head.

Obi-Wan and Anakin sheepishly lowered their blades as I screamed dire threats at them. I had practice doing it, screaming dire threats that is, as recently I had needed to harangue Eomer for plucking the hair out of one of my aunt's very expensive porcelain dolls for his helmet, Gimli for using the Picasso painting as a target (come to think of it, he was right. It does look like a target), and Chewbacca for hunting down all the cute local squirrels and bringing them back to me to cook.

Anyways, the two "knights" lowered their light sabers. A moment of slight annoyance may have passed between us, but it all blew over as soon as Anakin dropped to his knees to beg for forgiveness. I smiled graciously at him as he kissed my hand and said, "Please excuse my possibly too forceful comments. Nevertheless, it would please me greatly if you could stop throwing around those light sabers when I'm around. Now, have either of you seen Eustace?"

"My lady, I saw him leave for a walk earlier. Perhaps he is lost. If you wish we can search for him with you."

Obi-Wan threw a look at Anakin that clearly said, "Next time ask me before you commit to a search for pity's sake!"

Anakin rolled his eyes at me and stood up, taking my arm. We strolled around to the front of the house calling Eustace's name. I stopped dead in my tracks as we turned the corner and saw a red convertible packed with a few girls I knew from high school. Hoping that they hadn't seen Anakin, I shoved him in the direction of the backyard and warned him to get everyone else to the woods behind the house quickly.

Once he was gone, I walked sedately up to the car. Eustace was deeply engaged in a conversation with the boys about car engines. The girls looked up.

"Cristi! Surprise! We decided to come and house sit with you now that school's over with!"

Was I glad that my old buddy Audrey was there? Totally! But was I glad that she had brought HER friends from high school? DEFINITELY NOT! I couldn't stand Sierra and her minions, Kelly and Chloe. They had been the most popular girls in high school, and had been perfectly beastly to me. And the thing I was definitely not hot on was that they had brought along their boyfriends. Their boyfriends Todd, Karl, & Steve were worse than the girls. (Audrey hadn't had a boyfriend since the Theodred incident and was threatening to become a nun)

"Uh, sure thing. How long are you staying for?"

Sierra slithered up to me (she reminds me of a snake) smiling degradingly at me. "Why silly, you seem surprised to see us. Didn't you get our message last night?"

"Uh, surprised? Oh, er, yeah your message. Erm, come inside."

I mentally slugged myself as I remembered the phone call that I had ignored last night. Of course, I did have a valid excuse! I was very busy in the kitchen. Cleaning up. Well, more like…um, well, that's beside the point. The point is that I missed the call.

I ran inside before Kelly and her macho companions came in. I looked surreptitiously out the sliding glass door in time to see my eh, more welcome visitors running into the woods.

"So this is your aunt's house? Nice place she's got here Cristi."

Audrey and I were in the kitchen making dinner for my "guests", who were currently engaged in a game of croquet on the lawn. At least they said they were playing croquet. And Audrey and I were in the kitchen making pork chops.

"Um, yeah. It's a real comfy place. Hand me the sauce would you? No, it's in the other fridge. Next to the Elves Delight."

"What?"

"Nothing, nothing. Little name I came up with when I was annoyed, I mean bored. Hehe."

"Ok, what's going on here? The others haven't noticed it, but why were there Jedi looking robes in the laundry basket? And why did I find a big axe like Gimli's under the bed? And why is there so much junk everywhere? It looks like you've had another visitation by the Lord of the Rings peeps and Star Wars guys here."

I took a deep breath and patted her on the back. Audrey looked at me in disbelief. "No, no you're not serious. No way. Uh uh. There is nooooooooo way that they could be here again."

"Audrey, they are here, but Theodred isn't with them this time. However, your all-time favorite movie character is here."

"OBI-WAN KENOBI IS IN THE VICINITY OF THIS HOUSE? LET ME AT HIM! I HAVE SOOOOO MANY QUESTIONS!"

I restrained Audrey, whispering frantically for her to remember her friends. But it really was useless, as at that time, we heard a scream. I grinned at Audrey and let her go. "Sounds a lot like you when you first saw Legolas!"

Anakin was standing with Obi-Wan with their light sabers ignited, surrounded by the screaming Sierra, Kelly, and Chloe who's boyfriends were hoisting croquet sticks while telling the girls to run. However, I think that was the farthest thing from their minds. I strode out into their midst, motioning for Obi and Anakin to switch off their toys.

"Ok everybody. Let's remain calm. Sierra, Kelly, Chloe, would you three mind lowering your voices and backing off so Obi and Anakin can breathe? Thanks. Now Todd, Karl, Steve, those weren't meant to brain people with. Now, explanations."

Having no choice, I related to the bimbos, I mean dear, sweet friends of Audrey's, the whole story. However, I regret to say that before I could finish the whole story, Legolas and the LOTR group appeared out of the woods, and we went from bad to worse. I mean, I was afraid we'd have to use a crowbar to peel the girls off poor Elf-Boy. But then again, Anakin wasn't having to hot of a time either. I imagine he could have used an oxygen tank as the boys were so close to him, inquiring about the technicalities of a light saber and how to drive a racing pod properly, that he had started to hyperventilate by the time things had settled down again.

Well, they didn't really settle down. The dog, Lancelot the rottwieler, appeared and joined in with what looked to him like fun. Seeing him, the boys and their compañeras hightailed it for the surrounding trees. Disappointed and upset, Lancelot tore from one tree to the next, barking up at it's screaming inhabitants.

Breathing heavily, Audrey and I pulled ourselves off the ground from where we had been flattened by the stampede. I went over to Anakin to get him in the house for a drink of water. When I came out, Legolas was shaking his head dazedly, his eyes crossed. His forehead had the imprint of the dirt from where he had been tossed easily aside by three freaking-out girls.

By this time, my guests had screeched themselves hoarse, and were clinging to the tree they sat on. Todd was holding up Sierra, who had fainted. Lancelot had decided that they were boring and had curled up at the base of Steve and Chloe's tree. I called him to me and put him in his kennel with a bone. On my way back, I smelled the pork chops burning. I ran to the kitchen where Anakin was leaning against the fridge sipping water. I threw open the door and yanked on the platter.

Unfortunately, Anakin tried to help. His hand bumped my hand and out of it the platter did a spectacular flip, splattering us both with hot sauce. A chop landed on his head, making him jump and give a little shriek of surprise and pain. It was very hot, as it had just come out of the oven. I screamed too and yanked him over to the sink, brushing off the chop into the garbage as we went. Turning on the faucet, I shoved Anakin's head under the hot deluge. He choked and spluttered, yelling, "Cold water Cristi, cold water!"

I realized I had turned the knob for the hot water and quickly turned the other knob while switching the other one to off. I held Anakin's head there for a while, combing through his hair with my fingers, occasionally discovering an onion piece, a broccoli, and other sundry items.

When he resurfaced, his hair dripping, he was gingerly touching his head. He grimaced in what he thought to be a daredevilish way, but turned out to be more of a pained twist. Worried, I said, "Are you ok?"

"My head feels like it's been badly sunburned. Is it really nasty?"

He bent his head for me to investigate and I tentatively looked through his hair. I flinched as he did when I touched his pink scalp. "Yep. You've got a vicious burn on your skull. Let me get some aloe gel to rub in. It'll help it cool down a little."

As I went to the bathroom sink for the gel, I remembered the commotion outside. I popped my head out of the bathroom window to take a peak at how things were going. I pulled it back, giggling uncontrollably as I saw Legolas once again surrounded by the girls, Obi-Wan obviously trying to ignore the young men in front of him, and Audrey conversing with Eomer, fluttering her eyelashes in a most convincing manner.

I returned to the kitchen and to Anakin, who was chomping down on a sub sandwich. I suppose he thought of it as a comfort food or something. I jumped onto a stool next to him, splashing some gel onto his head. Anakin stopped chewing and focused on my eyes, which were focused on my hands rubbing the gel into his hair.

He began to lift his head and I scolded him. "Hold still! I'm trying to get a spot on the back of your head. I'll fall! Anakin! I will not stand for…"

My eyes bulged as his mouth came into direct contact with mine. The breath whooshed out of me as he yanked me off the stool. He didn't put me down, and my ribs began to feel as though they were being crushed. Coming out of my frozen state of shock, I wrenched my head away.

Anakin put me down on the splattered kitchen floor. He didn't take his arm from my waist though, and we stared at each other.

"Well, well, well. Isn't this cozy? Really very sweet actually."

Anakin looked over my head and rolled his eyes. I turned around to see Sierra raising a beautifully arched black eyebrow. Anakin put his hand on my shoulder. I impatiently pushed it off and faced Sierra whose ranks had been swelled by Audrey, Kelly, Chloe, their boyfriends, Obi-Wan, and everyone else. All of them wore shocked expressions that in my opinion were a few sizes too large.

Audrey & Obi-Wan pushed their way to the front. Both of them started babbling.

"Cristi! What…where? Are pigs flying? Has your pet frog suddenly become a prince?"

"Anakin! Just exactly what are you doing? You know Jedi aren't allowed to love!"

"Why does everyone else have delusions of grandeur?"

"What will Master Yoda say?"

"Sierra and Todd, you and Anakin, Kelly and Karl, Chloe and Steve…"

"You'll be banned from being a Jedi before you ever become one!"

"Han, come over here. I need some moral support."

"STTTTTOOOOOOOPPPPPPPP!"

My scream caught Han swaggering to Audrey, and Obi-Wan in a silent mid-flap of the jaw.

"Stop this nonsense right now! Everyone to the living room this moment or so help me I will leave and you all will be forced to fend for yourselves!"

Surprisingly, they all followed my orders and proceeded to the living room. I seized Anakin's hand and we escorted the horde. When every spare inch of carpet and couch had been filled, I commenced to explain all things from start to finish. I ended by saying that a way needed to be found to get back to Middle Earth, a galaxy far, far away, and England 60 years ago. There was a silence except for Steve's snores.

Anakin squeezed my hand and directed his words to Obi-Wan. "Master, I have decided that no matter what happens, I will stay with Cristi."

Honestly! The sentimental fool! Not that I didn't appreciate his words, but really, that was a little much!

"Now, I suggest everyone go to bed. Anakin, will you take the boys and camp outside? Oh, and make sure that NO ONE sneaks out."

I cast a meaningful look at Sierra and her friends. All sported innocent faces. In my opinion, they applied them as well as they applied their foot-thick makeup. Badly.

Meanwhile, Legolas (who was sitting on the big La-Z-Boy) was pointing his finger from Anakin to me, and back again with a bemused look on his face. Gimli was muttering something that sounded suspiciously like, "Sheesh, that was fast."

Grumbling to himself, Han too was acting strange, "Dang, I thought she was going after me!"