"No, no, no Anakin. It's a convertible, not a speeder. AHHHHHH! LOOK OUT! YOU CAN'T FLIP IT OR GO OVER THE TRUCK!"

I ducked as Anakin zipped past a huge truck. (Honestly, why was I the one who had to teach him about speeding tickets?) Just to make sure I was still alive, I kept my eyes closed for another two or three minutes. When I heard Anakin asking me to do something about my hair, which had blown into his face, I figured that my limbs were all fine and in their original positions. He smiled over at me cheekily and said, "Sorry m'lady. I forgot you don't like me driving."

I uncurled from under my seatbelt, peeking grumpily at him. "Hey, you're in the US of A. Freedom of speech is allowed, but do you have to continually quote from Star Wars? I mean, you weren't actually in the movie. You were only the guy that they based the story on. They just found a guy..that..er…looks like you…"

Anakin merely raised an eyebrow as I trailed off, keeping his eyes on the road ahead. "As you said, freedom of speech. Oh, by the way, what this thing do?"

I lazily looked over to where I thought he was pointing. Of course, I lunged for the steering wheel and his hands, as he was about to activate the airbags.

"Hey, stop it," he yelled, tearing the wheel playfully out of my grasp. My eyes involuntarily closed as I saw my aunt's front gate looming in front of the bumper. Then I heard the garage door go up and a swift deceleration of gas. I glared at Anakin as he hopped out.

"Have I suddenly sprouted an ear milady?

"I wouldn't be surprised, and you can stop calling me milady now that we're home.'

Sierra popped out of the front door, caked from head to foot in a gooey paste made up of water and flour. She wobbled crazily over to me, a far too wide smile (for her) on her powdered face.

"Cristi! We were…hic…wondering when you'd…hic…be back. Anakin, would you care for some…hic…cider?

I suddenly realized that the water and flour wasn't actually flour and water. IT WAS CIDER AND SUGAR! WITH FLOUR POWDERED IN HER HAIR!

"What's going on?" I yelled at her. Sierra's face fell and tears began mixing with the sticky dough caking her face.

"Now..hic…there's no reason for you…hic…to be angry. We just…hic…well, I mean to say, Legolas…hic…found some cider in the fridge in the cellar. And he thought it was wine, so…hic…he took some out and started drinking it. But we knew…hic…it was cider…hic….and we tried to show him that it wasn't wine and we all drunk a lot. Hic. But now I'm feeling weird…hic…and Faramir and Gimli are playing roller blade hockey in your Jimmy Choos…hic…with wheels glued on the bottoms in the kitchen."

Anakin stared at her in utter shock as I flew to the house on wings. When I opened the door, I decided that Legolas actually was capable of making a bigger mess than he and Faramir had made with the ice cream. It was very disturbing. Eowyn was sitting in a corner, her arms wrapped around her knees, rocking back and forth while muttering incoherent words. As Sierra had said, Faramir & Gimli were enjoying an indoor hockey game, however, they had moved their game to the wine cellar. By the looks of it, about ten bottles had been smashed already. Eomer, Kelly, and Todd were playing Twister in a way that I had never seen before (if your backside isn't touching the mat, you lose); Chloe, Karl, Eustace, and Steve were in the middle of a drink-as-much-root-beer-in-ten-minutes-as-you-possibly-can game. May I add that they had already downed at least 8 Costco bottles of the stuff?

As soon as I had stopped Faramir and Gimli from destroying my aunt's wine cellar (translation: as soon as I had yanked the shoes off of their feet and slapped them silly with them, then tossed them into the backyard), gently told Eomer, Kelly & Todd that their playtime was over for now, related to Chloe that she was getting a beer belly, and ushered them all outside, I looked in all the rooms for damage averages.

I found Obi in his and Anakin's room reading Homer's the Iliad while Audrey was buried in Tintin. Obi-Wan found Earth's history to be very interesting and was obviously staying out of the mayhem that had been going on with Audrey. He glanced up at me as though to say, "What now?" When Obi saw it was me, his face was suddenly wreathed in some of the biggest smiles I've ever seen. Obi jumped up, dropped to one knee, and kissed my hand in the most gentile way possible, thanking me profusely, Audrey giggling at my flaming face.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, let's go and help Anakin keep those hooligans in check."

Obi-Wan hopped up onto his feet, slipping my hand into his arm and courteously escorting me to the kitchen where Anakin was picking up bits of watermelon rind. He looked up at us wryly, grinning at Obi-Wan.

"Glad that we rescued you from the watermelon eating contest? It looks like they slathered the whole kitchen with the stuff!"

"I refuse to face this. We'll make them pick it up when they're sober. Speaking of which, we better check on them."

We traipsed out to the back porch to be met by the sobbing Faramir saying that Eowyn had climbed a tree and couldn't get down. I walked to the tree in question and saw a pair of white legs dangling from one of the top branches. I sighed and walked to the other sane people in the area.

"Well, we'll just have to leave her there until Legocookielas gets sober. He must have drunk an awful lot before they found him and 'convinced him that it wasn't Dorwinion'."

I rolled my eyes expressively at Audrey and Anakin, who winked back at me, and we waltzed arm in arm back to the house, where we spent the afternoon watching all the Jurassic Parks. By the end of it, all of us were looking behind our backs for dinosaurs. So when we decided to go outside to check on the cider-drunks, I decided that a full escort was needed. I took along the dog and Anakin.

We found the group, that looked as though they could have broken the record for migraine headaches, perched on the edge of the porch. Apparently, Legolami(he likes salami) had been gentlemanly when he became sane again and had fetched Eowyn down from the tree. He was now lying curled up in the rocking chair wincing at every vibration that our feet were causing to reverberate in the deck timbers.

All of them stared sheepishly up at us, while trying to shield their eyes from the porch light I had turned on since it was dark.

"Alright you miserable bunch of sops, it's your lucky day!"

At this, Sierra and Todd the Clod looked up hopefully while Eustace and Chloe tried to stop burping from the after affects of their root beer contest. Kelly lurched her way over to us, clutching her head and stomach, which I imagine was sore from twisting from a green spot to a red one, whimpering that she needed to go inside and lie down. I grabbed her shoulders, shoving her into the chair next to Legolas.

"Listen up," I yelled above her protests, "there is a huge mess in the kitchen and living room that you guys made with your tomfoolery. You will come in and once your headaches has receded a little, you will pick it up to perfection, or you will never see Middle Earth, your college or wherever again! Comprende?"

I got all of them up only to have them collapse on the couches, lay-z-boy, love seat (Sierra & Todd), and even the carpet. Pitiful. The rest of us went to bed with light hearts and without massive headaches.

The next morning we had one team cleaning up the larger pieces of debris, another dusting and vacuuming, and Gimli chopping wood. While everyone grumbled and moaned around me, I was worrying about what to do with my large group. My aunt was due to come back in a week, giving me barely enough time to clean up from the earlier day's fracas, let alone get ride of the tourists to Earth.

In between lunch and Scrub-The-Floor-Or-Cristi-Will-Flog-You, the phone rang, and I dodged Eomer and Karl, who were being good little boys and scrubbing down the counters and cupboard doors, clapping the thing to my ear.

"Yo, wassup?"

"Really Cristi darling, must you forever use such slang? Oh well, anyways dear, I wanted to let you know that I'm not coming back for another month. I hope that'll be alright with you?"

Alright? Hallelujah! I was saved! For another month.

"Sure, hey no problem whatsoever in you, er, enjoying yourself for another month. I'm having a blast."

"Actually, it sounds more like you're having a party. Who's there? I'm so glad you have someone to keep you company."

I turned desperately to quiet Faramir down, who was hopping around, holding onto his toe. A skillet he had been drying lay next to his other foot, and he tripped over it, raising an even bigger clatter and used some expletives in Gondorian that if I understood, I doubt I would want to repeat. Giving him the cut-off-the-head gesture, I brought the phone back to my ear.

"Oh, um, it's just some old friends from high school. You know, the good old reunion type get together thing."

"Oh, alright." She sounded slightly hesitant, so I quickly remedied myself. "Well, they came over to take care of your place for a day because I have to go back to New York for something in my apartment. Well, talk to you later!"

Relieved, I hastily clicked off as she said goodbye. Leaning against the counter, I breathed again. Then my eyes caught the guilty looking Faramir. I pointed at him and said, "I'll deal with you later."

Deciding I needed a break from babysitting all of them, I grabbed my purse and Anakin, leaving instructions with Obi-Wan and Audrey for the care of the immature dolts on the way to the car.

Since we were going to New York and very busy roads, I decided that Anakin driving would not be acceptable. He was given the job of being disc jockey. (We were listening to some very weird mixes: Coldplay, a Celtic cd, classical, some rock, Josh Groban, Lotr soundtracks, and more.)

When we finally got there, Anakin looked like he was more in his element. Tall skyscrapers, busy streets, and lots of people. I had to yank him into the apartment building. I was only there to pick up some more clothes and books, since my aunt didn't have very many. While I dug around in my bedroom for more t-shirts, hoodies, and jeans, Anakin decided to explore.

When I came out, he was opening the tiny hall closet that I never bothered to use. He put his hand in, reaching for something inside, and he disappeared.