An Attempted Assassination

I stared rather miserably out the window at the rain, knowing I looked like the most beautiful and sad thing a person could ever see. Thankfully, I myself was spared the sight. I was still recovering from being transformed into a female capable of winning the Miss Elfdom contest with no one else who would be gorgeous enough to even come close to my fairy-like beauty. And the thought was quite disheartening. What was even more horrifying was my sudden passion with the color pink, which I had tried to hide from WLCC (the We Love Cristilas Club) to no avail. All the fabric stores in town were clean out. The men had disposed off all pink materials, pink was now hanging in lurid strips over homes, off masculine bodies, and their horses' saddles were a rather bright shade of sparkly pink. And as you probably noticed, they had changed my name. HELP!

I jerked my shimmering head around towards the door when I heard an ominous giggle. The sight, much like others I had been met with that day, was, in one word, pathetic. A group of fully grown men were clustered around the slightly open door, staring at me, once again numerous quantities of slobber running down there chins, as they stared upon my "Luscious" form. Or that's how the Aragorn the King of Gondor put it.

Poor Arwen. Even though I had explained my predicament to her, and promised not to exploit it, her husband was still fawning disgustingly over me. Like all the others. I swear, I was starting to wonder whether or not to allow Anakin his potty break from protecting me any more. Any absence of his made me wonder if THEY had succeeded in killing off their competition.

There had been one assassination attempt last night when Anakin went out to the stone porch whosiwhatsi for a breather. Someone had dropped (rather ironically) a statue of the Middle Earthian version of Cupid down, but thankfully missed him. Naturally though, Ani was a tad shaken. Now he only went out when I did too so as to avoid sudden and almost sure death at the hands of the WLCC.

Anyways, there was a bunch on men hanging around apparently trying to impersonate St. Bernards. I gracefully removed my apparently cute bum from the window seat and drifted ethereally toward the glassy eyes individuals. Stopping in front of the door, I smiled delicately, rosebud lips curving ever so horribly perfectly, blew them a kiss, then let me whole demeanor change.

My voice rocked the room in it's melodic intensity.

"GO AWAY! I do NOT want this attention! I only want to be left to my own devices. So stop staring and leave. I'm sure you have better things to be doing! Goodbye, I sincerely hope we don't meet again for a long time."

I slammed the door in their faces, and flung my back against it unless there was an uprising. I listened to their shocked cries, then to one of them give an order.

"The Lady Cristilas gave us an order! Come, let us be about our business so that we might honor her most sublime wishes."

Their footsteps slowly faded along with their rousing chorus of "The most beautiful and excellently gorgeous Cristilas is our Lady of Love." Once their sounds were completely gone, I ran to my flower-bedecked bed, jumped on, and buried my porcelain face into my pillow and screamed.

A hand rested on my back and began massaging it gently. I relaxed, knowing it was Anakin.

"Hey, shhh, you're ok. Everything will be ok. And you're better now, so we can leave tomorrow in search of the cave. It shouldn't be too hard. Then we can find the entrance back into your world."

I raised my infested-with-beauty head and said stupidly, "Really?"

Anakin smiled at me sympathetically and put his arms around me, and whispered, "Yup, and hopefully you'll go back to you're normal self, and the rest of the group at you're aunt's house will be behaving themselves. Besides that, we can only hope that we ourselves will be able to get out of our predicament. But, I promise you that if we can't, we will find a place in this country that no one will know where we are and settle down, alright?"

I nodded tremulously, and then sat up straight on the bed. Group! My aunt's house! I had completely forgotten about them! AAAAAHHHHH! The place would be a wreck by now!

I jumped off the bed, and began running around the room, grabbing down clothes suitable for traveling back. I could only assume I would change back into my normal clothes when we got back. And anyways, if we didn't the closet was still in my room. I yelled at Anakin, "Come on! We leave now!"

The gentleman in question yanked me to him and covered my mouth with his hand.

"Shhhh! We shouldn't let them know we're trying to leave. It'll be hard enough as it is. Now, let's go quietly and carefully to the stable to pick up some horses. Prince Imrahil (who isn't infatuated with you) knows the way there and told me he would go there with us."

10 minutes later, we sneakily crossed the courtyard, and went into the stables. Anakin checked to make sure no one was there, and whispered, "Prince Imrahil…?"

The Prince's voice came from a dark corner of the stable.

"I'm here Anakin. My lady Cristi, I am sorry for the uncontrolled behavior of my kinsmen."

I smiled graciously.

"No problem sir. I thank you for your pains on our behalf. And please do pardon me for speaking akin to the acursed language of Mary-Sues. I do not mean to do so."

I gritted my teeth in exasperation at my own stupid, princessy, hideously soft spoken way of speaking like a Mary-Sue! ARRGGGHHH! Um yeah, so, annyways…

And we go on with the adventure.

Imrahil had our horses saddled, provisioned, and ready to go. But we had to be sneaky, for if the WLCC got wind of this, we wouldn't be allowed to leave. Well, that is to say, I wouldn't be allowed to leave. There was a very close call at the gate when a couple of the guards (now outfitted with lurid pink uniforms)got up suddenly and began yelling dramatically, "And I love you Lady Cristilas. Would you honor me by becoming my wife?"

Thankfully, they were only sleepwalking, I held back my dainty scream of horror at the thought of becoming some dirty, unshaven man's wife, and we continued on, now very nervous. I had the horrible realization that if we were caught, we wouldn't just be barred from leaving, but there would be a huge uprising in which my male companions would no doubt be mobbed and possibly killed.

Due to Mary-Sue's unnatural sense of direction, I knew exactly where to go by my "instinct." I realized that the cave was in the woods of Ithilien, and we would have to go all the way across the large valley before we could enter the mountains and said forest. I wondered how long it would be before they missed us.

Prince Imrahil apparently was thinking the same thing, for he said, "We must hurry. We have to be across the valley and out of sight by morning, or else we're sure to be caught by the band that will no doubt follow us in, might I add, a good amount of anger toward Anakin and myself for "kidnapping" the Lady Cristi."

Anakin squeezed my rather trembling porcelain-like hand in encouragement, and asked, "Imrahil, how long will it be do you think before they notice we're gone? I mean, considering Cristi's fan club peeks into her room almost every hour, won't they be noticing about now that we're gone?" The Prince, in answer, picked up a bit of speed, glancing back once at the White City.

For about 2 hours, we rode across the plain, looking back rather fearfully at times. Once we were a quarter of the way across however, we slackened speed to let the horses rest a bit. The moon above us was very bright, the night was quite, and I started feeling very sleepy. After the third time of me falling off the horse when I dozed, Anakin put me in front of him and Imrahil took my horses reins. I yawned a bit, snuggled against Ani's chest, and laid my head down on his arm. Just before I drifted off, he bent and kissed my cheek lovingly.

I don't know how much time had elapsed, but when I woke up, I was extremely disoriented. Anakin's horse was galloping at a breakneck pace through trees filled with sunlight, and there were faint yells and screams that made my blood go cold coming from somewhere behind us. I craned my neck around and what I saw made me turn around swiftly and dig my heels into the horse's sides.

A wild crowd that looked like a solid wall of sparkling pink was about 400 yard behind us. Their long hair was flapping out behind them, and most of them hoisted axes and swords. I had never seen a more frightening scene.

Anakin was breathing hard and I felt his arm tighten around my waist even tighter. I shouted, "Where are we? Where's Imrahil?"

His response was not required, since at that moment, a pool and waterfall appeared, and I saw Imrahil gesticulating wildly at us to hurry. Ani pulled up sharply in front of him, and jumped down, grabbed me, then threw me over his shoulder like a rag doll as he ran through the waterfall.

There he put me down, yelling at me, "Look for the entrance into you're world. We'll try to hold them off. Hurry!"

I sprung into action, and hoisting my skirt, I ran to the back of the cave and found an opening high up where I was pretty sure the entrance was. I screamed above the noise of the waterfall and the fast approaching riders to get Anakin's attention. He turned, saw me pointing to the opening, and he with Imrahil sprinted towards me. As soon as they got there, Imrahil grabbed Anakin and yelled, "Quick! You go first or they'll kill you. No time for heroics!"

Anakin, helped by Imrahil to get that high, grabbed the ledge, pulled his legs up ran forward, and disappeared. Just as he did so, the first pink suited guy came through the waterfall. I immediately let Imrahil grab my waist and hoist me up. The man stared for a moment, then gave a feral scream and launched himself forward. I was up, but I stared at Imrahil and said in a very panicky voice, "What about you? They'll rip you to-" "Get moving! I'll calm them down! It was nice to make you're acquantaince Lady Cristi, now go!"

I obeyed and ran forward. All was suddenly very dark, and I once again hit a hard surface and blacked out.