Summary: Dawn confronts Marissa.
Background Info: The entire second season has happened. Most of this takes place while Ryan is visiting his father. For the record, this will be probably be the last background info I put for this story.
A/N: Back with another update! This was quick (for me at least) because I had some of this written before I even published the last chapter. Don't expect such a quick update for the next chapter. Sorry! Alright, so a quick disclaimer. For those of you who envision Dawn as being a really good mother, you may not like the way this chapter goes. I tried my hardest not to turn her into a complete jerk, but we have all seen what happens when she is drunk... Hopefully, by the end of the chapter, the mother in her shows through the alcohol. I am going to ask something of you guys, and I know it sounds weird right now, but it won't once you finish reading. What kind of music do you think Dawn listens to and sung to her children? I mean, I know my dad sung me the Beatles since before I was born. I just don't know what Dawn wold have listened to. So, if you have any ideas at all, PLEASE leave it in a review. Even if that's all the review says, even if the review says nothing about the story or the chapter. I would like any and ALL reviews...please? A huge thanks to previous reviews.
Shout outs! kursk: From the many reviews you have left me, it seems that you are a humongous R/M fan. That's awesome, because it always seems (to me anyway) that there are way more SS fans (like how RM didn't win for best chemistry? grr). Anyway, here you go with Marissa. And thanks for the part about Yesterday...I am thinking about continuing it. It just might take a while. TeacherTam: Not really sure what to put since that was for the first chapter, except thanks for reviewing. Pyrinsomniac: Thank you, and I am glad it wasn't overwhelming. That is never good. Dogsbody: Dawn is a huge coward, even more so in this chapter. And I don't think a guy like Paul can ever be sorry enough. Thanks for reviewing.J: It is always a good thing when readers aren't disappointed. lol. Paul doesn't deserve forgiveness, and I don't like him either. I have heard of fanbolt, and I actually just joined before I left. Hmm...I wonder if I can still get it from them. If not, Sept. 8 isn't all that far away...
Thanks again, and enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything that has to do with the O.C. I do, however, own the story. Do not steal and do not copy.
Dawn didn't feel good with it, but she felt worse without it.
That was why she had gone to a bar.
With a polite goodbye to Sandy and Seth, she had left a few minutes after Ryan.
All of this was too much to absorb without alcohol. She was just going to have one drink.
Well, wouldn't you know, that damn bartender just kept the drinks coming.
Being drunk agreed with Dawn, or so she believed.
When she was drunk, the things she really wanted to say but held back came out. The things that had been just out of her reach became attainable. The world wasn't quite as harsh or quite so quiet.
Had she been sober, Dawn never would have asked the bartender if she had heard of the Coopers.
As it turned out, June was a regular customer.
Or was it Julie? Maybe it was Jessica…Marissa's mom…Mrs. Cooper. Wait, no, Mrs. Cooper-Nichol.
The bartender had written the directions on a napkin and warned Dawn not to drive.
Sober Dawn would have taken her advice, but drunk Dawn got in the car and drove.
She got there unscathed and was amazed by the house's magnitude.
Even in her drunken state, Dawn could tell the house really was huge, not just magnified because of the alcohol.
With wobbly legs, she walked up to the door and rang the doorbell.
A beautiful, tall girl answered by opening the door.
How did people hear the bells if they were upstairs?
"Marissa," Dawn croaked, her throat parched.
"Mrs. Atwood. What…What are you doing here?"
Marissa was shocked at the sight in front of her. The Dawn in front of her looked exactly like the Dawn that had been helped out of casino; that is, very drunk.
She could have sworn Ryan had said Dawn was doing better.
"We need to have a talk. Me as a mother, and you as a murderer."
Marissa opened the door wider and helped her inside with a grim look on her face.
"Do you have anything to drink?" Dawn asked.
"What would you like?" Marissa replied nervously, hoping it wasn't alcohol.
"I could really go for a Seven-Seven…" Dawn began, but stopped at the look on Marissa's face. "Just a water, please."
Under the pretext of getting the water, Marissa went into the kitchen and whipped out her cell phone.
"This is Ryan, sorry I missed you. Leave a message."
Damn. Of course he wouldn't pick up.
"Ryan, it's Marissa. Your mom just appeared at my house very drunk and wanting to talk. I think you should get over here as soon as possible. Please…I don't know what to say to her…Just get here."
Marissa walked back into the living room and Dawn glared at her.
"Took you long enough."
Marissa flashed an apologetic smile and sat down.
An awkward silence descended upon them as Dawn slurped the water down greedily. When she finally set the glass down, Marissa spoke.
"I'm really sorry, Mrs. Atwood."
"You damn should be."
Another silence fell upon the two women, but once again, Marissa broke it.
"You know, he did try to rape me."
"I was raped once," Dawn responded. "I was younger than you and some guy attacked me at a party."
"That's terrible," Marissa said sincerely, not exactly sure why Dawn was telling her this.
"My dad didn't believe me and my mom couldn't afford to press charges," she continued. "Lawyers are so expensive. I wanted to kill that guy; I had dreams about stabbing him or shooting him. But I never did."
Dawn suddenly looked up and met Marissa's eyes.
"You could have pressed charges. Sandy would have helped you, you wouldn't have had to pay anything," she said, before snorting. "Not that cost would have been an issue."
Marissa was unsure about how to reply.
"Instead, you had to kill him. Hell, you weren't even raped. A few scratches, a few bruises, a broken pride. That is nothing compared to what I was left with when that guy got through with me."
She could not believe what she was hearing.
"Mrs. Atwood, what are you trying to say?"
"Make no mistake," Dawn slurred. "I'm not saying that my son was a saint. Far from it. It's just…why the hell did you have to kill him? He was on probation, you know. That was breaking his probation, attacking anyone. That, combined with attempted rape-- he would go straight back to jail. Instead, you sent him straight to a coffin."
"I didn't shoot him because of what he did to me," Marissa replied slowly. Dawn had obviously missed the part about Trey trying to kill Ryan.
"Oh, I know. I know why you supposedly shot him. Because he was going to kill Ryan. But I mean, come on," Dawn said, emphasizing her words by leaning closer towards Marissa. "Do you actually think Trey would have killed his own brother?"
"With all do respect, Mrs. Atwood, you weren't there. You didn't see the look on Trey's face, you didn't see his hands around Ryan's neck. The bruises he left are still there and it's been three weeks."
"What is it with you guys and bruises, huh? What's a couple of bruises? In Chino, bruises are like…like a piece of jewelry. They accent whatever it is you're wearing and make heads turn. Except bruises," Dawn paused to ward off the nausea sweeping over her by pointing her finger at the girl in front of her, "bruises don't cost anything."
Marissa was astonished. How could someone possibly say that? She hoped that it was just the alcohol talking, but sadly, she knew it wasn't.
"I'm not quite following you then."
"You wanna know what I think?" garbled the grieving mother. "I think you shot him because you had the opportunity to. Or maybe, maybe you decided to kill two birds with one stone." All of a sudden, Dawn broke into a fit of giggles. "Kill two birds? Ha ha! Kill! Oh, that's a good one."
Marissa watched in horror as Ryan's mother laughed hysterically to herself. No way could she actually think that. Why would Marissa want to kill Trey? Sure, she had been pissed off at him, but not enough to kill him.
"So what do you think?" Dawn said out of the blue, a serious look on her face. "Am I right, or am I right? Because, you know, a mother knows best."
"Mrs. Atwood--"
"I'm not exactly a mother, though. I mean, who have I got left to mother? Trey's gone. Paul's got a few more years left in jail. Ryan…I've given up on Ryan. I don't how I can look at him without seeing Trey. Did you know that they used to look exactly like each other when they were little? God, that little boy looked up to Trey."
Marissa was not comfortable with where this was going, but was relieved that the focus had turned away from her intentionally killing Trey.
"Too much, I've always thought. Trey used to get Ryan in a lot of trouble. He was a troublemaker, that one. I remember one time, after Ryan had gotten suspended for fighting, Paul got so mad at the two of them. Trey hadn't even been involved, but he got double the beating. You know why? Because Paul blamed Trey for egging Ryan on. Trey always thought Ryan was too weak, even at the tender elementary age."
Dawn closed her eyes and watched the scene unfold behind her eyes.
"Ryan was right, you know. Trey almost always got the upper hand. Paul taught Trey how to fight, and then he got arrested, so Trey taught Ryan how to fight. I have always suspected that Trey didn't teach Ryan everything he knew, just so that he could always win."
Dawn stopped to suck down the last few drops of the water and held the glass out to Marissa. Dutifully, Marissa took the glass and walked into the kitchen, wondering where the hell Ryan was.
She hoped that Dawn would stop talking long enough for her to try Ryan's cell, but no such luck. The sound of her voice carried through into the kitchen, just as she got the sound of his voicemail.
"Most people always said that Ryan was the smarter one, but Trey wasn't too dumb either. He just never put his smarts to good use, like Ryan did. Trey had his father's dumb decision making skills. Ryan…Ryan was always different. I don't know where he got it from, but he always seemed leagues ahead of us all."
"This is Ryan, sorry I missed you. Leave a message."
"Ryan, it's me again," Marissa whispered into her phone, praying Dawn didn't hear her. "Your mom is really losing it…she's talking about when you guys were little and…I don't know what to do. Please hurry."
"Did you say something?" Dawn called out loudly.
"No, nothing at all," Marissa replied, walking back into the room.
"Every so often I wonder what life would have been like, had Paul not gotten arrested. Maybe we would have had another kid, a girl maybe. Paul had just been about to get a raise, and, with his Christmas bonus, we had been hoping to move to a little nicer of a neighborhood."
Christmas bonus? Then that meant…Marissa did the math.
"Did Ry ever tell you about his dad?"
Marissa shook her head.
"He pulled a gun on the clerk and told her to pick toys little boys would like."
"Oh my God," Marissa said under her breath. No wonder Ryan didn't like the holidays.
There's drinking, crying, cops…well then, it must be Christmas.
She immediately made a promise to never drink on Christmas and to make sure Ryan had the best Christmas possible. No matter what.
"All Ryan wanted for Christmas that year was a plastic set of tools and a hard hat." Dawn smiled to herself. "He wanted to be an architect."
"I used to want to be an architect." "What do you want to be now?" "Seventeen."
"He still does," Marissa said softly.
"I don't know what Trey wanted to be. Trey didn't think much about the future. He was thirteen and he still had absolutely no idea what he liked. Besides cars and girl, that is. Guess it doesn't matter now, though, right? Not like he's ever gonna get to fulfill whatever dream it was he had."
Tears were falling down Dawn's cheeks by now. It pained Marissa to watch, yet she couldn't' turn away.
"Oh, God," Dawn sobbed softly, rocking back and forth. "My baby…I've lost my baby. I drove him away…" A low moan of anguish rose from her. "The last thing I said to him was that he didn't deserve to live a good life. That he was no better than his father. I was so angry at him for dragging Ryan down with him. That was what I said to him. You've really done it this time, Trey. Not only have you screwed yourself over, but you got Ryan involved. You're just like your father…No, you're worse than your father. He probably thought I loved Ryan more than him…" She put her head in her hands and wept.
From her position on the opposite couch, Marissa was confused on what she should do. Should she go over and comfort Dawn or let her cry by herself?
Because of Dawn's bawling, she didn't hear the knock on the door.
"Marissa?" Ryan called as he stepped into the foyer.
Ryan surveyed the scene in front of him. His girlfriend was sitting on one couch, obviously uncomfortable. His gaze slid to the opposite couch, where his mother sat, weeping.
"Mom?" he said, as he walked into the living room.
Both Marissa and Dawn looked up at the sound of another person's voice.
"It's all your fault!" Dawn accused, pointing a dangerous finger in Ryan's direction. "You were supposed to be the smart one! Trey looked up to you and you were younger than him! Why couldn't you just listen to your brain when it counted? The one time it really mattered, you had to go with your instinct?"
"Mom," Ryan said again, holding his hands up in front of him.
"Don't you come near me!" she said, her voice ragged from talking, stains on her cheeks from crying.
"Don't you ever come near me again! You started it. You threw the first punch. It's all your fault!" she screamed again.
Marissa sat stone still, watching the exchange take place.
"You have no idea what it's like to lose someone. No idea!"
"That's not true," Ryan said indignantly.
"Oh yeah? Who have you lost?"
"I lost you! You just left. You left me with a bunch of strangers!"
"And look where you are now…"
"Not a day goes by when I don't worry about you, Mom. Every day I wonder if you have food, provisions, or even a place to live. You could have died in the past two years, and I never would have known."
"That's different. Losing someone is when they die. I haven't been lost, just…misplaced. You don't know anyone who has died, except Trey, and that doesn't count. A parent's grief is always stronger."
"I know what it's like, Mom."
"How?"
"I lost my son," Ryan said softly, fully aware that Marissa was in the room.
"Your son?"
His son? Marissa had no idea he had known the sex of the child.
"What, you knocked this one up over here?" Dawn said, gesturing towards Marissa, who stiffened.
"Theresa was pregnant and he might have been mine. But she lost him. We lost him."
Dawn was shocked. Ryan had almost been a father? This flustered her, but she was too angry to let it show.
"Well…that is different. You never got to know him. I knew my son for 21 years. That's a lot longer than…what, five months?"
"I'm not going to compete with you. That's just sick."
"Oh, God. What have we been reduced to?" Dawn sobbed, fresh tears falling.
"I am so sorry, Mom. I never meant for any of this to happen."
Dawn just hiccupped.
Ryan walked closer and, thankfully, Dawn didn't try to stop him.
"Don't leave me again, Mom. I need you right now, more so than I have in years."
She snorted.
"What the hell do you need me for? You've got your new family and your new girlfriend."
"The Cohens are great, but they never really knew Trey. They have their own problems, their own grief. I need my real mom."
It was breaking Marissa's heart to hear all of this. She felt like an intruder, but she didn't know if she could leave.
"Do you hate me, Ry?"
"Of course not," Ryan said, sitting down next to his mother.
"I messed up by drinking. I'm never going to drink again."
"Don't make promises you can't, and won't, keep."
"Fine. Then you promise me this. You promise me that you will never get involved in the stuff Trey was in. Promise me you will be an architect or whatever the hell you want to be. Don't end up like me or your dad or your brother."
"I promise."
"I used to sing you a song to help you fall asleep at nights. Do you remember it?"
"It wasn't exactly a lullaby, Mom. But yeah, I remember it."
"Trey loved it. I want it played at his funeral."
"We'll see what we can do."
There was a pause and both Atwoods were wrapped up in their own thoughts.
"Am I a good mother?" Dawn asked finally.
"The best."