Summary: Marissa and Ryan talk.

A/N:Okay. So, not bad for having started school and everything. Not that impressive, but not bad. Let me just state that I can already feel that I will be getting a lot of hmwk, so I don't know how regular these updates can be. For now though, hmwk is light, so here I am! A HUGE HUGE HUGE thanks to people who reviewed the last chapter. Only one person, though, gave me an idea for a song! I was going to make this chapter the funeral, but I had another idea, so it won't be for another few chapters. Which gives you guys lots of time to think of songs Dawn might have sung to her children and tell them to me. In this chapter, the part in italics are flashbacks. I'm not in to the whole writing "flashback". I would like any and ALL reviews, as usual, so please do! Enjoy.

Shout-outs! ryannotseth: Ah, a first time reviewer of this story. Thanks for the suggestion! I was thinking more rock, but when you mentioned Madonna, it seems very likely. Dogsbody: I've never thought about it that way, but it sounds good to me. There isn't much Dawn in this chapter, but there will be plenty in the next few, so I can't wait to hear what other interesting things you have to say about her. kursk If you meant Ryan and Marissa being better, well here you go. This whole chapter is about them. I wasn't planning on writing this chapter, but...Btw--whatdoes IMO mean? TeacherTam: It most definitely is. J: My thoughts exactly about his child. I mean, I really wanted Ryan out of Chino, but they could have had him show a little more regret. I'm sorry you're sick, hopefully you're better now! Pyrinsomniac What is this less-is-more thing you keep talking about? I have never had my writing described like that, although this is a little different from what I usually write. I am really interested in what you mean. It's a good thing, right? lol. Thanks for reviewing. slimkay: Thank you, and here is the update. vjm: Good point. I'm sorry I overlooked that. I went and did my research about when you can know the sex of the baby, and I didn't even think about that. I'm sorry I didn't get it right, but no one can be perfect. Hopefully, I didn't make any other mistakes in this chapter.

P.S.--I recently saw a clip of the opening of the premiere. What can I say excpet omg? It was amazing. If you want a hint, I got a little right in writing Moments Disappearing. Five more days!

Disclaimer: I do not own anything that has to do with the O.C. I do, however, own the story. Do not steal and do not copy.

Silence seemed to be a trait that ran in the Atwood blood.

Ryan had driven Dawn home, him in silence, her in sobs and then snores.

Ryan had biked back to pick up the Range Rover, the silence of the streets echoing around him.

Marissa had stepped out to meet him when he came up the driveway, and he had come inside without her saying a word.

It wasn't until a few passionate kisses later, as if Ryan was trying to make up for what Dawn had said, that the silence stopped.

"Is she always like that when she's drunk?" Marissa said timidly.

"Always," Ryan said sadly.

"Did your dad…did he really knock you guys around?"

Ryan stiffened visibly. "Why?"

"Your mom talked about how bruises were like jewelry."

Ryan swore under his breath. His family, especially his father, was not something he liked to discuss. The visit to jail still fresh in his mind from earlier that day, talking about it would make everything even harder.

"I guess. He wasn't as bad as some dads, but he definitely wasn't the best. Trey always got the brunt of it."

Marissa froze, but knew that they had to talk about it.

"You should have told me about the robbery," she said, shifting away from Trey.

"What's there to tell?" he asked, knowing full well there was plenty.

"She told me. About…what he did, what he said."

"Oh did she? She always was talkative under the influence… Look, what do you want to say? So he robbed a toy store. So he blamed it on us. So he still blames me nine years later."

"What?"

Idiot, he thought to himself. He had forgotten that Marissa had no idea he had gone to visit his dad.

"Nothing."

"Is that where you were this afternoon? Visiting him?"

Slowly, Ryan nodded. Let the assault begin…

"I could have gone with you. Did your mom make you go? Why didn't you tell me?"

"No," he replied harshly. "You couldn't have gone with me. It was something I had to do by myself. And when would I have told you? As soon as I got your message, I came here and had to deal with her."

Marissa hung her head shamefully. Sometimes she got tired of always needing to be saved.

"I'm sorry. I just didn't know what else to do."

Ryan could hear the hurt in her voice. Damn, he hated hurting her.

"Hey, look," he said softly, bringing her chin up. "I'm not mad at you for calling me. It's just…being around him was like a flashback. I would have hoped that after all these years he would change. I guess that's what happens when you live in a place like this. You learn to hope again."

At this, Marissa wrapped arms around Ryan, drawing him to her. She hated it when he talked like that. She planted her lips on his and slipped her tongue inside.

Ryan had always been able to take away some of the pain away by kissing her. She hoped to return the favor.

Slowly, the two made their way up the stairs, both of them feeling their way with eyes closed. There were a couple of times when Marissa almost slipped, but Ryan caught her. She backed into her room and fell back onto the bed. He climbed on and resumed his slow, luxurious kisses.

After a few minutes, Ryan began to inch his hand onto actual flesh. Her smooth hipbone was revealed, followed by her bellybutton. It wasn't until her ribs were exposed that Marissa remembered what they had been talking about.

As much as she hated to end this moment, she knew they had to talk.

"Ryan," she said breathlessly.

"Hmm," he asked, kissing her between each letter. His fingertips rested just below her ribs. So close, and yet so far away.

"Ryan, we have to talk. About…us."

Ryan opened his eyes, tickling Marissa's face, as the soft skin beneath his fingers turned to ice.

What talking did there need to be done? Hadn't they talked enough that first night?

The police had left. The doctors had left. The commotion had left. Ryan had left, where to she had no idea.

It had been just her, sitting on the couch in the waiting room.

The couch was just as hard as it had been while waiting for news of Luke, but it was worse this time.

There was no Ryan for Marissa to lean on. No Ryan for her to share her secret with.


The whole world was harder without Ryan.

She was so lost in thought that she didn't see Ryan come in through the door with two cups of coffee.

He sat down beside her and she jumped.

Carefully, she accepted the cup from Ryan, shivering when their hands touched.

All of a sudden, she needed caffeine. It was going to be a long night and she was already thoroughly exhausted.

She took a single cautious sip, then chugged the whole cup down.

Ryan watched, wincing as he imagined the hot liquid burning her throat.

"Are you okay?" he asked as she set down the now empty cup.

"Hmm?" Marissa replied, already feeling the caffeine kick in. "Oh, yeah, just fine."

"Well that makes one of us," Ryan said under his breath.

He slowly sipped his coffee, trying to think of something to say to his girlfriend. Or not girlfriend? See, that was why he had to talk to her.

"I did it for you, you know," Marissa said, before he had even thought of a way to begin.

"I know," he said heavily.

"He was going to kill you."

"Tell me about it."

"I didn't want to lose you! I'm not sorry if it means I saved your life."

Ryan turned to face her, amazed at what she had just said. It was better than when she said she loved him.

"Marissa, I'm not mad at you. You saved my life." He took her hands in his and laced them together.

"I just love you so much. I couldn't watch as he killed you."

In response, Ryan kissed her hard.

"I love you, too. Thank you for…doing what you had to do to save me."

"What if…what if he dies?"

"I don't know," he said truthfully.

"Look, if you mean you want to talk about us being together, I'm not sure what there is to talk about. It seemed like you were fine with it a minute ago."

Marissa sighed impatiently.

"That's not what I mean. I'm talking about your mom."

"My mom?" Ryan echoed, rolling off of Marissa and on to the side of the bed.

"She has to know about us. She has a decision to make."

"What decision does she have to make? Whatever she has to say won't make a difference on how I feel."

"I know, I know," Marissa said hastily. "But I am going to eventually come in between you two. I just know it. The girl who killed her son is dating her other son?"

"But what the hell does she have to choose?"

"If she's okay with it or not. If she is, we'll go from there. If not, then…"

"Right now, I'm about ready to call it quits with her."

"What?" Marissa said, turning so that she and Ryan were facing each other. "What was all that about not wanting her to abandon you?"

Ryan cringed at the sound of those wimpy words.

"She really does love you, Ry," she continued, kissing him softly.

"Could have fooled me," he said scornfully.

"She was talking and…you could tell she was grieving," Marissa said, remembering Dawn's sobs. "It was terrible and heartbreaking." A tear trickled down her cheek, but she quickly wiped it away, hoping Ryan hadn't noticed.

"Oh God, Ryan. What have I done? I am the cause of her grief! I'm a terrible person!" The tears flowed faster now and she couldn't stop them.

Ryan had not been expecting Marissa to cry. He brought her closer to him in an effort to soothe her.

Soft sobs racked through her body and there was nothing Ryan could do to stop them.

"She said…She said she thought I shot Trey because of what he did to me."

"That's ridiculous," Ryan said truthfully, the thought never having crossed his mind.

"Is it? I wasn't thinking about it at the time, but what if I was thinking about it subconsciously?"

"Then it wouldn't matter. It's not like he was innocent."

Ryan had walked into the kitchen a few days after the shooting and had seen Sandy's papers spread out on the table.

Curious as to what they said about him, Ryan opened one of the folders.

Sitting on top were pictures of someone's skin. Flawless, beautiful skin that was very familiar to Ryan.

Except that the flesh in these pictures wasn't flawless anymore. It was marred by bruises and scratches.

He rushed out the door, hopped on his bike, and pedaled to Marissa's house, the pictures in his pocket.

Julie answered the door when he rang and told him she was upstairs.

He didn't bother knocking. She was sitting in front of the mirror, wearing nothing but a robe.

She quickly pulled the robe closer around her top half as she stood up.

"Ryan, what are you doing here?"

Ryan pulled out the pictures, his blood boiling and his mind raging.

"These are of you, aren't they?"

Marissa couldn't see the pictures all that well, but recognized them as the ones the doctor had taken as evidence.

"Aren't they?" he demanded.

She nodded mutely, afraid of what Ryan might do next. Out of habit, she held on to the edge of her robe, covering up the area in question.

Ryan's eyes followed her hands, coming to rest on a patch of skin just below her collarbone. He looked from the pictures to her hands.

Slowly, in hindsight, he remembered the way she had played with the edge of her shirt the first day of school after Spring Break.

He walked over to Marissa and pushed her hand aside. Ryan wasn't trying to hurt her, but he had to see it for himself. He knew that she would never show him voluntarily.

The robe was flimsy and didn't hide the scars underneath it, but he still pushed the robe off her shoulder.

He was astonished and disgusted by what he saw. They were obviously there from fingernails. Ryan could only imagine the pain she must have felt from them.

Entranced by them, he softly ran his fingers over them. When he got to a particularly red spot, Marissa winced.

She was well aware of the fact that for one of the first times in their relationship, she was almost completely naked in front of him. The ironic part of it was that he wasn't paying attention to that fact.

Ryan felt her wince and stopped his tracing. Dipping his head, he planted soft kisses on her skin, trying to take the pain away.

"I can't believe he did this to you. God, I'm such an idiot! How could I have not seen them?"

"I tried to hide it from you, Ryan."

"I am so sorry," he said mournfully, tears stinging the back of his eyes.

He enveloped her in a hug and felt her relax against him.

A thought suddenly crossed Marissa's mind.

"You never told me it was a boy."

"What?" Ryan asked, not comprehending what she had just said.

"The baby…you never said you knew the sex."

She always had to bring that up at the wrong moments.

"Thinking about it just made everything harder," he replied slowly.

"Do you ever…think about him? About what it might be like if he was alive?" Marissa didn't know why she was asking this, knowing it would only bring her more pain. She had decided that she needed to be there more for him, and this was the way to start.

Ryan wasn't sure of how to answer. Should he give her the truth? That when his son had died, he had felt like a part of him had died? Or does he tell her about the part of him that felt reborn? What about how he thinks about his son almost every day?

"Sometimes," he said at last.

Marissa nodded her head, knowing he wasn't giving her the full truth. It was a start, though.

"We do have to tell your mom, Ry. I'm not going to try to deceive her."

"Tomorrow," he promised.

With that, he kissed her again.