Three: Powerless to Emotions
The man of mine was my savior. I was nothing but a mellow being trying to make a path through the prickly thorns of life. He gave me a home, he had my heart. But the she devil tries to take it apart for herself. Our love is a light that shines brightly, but the dust it collects can warp it into darkness. We must shine our light more and cleanse ourselves of the evil or we will all be casts in total darkness.
I refuse to give you up. I have claimed you, you are mine. You eat out of my hand like the dog I own. You are my pet that I groom and show. You live in my heart, and you will die in my heart. You loved me more than all the beings on Earth, but she had to come and enchant you with her wicked spell. Brainwashing, hypnotizing, whatever she does, you belong to me.
Never before have I had rivals to compete with. Fans and followers of my love didn't phase me, because I knew, and so did they, that he was mine locked away. Mine alone, that's what he was. Sure I was hissed at for being with their hero, but not even we cared what they could scowl at.
Our love is pure and no one could take then away. And then you came and I saw him change instantly when you were reunited. But he is mine and I shall not give him up without a fight. It's him, me, and our love….and then there's you.
-Clarrissa Taonji
Pan shouted with glee and her father and mother downstairs jumped up. She ran down stairs with a letter in her hand. "Guess What? Guess what?" She chanted hopping up and down in over-excitement.
Videl sighed, having seen no harm. "What honey?" Her and Gohan sat back down at the table and finished their breakfast.
"The publishing company that Trunks sent my drafts to said they were excellent and want me to sign a contract with them! They said if I keep working, it should get published in no time!" She did twirls of happiness as she kissed her father and mother.
"That's great Pan, but are you sure that's where you want to go for a career?" Gohan asked. Videl punched his arm, and he rubbed it.
"It's okay Mom. Dad's just making sure it will hold me steady." She sat down at the table and began to fix her plate. "I know it will be awhile before my book starts to sell, hell if it sells at all, but I'm going to look for a job today if it kills me."
"Honey, why do you need to look for a job? We support you financially right now and you're not in school." Gohan asked with his mouth full of eggs.
"I know, Dad, but I need find a place of my own. Just because I'm back doesn't mean that I'm going to depend on you guys all my life. I need to be responsible. I'm not going to be your baby anymore." Pan said with her fist clenched in front of her to show how determined she was.
Videl grabbed her daughter's head and shoved her head first into her bosom. "Don't worry baby! You belong with us! We won't ever let you go!"
"Uh, Mom? Can you let me go? I'm stopping by Bra's work today." Pan muffled. Videl let go of her and bit her shaking lip while crying. Suddenly she collapsed on top of Pan.
"My baby is growing up so fast! What happened to my little girl! Waaah!"
"Mom! You're embarrassing me!"
"C'mon Videl, you have to let her go."
"I don't have to do anything!"
Trunks was speechless. He ran his fingers through his lavender locks and gulped down his saliva before speaking into the phone's receiver.
"How is she doing now?" He asked in a hoarse whisper. Goten was on the other line.
"She's okay now. She said it was a nightmare from the movies, but we both know that Pan doesn't get scared that easily. She was shaking like she was having a seizure and sweating a lot. " He sighed and it made his line sound static for a second. "She acts like she's fine. Maybe it was something that happened in America."
Trunks ran his tongue over the edge of his teeth. "Maybe it had something to do with her boyfriend."
"You think he did something to her?" Trunks could hear the angry panic in his voice; Goten didn't even bother to cover it up.
Trunks shrugged his shoulders, but Goten couldn't tell. "Who knows. Pan won't tell us anything about him. We don't even know his name. Or even if he speaks Japanese. I only know so much English."
"Why? You gonna have a little chat with him?"
"Yep. It's my job as the designated big brother for the girls." Trunks undid his tie and took it off. It was cramming his neck.
Goten laughed. "Well, stand in line. Gohan wants to give him the third degree, Videl wants to give him a lie detector test and a drug test, and I want to see what he can do for himself. Do you honestly think he hurt Pan though?"
Trunks furrowed his eyebrow. "I don't know, but if he did, his ass will be mine."
"But what can he do that Pan can't defend herself from him?"
Trunks sighed and ruffled his hair again. "I don't know. He could've done anything. Maybe he cheated on her or-" His heart stopped. Goten told him that she kept yelling no. Could it be that….there's no way….Pan wouldn't let herself…But is that why she hardly talks about him?
"Trunks? You there?" Trunks snapped back to reality.
"Yeah, I was just thinking that he could've cheated on her or something. No matter how Pan acts, she's still a woman and still can get her heart broken."
Goten was silent for a couple of minutes. "Or maybe worse…" He was thinking along the same tracks as Trunks. "Listen, I'll call you back later. I got to go bring Marron her chef's kit. She left it again."
"Oh, okay. Well tell her I said hi. Bye."
"Bye." Goten hung up and Trunks laid his head on his desk. His stomach had lost it's pit and Trunks never remembered feeling this depressed before.
What happened to you, Pan-chan?
Marron covered her mouth as Goten explained his assumptions. "You don't honestly think that Pan was raped do you?" Her crystal eyes were wide with fear. "Not Pan!"
Goten gave a long sigh that he hoped would release the knot in his stomach, but it only tightened. "It would fit." That was all he could say. He felt like puking his brains out as his head was spinning. Actually, he felt like tracking down this man, going to America, and bringing him back in a matchbox as a California souvenir.
Marron crossed her arms over her chef's apron. "Well, she told me, Bra, and Claire that she was a virgin." Marron turned her head and frowned. "But, she could've meant in the way she sees it. You know, not physically but mentally or something. I don't know Goten, Pan's the psychiatrist not me." She pulled at her blonde strands that had escaped the messy bun she had them locked in.
"Maybe Pan will tell you. You are her friend." Goten said as he stuffed his hands in his pockets; a nervous gesture.
"Look, Pan is Pan. She won't tell us anything, especially something she's not proud of. She locks it away until she finally forgets or that no one will know it's there." Marron shrugged her shoulders. "It's just how she is."
Gotten nodded. "But she also would help other people before she would ever think of helping herself. Maybe you can still talk to her without her knowing it's about her."
"Goten, this isn't a soap opera. She's going to catch on quickly."
"But you're smart Marron. She'll open up more to you than me or Trunks, or Uub. Just don't press the subject. Come up with something, anything."
Marron rubbed her eyes and more strands of her hair fell out. He knew she was thinking hard because her thin eyebrows were furrowed and she bit the nail of her thumb. "Does she still like those murder mystery files on Court TV?"
Goten shrugged. "I guess so. She writes murder mysteries."
Marron nodded her head, coming up with ideas in her head. "Good. Get me season one of Forensic Files by tonight. There's money in jewelry box and the video store should have it. Bring it by as soon as you get it."
"Thanks Mi-chan." He kissed her lips and hugged her good bye as he left her kitchen.
Pan packed the bras neatly in the box and taped it down. Since she had nothing better to she volunteered to help Bra pack some of her latest lingerie and ship it to all the stores. It was funny coming through all the sexy pieces of every man's fantasy and turn on and placing them in a box. Bra's business was doing well, especially since she was co-signed with CC.
Pan laughed to herself. Having Capsule Corporations and BB Exotic Lingerie as practically the same company, owned by the same family sure did make an impact on everyone. They even had this stuff in America, and it was a number one product for lovers. And having their last names Briefs only added more humor for Pan. She kept on giggling.
"Oh, c'mon Pan. They're just underwear, you don't have to wear them." Bra came in with her hands on her hips, smirking at Pan.
Pan smiled and shook her head. "No, that's not it. I just kept on remembering you saying you weren't a prep when we were little."
Bra narrowed her eyes and pouted her lip. "I'm not a prep just because I sell to Victoria Secret." Bra smiled a little and giggled slightly. "You should've seen it when I told Daddy."
Pan looked back at her. "Why? Did he get mad?"
"No, he just said 'as long as your mother isn't the model. We don't want the world to end.' Then Mom got angry and punched him in the back of the head." Pan and Bra both laughed. "Besides, this is good business. You should work here if you want to."
Pan picked up the box with ease and sat it with the others. "And be an underwear model like you and the, uh, others?" She was about to say bimbos, but decided not to insult Bra today.
Bra stuck her tongue out and then pouted her bottom lip. "I just sell. I don't model. That's what our workers are for. And speaking of workers, has Clarrissa come by at all?"
Pan pulled her hair back in a pony tail and blinked at her. "Clarrissa models for you? No, I haven't seen her."
Bra looked at her watch as she propped her hand on one of her hips. "Damn, she's fifteen minutes late. That's the third time this month. If she wasn't my brother's girlfriend, then I would fire her."
Pan turned around to pretend to bend down to tie her shoe. She frowned to herself and felt a weight dropped on her shoulders. For some reason she didn't like to hear about Claire being Trunks' girlfriend. Pan didn't resent the girl, but she just felt sad when she kept on hearing about their relationships.
What's with you?
Pan straightened up and began sorting through the different colored things. "You mean you only hired her because she's dating Trunks?"
Bra rolled her eyes. "I didn't even hire her. She just came in here with her new ideas and tried giving me advice on modeling. Next thing I know, she's here three times a week with camera men flashing away." She sighed and ran her tongue over the bottom row of her teeth. "Honestly, I'm thinking of just cutting her off. Trunks doesn't really like it having her half naked on billboards, but he said it's better than her being naked."
Pan frowned. "I can't imagine posing for a camera. The only picture I belong in is a Halloween picture with a mask on." They laughed and Pan took the boxes out to the truck. When she returned, she saw that Clarrissa had come and was getting prepared for her shooting.
Pan popped her back and stretched the rest of her muscles. Bra came up behind her. "Tired?"
"No, bored. Got anything else you need done?" Pan stuffed her hands in her pockets with her thumbs out.
Bra checked off items on her clipboard. "No, not right now. You work too fast. Why don't you just sit down and watch?"
Pan shrugged her shoulders and sat down on the couch and watched as Clarrissa modeled beautifully for the camera and for the thousands of magazine subscribers that would see her picture next month.
What happened to you Pan-chan?
Pan bolted up right. Bra looked back at her and the camera man just took a picture of Clarrissa surprised. Bra set down her clipboard.
"You okay Pan-chan?" she asked as she tilted her head.
Pan smiled and stood up. "Yeah, but I think I need to get something to eat. I'm gonna take a lunch break and go to a restaurant."
"Okay, well come back soon. Marron called and said she wanted us to spend the night at her and Goten's place tonight," Bra said as she took Pan's spot.
"I'll be there." she waved good bye and then walked outside and got into her dad's car and zoomed off. She placed a hand over her heart as she drove away. For some strange reason, she felt extremely worried after she heard that thought.
And what was that thought? It definitely didn't seem like her own. She was never the kind of person to put herself as third person. And it wasn't her voice either. Well it didn't sound like her thought's voice. She wasn't sure who's it was or if she had even just imagined it. But for some reason, she was worried about Trunks and had to see him.
Clarrissa grabbed her white cotton robe and draped it over her and tied the knot as the crew got out her next outfit. She sat down next to Bra, who shifted a little, and sighed. When Bra didn't say anything she sighed again. Bra just kept on scratching notes on her clipboard. She sighed even louder to get Bra's attention.
Bra's lip twitched and she stopped writing. "Is there something bothering you, Claire?"
Claire did another sigh. "No, not really."
"Okay then." Bra counted off her notes with her index finger.
"Well, since you forced it out of me." Bra rolled her eyes at her, but she was oblivious to it. "Well, I was just thinking that me and Trunks have been dating for a long time-"
"A month, one week, and six days to be exact," muttered Bra.
"- and it finally came to me that, we haven't gotten very far in this relationship."
Bra snorted, but covered it up with a cough. She and everyone else knew very well that she and Trunks hit the sack on their third date. What farther in a relationship could go? She didn't trust herself not to say something rude so she just began taking sips of her Diet Coke.
"How would you like me to be your sister-in-law?" Claire blurted out in a cheery almost singing voice.
Bra's response was spitting Coke everywhere and all over her.
"He asked you!" Bra half shouted. She couldn't breathe right because she got some of the soda up her nose.
"Well, not yet, but I think he's thinking about it." Clarrissa smiled and polished her pink painted nails on her robe. "It will be fun though. Being Mrs. Trunks Briefs."
Bra frowned at her, "Don't you think you're going a little too fast? You've only just dated."
Clarrissa sighed happily with a dreamy look in her eyes. "Yeah, but Trunks is my soul mate. We were meant for each other. I just know it. What's 'rushing into things' if you already know if you're going to be with that person all your life?"
Bra turned around to see her face to face. "Claire, there's a difference between loving someone and being in-love with someone. That's a big step and, well just make sure that it's the step you need and can handle. Some people take it without thinking it through and instead of climbing, they fall."
Clarrissa stared at her like she was a creature she had never seen before. "What are you saying Bra? That me and Trunks aren't good enough for each other?"
Bra shook her head and waved her arms in front of her. "That's not what I meant at all. I'm just saying give it some time. Marriage will scare my brother shitless if you just drop it on him like that. Give him and yourself some time before you take the risk. Just to make sure that you can handle it."
Clarrissa stood up so suddenly that it knocked over Bra's can on the table. "I see what you're playing at! You want Trunks to dump me for someone else! I guess I'm just not good enough for you! Maybe 'Pan-chan' would be better!" She mocked Pan's nickname and then stormed off.
Bra rubbed the area above her eyebrows and looked up at her employees. "Well? Get to work or get out!" They all made themselves busy and Bra gave them the day off and left early herself.
She knew that Clarrissa would tell her brother what had happened and he would be mad at her. She didn't want him to be mad. They had grown much closer since Bra matured.
Bra made faces at the door that Clarrissa left through.
Pan had to stop by Marron's work after she called her cell phone and they had quick conversation before Pan took off again for CC. She wasn't sure why she was doing this; Trunks could've been real busy, but it would make her feel better if she knew he was alright. The feeling was gone now, but she still had to check to make sure.
She was about to pull into the parking lot when she was cut off by a violet Mercedes. Pan was about to blast the person with her horn, but stopped before her hand made it to the middle of the steering wheel.
The car parked in front of the building and Clarrissa climbed out. Pan didn't know why she was here, duh! Trunks' girlfriend. But why she was in such a hurry. She watched as Clarrissa walked in through the glass doors and out of sight.
Ever had one of those days when you knew something was bad and that you were going to get in trouble, but you did it anyway? Happened to Pan. The smart thing to do was wait until Clarrissa left, but being Pan she got curious and walked right up to the building and the next thing she knew she was waiting for the elevator.Damn it was taking forever! Was CC actually that big!
Finally the metal doors opened and Pan stepped in and pressed the button to Trunks' floor. She had to listen to boring elevator music that she knew would get stuck in her head; she had to ask Trunks if he could change it for some nice and old rock.
The doors opened and Pan stepped out on Trunks' floor and walked down the hall. She was about to knock, when she heard him shout.
"M-m-marriage!"
Could a woman, who was perfectly healthy and only in her early twenties drop dead of a sudden heart attack; because Pan's breath caught in her throat and her lungs contorted from her getting more air. She pressed her ear to the door to pick up what her Saiyan hearing couldn't pick up.
"Yes baby. I honestly think we're ready for it." She recognized it as Clarrissa's voice. Was she and Trunks honestly getting married? "We already know we were meant for each other."
"But we've only been dating for two months now. Th-that doesn't really seem like enough time for us to be thinking about that!"
Pan could hear pace them room and she could practically see him run his fingers through his hair in a nervous gesture. Trunks was right; they weren't far enough in their relationship to be thinking of marriage.
"But sweetie cakes," Pan cringed under the sickening nickname, "We love each other so much. You know everything about me and we're happy aren't we?"
"Yes, but only because we're dating! I don't think you understand what a marriage does to you! Love isn't the only thing that keeps it going! You need trust, loyalty, respect, careness, commitment, and the ability to stand up to a guy like me."
"But pumpkin, we already do all of those things. I give you all of my respect and loyalty. I love and care for you to the deepest part of my heart. And I trust you with my very soul. We can be together. And I've been around you for months Trunks; I know all about you."
She heard him sigh heavily. The way his ki kept rising and falling, going in circles, zigzagging; it was making Pan dizzy.
"No, you've only seen the dating me. The me at the office. That's all women see if they're dating. But when you're married, it's like a the man is not the one you knew. This is only a mirror image! This isn't me! Trust me, I would definitely not present flowers to you everyday, and I sure as hell won't be romantic! After work, I probably won't even want to hear you gripe even though right now I love the sound of your voice! But in two years, we won't be happy! Not until we're sure that we have what it takes! We're not ready now, Claire. I just want to see you happy."
Pan heard Clarrissa start crying. She didn't exactly try to cover it up.
"I thought you loved me! I thought we could be honest with each other! I can't believe you told me you would make my life miserable if I married you! Waaaah!"
"No! That's not what I meant! I mean I just want to be sure that we're making the right decision!" He half shouted over her cries.
Instantly she stopped except for the occasional sniffle. "Y-you mean?"
Trunks sighed. "Yes, I'll think about it. I'm not sure yet, but I do know that I love you."
That's all that Pan heard because she had instantly flew off. As fast as she could she soared through the clouds. She wasn't sure where she was going, or how long she had been flying, but she just wanted to keep soaring.
Trunks had practically asked her. They were going to be newlyweds any day now. Pan felt silver tears fall on her face as she landed in the mountains. She collapsed on her knees and hugged her as tears streamed down her pale cheeks and landed on the dirt. She hadn't cried like this since she was homesick in California.
She punched the ground angrily and it caused a small hole. She screamed out in sorrow and anger and most of all confusion. Why was she acting like this? What was wrong with her? She should be happy for them, but instead she's crying like a love sick puppy.
Pan slowly brought her hand to her head. No! Not again! I won't go for another heartbreak!
But it was the exact emotions she had been dreading. Pan cried harder and began to rock. Then just to make things worse as if Dende was mocking her, it began to rain, hard too. Why? Why had her old emotions have to rise up just when she stored and locked them away for good?
Why? Why did I fall for Trunks?