Chapter Two: The Boys
James and Sirius couldn't feel bad for what they had done. Okay, so it was against the rules to break into the kitchens and bewitch the food to explode in the Great Hall. So what if a few first years slipped on custards and banged their little heads on the tables? Madam Pomfrey was only upset about it for a few days. She's a strong woman. She got over it. Really, James thought, McGonagall should lighten up a bit and learn to laugh a little. Why couldn't she see the humor in it all?
"Never in my life—disgraceful. Flying éclairs. Gold owls, fruit bowl hats," she muttered as she sat at her desk and rummaged through her papers. "And you, Black, locking up students in broom cupboards."
"I'm ashamed," Sirius told her, his hands behind his back. "It really was disgraceful of me. I feel horrible about—"
"Save it," McGonagall said curtly.
"All right," Sirius said. James bit his lip to keep from laughing.
"You will not be doing detention together. The headmaster and I feel it would be disastrous to set a task to the both of you. Who knows what horrible thing you'd do with a cleaning of the potion's dungeon." She huffed and rummaged through her papers again. "So, Black you will clean my classroom with this toothbrush," she said, handing it to him. "Give me your wand."
Sirius reluctantly handed her his wand. "Very good. Be off with you. It better be sparkling!" she yelled as he closed the door.
Hoping that, because he hadn't shut up Slytherins in cupboards, James's sentence would not involve a toothbrush cleaning, he smiled. "You," McGonagall said, "I assume it was your idea?"
"Well actually--"
"Save it," she said again.
"Yes, Professor," James said.
"I have a rather tall stack of papers that need grading and entered into the grade book. I expected it to take me all night. Luckily for me you were an idiot and landed yourself here. Have a seat, Potter."
And so the grueling session began. Yes, the paper stack was rather tall. James wondered why McGonagall assigned so much work if she also had to read it all. The essays, on the whole, were rather shabby. Many students gave half-ass answers. Since he really didn't know anyone below his year, it wasn't hard to be harsh with the grading.
Sirius, meanwhile, thought of plenty of nasty things to say to McGonagall if he had the courage, as he tried to get a bit of mysterious goo from the underside of a desk with his toothbrush. He wondered aloud what the goo was, but suspected it was a large amount of snot. He wasn't sure how it got there, exactly. He just really hated McGonagall.
"Mean spirited woman if you ask me," he muttered as the goo stretched with the toothbrush. "Zero personality. Anyone else would've laughed, but she bitches at me. Clean this, Black. Clean that, Black. Kiss my—"
"It's best not to finish that sentence, Mr. Black," said a curt voice from behind.
Sirius turned and saw McGonagall's shiny black shoes. His eyes trailed up and saw her thin lips curled in a harsh frown.
"Fancy seeing you here, Professor," Sirius said. "I was just telling…myself, that—"
"Yes, I heard," she said. "I just wanted to remind you to clean the windows as well. They're filthy."
"But of course," Sirius said. "I love cleaning windows."
"That's good." She spun around and left the room, her heals clicking on the stone floor.
Sirius took a deep breath and continued on the desks but with his mouth shut this time. Suddenly, however, a noise came from his pocket. He fished around and found a small mirror which showed not his reflection, but James's grinning face.
"I have Regalus's transfiguration essay," James whispered. "Should I flunk him? Hurry up, I think McGonagall's coming back."
"Troll him, Prongs," Sirius said with a sly smirk.
"'T' it is then. How's your detention going?"
"Oh it's brilliant. Simply thrilling."
"That bad, huh?" James laughed.
Sirius made a face into the mirror then put the mirror up to under the desks.
"Yectch," James said. "I think I actually got the better deal. But my hand is killing me. You know how stupid half these people are?"
"I just know how gross they are," Sirius said. "Look, she left here only a few minutes ago. She's probably coming back."
James nodded into the mirror then disappeared. It was lucky for him too, as McGonagall came back into her office looking satisfied. "He'll be in there all night."
"Maybe he'll learn his lesson then. I've always told him it was a bad idea to attack innocents," James said, marking a fat 'T' across Regalus's essay. He stuffed it into a pile then started reading another one.
"Keep quiet and work," she told him.
"Sorry, madam." And he continued to grade papers.
James was, of course, finished before Sirius was. He said good night to McGonagall then walked directly to the transfiguration classroom to find Sirius asleep on the floor, the toothbrush still clutched in his hand. James shut and locked the door behind him then nudged Sirius awake with his foot.
"I didn't do it!" Sirius said as he shot up off the floor.
"Relax you idiot. Need a bit of help?" James asked.
Sirius bent over and clutched his knees. "I hate that woman. The windows are still dirty. I haven't touched her desk. And I think I might be sick."
"I'll fix it all. I've still got my wand." With a few flicks, a wave, and a jab of his wand, the transfiguration room sparkled. James stuffed it back in his pocket then crossed his arms as he observed.
Sirius stood tall again and did the same. "I love you," he said, shaking James's shoulder.
"Yeah I know. Let's go. I'm bushed."
They walked quietly toward Gryffindor Tower, not at all tempted to speak with each other. James massaged his hand occasionally. If he never graded another paper he wouldn't be sorry. Sirius was also massaging his hands. Every now and again he muttered something rude about McGonagall, but James was too tired to agree. It had been worth it though. They'd have to plan something else very soon.
Sirius and James were turning the corner when Sirius stopped dead in his tracks, his fatigue abandoning him.
"What?" James said, staring at him.
Sirius's lips twitched as he pointed. James followed Sirius's finger and saw a dark figure in the distance, walking funny, shoulder length hair swinging about his face. It looked as though he was walking away from them.
Instinctively, James pulled out his wand.
"I've been dreaming of this moment all summer," Sirius whispered. "He's all alone. Come on, let's have a go," he said as he started for Snape.
James hesitated.
"What's wrong?" Sirius asked, turning.
It was true that James still hated Snape. Snape was a meddlesome fool in love with the Dark Arts. No one liked him, he was mean to everyone he could frighten, and ugly to boot. James would like nothing more than to hex him into oblivion and be rid of him. But Lily's countenance kept floating across his mind. She'd find out and she'd never speak to him again.
"James," Sirius said, shaking him. "Come on!"
"No," James said, putting his wand away. "Lets go."
"What? Are you insane? I was almost expelled because of that git. You almost lost your life trying to save that bastard from Moony. James, come on, let's get him!"
James shook his head. "Lily will know," he said.
Sirius sighed and narrowed his eyes. "Look, she's good looking and all, but she's just a girl. Drop her for a second and think about this."
James whipped around to stare at him. "No. She's not just a girl. Look, you go fight him if you want, but I'm not going to. She'll find out. Things are going good right now. We're talking, we're going out next week, she's being great. I'm not risking that. And I'm not asking you to understand," James growled as Sirius glowered at him.
Sirius watched Snape slide around the corner and disappear from view. "What's he doing out so late anyway? It's two in the morning."
James was curious to that as well, but didn't want to risk an interrogation just yet. Maybe when things with him and Lily were a little more solid, when they'd been going out for a while, maybe then he could find out what Snape was up to.
Without another word, however, James kept on his way to the Tower, Sirius beside him, each saying nothing.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Sirius didn't wake until ten the next morning. He sulked down the stairs, snarled at a couple of second year boys who were playing exploding snap, then crashed into an armchair looking cross. Remus, who was reading a book in the armchair opposite Sirius, looked up and smiled peacefully. "Rough night, huh?" Remus asked.
"Lucky we didn't mention you, wasn't it?" Sirius said.
Remus allowed himself a slight grin. "Well, she probably didn't ask who's idea it was to charm the owls Gryffindor colors, did she?" Remus asked. "Lucky for me, or I'd be scraping snot off the desks." He marked his page then set the book down. "James still sleeping?"
"Yes, the prat. Snoring so loudly he woke me up. I have half a mind to take a picture and show Evans what Jamesypoo looks like with drool on his face."
Peter came skipping down the stairs at that moment, frowning. "Sirius, make him stop snoring," he said, then pulled up a chair. "He woke me up, too."
"Yes, it is rather annoying," Sirius said. "I need my beauty sleep."
"Me too," Peter said.
"Hardly. I didn't see you scraping goo from the desks, or grading papers. I remember that the owl idea was Moony's but you had the fruity had idea. And the both of you wouldn't fess up to any of it. Lucky bastards. Good thing we don't tattle—" but he silenced himself as Lily walked in through the portrait hole. Since it was Sunday she wore Muggle clothes: tight blue jeans and a soft green jumper. She had her dark red hair in a long French braid and had gold hoops in her ears. She was completely alone but didn't seem bothered by it. Apparently she'd come in for something, for she trotted up the stairs to the girls dormitories.
Remus watched her the moment she came in, his eyes following her until her ankles disappeared. Sirius nodded as he watched Remus, suddenly understanding. He frowned pensively as Remus looked back at him.
"Well, Petie, should we go wake the sleeping giant?" Sirius asked, still watching Remus, who was staring back at him with a pale face.
"I'm pouring ice water on him," Peter said as he scrambled up the stairs. Sirius stood and looked down at Remus with a slight smile. "Or we could smother him in his sleep so you could have a go at her?" Sirius said.
Remus stood. "Don't—"
"It's all right," Sirius said with a sly smirk. "I won't tell. So that's why you were acting funny the other day? I knew it was something. We're not stupid. I'd work on your acting face if I were you. Or go for her and fight James off. Your choice." Sirius turned for the stairs. He crossed Lily on the way up, but neither acknowledged the other's presence.
"Morning, Remus," Lily said brightly, smiling at him. "Waiting for your mates, eh?"
"Yes," he said to her. "Congratulations on the badge," nodding to the Head Girl badge on her jumper.
"Thanks," she said, nodding. "I assume you'll be out on the pitch, pretending to like Quidditch today. Maybe I'll see you around."
"Maybe," Remus said.
Suddenly there was a loud yell coming from boy's dormitory. Seconds later Peter and Sirius came running down the stairs fit to burst. Once they reached the common room floor they exploded in raucous laughter, slapping hands and congratulating each other on whatever it they did to poor James.
"I'll KILL YOU BOTH!" echoed an angry cry from upstairs, as James came running after them, wearing only his pajama bottoms. His hair was sopping wet, as was the rest of him. He didn't even have his glasses on. "You're both dead. You hear me?" he said, advancing on Sirius with his fists raised.
"I'll be going then," Lily said, as she made to turn out and leave.
James stopped dead in his tracks, flushed an awful shade of purple, and stared at her, like a deer in the headlights. Lily flushed pink, smiled nervously, and left the common room as quickly as possible.
Moments later James unfroze himself and chased Sirius and Peter until the two of them narrowly escaped, still laughing and now teasing him that Lily had seen him bare-chested and wet, through the portrait hole. He couldn't follow them, so he huffed and puffed angrily and paced around the common room, still heartily embarrassed because of Lily.
"I'll kill them," James growled, his fists clenched. "I will throttle them!" he yelled as he stomped up the stairs.
Remus waited until James was upstairs to laugh and join Sirius and Peter in the Great Hall. They were still giggling like eleven year old girls when Remus joined them. They doubled over when Remus grinned at them.
"You should've seen his face, Moony. He was so pissed," Sirius said, laughing again.
"He still is. You two better watch yourself. He'll get you back when you least expect it."
Peter stopped laughing and looked wary. "You think?"
"He'll get you good," Remus said, laughing again. "That'll be entertaining. I wonder what he'll do to you. James is very imaginative and creative. He'll think of something equally embarrassing." Remus poured himself some coffee and watched Peter slip into apprehension.
Sirius didn't seem bothered. He helped himself to some sausages and toast and a blueberry muffin. "I've got your back, Peter. Don't worry about Prongs. He'll get over it."
Remus spread jelly on his toast and shook his head. "You embarrassed him in front of Lily. He won't be pleased about that."
"No, I expect he won't. But it was rather amusing," Sirius countered, then observed James thundering into the Great Hall with—Sirius and Peter both bolted out of their seats and tried to disappear—a beater's bat held high. Sirius cackled as he ran away from James, dodging him around the tables, while Peter looked stricken with fear.
Remus helped himself to another bite of toast and watched Sirius dart through the entrance hall. James chased him, cursing, the bat swinging dangerously above his head.
Remus picked up a stray Daily Prophet and began reading, wondering vaguely what had become of Sirius and Peter. He was in no rush to leave the Great Hall. He'd finished all his homework yesterday, but he didn't want to go play Quidditch either. That was James and Sirius's thing, not his. He was simply content to sit here and read.
Half an hour later, James strolled into the hall, the beater bat hanging at his side. He sat across from Remus and smiled pleasantly.
Remus finished his second cup of coffee. "Coffee?" he asked James, holding the jug.
"Please," James said. Remus passed him the jug and a mug.
"Sugar and milk?" Remus said.
"That would be nice," James remarked, dropping a lump in his coffee and pouring in a bit of milk, He stirred with a spoon, concentrating especially hard on this, then had a sip. "So what's going on in the world?" he asked, nodding to the paper.
Remus shrugged. "The usual. What did you do to them, James?" Remus asked.
"More murders, then?" James said. "They'll be fine. They'll recover."
"Voldemort is gathering support, they say," he said, passing the paper across the table. "I hope you didn't hit them with that thing."
"A wizard that powerful and dark will have supporters clambering to be in his circle." James sipped his coffee. "I might have hit Sirius with it. Once. Or twice."
"Yes I expect you're right. People like to surround themselves with the powerful." He helped himself to a lonely bran muffin. "Is he unconscious somewhere on the grounds?" Remus asked.
"Do they know who's supporting him, or is it just guess work? I'm not sure where Sirius is, actually. I hope he's in a lot of pain." James slurped more coffee and stared at the paper.
"Guess work, mostly. Same of the usual: Imperius curse, Polyjuice potion… Where's Peter?"
"Yes but people always act odd under the curse, and I'd know if someone was disguised with Polyjuice potion. I think the little rat scampered into security. That's why I still have the bat with me."
"So you didn't hit Peter?" Remus asked. He could think of nothing more to say about the newspaper article.
James grinned maliciously. "Oh I hit Peter, all right. I only got a piece of him, though. He transformed and ran away and is still hiding somewhere. I have ways of finding him. I'll hit him square when I see him." James finished his coffee then looked around for any food that was still left this late in the morning. "Nothing good left for breakfast. I'll have to raid the kitchens."
He got up to go but Remus held him back. "It was only a joke."
"So is the beater's bat. Trust me, I'm laughing," he said, then grinned down at Remus. "Care for an éclair?"
Remus glanced at his watch. "Sure." He got up and followed James and the bat out of the Great Hall. "It might have been more effective to use your wand."
"Not as satisfying, though. I'm not aware of any curse or hex that makes a loud 'smack' sound," James said. They walked down the stairs toward the kitchens, James's stomach was growling loudly. "Listen," he said, his tone changing. "What did—what did she…you know…say?" he asked, looking at Remus from the side.
"She just left. I haven't spoken to her after."
James swallowed. "I s'pose it could've been worse. Imagine if I'd come down in just my boxers… I'm still going to kill them both."
"Yes, they probably deserve it."
James tickled the portrait of the fruit, and a handle popped out of it. He tugged and was immediately greeted by happy, eager to please House-elves. James commended them on their excellent cooking and marvelous cleaning job, and they simply gushed. Several elves shoved bags of pastries into his hands, others gave him jugs of juice. Laden with a great deal of food, James seemed in better humor. He took all his food back with him (and the beater bat), out on the grounds. Remus joined him.
"Great day for Quidditch," James said around a doughnut. "Pity I had to maim Sirius."
Remus helped himself to a pastry and a jug of juice. "Maybe you should call a practice." He did not want to play Quidditch today. He'd rather watch from the stands—flying made him nervous.
"Yeah, that's not a bad idea. I'll call a practice." He took another doughnut and started in on it when a cold voice from behind him said, "You'll be one beater short, then."
Sirius sat next to them, sporting a bruised face and a cast around his arm. "Not funny, Potter."
"Oh contraire, Black," James said. "You deserved it, admit it."
"You hit me with my own bat. I was this close," he held his thumb and forefinger an inch apart, "from telling Pomfrey the truth about my face and my arm."
"Admit it, you deserved it," James said, smirking even as he was eating.
"You sound like a fire-breathing dragon when you snore."
"Anytime you want to admit that you deserved what you got for humiliating me in front of Lily, go right ahead. I'm all ears."
"Where's Peter?" Sirius said darkly.
James shrugged. "I'd like to know that as well. I still need to finish him off." He drained a jug of juice, belched, then lay back on the grass, his hands behind his head. "I know you're faking the cast. I didn't break anything. And that bruise will heal up in no time. So we'll still practice Quidditch."
Sirius rolled his eyes then ripped off the cast, which was a fake. He also rubbed the dark spot off his face and scowled at Remus, who had a funny look.
"I knew it," James mumbled, his eyes closed. "Faker."
"Yeah well, at least the girl I love hasn't seen me in my skin."
"I had my bottoms on."
"Exactly my point. Anyways…let's go play Quidditch."
James pushed himself off the ground, tossed Sirius his bat, and they marched off toward the changing room as James yelled to anyone who could hear, that Gryffindor would be practicing and if they wanted to stay on the team, they'd better get their big butts on the pitch. Remus laughed under his breath and went to find Peter.