The Products of a Bored Mind

Chapter Three: Because We Don't Have Chocolate

by Saxifrage

Summery: Boredom of any kind usually gets someone in trouble! A collection of short stories about the students of Hogwarts. Now it's the infamous James and Sirius, Marauders of the school. What mischief does boredom lead them into? (this chapter is mostly dialog…)

A/N: Thanks to all my reviewers! You get loofas as presents! And I'm sorry I won't be updating any of my other stories before the holidays, but I hope this is good enough of a gift! Hopefully you guys'll enjoy this chapter which, for a change, is written about my beloved Sirius and James :swoons: instead of a random character made up. And if you're wondering why, it's because I was bored. Why else? Anyways, Merry Christmas, Happy Hannaka, happy other religious holidays, and happy reading! Love ya::heart:

Victims: Mr. James Potter, and Mr. Sirius Black

Year: 7th

HP Characters Used: Mr. James Potter, Mr. Sirius Black, Slytherin Characters Mentioned

Other Characters: Professor Gillway

"You got everything, Prongs?"

"Sure do, Padfoot."

The voices echoed throughout the darkened hallway, but they paid the noise no mind as they were invisible anyways and knew Hogwarts like the back of their hands. And Sirius Black and James Potter, both being very egotistical, knew their hands very well. The partners in crime grinned at each other beneath the invisibility cloak in anticipation of their latest prank.

"Okay, check list…" Started James, pulling out a piece of parchment with a long list of items on it.

Sirius looked at his best mate with shock written on his face. "Weren't we supposed to do that before we left?"

"Do we ever?"

"Hm. Good point."

"Wands?"

"Check." Then, looking over Jame's shoulder with amusement, he added, "Are you really checking things off with checks, or are you drawing little hearts again?"

James snatched the paper out of Sirius's view. "No, I'm not." He said snappily, checking off 'wands' with a little star. "And that was Remus, if you'd like to recall."

"Uh huh…" Sirius looked at James skeptically. "So, continue."

"Cloak?"

"We're under it, moron."

"Oh, right… Potion?"

"Got it." Sirius held up a small vial with a runny liquid in it.

"Rum?"

"Check, and check." Sirius said smugly.

"Two checks?"

"One bottle for the prank, one for the walk back."

James looked pleased at this suggestion. "I love you."

"I'm flattered, really Jamesie-poo." He put a hand to his breast and fluttered his eyelashes dramatically. "But, honey bunch, does Lily know that you've switched teams?"

"She's the one who encouraged me," James joked, dead panned.

He laughed. "Good to know."

Clearing his throat, James continued. "Candy?"

The play-boy stopped abruptly. "Wait, we needed that candy?"

James smacked his head. "Sirius! How could you eat the candy?"

Sirius cocked his head to the side. "Oh, let me demonstrate. First, you unwrap. Next, you place it in the mouth, like so." He pretended here to place a candy in his mouth. "Then you cheeeww. Now I think I'll explain the process of digestion with," he paused for dramatic effect, "a song!"

"You're an idiot."

"Takes one to know one." Sirius replied, sticking out his tongue childishly.

"Isn't that a first year comeback?" James snickered.

"Just bringing down the intelligence level for ya, mate." Sirius patted James back in apparent comfort.

James sighed. They were already halfway there and they hadn't gotten through the list yet. "We'll have to manage without the candy, then. Super-sticky glue?"

"Err... half a check. You know," Sirius said thoughtfully, licking his lips, "people underestimate how tasty that stuff is."

James looked at his best friend in horror. "You ate that too? Bloody hell, did you eat every sodding thing we brought?"

"Hey!" Sirius cried, pretending to be insulted. "I didn't eat my underwear. See!" Sirius started pulling down his pants to prove of his underwear's existence when James jumped away, crying in disgust. Pausing thoughtfully, Sirius murmured, "No wait… I did eat my underwear."

"Uugg! That's so gross, Padfoot!" James felt like he was going to pull his eyes out. No man should ever have to see what he had just seen. If those pants had gone an inch or two lower… James shuddered.

"Just kidding! Seriously! About the glue too. I'd be dead if I wasn't lying."

James was keeled over with his hands on his knees, taking deep breaths. He looked up at Sirius with a murderous look in his eyes. "Just finish checking off the damn list. I swear I'm bringing Moony next time."

"Fine, fine." The dog-animagus chuckled. Every time they ventured on a prank together, at least on of them got disturbed. They continued walking.

"So, what about…" the list continued with more random artifacts, some of which had been consumed by Sirius (only the edible ones, however), others of which were waiting to be used in their up-coming prank, and ended with "Sirius Black," and "James Potter" ("Oh no! I think I forgot me!" Sirius had yelled, running down the hall while James proceeded to crack up.)

Finally, after many, rather amusing squabbles, the two Marauders reached their destination: The Slytherin dorm.

"Think it'll work?" Sirius, who was now whispering, inquired of his friend.

"With all the stuff you downed?" He replied, "No way in hell."

"So in other words….?"

"Yeah, it'll work."

"This is gonna be great." Sirius replied, flipping his elegant, black hair out of his silvery eyes.

They entered the Slytherin dorm with the stolen password, and walked up the stars of the boy's dormitory. Then, they: washed Snape's hair and dyed all his clothes pink as well as dyed strips of his hair bright purple, applied super-sticky glue to the insides of all of the boys' boxers, charmed their robes to flash "To all Muggle-borns: 'Take me as your slave! My body is yours!'", Singed off the eyebrows of Lucius Malfoy, transfigured Crabbe and Goyle so they'd look like apes (there really wasn't much difference from their normal form), with the bottle of rum they made all the males permanently drunk, and used a special charm that magically installed breasts on all of them.

Then, they moved on to the girls dormitory. They spent most of their time in their underwear drawers, charming them to fill with macaroni and cheese every time they were put on, but made sure to magically grow mustaches on all of the manly women. With any luck, the next day, none of the girls would be wearing underwear.

In the common room, they remodeled it so it was carebear themed.

After they finished their work, Sirius and James stood back and admired their work. They usually didn't do so many pranks at once, but they wanted some revenge after loosing the Quidditch match to Slytherin. "They cheated anyways." They had reasoned. So, they didn't do anything big…just a lot of random chaos. But their number one reason was: They were bored.

"Can you imagine what they'll think when they wake up?" Sirius sputtered, laughing through his words as they made their way back to their own common room.

James' only respond was hysterical laughing.

Then, a silhouette covered the two boys who were leaning against the stone wall outside the Slytherin dorm to keep themselves up from laughter. Slowly, they stopped laughing and looked up.

"Hello, Professor Gillway!" James greeted the head of Slytherin. "Nice night out, isn't it?"

"What are you two doing out of bed? And outside the Slytherin dorm rooms?"

"There was a party!" Sirius grinned happily. "All of our green buddies here invited us. You better check it out though, the guys are pretty hammered."

Gillway wasn't convinced, however. "Stay right here." Gillway said in his menacing voice. Then, he walked over to the entry-way and peered into the now colorful common room. "What did you bloody do?" He whispered fiercely at them.

"Redecorated." James said, feigning surprise at his teacher's hostility. "Sirius and I needed to vent a little. Better to be constructive than destroying things, right? Do you like it?"

"That excuse isn't good enough, boy!"

"Oh," Sirius paused, winking. "Well in that case, it's that time of the month for us, and chocolate just wouldn't cut it."

Please drop me a reviewer! Love, hate? Tell me and you'll get another loofa!

-xoxo-
Saxifrage