Dazed and Dumbfounded 4
AN: OK, here is more of this crazy story….
Lucius dragged Harry up out of the dungeon and pulled him roughly into a sunny hallway. Bright cheery sunlight streamed in through a high window and made a great yellow square on the shiny wooden floor. Harry squinted and tried to shade his eyes. After the darkness of the dungeon the hallway was blinding. His eyes adjusting somewhat to the bright glare, he was alarmed to see the older man studying him, frowning. "What?"
For the first time Lucius was looking at Potter, really looking at him. The boy's messy black hair stuck up at every angle possible and worst, there was some sort of dirt in it. His clothes were ragged and several sizes too large, but clothes could easily be replaced. Still, there was a large smear of something across his check and his glasses were smudged with fingerprints. Stepping forward, the Death Eater gripped his arm and peered more closely at the skin. He was sure there was more dirt rubbed into his pores, his skin too dark to pass off as a Malfoy. Everyone knew the Malfoys had creamy white skin akin to ivory. "You're dirty, boy."
"I'm not dirty!" Harry protested and tried to pull his arm free.
"Yes you are! If I'm going to pass you off as a Malfoy you're going to learn how to stay clean. How you manage to get so dirty is a mystery but from now on you're going to stay clean! And no more throwing floo powder in your hair!"
Harry glared at Lucius. "I do not throw floo powder in my hair! And I don't want to look like a Malfoy! And that's not dirt on my arm, it's suntan, something I'm sure you never heard of!"
"Don't get smart with me, boy." Lucius dragged Harry further down the long hallway and stopped before a door. Turning, he smiled evilly at him. "The first order of business is to give you a bath."
"I'm not taking a bath!"
But Lucius ignored Harry's protests and dragged him into the large bathroom. Turning the faucets on, the large tub started to fill with water. Satisfied the bath was filling, he turned to regard his prisoner. The boy was glaring hatefully at him, which was to be expected. After all, hadn't Draco said that Harry would loath to marry a Slytherin like Pansy? "Now get in there."
"No." Harry refused. "I'm not taking a bath with you here. What do you think I am, crazy? And I'm not marrying Pansy!"
"Why don't you want to marry Pansy?" Lucius asked as he switched tactics. He would take Potter's mind off the bath and then throw him in when he didn't expect it. Then the boy would be forced to wash. Of course, he could always curse him…
"Because I don't know her!" Harry replied matter-of-factly.
"What do you mean you don't know her? You go to school with her!"
"Yeah, but its not like I talk to her. I couldn't really even tell you what color her hair or eyes are. I mean, she's a Slytherin and I really don't friend with Slytherins…"
"Then explain what you're doing in my house!" Lucius demanded, infuriated with the boy's babble. It made no sense whatsoever! How could you go to school with someone for years and not know them?
"Well, it was Draco's idea…" Harry admitted. "OK, so maybe I friend with one Slytherin…"
Lucius smiled. "Then since you're such good friends with my son it's perfectly fine for you to take a bath."
Harry sighed. It was clear that the Death Eater was set on him taking a bath so he could marry Pansy. How in Merlin had he gotten into this mess? It was insane! Kicking off his sneakers, Harry mumbled under his breath. "I'm going to kill that blonde git!"
"What was that?" Lucius asked, his eyes hooded and suspicious. He had thought the boy had muttered about killing someone…
"Nothing." Harry replied as he took off his torn T-shirt. He kept a watchful eye on the older wizard where he leaned casually against the bathroom wall, a good distance between them. So far he hadn't made any moves, hexes or curses. Nor had he tried to jump him and strangle him. It was really odd. Maybe he was serious about the bath…? Soon Harry wore only his dark blue boxer shorts and he refused to take those off. Glaring angrily, the Boy Who Lived stepped into the bath and stood in the hot water with arms crossed over his chest. "Happy?"
Almost instantly the water started to turn black.
Frowning at the rapidly darkening water, Lucius moved closer to the bath. He gazed down at the water, which was quickly starting to look like India ink. Surely the boy wasn't that dirty, was he? "Potter, exactly when was the last time you bathed?"
"Ummm…" Harry's face turned red. "Before school let out?"
"That was almost two weeks ago!" Lucius cried, horrified.
"Well the Muggles I live with don't allow me to use soap as it costs money and they don't like to waste money on me so I'm not allowed any…" Harry admitted.
Lucius looked quite shocked. He had known Muggles were bad but surely not that bad!
Harry quite enjoyed the shocked look on the Death Eater's face and decided to create more Muggle horrors on the spot. Besides, it wasn't all that far from the truth anyway… "And it usually rains a few times during the summer…"
The Death Eater went paler than normal and he swayed a bit unsteadily on his feet. The horror! He wouldn't wish such a thing on his worst enemy! It was worst than the Crucio Curse!
Biting his bottom lip, Harry tried very hard not to burst out laughing. Lucius had actually believed the story about washing in the rain! What a git! Struggling to keep his face perfectly straight, Harry stood in the hot but dirty water.
"Get out of that water, Potter! You won't get clean in it." Lucius ordered as he waved his hand towards the bathroom door. "We'll have to put clean water in…"
Harry stepped carefully out of the bath so he wouldn't slip on the floor and went to wait near the bathroom door. If he could have escaped he would have but the Manor was a big confusing maze and he'd only get lost. Still, he didn't want to marry Pansy either…
Waving his hand at the tub, the water started to go down the drain and Lucius gloated. Potter was listening to him at last and things were going his way. With luck, the boy could be changed into a Malfoy and he'd marry Pansy. Merlin knew the boy needed a father figure at this stage of his life, a nice arranged contract marriage. Potter should be thrilled! But the satisfied smirk on the Pureblood's face vanished as the draining water came to a sudden stop. The water had never done that before and Lucius watched it for a moment, confused. But it just sat there, unmoving. Turning, he glared at the boy. "Potter! What did you do to my bath?"
"I didn't do anything but stand in it!" Harry protested.
"Well, the water isn't going down." Lucius complained.
"The drain pipe must have developed a clog." Harry surmised. "Maybe you need to call a plumber…"
"Drat Muggle plumbing! I'm the one that's supposed to go hex Muggle plumbing to keep poor Arthur busy! Those poor befuddled Muggles and their hexed toilets. He so likes helping them. It's disgusting! You better stop hexing my plumbing, Potter!"
"I'm not hexing your dumb pluming!" Potter protested, insulted. "I'm not a total idiot! Only an idiot would hex plumbing!"
Lucius stalked away from the bath and flung open the door. Storming out into the hallway, he called for his house elf. "Zunno!"
The house elf immediately appeared. "Yes, Master?"
"Go fix the bath, Zunno! There's something wrong with the drain and the water won't go down…"
"Right away, Master!" Zunno hurried into the bathroom and tried to fix the clogged pipe with a spell. A few minutes later Zunno returned to the hallway, bowing low in front of Lucius. "Master, Zunno has removed all the dirty water from the bath. Also has removed the thick layer of mud and grit that was on the bottom of the tub and in the pipe…"
Lucius groaned. Mud and grit! He would have to try and marry the boy off quickly before he did more damage!
"Zunno has also filled the bath with clean water…"
"Good. Go and give the boy a bath. And make sure he uses soap!"
Zunno bowed and hurried off into the bathroom.
"No wonder Voldemort wants him dead…" Lucius leaned against the hallway wall and waited. He wasn't letting Potter off the hook that easily, even if he did hex the plumbing. "Hmm… I wonder how you do that hex? Maybe I should test it by Goyle's house one of these days…"
To be continued…
Sorry so short. I'll try to make the next chapter longer.