Ok then, this is my 1st Smurf FanFic.
I've made it more of a Parody than anything…
And because I love South Park (almost as much as WWE), I decided to put the following South Park message as a warning to all thinking this is an innocent story.
It is indeed anything far from innocent.
Trust Me!
ALL
CHARACTERS AND EVENTS IN
THIS SHOW--EVEN THOSE BASED
ON REAL
PEOPLE--ARE ENTIRELY
FICTIONAL. ALL CELEBRITY VOICES
ARE
IMPERSONATED...POORLY.
THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM
CONTAINS COARSE
LANGUAGE
AND DUE TO ITS CONTENT IT
SHOULD NOT BE READ BY
ANYONE
(A/N: Before I start, I'm just adding on that I don't actually what the Smurfs, I grew out of that about 10 years ago! And the only reason I got the names pretty-right was because I checked on the internet, to make this story sound as realistic as possible.)
The evil Gargamel was thinking up his latest plan to destroy Smurf-ville for no particular reason whatsoever apart from how he simply felt that it gave him some sense of power killing and destroying little blue people who were under a tenth of his height tall. Every time the Smurfs prevailed and survived his gay ideas, the more emasculated he felt.
"Why do these gay little blue things always defeat me, my plans are fool proof?" He cried out.
"Your gay plans may be fool proof, but they are certainly not lame proof! That's why the Smurf things always defeat you!" Gargamel's cat, Azrael, meowed.
Now being the evil sorcerer that Gargamel is, he was able to understand his mangy orange cat with weird eyebrows that look plucked. "Of course! You're absolutely 100 percent correct! I have to come up with the lamest plan of them all to destroy those really, really lame Smurfs… Except that Smurfette, dam she has a good look!" He drifts off into his fantasy world…
"Hey there Smurfette! You sure look nice to night!"
"Do I? Well, you look completely sexy tonight Gargamel, I just want to smurf you, you smurffy non-Smurf." Smurfette said seductively.
"Oh Smurfette, hold me!" He said as he lifted the 10 pound blue critter closer and closer to his face.
"Oh Gargy!" Smurfette said as she slowly made out with the person who dedicated that majority of his life to destroying her friends and family.
…
Later on
"Oh Azrael! I had the most the most wonderful night! I totally smurfed Smurfette. It was smurfity magical."
"Oh no boss! You've turned into one of them!" His cat hissed, "Meow, meow…"
"What? Azrael, I can't understand you. She must have sucked all my sorcererness out of me!" He said depressingly and he slowly raised his hands to cover his eyes feeling totally stupid. But before he did, I noticed his arms and hands were blue. He was completely blue! And he was wearing gay white pants! He looked down at his mangy cat that was no longer below him, but instead, a massive cat paw. As his eyes ascended, he realized that his scrawny cat was now five times his current height. That's when it hit him. He had turned into what he had dedicated his whole life to destroy. He was a Smurf!
"Argh!" he repeatedly screamed.
Until finally he realized, it was only a dream. Duh!
He shook his head to get back into reality. Once he did, he realized his pants were all wet and sticky.
"Another Smurfette dream?" His cat asked.
"What? What do you mean? I hate all Smurfs! Especially that Smurfette," He said defensively, wondering how his cat knew.
"Ha, ha, you're no good at lying. Have you seen your pants? If you didn't said Smurfette so often in your dream, I would have sworn that you had wet them!"
"Shut up you mangy bag of fleas!"
"Bite me!"
Now being the idiot that Gargamel is, he took his cat's phrase literally as a challenge, and based on how his masculinity had been badly damaged due to his many failures attempting to annihilate the Smurf population, he was eager to prove his manliness. So he picked up he cat and bit him right on the backside.
Now obviously Azrael didn't actually believe his owner would bite him, but when he did, he instinctively popped out his claws and scratched Gargamel right on the balls leading to a sudden shriek of pain.
Far, far away in Smurf-ville, little Smurfette shuddered as her love shrieked in pain almost as if she, herself had just experienced the same pain.
And that was the end of Chapter one of the Smurf series
Nice and short.
AND lame, I know.
Please comment.
Tell me if it's gay.
Tell me if it's not.
Depending on the comments,
I'll either right another chapter or I just won't bother.