Dazed and Dumbfounded 5
AN: Thanks for the reviews! I can't wait for HBP to come out! Just a bit longer to wait…. Here is more craziness for you. Hope you like it. By the way, Zunno the house elf is mine and I also created the Albeo Capillus spell.
Harry emerged from the bathroom wearing clean clothes the house elf had given him. It really didn't surprise him that the clothes were black. One would almost swear the Malfoys didn't wear anything but black. Or was it that black went well with their snowy white hair? The black shirt was well made and had black onyx buttons down the front and at the cuffs. The Boy Who Lived wasn't sure what the shirt itself was made of but he suspected it wasn't the normal cotton or flannel the Dursleys gave him. No, this was far finer and more luxurious. Harry struggled one-handed with the button on his left cuff, his green eyes downcast as he tried to force it through the tiny hole. Inching forward bit by bit it took him a few moments to realize a wand was pointing right at his face.
"Albeo Capillus!" Lucius said as a beam of light leaped from his wand tip and struck Harry. A soft glow surrounded his head for a moment and then faded.
"Hey!" Harry protested, his hands rising too late to ward off the attack, not that he could have stopped a spell with his hands. But to his relief he just felt a slight tingling in his scalp and that quickly faded. The green eyes glared at the older man who now had a pleased expression on his face. "I didn't say you could go shooting spells at me!"
"Well, it's an improvement." Lucius admitted as he slowly walked a circle around Potter and studying him from different angles. "I suppose with the right training you could pass for a Malfoy…"
"I don't want to be a Malfoy!" Harry protested, his voice angry. First he had forced him to bathe and now the Death Eater was circling him like he was some animal being sold and checked for flaws! "Stop circling me like some blood-thirsty hawk! I'm not a horse at an auction! And what did you do to me?"
Lucius walked a bit down the hall until he reached an ornate mirror. "Come see for yourself…"
A heavy feeling of dread settled in Harry's stomach and he feared to discover what the unfamiliar spell had done. But he wasn't a Gryffindor for nothing. Bravery demanded that he walk forward and look into the mirror, so he stalked forward until he stood before it. The mirror itself was a work of art but then everything within Malfoy Manor was that way. It was circular in shape and was framed by two dragons, one dragon on each side of the mirror. Their wide spread wings met at the top of the circle while their tales intertwined at the bottom. Each sported a red glistening jewel for its eye but he couldn't tell if they were garnets, rubies or some other type of gem. He suspected that Draco would know though…
And speaking of Draco, since when did the pale-haired Slytherin have intense emerald eyes? Then Harry spotted the slightly red scar on the forehead. His mouth dropped open as he realized that he was gazing at himself. Shutting his mouth firmly, he spun around and pointed an accusing finger at Lucius. "You changed my hair color!"
"Of course I did. Surely this is preferable to the dungeon or being killed, isn't it?" Lucius asked innocently as he blinked his gray eyes. "Must your hair always stick up at odd angles? Doesn't it ever lie smoothly? Although I must admit it's better than her hair…"
Ignoring the Death Eater's comments and questions, Harry stalked angrily down the hallway. He could hear the older man trailing along behind him but he didn't care. He was going to go find Draco, as this whole mess was his fault! "Drat Pureblood!"
Voices could be heard from up ahead and to Harry's relief they were familiar. He stormed through the doorway and found himself in a large decorated room. The furniture was done up in brilliant red with gold trim, the legs the odd curvy kind that belonged on antiques. The furniture was arranged around the outer edges of the room and included two sofas and six chairs. A large area rug done up in red and gold rested in the center of the room, a fancy legged coffee table resting upon it. The ceiling had an elaborate ceiling medallion directly in the center and a gold chandelier provided light thanks to the many candles that glowed on it. The room's four long windows were framed with brilliant red curtains tied with golden sashes. A merry fire crackled in the fireplace, an oblong mirror hanging above what must have been the most distinguished mantelpiece he'd ever seen. He just gawked at the room for a moment and a thought leaped into his head of its own free will.
Why the heck is the room done in Gryffindor colors?
Shaking his head, Harry stormed up to the young couple that occupied one of the red sofas. Stopping in front of them, he stared down at Draco and Hermoine. "Notice something different?"
"Harry! You changed your hair!" Hermoine exclaimed as her brown eyes went wide.
Draco leaned back against the soft but firm backing, one long arm resting atop the sofa. One leg was crossed neatly over the other and he appeared perfectly calm. His gray eyes flickered from the top of Harry's head to his shoes and back up again. When he spoke it was with confidence and suave. "Well, I see Father is taking my advice. That's a good sign he won't kill you."
"You advised him to do this to me?" Harry waved an agitated hand at his new hair. "This wasn't part of our plan! I thought we were just going to tell him you wanted to marry Hermoine? How the heck did I end up like this? He was spouting some nonsense about Pansy!"
"Well, there is the contract with Pansy's family to consider." Draco replied calmly. "Now don't get upset, Harry. This will work out to your advantage, really."
"My advantage?" Harry cried, frustrated and angry. "Your father forced me to take a bath!"
"And is that a bad thing?" Draco raised a dark eyebrow. "Really, Potter. You act like bathing is some horrible thing, right up there along the likes of basilisks and giant spiders. And I strongly suggest you don't do any of the usual rolling around in the dirt or crawling in chimneys or wherever you get all that dirt from…"
"Well, I wouldn't have to do all that if it wasn't for some freak with red eyes trying to kill me!"
"…Because Father will just force you to wash again. He expects you to stay neat and clean. One needs to make a good impression. We are above everyone else you know…"
Harry managed to restrain himself from slapping Draco or some other just as stupid act of violence. He slowly counted to ten in his head and reminded himself that the blonde Slytherin was his friend now. Beating him up had never solved anything in the past and it certainly wouldn't solve anything now. Besides, Hermoine liked him and the last thing he wanted to do was get on Hermoine's bad side. She just simply knew way too many spells! Maybe he should be less judgmental and hear the blonde out. He needed to be cool-headed and logical, but unfortunately that had never been one of his strong points. He tended to get emotional and fly off the handle, blowing up aunts and stuff. Harry let out a big breath and forced himself to relax somewhat. "So this has something to do with a contract?"
"The contract specifies a male Malfoy must marry Pansy. Since I wish to marry Hermoine then someone else has to marry Pansy. Therefore we have decided to create a new Malfoy, which is you of course. It's quite clever, don't you think?" Draco drawled from his spot on the sofa.
"Oh Harry," Hermoine said as she jumped up from the sofa and hugged her best friend. "The hair looks rather nice. It really does. And your eyes stand out so much more this way. Could you just try it for a short time? I'm sure you'll discover its not all that bad."
"And my scar? I'm sure people will notice that as well." Harry pointed out. He had spotted it right away in that dragon mirror and he was sure that everyone else would see it, too.
"Muggle make-up should cover it up…" Hermoine replied as she pulled Harry down onto the sofa on her other side so she sat between the two boys.
"And if I go through with this masquerade your father will let you marry Hermoine?" Harry asked as he leaned forward so he could see both of them.
"Father really didn't say. I presume he's still thinking about it." Draco swung his foot onto the floor and stood up. He walked out into the middle of the room and spread his arms out wide. "Look at this place! Look at this place and tell me you wouldn't want to live here, Potter. It's a mansion! And just think, no more going back to those horrid Muggles, ever. Surely that would be worth a little cosmetic change, wouldn't it?"
Harry's eyes flickered around the room again. He supposed most of the stuff was antiques and priceless, but material things really didn't interest him all that much. It was just stuff. Even the gold Galleons in his bank vault was just stuff in a way, too. The few things he highly valued were his father's invisibility cloak, the Marauder's Map and the photos in his album, especially the one of his parents. He also valued his broomstick but when it came right down to it a broomstick could be replaced. Although his broomstick was the fastest in the world, a Firebolt, it was still just a broomstick with no special sentimental value. "I'm not really all that impressed with material items, although I am curious why the room has Gryffindor colors…"
"What? You're not impressed?" Draco's jaw dropped and his gray eyes widened. "The Lady's Parlor is one of the most beautiful rooms in the house! My Mother entertains her guest here but she allows me to use it sometimes…"
"Harry isn't fazed by wealth I'm afraid. He gave the prize from the Triwizard Tournament away, remember?" Hermoine said soothingly as she went to join Draco in the center of the room.
"He did what?" Draco exclaimed, shocked. "Why did you do a dumb thing like that for?"
"Because it was dirty money, blood money. I didn't want it." Harry honestly replied as he nervously ran a hand through his white hair. After his hand passed through it the various strands stuck up at crazy angles and it looked considerably worse than before. "Besides, I didn't need the money. I have my own."
"All right, so you don't want any of our money. That's OK. There's more for me that way." Draco smiled and walked back to the sofa. Sitting down, he threw a brotherly arm around the other boy. "Come on, Harry. We could be brothers! You'd like that, wouldn't you? You could have a nice bedroom all to yourself, no annoying cousin, and three square meals a day plus Father will arrange a nice, respectable marriage for you!"
Harry shook his head. "I really don't think this is going to work…"
"Of course it will! We're Slytherins! All of our plans work!" Draco said with confidence.
"Then why can't Voldemort ever kill me?"
"SShhhhhh! Don't say his name, Potter!" Draco cried, aghast. "Look at all the trouble Father went to disguise you and you want to blow it by saying his name?"
"This is the stupidest thing ever! It has more holes than a hunk of Swiss cheese!" Harry declared loudly.
"But we'll make the plan work! We're Gryffindors!" Hermoine said happily as she plopped down next to Draco. "You want me to be happy, don't you?"
Harry groaned and hid his face in his hands. There was no way out of the madness unless he could shove it onto someone else. But he couldn't do that, either, as it wouldn't be right and he always tried to do what was right. Before he could think up another feeble excuse a dark figure appeared in the doorway.
"Harry, come here. I have something for you." Lucius said from where he stood in the doorway with a fake smile on his face.
Eyeing him suspiciously, Harry nervously got to his feet. He suspected that the Death Eater was trying to appear friendly and harmless but was coming off badly. Smile or no smile, he still didn't trust Lucius Malfoy. Walking across the Persian carpet, Harry stopped several feet away. "What do you want now?"
"I want to see how you walk, boy." Lucius replied as he held out a dark green vase. "Put this on your head and walk across the room."
"What! I'm not crazy! I'm not going to put a vase on my head!" Harry cried as he took several steps away from the Death Eater. His green eyes shot around the highly decorated room paying special attention to the walls and ceilings. He was sure there was the dark dot of a camera lens hidden somewhere! But the room had too many fancy three-dimensional swirls on the ceiling and floor. The Purebloods called it tin ceilings but Harry didn't know this; to him it was just odd swirls covered by pale cream paint. "What is this? Some form of Candid Camera? Well, I'm not falling for it!"
"Now what are you blabbing about, Potter?" Draco asked, aspiration in his voice. "Why must you turn every little thing into a big deal? And I assure you I had to do the same thing as a child."
"It's to improve your posture." Lucius remarked. "Malfoys walk straight and erect. We do not slouch or do any other numerous things that people of lesser blood do."
"My blood is just as good as yours! All blood is the same!" Harry insisted loudly.
"And we do not raise our voice…" Lucius calmly replied. "And no, not all blood is the same. Purebloods are superior and we will always be so. And if you wish to prove that you're just as good as a Pureblood then walk across the room with this vase on your head. If you can do that, then I shall consider the possibility."
Harry glared at him. Snatching the vase from the Death Eater's hands, he carefully placed it on his head. He felt incredibly stupid but the older man had goaded him into it. "I feel like an idiot!"
"You can do it, Harry!" Hermoine cheered him on from her spot on the sofa.
"Just wait until you have to do this, Hermoine." Harry muttered under his breath. For some odd reason the vase didn't want to balance on his head and he kept readjusting it. But as soon as he took his hands a fraction of an inch away the drat thing wanted to fall over! He gritted his teeth and straightened his spine, loud popping sounds coming from his backbone. "Great, now I sound like a popcorn machine!"
But he wasn't ready to give up yet. He squared his shoulders and carefully let go of the vase. It swayed a bit but managed to stay perched upon his head. Then he raised a foot to take a step forward.
CRASH!
"Oops!" Harry stared at the smashed remains of the green vase that now littered the expensive carpet.
"Potter! You didn't even get one step!" Draco cried.
Lucius groaned from his spot in the doorway. It was clear Potter would need a lot of work before he was ready to date Pansy!
To be continued…
AN: Hope you liked this chapter. By the way, the Ladies Parlor described here is from a real mansion in my city and is also described in my other HP story, "Symbiosis". So tune in for the next chapter to see what else Lucius will make Harry do and if Draco can marry Hermoine!