Dazed and Dumbfounded 6
AN: I have a lot more crazy ideas planned so the chapters should hopefully be coming quickly. Of course, I will take time off to read HBP! But I think everyone will be reading that, right? I'm going to go pick up my copy tomorrow morning. No midnight line for this gal. I had it on order since Feb…can't believe the wait is almost over! By the way, the word Scaphium is Latin for bowl. It's the closest I could get to vase using the online English/Latin dictionary. So don't let the odd word confuse you. One must do research to create spells .. hee-hee. Oh and since the last few chapters have focused a bit on Harry this one will be with the 'lovebirds'. OK?
Lucius pointed his wand at the smashed vase. "Scaphium Reparo!"
The various shattered pieces flew back together neatly and the green vase was whole once again. Scowling, Harry picked it up and stormed out of the room past Lucius. He was going to go practice in private and just maybe he'd outsmart the Death Eater. There had to be an easier way out of this ludicrous situation. There always was.
Lucius hovered in the doorway, uncertain if he should talk more to his son or go after Harry. He didn't exactly care for the idea that Potter was wondering about his mansion freely but then there was a Muggle-born sitting in the room his wife used to entertain her guests. This was getting out of hand. Trusting Potter to be sensible enough for a few moments, the Death Eater hurried into the Lady's Parlor. Stopping before the sofa where the two sat, he gazed down upon them. "Draco, I'm beginning to think this is a bad idea. Oh, it's entertaining enough to watch Potter's reactions but it's never really going to work. Are you certain this isn't some rebellious phase you're going through?"
"Of course I'm sure!" Draco replied as he rolled his gray eyes. He then focused his eyes on his father's face. "I suppose it may seem that way to you but I assure you I'm not rebelling as you call it. I just love Hermoine. Is that so hard to understand?"
"But she's a Muggle-born!" Lucius protested, still aghast by the mere idea of it.
"And she beats me in every subject." Draco admitted as he leaned back against the sofa, relaxed. "I think her grades prove she deserves a little better, don't you think? And she may be a Gryffindor, but she's a clever, sneaky Gryffindor. She'd make a perfect addition to the family. And I really don't see why we Malfoys must scrape and bow to that thing. It's degrading; Father, and you know it! Your childish behavior and misplaced loyalties to that monstrosity have dragged the family down into the dirt. I say its time we repaired our image. We're Malfoys! We don't bow to anyone, remember?"
Lucius was quite taken aback by this speech and his lips narrowed in anger as he contemplating slapping Draco across his face for the bad words. But he stayed his hand and instead glared down at his son. "And what would you have me do, Draco? With this mark on my arm I have no choice but to obey him, even if its clear his goals have changed. I was young and more than a bit rebellious when I joined his group of Death Eaters. It was exciting, going around and terrorizing helpless Muggles. I admit I enjoyed it. It gave me a sense of power, of belonging. And above all I believed he meant to further the goal of the Purebloods. But since then things have changed. The crisis of the Purebloods has been forgotten in his all-consuming rage to murder Potter and achieve revenge. Nor can I just walk away. Deserters are hunted down and killed along with their families."
"Why don't you just get rid of him?" Hermoine asked.
Lucius stared at her in surprise. "Are you suggesting that I should kill him?"
"Of course! Its how these things work isn't it?" Hermoine rolled her brown eyes. "Haven't you ever seen Return of the Jedi? It was Darth Vader that killed his evil Master, not Luke! And if Vader would have lived he would have become Emperor!"
"Emperor…" Lucius spoke to himself. The word had a nice ring to it. It spoke of power, wealth and thousands upon thousands of willing subjects. And servants, one mustn't forget all the servants! Yes, he liked house elves as servants. And all he had to do was kill Voldemort to get it….
"Oh great!" Draco moaned as he took in his father's far away gaze. "Now you put an idea in his head, as if he wasn't power hungry enough!"
"Kill Voldemort! I can't do that!" Lucius snapped out of it as he realized his twisted power-hungry mind had gone off the deep end. "He'd kill me!"
"Well, can't you give him some cookies with ex-lax in them or something?" Hermoine asked innocently.
Both Draco and Lucius looked at her blankly.
"It's this special type of Muggle chocolate…" Hermoine started to explain.
"You want me to kill him with chocolate?" Lucius asked, shocked. "That's the most stupid thing I ever heard!"
The Death Eater made a special note within his mind to go find some of this special chocolate called ex-lax. It was no doubt a Muggle thing. Then his face paled with utter horror. Muggles! If Draco really did marry Hermoine he'd have Muggle-in-Laws! It would be an out right scandal! They'd probably want to visit his house and they'd talk about Muggle things. Heck, they'd give him Muggle Christmas presents! Moaning, he collapsed heavily into a nearby bright red chair, his face in his hands. His son was going to ruin him!
"I'm not going to have Muggle-in-Laws!" Lucius cried with determination as he glared at the two of them. "I'm not going to have Muggles visit my home! There has never been a Muggle inside this house, ever!"
"Well, you can visit their home." Hermoine replied matter-of-factly as she patted his hand lightly. "My parents aren't all that bad. They're dentists."
Lucius glanced up at her, an unfamiliar expression in his gray eyes. For one, he never had anyone pat his hand before and he didn't know what to make of it. Was she trying to comfort him? Or was it some sneaky thing akin to what Slytherins did? But then she was a Gryffindor and Gryffindors thought differently. They were weak and didn't consider getting the better of someone else noble. Slytherins, on the other hand, considered it their primary goal. Second, she had spouted another one of those puzzling Muggle words. "Dentists?"
Hermoine smiled brightly at his question, pleased that he was interested in learning more about Muggles. "Yes, their dentists. See, they have this special chair they put a person in and then they look in the mouth. They use metal tools to scrape at the teeth and so forth. And sometimes they use this big drill to make holes in the teeth so they can pour melted metal in…"
"Drill? Holes? Melted metal?" Lucius leaned forward, interested. "Why, Miss Granger! You never said your parents enjoyed torturing Muggles!"
Hermoine's brown eyes widened as his choice of words but she nodded her head in agreement. "Oh yes, they've been doing it for years! And sometimes they cut the gum away from a tooth and just jerk it right out!"
"Oooh, how deliciously sickening!" Lucius rubbed his pale hands together as he tried to picture the poor hapless Muggles strapped into the torture chair, big straps around their arms and legs. The big shiny drill would come down, closer and closer to the Muggle's open mouth. And then there would be wonderful screaming! A grin spread across his face as he looked at her.
"Well, it's not exactly like that…" Hermoine started to say but he cut her off with a wave of his long fingered hand, his ring flashing in the sunlight.
"There's no reason to be modest, Miss Granger. I have been a bit puzzled why you wished to marry Draco knowing full well I'm a Death Eater but now I understand."
"But my parents are helping Muggles!" Hermoine cried.
Lucius grinned. "Yes, and I enjoy helping Muggles, too."
"Hermoine," Draco said as he looked at her wide-eyed. "Your parents really don't do that, do they? I mean with the drill and all? And why would anyone pull a tooth out? Do you realize how much that must hurt?"
Hermoine sighed. "Yes, Draco. They really do that. And people pay them, too."
Lucius blinded in surprise. "Muggles pay to get tortured? I had no idea…"
"I told you it's not torture! My parents help Muggles care for their teeth!" Hermoine insisted as her eyes flashed angrily.
"Oh, yes. Like drilling holes in teeth is helpful!" Draco shook his head, his blondish-white hair in his eyes. He loved Hermoine but sometimes he just didn't understand her Muggle ideas at all. "Well, I hope you know I'm not letting them near my teeth!"
"Oh, there's nothing wrong with your teeth!" Hermoine huffed in indignation.
"Yes, and I'd like to keep it that way!" Draco replied quickly as he watched her. "If they go drilling holes in them there certainly will be bloody things wrong with them! Granger, sometimes you don't make any sense! Muggles are all crazy if you ask me and this is proof!"
"You just don't understand!" Hermoine glared at him but was determined to ignore the crazy Muggle remark. It wasn't really Draco's fault he didn't understand Muggles or their ways. How could he when he had zero experience with them?
"May I interrupt for a moment?" Lucius asked as he watched the two have their little dispute.
"What?" Hermoine turned to look at him.
"Do you think it's possible I may get one of these drills?" The Death Eater asked hopefully.
"NO!" Hermoine replied. "Their only for licensed dentists that have gone to school and learned how to use them properly! Besides, it needs electricity to run which I must point out you don't have."
"But it sounds like such a nice torture device. I thought I could add one to my dungeon." Lucius remarked.
Hermoine's face paled.
"I thought it was OK with you that I was a Death Eater."
"Well, I'm marrying Draco, not you." Hermoine answered, her voice a bit shaky. Sure she had known he was a Death Eater, but to hear him talking so casually about wanting to torture people!
"But you will live here and you will have to accept facts."
Hermoine stared him boldly in the eyes. "Just like you'll have to accept the facts that my parents are Muggles!"
"Yes, well, I need to think more on this…" Lucius stood and left the room, his thoughts on whether or not he could possibly acquire one of these Muggle drills… And he mustn't forget about that chocolate, either. Now what had it been called, ed-max? The Death Eater shook his head as he strolled down the hallway, his long snowy locks trailing smoothly down his back. As much as he had enjoyed talking of Muggle torture with Miss Granger, he needed to see where Potter had wondered off. He came around a bend in the hallway and a slight grin spread across his face as he spotted the boy.
Harry walked towards Lucius, the big green vase secure on his head. "Hello, Mr. Malfoy."
"Well, I see your posture has improved greatly!" Lucius replied happily.
"Yes, sir. I've been practicing." Harry replied.
Lucius eyed the vase perched on top of Harry's head and his gray eyes narrowed to slits. The vase seemed too steady. It didn't wobble or wiggle at all, which was very odd indeed. And this was no ordinary boy he was dealing with, this was Harry Potter, the one that hexed bathtubs and killed Dark Lords. The Death Eater's lip wavered slightly at the corner as he thought up a particularly good plan. One hand darted into his pocket and accidentally dropped a golden Galleon onto the smooth wooden floor. "Oh! I dropped a coin. Will you please pick it up for me, Harry?"
Harry eyed him for a long moment and shrugged. Bending forward, Harry picked the coin up and handed it to Lucius, the green vase staying stuck firmly to the top of his head the entire time!
"You're cheating!" Lucius growled as he pointed at the vase. "It stayed on your head! You're not supposed to use spells, boy!"
"I didn't use any spells!" Harry said hotly as he glared at the older man. "You took my wand away, remember?"
"Then why didn't it fall off your head?" Lucius reached for the vase and gripped it firmly with both hands. He tried to pull it from Potter's head.
"Oowww!" Harry cried in pain. "You're pulling my hair out!"
"Give me back my vase!" The Death Eater demanded. "What the heck did you do, glue it to your head!"
"Yeah!" Harry admitted. "I found some glue in your office…"
Lucius sighed. The boy had Slytherin tendencies all right, especially the one for cheating!
To be continued…
Hope that was funny!