Title: In Every Sunflower

Author: Erica

Disclaimer: Despite owning a large collection of OC related pictures, DVD's, CD's, and one huge-ass movie poster (courtesy of my wonderful brother and sister), I don't own The OC.

Rating: PG-13. Or T or whatever the hell that means in the new rating system.

A/N: I haven't been around forever but I am back. For those of you who don't know, I am Obsessed01 but my old username sucked so I made a new account.

Now, I started this story while I was still writing my last and, hopefully, this one will be heaps better. It's a futurefic focusing on (drum roll please…) Seth and Summer! No surprise. It's a pretty traditional storyline but I'm hoping to shake things up a little bit and make it more interesting. I'm adding flashbacks in this story. The flashback will be an entire chapter, but probably much shorter than an actual chapter. They'll be completely random. Okay, well not completely. They'll pertain to the story but they are in no particular order. I am not beneath begging for reviews but please, spare me my dignity and just review.

"She started breaking but she still won't let it show." -Stars

"Dinner?" Summer asked as she padded quietly into the small kitchen in the apartment she shared with Seth.

Seth shrugged. He was seated at the table, a bowl of Cap'n Crunch in front of him.

"We don't have anything better than cereal?"

Seth shrugged again. "I didn't feel like getting anything out," he said finally.

"Oh," Summer said quietly, walking over to the cupboard and grabbing a bowl. She sat down across from him and took the box, pouring her own bowl half full. She picked up the carton of milk and emptied what was left of it on top of her cereal.

Just when Summer was about to conclude that Seth was not in a talkative mood, he spoke. "What did you do today?"

Now, Summer shrugged. "I talked to Marissa for a while on the phone and then I cleaned up some. I contemplated getting a job and then I pondered the meaning of life for about an hour."

"Why would you get a job?" Seth asked, not rudely.

"To help out around here," she explained.

"Summer, you don't need to get a job. Okay?" Seth tried to tell her. "We're doing fine."

"I know that," she said. "But another income wouldn't be such a bad idea."

"Summer," he said, his voice becoming firmer. "You should rest."

Summer looked up at Seth, and he saw a flash of conflicted emotions in her eyes before they turned dark again.

"It was five months ago, Seth," she said quietly, sternly, and using his first name. She always used his first name now.

"And look at you," he said, motioning to her with the hand that wasn't currently holding his cereal spoon. "Look at us."

"Thanks, but I'd rather not," she said, getting up and clearing her place though she'd only eaten four bites.

They had been pushing a lot of issues to the backburner lately. They always promised they would deal with them later but later just kept getting further away.

"That's our problem," he continued as she walked away.

"Stop it, Seth," she said, practically biting off the words. She placed the bowl in the sink and turned on the faucet, watching the water drown the sugary cereal pieces.

"No," he said, dropping his spoon and turning to face her. "We don't talk about anything anymore. Why?"

"We talk about stuff," she tried to defend, knowing full well that they didn't. The last time she had had a conversation with her husband where she actually told him what she was feeling, what she was really feeling, had been five months prior. Now, she had what she often referred to in her head as "surface conversation". They talked in the morning and when they sat down to dinner, but they never went any deeper. She figured they were doing each other a favor by not.

"Don't give me that bullshit," he said, turning back to his cereal. "You don't talk to me anymore."

"Well, at least you're always walking around here pouring your heart out." Living with Seth Cohen can turn even the most unsarcastic person into a smartass real fast.

"Why won't you talk about this with me?" he asked, his tone changing from bitter to soft.

She shut off the water and rested her hands on the edge of the sink, staring down at the cereal bowl whose contents had been flooded down the drain moments before. "Because I don't want to."

"Summ—" he started but she cut him off.

"It was five months ago. We don't need to talk about it," she said with an air of finality.

"You don't think it would help things?" he asked slowly.

"I think it would help things if we just didn't talk about."

She couldn't understand why Seth was bringing this up now. It had been five months since it happened. He hadn't tried to talk about it then. He hadn't tried to talk about anything. Neither had she. And so that was where they were now: having Surface Conversations while underneath, they were both miserable. She kept telling herself that it would get better. That one day, she would make them a real dinner. One day, he would kiss her goodbye before he left for work again. One day, they would try for another baby.

"When was the last time we had sex?"

"What?" she asked, turning around to see him get up from the table and walk towards her, placing his bowl in the sink.

He was looking down at her, waiting for an answer, and she noticed how much taller than her he was.

"When was the last time we had sex?" he repeated.

"Well, I forgot to mark it on the calendar so I'm not sure," she spat sarcastically.

"That's because it was a month ago," he told her.

"What does this have to do with anything?" she asked, walking away from him and going back to the table where she picked up the half empty box of Cap'n Crunch and popped the little tab into the slot, closing it.

"You didn't even get off," he said, as he leaned against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest, ignoring the fact that this was a very odd and somewhat graphic discussion.

Summer bit her tongue and resisted the urge to tell him that that was not her fault. "So what? I still don't see where you're going with this."

"We used to do it twice a day," he said, like that explained why he was having a conversation about their sex life. Or, it seemed to him, lack thereof.

"We've been married for over two years, Seth. Our sex life is going to change," she said, shutting the cupboard after putting the cereal inside. "People change after marriage."

"People change when they bottle shit up and don't talk about it with anybody."

"What point are you trying to make?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest and mimicking his stance. She was getting fed up with dancing around the topic. If he insisted on discussing this, she wished he would just get to it.

"The point I'm trying to make is that since we lost the baby, we haven't been the same. You haven't been the same. And I'm sick of pretending like everything is okay."

Summer stared hard at Seth. She didn't know what to say. All along, she had wanted him to just come out and say it and now that he had, she was rethinking that decision. It seemed that as long as no one talked about it, as long as no one said anything, maybe it wouldn't be real. Maybe, she would wake up one day and realize it had all just been some terrible nightmare.

But it wasn't a nightmare. It was real. And Seth had just confirmed it. Since we lost the baby. His voice wrapped around the words and they threw themselves at Summer and now, she didn't know what to do with them. She wanted to dodge them. Ignore them. Maybe, what she needed was to catch them.

Tears filled her eyes and she turned her back to him, walking towards the living room but pausing in the doorway. "I'm going to bed," she managed to say.

-----

It was a long time before she felt Seth crawl into bed next to her. She wanted to roll over and cling to him and let him take care of her like he always did. She wanted him to hold her and tell her that everything would be okay. That they would make it through this, like they made it through everything.

I mean, they didn't get all the way here running away from their problems. In high school, college, even marriage, they faced everything head on, hand in hand. Granted they hadn't exactly dated all the way to the altar. They made it through high school and they both attended colleges within four hours of each other because, that was what they had agreed on. But slowly they started to grow up and apart they decided that it was time for them to try to do this on their own. The break-up was mutual and they remained close friends. They still saw each other on holidays because, well, they did live in the same small town.

It wasn't until the middle of their senior year in college that they realized all they really wanted out of life was each other. They were home for Christmas break and hanging out together, as per usual, but there was a sexual tension she hadn't noticed before. She kept catching him staring at her and he would just blush and smile and look away. She brushed his hand with hers at one point and, in their own private way, got the message across because he showed up on her doorstep later that evening and kissed her right on the mouth. He didn't go home that night.

They wrapped up their senior year and a year after they got together he proposed. Some thought it was too soon but they didn't understand Seth and Summer. Things moved quickly with them. They always had. The wedding wasn't small by any standards but it wasn't the usual Newport blowout. Seth and Summer just had a lot of friends and family. A year later, Summer found out she was pregnant.

She closed her eyes and tried to fake sleep because Seth was sitting up next to her in the bed. She felt his eyes boring into her back and it was all she could do not to squirm under his gaze. She wanted to turn around and ask him just why he was staring at her so intently. Instead, she shut her eyes tighter and concentrated on something else. Anything that didn't have to do with her husband or their shared history.

------------------

She heard Seth get up that morning and go into the bathroom to shower and start his morning routine. Everything seemed routine with them these days. It made it easier on them. If it had been fourteen months ago, she would have gotten up and brushed her teeth and maybe, if she were in a really good mood, she would have jumped in the shower with him.

Nowadays, she would just head downstairs and make breakfast, preparing Surface Conversation for them so they didn't even have to think. But not today. Today, she was tired. She wanted to sleep. So, she pulled the blankets tighter around her and ignored the light coming in through the windows and falling in big squares across their bed.

Finally, she heard the water shut off and the last few noises of him finishing up in the bathroom. He walked out of the bathroom shirtless, toweling off his hair. He noticed the lump in his bed and wondered what Summer was still doing sleeping. He grabbed his t-shirt and pulled it over his head before walking into the closet. He emerged moments later buttoning up his shirt and walking over towards Summer's side of the bed.

"You not getting up this morning?" he asked, sitting down.

Summer slowly opened her eyes and looked up at him before she shrugged her shoulders as best she could.

"Are you still mad at me?"

"I wasn't mad at you," she told him.

It wasn't a lie. She wasn't mad at him. She was mad that he brought up that subject. She was mad that they had come to be this way. She was mad at Cap'n Crunch and Surface Conversations. She was mad that she had let him believe she was mad at him.

Seth looked at her before reaching out a hand and gently stroking her cheek. "I'm worried about you."

"I know," she said.

He nodded before he stood. "I'll get my own breakfast this morning."

He walked out of the room and Summer listened for a few more minutes as he made noises in the kitchen fixing his cereal. It was a quiet for a while and Summer knew he was sitting at the table, eating his cereal, and reading the paper. She waited a few moments longer, holding her breath, before she finally heard the apartment door open and then shut. No kiss.

-----

She managed to fall back asleep for a few hours because when she woke up the glowing digital numbers on her clock told her that it was 10:30. She sighed and rolled over, still feeling no desire to get out of bed this day.

When it became obvious that she had slept herself out, she sat up and, pulling the covers close to her chest, reached for the television remote. She clicked on the TV, hoping she might be able to find something decent but doubting it. She flipped through a couple of court TV shows, The Antique Roadshow, and some cheesy Lifetime movie before settling on the Home Shopping Network.

She sat through the last few minutes of the sterling silver jewelry before an ad for Tupperware came on. Once she realized how thoroughly pathetic the situation looked, she wanted to cry. The tears welled in her eyes before she had even processed this thought.

She watched the woman on the screen as she neatly packed things into the containers and smiled, even adding a "Presto!" at the end. The woman made it seem like everything in the world could just be packed into its proper container and stored away. She wished it were that simple. Summer would give anything to pack the last five months away and start over. Just like the woman on the screen. Presto.

Summer hadn't even heard Marissa coming, otherwise she would have had enough sense to wipe her face and nose. But, while Marissa is habitually loud in her actions, her movements were almost always inaudible. The door opened slowly and Marissa appeared, dressed simply in jeans and a long sleeved gray t-shirt she had pushed up to her elbows.

"Sum?" she spoke quietly, looking hard at her friend. "I didn't see you downstairs," was what she said before walking over and climbing into what was normally Seth's spot on the bed.

Summer sniffled a little and wiped her nose on the blanket. She glanced at Marissa briefly and tried to smile. Marissa smiled back but it was as if she was wearing sympathy as her lipstick.

"You crying over Tupperware?" she asked.

Marissa was different than Summer in the sense that she would ease into tough conversations like these. Summer would jump right in and ask what she wanted to ask. She was blunt like that. Marissa liked to let her talk in her own way.

Summer laughed but she sobbed a little too. She shook her head.

Marissa scooted closer and pulled Summer into a hug. "Come here, baby." Summer buried her face in Marissa's neck and let the tears leak out. Her body shook every once in a while and Marissa just rubbed her back and talked to her. "Let it out," she said.

When Summer finally felt like she couldn't cry anymore, she pulled back a little, keeping her head on Marissa's shoulder. Marissa asked if she wanted to talk and Summer nodded her head the tiniest of bits. "I don't know where to start," she said quietly, once she realized this.

"Start anywhere," Marissa told her.

There were times when Summer really resented the psychology classes Marissa had taken in college. She always knew just what questions to ask to get the information she really wanted and Summer found it a lot like cheating. However, this time was not the case. Now, she just wanted to tell Marissa, or anyone really, what was going on with her and be assured that they would listen.

"I didn't get out of bed this morning," Summer said.

"I see that," Marissa stated, picking up the channel changer from the bed and turning off the television.

"I didn't make Seth breakfast."

"I'm assuming he made it himself," Marissa said. "Seeing as how there were spilled Fruit Loops all over the counter."

Summer smiled. It was just a little one but it was there.

"We got into a fight last night."

"Ah," Marissa said, finally beginning to understand what was going on. "About?"

Summer was quiet for a few moments. "The baby," she finally whispered.

This time, Marissa didn't say anything. She just pushed Summer's hair off of her forehead and leaned down, kissing the top of Summer's head.

Summer knew that she probably wasn't still supposed to be this close with Marissa. She had thought that the only people who stayed close with their high school friends were the people in movies and television shows. So, when they split up to attend their separate schools, Summer braced herself for the loss of her best friend. But, while she and Marissa did experience some rough patches, much like her and Seth, the relationship was never ended completely.

She wouldn't say that they were closer than they were in high school. But the ties were definitely deeper. Stronger, somehow. Maybe it was because Marissa had grown up and learned what it meant to truly be someone's friend. Maybe it was because they were adults now, dealing with adult issues; issues that seemed so much bigger than them at times. Like now.

"You know, it's funny, we never really talked about it when it happened," Summer said, staring at the wall ahead of her. She felt Marissa nod against the top of her head. "I don't think either of us wanted to."

"It's a painful thing to talk about," she said. "You didn't want to relive it."

"And now," Summer pulled a thread on her comforter before tears clouded her eyes again, "we're so different."

Marissa was listening patiently, waiting Summer out.

"Seth was right. We don't talk like we used to." Summer sighed. "Everything is routine. It's like we're not even living anymore."

Marissa pulled her closer, appreciating the way Summer clung to her. She hugged her for a long time and whispered, "You'll be okay."

-----

Summer heard Seth come into the apartment. He called her name once, she guessed, because he didn't see her. Finally, he came up to their bedroom. He opened the door to see her sitting up in the bed, still in her pajamas, watching old Golden Girls reruns. Seth didn't even know they still showed that program.

"Did you get out of bed once today?" he asked, coming to sit next to her.

Summer nodded and noticed that Seth looked a little relieved. That relief vanished though, when she said, "I got a glass of water and then I had to pee."

"You're kidding, right?"

"Nope," she was staring at the TV, refusing to meet his eyes.

"So, what did you do then?" he asked. "Just sat here and watched TV all day?"

"I slept some and Marissa stopped by," she said, not wanting to go into details about the conversation they had had.

"Is this all about last night?" he asked suddenly, looking at the side of her face.

"Seth, I think we should talk," she said, shutting off the TV and finally turning to face him. He noticed there were tears in her eyes.

"It's about time," he muttered.

"Last night, you told me to look at us."

Seth nodded.

"So, I did. I spent a lot of time looking at us. Thinking about you and me." She took a breath. This was one of the most agonizing things she had ever thought to do but she knew if she didn't, they would keep on living like this. And she didn't want that. For either of them. "Neither of us are okay. You were right. We don't talk anymore." She took a deep breath. "And I was thinking that maybe we should take some time off. You know? Maybe it would help."

Seth felt like she had just physically reached out and slapped him. His cheeks even stung a little. "You mean, like a separation?" he asked slowly.

"Yeah." She nodded. The tears in her eyes were teetering on her lids and she wasn't sure which way they were going to go.

"Are you…are you serious?"

"It's not permanent," she tried to tell him. "I just think that maybe we should do our own thing for a while." She shrugged. "I just need to catch my breath."

Summer slid her hand across the bed and touched his. He rubbed his thumb gently across her knuckles. Then he picked up her hand and kissed it ever so lightly. She smiled.

He wiped a stray tear from her cheek. "I have to do something," he said, standing up.

She looked at him, mixed emotions swirling through her head and heart. "Okay."

As she watched him walk away, she couldn't help but feel somewhat relieved. At least now, she could stop waiting for him to kiss her goodbye.

-----

"Coming!" Marissa yelled at whoever was knocking on her door. "Seth," she said, surprised to see him.

"What the hell did you say to my wife?" he said, pushing past her and into her apartment.

"What?" Marissa asked, thoroughly confused.

Seth crossed his arms and stared at Marissa. "What the hell did you say to my wife?" he repeated, slower this time.

"Look, Seth," Marissa started, shutting the door and walking into the apartment. "I walked into your bedroom to find her crying during an infomercial for Tupperware. Obviously, there's something wrong there. Forgive me for giving her someone to talk to!"

"You can let her unload on you all you want," Seth said. "But don't go putting stupid ideas about separations into her head."

He was about to leave but Marissa stopped him. "Separation?" she said. "What are you talking about?"

Seth looked at Marissa and he could tell by look of utter bewilderment on her face that she was indeed telling the truth. Seth uncrossed his arms sighed.

"Summer asked me for a separation tonight," he stated.

"Oh my god," Marissa said, looking almost as shocked as Seth when he found out. "Are you kidding me?"

Seth shook his head.

"I'm so sorry," she said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"No," he said. "I'm sorry. I barged in here accusing you of things when I didn't have any real evidence."

"Hey, don't worry about it," she said, leaning against the back of the couch. She crossed her arms under her chest and said, "God, a separation?" as if the words didn't make sense.

"I know she's hurting," Seth started. "She's in so much pain and I can see it. And it just kills me to know that I can't do anything about it."

"Summer feels things differently than most people," Marissa said, though it was pointless because she knew Seth knew Summer well enough to know that. "Deeper, somehow."

Seth nodded. "I hate knowing…that she thinks she might be able to get better if I wasn't there," Seth said and his voice was shaky. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat but it just seemed to get bigger.

Marissa squeezed his arm. "Do you want some coffee? Maybe, talk about it a little?"

Seth thought for a few seconds and nodded. "Yeah. Thanks." He followed her into the kitchen. "You're not going to pull any of your physcology shit on me, right?"

"Only for you," she said, looking back at him and smiling.

TBC…