Disclaimer: Not Mine!

Author's Note: Well I didn't get as many complaints about Haldir as I thought I would. I promise you, I am not going to completely tarnish him in your eyes. He is still my second favorite elf, you know. Okay just to give some perspective, at this point Van and the elves are three days away from the cave, and Atavus and the twins are six days away.

And I feel I must apologize for my recent absence. I promise I was not intentionally avoiding my story. I just couldn't figure out what to do next. My plot bunny stuck this great idea in my head for a twist, but then left me completely lost as where to go from there. So I spent two days going back over what I had written, plus listening to parts of the movie soundtrack the whole time hoping it would inspire me. Well I don't know if it's inspiration, but I am back on track, and it only took me a day and a half to write this chapter, which matches what I was doing when I was posting a chapter every other day. So hopefully the trend will continue.

And as a note to my readers who are also reading my Phantom phic I will be putting that project on hold until this story is finished. I have found that it is too difficult to go back and forth between the two genres without getting messed up in the end. I promise I will not forget it, and I know I am leaving Erik and Lily hanging, but I will get back to it as soon as possible, when I can concentrate on it alone.

Going Back

Van had finally convinced Bala to tolerate the elves and dwarf that were now traveling with them. But still she stayed next to Van, eyeing any of them that drew too close. She especially watched Veri, and the woman began to wonder if maybe the creature was jealous of her motherly actions towards the boy.

Veri, Legolas, and Gimli stayed near Van, asking him questions about his journey to find the others. "You said Atavus would not look at you, Van, and she would not tell you why." Legolas commented wondering on his friend's strange actions.

"She didn't look at anything while I was there. She kept her eyes either closed or facing the ground." Van answered sadly.

"She wouldn't even look at Elladan or Elrohir?" Veri asked just as puzzled as Legolas was.

"No, not them either. Do you know what is wrong with her, Legolas?" Van looked up to Legolas as being very wise, and was sure that if any of them knew it would be Legolas.

"No, I'm afraid I don't, Van. But I intend to find out." Legolas answered, looking back yet again in the direction they had come from. The thought of leaving his friends behind, and in danger was as bitter as the thought of what they must face ahead.

"It is time. Up scum." They heard the human voice call out from the door leading out of the dungeon. It was Kellet. Two of his men began opening cell doors one at a time forcing the elves that were half starved and bruised to walk out of the door next to Kellet. When they reached the last cell, holding Atavus and the twins Kellet unlocked the door himself. "Well, looks like it's time to be on the move again, troublemakers." He said as they went in and strung the three captives together again.

"Where's Haldir. I want to speak to him again." Elladan demanded.

"If the Dark Lord wishes to speak to you, he will call for you." Kellet said smirking at the elf's insolence. "And I promise you, none of you really want to face him."

Atavus could hear something different in the man's voice. He was threatening as usual, with a healthy amount of contempt, but she could also hear a small flicker of fear. Had Haldir really turned completely evil? She prayed that the elf she had met had retained some of the good she had seen in him upon their only meeting.

As they were drug into the courtyard in front of Isengard they could see a group of about thirty elves, bound and strung together in a long line. They were placed in line with Atavus at the end. The men surrounding them seemed to be waiting for something.

Atavus no longer kept her gaze to the ground. She wondered if it was because she knew what her eyes told her was a lie, or if she was just accepting what was before her as the madness crept through her mind.

She watched, as the humans seemed to snap to attention as one. She turned her face back to the tower and saw Haldir standing on the steps just outside the door. He was dressed all in black, but not in the uniform of the March Warden of Lorien, and his flowing white hair was pulled back revealing how gaunt his face looked. If anything she thought he looked even emptier than when she had seen his dead body on the walls of Helms Deep.

He motioned towards Kellet, who commanded his men to get them moving. Atavus walked with her head at a difficult angle trying to see Haldir, who was behind her and to the left about ten feet. Somehow she knew that the key to removing her affliction could be found inside that one elf. When he drew closer to her she felt the same menacing feeling she had felt while in the cave.

Several times as she stared at him, he would look towards her catching her eyes, but then look away quickly, almost as if he was ashamed of something. They traveled the entire day that way. Elladan had tried to talk to Haldir several times only to have one of the men backhand him, demanding silence.

When they stopped at noontime for a meal she heard Haldir order that food be given to the prisoners, but she also heard one of the men passing out bread mutter something about wasting good food on corpses. Atavus did not eat the bread she was handed, and she also noticed that Haldir took nothing either. From the looks of him, he had been afflicted for quite some time, and she wondered how much worse the madness must be for him.

By that evening they were closer to the mountain ranges and on harder ground. The men drove stakes into the hard earth and tied the captives to them. She sat across from the twins as they whispered to each other.

"There are more of us than them. Why do we not try to overpower them?" Elladan whispered motioning to the other elves surrounding them.

"Look around you, El. These elves are undernourished. They have been battered and abused by these men. Do they look to be in any condition to escape? Some can barely walk." Elrohir pointed out.

Atavus stared at the other elves, surrounding them. She too knew some of them from the time she had spent in Mirkwood with Legolas. But they were barely recognizable to her corrupted vision. She hadn't realized how bad it actually was.

She turned to where the men were gathered, noticing that Haldir was standing away from them looking into the setting sun to the West. She could tell by the tilt of his head that he was listening to their whispered conversation. "He listens." She warned the twins.

"I don't care if he listens." Elladan growled in a louder tone. "He should hear our words. Maybe they might bring him some shame at the treatment of his own kind."

Atavus watched his reaction to the words. For a moment she thought she saw his face turn down. Could he still feel shame? Could he still feel compassion? She saw him spread his hands out in front of himself, and she knew what he was seeing. It was the same thing she saw when she looked at her own hands. The hands of a corpse. Then he drew his hands behind his back and stared to the sunset as the final rays sunk below the horizon.

A few moments later Haldir turned around briskly and headed towards the tent that the men had set up for him to sleep in. A moment later Kellet exited the tent, and walked towards them.

He called six of his men to follow him as they drew closer. "The master says you two might try to escape in the night." He said as he stopped in front of them.

Elladan stared up at them with pure contempt on his face. "It didn't seem to me that your master even cared what was going on around him."

"Oh he cares. He cares enough to order you two to be a little more securely bound." At his command the men went about driving extra stakes around where the twins were, and then forced them to the ground on their backs, so their hands and feet could each be bound to a stake, instead of just their hands, like the other captives. Atavus watched as the twins tried to fight the men, but it was a useless attempt. There were too many of them, and the twins were weak from the numerous beatings they had suffered.

Atavus watched as the men took turns kicking the twins after they were tied down. She wondered if this was part of what their master had commanded. "What of me?" She called out loudly. "I am with them. Am I not to receive the same abuse?"

"Kellet, that is enough." Haldir's voice called from behind the men. She could hear the menace that the voice held, and watched as the men slipped away quietly, not wanting to face the Dark Lord.

"I'm sorry, Master. The men got a little out of hand." Kellet's voice trembled slightly.

"I'm sure you had nothing to do with it." Haldir said icily. "Bring her to my tent. I wish to speak to her." He commanded turning back to the tent.

Atavus looked to Elladan and Elrohir. She knew they must be in pain from the beating and wished she were able to help them. But she was untied and pulled to the tent instead.

Kellet pushed her into the tent, but stayed outside himself. The tent was large enough to hold a small table that she could see Haldir sitting at, with a very old book opened upon it. There was also a small cot on the far side of the table, which he motioned for her to sit down upon.

She said nothing, staring at him, waiting for him to say something, anything.

He hadn't looked at her yet. He stared down at the text in front of him. "Do you know what this is?" He finally asked.

"No." She answered.

"It is a very old text. It describes the first days of Middle-Earth. It tells of the Valar. It tells of their contributions to our world. And it tells of Melkor, and his betrayal of the Valar." He said closing the book. "I have studied every ancient text that I could find. I have gone in disguise to Minas Tirith, and searched the libraries there also. Nowhere have I learned anything useful, that could stop what I must do."

"And what is it must you do?" Atavus asked, dreading the words he was to speak.

"Thirty more souls. That is all it needs. Thirty souls of elves, and then I will be able to rest." He said not looking up from the book.

The realization of what he meant swept over her like an icy wave. "You are going to feed it." She said closing her eyes imagining the blood of thirty elves soaking the cave floor.

"It must feed. It must grow strong." He whispered.

"What happens if it grows strong?" She asked her voice beginning to tremble.

"It becomes a doorway." He answered.

"A doorway to where?" She said closing her eyes, not wanting to see him anymore, or hear the words he would say.

"To nowhere." He answered, becoming angry and slinging the book off the table.

She stood and walked to the table, standing before him. She placed both hands on the table before him, leaning closer. "You mean to the Void." Her voice said accusingly.

He did not answer her. So she continued to speak her thoughts. "A doorway into the Void. A doorway that he can enter." Again he said nothing. She backed away a pace placing her hands on the edge of the table. "Answer me. Are you helping Melkor to return to Middle Earth?" Her voice was louder than she intended, but she had begun to feel anger bubbling forth.

He finally looked to her, and she could see his answer in the shame across his face. "I have tried to find a way to stop it. I have tried everything. But the madness consumes me. It urges me on. I hear his voice in my head." Haldir said standing on the other side of the table.

She could see the madness consuming him in his eyes. It shone brightly. How had he contained it for so long? "Why tell me this?" She asked shaking her head, not understanding why he would confide in her.

"Why?" He repeated her word. He looked at her, and for a moment she could see a flash of the old Haldir in his eyes. "Because you know the madness. I thought maybe you might understand."

"Understand." She said sinking back to the cot behind her. "I understand the madness, Haldir. I understand it well." She paused for a moment seeing the small smile cross his face. "But that does not absolve you of the guilt you carry now, or the guilt to come, if you do this."

His face fell at her words. He paused for a moment and she could see the emotions cross his face. The final emotion was the look of shame she had seen earlier. "You are right. I know you are." He said crossing the tent and kneeling before her, grabbing both her hands. Her first reaction was to pull away, as she felt the icy coldness in them. "But you do not understand fully." He said not allowing her to let go.

"Then make me understand." She said deciding that she would have a fight on her hands convincing him to stop the madness he was unleashing on their world.

"Can you imagine my shock at waking after my death, expecting to see the halls of Mandos surrounding me, only to find darkness? Pure darkness." He began. "And then to hear a voice so evil, so malevolent that it froze my very soul. You can feel the icy cold that has infected my soul. You can feel it now in my hands."

Atavus shook her head not completely understanding his words. So he continued. "My time in the cave affected me. It gave him a hold on me. It brought me to him. To the Void. Or at least the part of my soul that wasn't trapped in the cave. That part is still there in the Void with him. He whispers to it, and I can hear him here." He said tapping the side of his head.

"But what of your body? How is it here and alive?" She asked not knowing if her own affliction was causing her wits to be dull, or if what he said just made no sense.

"The party of elves that were to take my body back to Lorien, were waylaid by some humans that had been working for years to bring unsuspecting travelers to the cave. The cave too had affected them. They too followed its orders. Melkor's orders." He explained.

She remembered then how the spirits that inhabited the cave had tried to enter her, to escape the cave. "Your body was an empty shell. And your spirit somehow united with it." She said beginning to understand.

"Yes. I had to fight the other apparitions to gain it. But I did it, only to realize after leaving the cave that part of my soul stayed in the Void with him. I am not truly alive Atavus. You can feel it in my hands. They are cold as death. The part of my soul that inhabits this body is so small, and so weak. There is not enough of me. Being the way you are now, can you imagine hearing that voice in your head at all times, urging you to kill your own kind?" He finished his story.

"No I can not imagine what you are going through. But what will happen if He does enter our world Haldir? I'm assuming the rest of your soul will be able to enter that doorway also. You will be whole again. But the Haldir I met in Edoras, would not be able to live with what you are unleashing upon this world." She said rubbing his cold hands trying desperately to break through the madness; with the comfort she was offering him.

He bowed his head staring at their hands, then closed his eyes just letting the warmth from her fingers warm his own. "My soul will not enter this world again, Atavus. I will join it in the Void. That is my punishment for what I am going to do. I accept it. To be whole again I will accept it."

"No, Haldir. You can not." She said reaching up placing a hand beneath his chin and pulling his face up, forcing him to look at her own. "You would damn all of Middle-Earth, to gain this comfort for yourself."

She could see him flinch at her biting words, but she could also see his gaze turning to ice again before her. He stood quickly turning away from her. "What do you expect from me, woman? Am I to live a life filled with this madness and pure hell?" He swung around and she could see the full extent of his anger in his eyes. "I am not one of the Valar, Atavus. I am but a single elf. You expect too much of me. Now leave me be." He yelled, and immediately Kellet entered the tent, and roughly drug her out.

She had seen Haldir motion to Kellet as she was pulled from the tent, and was surprised when she wasn't tied. She was left next to the twins, and men were posted several feet away from her, allowing her the freedom to check on the twins.

She kneeled next to Elladan, letting her eyes fall closed as she begun to check his ribs for fractures. She could not trust her eyes anymore. She would have to rely upon her other senses if she was to be of any use as a healer.

She hadn't realized that she had started crying, until Elladan spoke. "What happened, Ata?"

Her eyes flew open, and her hand went to her own cheek feeling the tears there. "I can't speak now, El. I must think."

"Did he hurt you?" She could hear the menace in his voice, and immediately started shaking her head.

"No. We just spoke." She answered wiping the tears away, trying to gain control of her emotions.

"Why do you cry then?" Elrohir asked not believing her denial.

"These tears are not for me, Ro. They are for him." She whispered turning her face towards Haldir's tent.

Author's Note: Oh yes nice long chapter, with lots of conflicting emotions. Oh yeah. I am so back. My writer's block is gone. And I'm going to start on the next chapter immediately. Let me know if my explanations of Haldir's situation confused anyone. It seems like I was rambling a little bit there.