Author's Note: Short chapter, sorry!
I open my eyes and okay so lyke, there's this huge... train? (oh yeah. train station trains. but...)
Ohplease.
A train.
Seeeeeeeeeriuhsly.
Those things still exist?
Whatever.
The train wasn't even the freakiest part, kids. I looked around, you know, lyke checking the scene. And there's the weirdest looking people - I am soooo frikkin serious. People with poofy hair and people who were like seven feet tall, so I'm like... "A mix of geeks and basketball players?" Okayyy whatever. I would totally spill my water bottle on kids like these back home.
Everyone was dressed in weird clothes, like, I saw an old man in a dress - yes, seri-eeh-uhs-ly a flowered sundress. If my grandpa wore that, I'd be glad when I saw the hearse with his coffin in it.
Someone please call the "What Not to Wear" crew! Do it before I throw up on my new cashmere sweater, pleaseeeeee.
And okay, there's all these kids with frogs. Toads. Same difference, kay. And kids have rats, too, I mean, can you see "rabies?" Why do you bring a rat on the first day of school, or a toad, huh?
Maybe it was to pull pranks on the teachers. Yeah, kay, that had to be it. Otherwise, lyke, this school had to be a rehab center. "The English Institution for Drug Rehabilitation." Was that it? Ohgawd. What was I getting myself into? Pranks, I thought. It had to be for pranking.
Then I snap back to reality and look around a lot more. This was rilly weird. Uh-oh.
Okay, Clarissa, explain this: Why were kids bringing owls?
Pretty much every kid there had an owl in a cage.
Isn't thar illegal?
Maybe these kids really were on something. I squeal. Draco looks at me and raises his eyebrow.
Oh, mommy, help me pleaseeee. I think I'm gonna go die in the corner. I'm stuck in some weird train station with pranksters and crackheads. And this train leads to God-knows-what-kind-of-school. I feel lyke... barfy. Ewwwuh!
So I say to my Draco, "Hurry. Let's get in so I can sit, I rilly don't feel hot."
"Oh, you're hot, dear," he says, winking at me. Ohhh. Cute.
But I'm so not in the mood for lovey-dovey so I grab his hand and start leading him inside. We sit at a compartment and I hear that "toot-toot!" sound and we're off, and ohhh man, hand me a barf bag, 'cause I've never been on a train before in my life.
And oh, man, this was worse than a plane to me for some reason. There was this weird feeling in the air and it just made me want to regurgi-whatever last night's "treacle cake."
So it's just me and Draco, just sitting there next to each other, and I feel better just knowing that he shut his trap 'cause I told him my head ached.
Then, of course, three people come in. Three RILLY RILLY RILLY ugly people. Two fat boys, one tall and one stubby-short (aka, weighs too much for his height, someone call Jenny Craig) and a really square-looking girl.
"Draco, my love!" yells the girl.
"Oi!" as the British say.
"Fuck you!" as I say.
Of course I didn't say that. It'd be a rilly weird first impression.