Disclaimer: I own neither Harry Potter nor Avenue Q (although it would be really cool if I did…)
Chapter 2
Draco made his way up to the Great Hall, flanked as usual by the two walking lumps of lard, Crabbe and Goyle. "So, what's the plan for today?" he asked his two minions.
"Uh, uh, I dunno, Malfoy," Goyle managed to speak.
"Yeah, uh, I guess… I dunno," Crabbe said, sounding just as stupid as his moronic counterpart.
"Oh, you two are completely useless!" Draco shouted at the pair. They were so hopeless it was almost unbearable. Why did he constantly surround himself with such brainless oafs? Oh, yes, of course, because they were just about the only people his father would let him be around.
The trio finally made its way into the Great Hall, with the thoughts of two of them on nothing but food. Draco, however, was thinking about a variety of different things-
Wham! A small, red-haired… something collided into Draco, sending the both of them flying across the entrance hall. He got up, winded, and brushed himself off before looking around to see what it was that forcefully collided with him. He looked down and found the answer. A slender, red-haired figure lay at his feet, moving as though to get up. "A goddess," he softly whispered, as he bent down to help her up. The figure on the ground looked up at her attacker/helper and let out an audible gasp, recognizing him. Draco dropped the girl and backed away a few steps, looking horrified.
"Weasley, watch where you're going!" he growled.
Ginny looked up, glaring at him. She should have known better than to think that someone would actually bother to help her. She sighed, pushing herself off the ground, and walked past Draco towards the stairs, purposely ramming into his shoulder as she passed. Draco stared after her as if in a trance, then shook his head and followed Crabbe and Goyle into the Great Hall, just in time to see Goyle leaning over the Gryffindor table… hitting on someone? Well, trying to- and 'trying' being the operative word. Draco squinted to see who the object of Goyle's affection was, and stepped back, shocked. There was no way that Gregory Goyle was hitting on…
Three weeks had gone by when Seamus plowed through the portrait hole and collapsed on the sofa, alone at last. The books he had piled on his arm fell, first, into the armchair he put them in, and then, onto the floor, one by one. Oops. He bent down to grab the first book off the pile.
"Ahh," he sighed. "Finally- I have the entire place to myself. No one to bother me; maybe I can finally get some of this work finished." He kicked the pile of books as and end to his statement, and then watched as the precariously leaning tower finally crumbled under the impact of Seamus' kick. Suddenly, the portrait swung open, intruding on Seamus' thoughts.
"Oh. My. God." Dean said, sounding like he wanted to both laugh and vomit at te same time. "You'll never guess what just happened at breakfast."
"Dean, do you mind?" Seamus said, annoyed. "I'm trying to get some work done here."
"Never mind that! This is big!" Seamus rolled his eyes. Dean continued. "So, I was sitting down at the table, eating my breakfast, when this guy comes barging past, knocking me headfirst into my bowl of oatmeal. Man, oatmeal, that's some nasty stuff. I mean, it tastes okay, but that's definitely not the first thing I want to get a face full of first thing in the morning."
"To the point, Dean," Seamus sighed.
"Oh, right, sorry. So, where was I? Oh yes, face full of oatmeal. So, I grabbed Ginny's napkin out of her hands (don't think she appreciated that) and started to wipe some of that crap out of my eyes so I could glare at the guy. I turned around, after getting most of the stuff off, and the guy was just staring at me. Like, not one of those mean 'Grr, get out of my way' stares. It was so weird; it was like one of those 'Ahh, I think I'm in love' stares. So, I'm glaring at the guy, with oatmeal dripping out of my hair, and he's just staring at me with some really sickening puppy dog eyes, and the whole hall is just quiet. Meanwhile, Harry, Ron, Neville, Ginny, and about 5 other people I'm sitting with are dying, trying not to burst out laughing. Finally, the guy's friend drags him away, looking at me- trying not to puke. Everyone starts talking again, and the jerks I'm sitting with are practically rolling on the floor with laughter. And you'll never guess who it is!"
Seamus stared with his jaw dropped. "That's it?!" he exclaimed incredulously. "You interrupted my important, valuable work time to tell me about some guy that was trying to hit on you at breakfast? Ugh, why are you even telling me this? Like I'm supposed to care about some gay guy?"
"Well, I'm sorry, I just thought you'd want to hear about it, that's all," Dean said.
"Well, I don't," Seamus snapped.
"Ok," Dean said, "but just so you know…"
If you were gay
That'd be okay.
I mean 'cause, hey,
I'd like you anyway.
Because you see,
If it were me,
I would feel free
To say that I was gay
(But I'm not gay.)
"Dean, do you mind?" Seamus screamed indignantly. "I'm trying to do something important here!"
If you were queer
I'd still be here,
Year after year
Because you're dear to me,
And I know that you
Would accept me too,
If I told you today,
"Hey! Guess what,
I'm gay!"
(But I'm not gay.)
I'm happy
Just being with you.
So what should it
Matter to me
What you do in bed
With guys?
If you were gay
I'd shout Hooray!
And here I'd stay,
But I wouldn't get
In your way.
You can count on me
To always be
Beside you every day,
To tell you it's okay,
You were just born that way,
And, as they say,
It's in your DNA
You're gay!
"Dean, I'm not gay!" Seamus shouted angrily.
"But, if you were gay…" Dean trailed off. Seamus paused.
"What the heck is DNA?" he asked.
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