Chapter IX: Undercover
Author's Note: Yay! people actually like this story. I'm so happy! (Runs around the room like a maniac) Wheee! (Runs straight into a wall) OOF! Argh... nose bleeding.
Act I: Insanity beyond measures
Victory For Puffy!
"Sucks for you." Puffy snickered, "You got 13 years of misfortune ahead of you, fool!"
"You believe in superstitions, Puffy?" Cornelius asked.
"After what happened to us? How can I not?" Puffy groaned. Her stomach began to growl... "So hungry... Lack of energy..."
"Yeah... we haven't eaten in a while, huh?" Cornelius patted Puffy in the back, "This curse is just brutal..."
"I am not cursed!" Fayt yelled, "Don't be ridiculous, Curses aren't real."
"YOU ARE UNBELIEVABLY RIDICULOUS!" Puffy yelled, "Just ONCE! Just once I want to hear you say, 'Oh no, I'm cursed!' or 'We're DOOMED! DOOMED!' and maybe even, 'Spare me God, I'm CURSED!"
"Why would I say that?" Fayt asked.
"Over confident aren't ya?" Puffy released all her energy, she was now deflated on the table. "Doomed and hungry... ugh... One day Leingod... One day..."
"Everything is perfectly fine." Fayt replied, "Jeez, Puffy what's wrong with you? I never seen you so bent outta shape."
"Cursed, doomed, hungry... yeah..." Puffy moaned, "How more hopeless can it get?"
"We become Crazy!" Chilico replied happily.
"Cornelius..." Puffy sighed, her head on the table. "I don't know how long I'll last... but..."
"Yes, Puffy?" Cornelius asked.
"Before I die... make sure I eat Fayt, first." Puffy sighed, "Then I'll leave this world happy and fulfilled."
Cornelius gave a nervous smile, "Umm... sure I guess?"
Fayt was shocked. "WHAT? You'll actually let her EAT me?"
"I don't see what the problem is..." Puffy replied, "You don't seem to be useful at all. This is revenge! REVENGE!"
"How could you say that?" Fayt gasped. "Sure I made a little mistake..."
"LITTLE MISTAKE?" Noppin jumped. The whole time he's been scribbling furiously on paper. In his clenched hands was a piece of parchment, his written note and final will. Count Noppin's face was stricken with anger and restlessness. "We Blame you, Leingod! You have caused us nothing but misfortune! Will you take our deaths accountable?"
"Hey wait, We're not dead yet! And Also How is it MY Fault?" Fayt snapped back.
"You almost destroyed our workshop, you read from a cursed book, broke a very expensive mirror and now we're going to freeze, starve and die from boredom." Puffy answered.
"So what are we going to do?" Chilico asked. "Will we wait till someone saves us...? Or will we starve to death first?"
"Shhh... don't rush a genius." Puffy began drill her head with as much brain power as possible.
"Maybe Puffy would like my good luck Fol?" Chilico asked holding up the single sparkling Gold Fol in her hands. "It helps Chilico all the time!"
"Good luck?" Puffy took the small gold fol in her hand. Good luck... Bad Luck... Puffy slammed her hands on the table. "I GOT IT!"
Everyone's attention was drawn to Puffy. They all stared at the small girl began to laugh maniacally. Yep... Puffy's lost it. Insanity is rare at her age as well... oh well... All Genius' are Insane in their own right I suppose. But here she was, laughing as her inspiration and motivation began to take over. The First thing everyone learned about Young Puffy, never... and I mean NEVER underestimate her. The girl is stricken with revenge and ambition!
"Are you ok, Puffy?" Chilico asked the Crazed Inventor.
"ME? OK? HAHAHAHA!" Puffy Laughed, "Of course I'm not OK! I'm STARVING!"
"Maybe giving her the lucky Fol was a bad idea." Cornelius whispered to the tiny pixie.
"So what's your idea?" Chilico asked Puffy excitedly.
"Why we break outta here of course!" Puffy yelled in triumph, "Curse or No Curse I shall prevail!"
"Dang," Chilico snapped her small fingers, "I was hoping you'd explode Fayt and use him to blow the ice away..."
"How do you plan on that?" Fayt asked, "I already tried Explosion..."
Puffy walked over to the Corner of the room. This Corner was where most of the Smithing takes place. She grabbed a large hammer that belonged to Grats. "Let me borrow this, thanks gramps." She held it up to the Sharp, Jagged Ice that blocked the Door. Everyone stared in wonder as the small girl began to smash away the Ice prison. The Loud banging caused the room to shake but surely enough, the Ice was giving away.
"I WILL NOT STAY HERE!" Puffy yelled, "I REFUSE TO GET OLD AND SENILE WITH THESE PEOPLE!"
"Don't forget Crazy!" Chilico added.
"NEVER! NEVER! NEVER!" Puffy smashed away the Ice. "I WANT TO LIVE! I WANT A FUTURE! I WANT FOOD!"
"Shouldn't someone hold her back?" Cornelius suggested.
"Nah, Puffy is good..." Chilico giggled.
"But what if she gets hurt?" Cornelius asked.
"Nah, if we go near her, we get hurt." Chilico replied.
"Do you actually think she'll get us out of here? What if she fails?"
"Then..." Chilico gave a cute smile, "we All die together!"
"I SHALL LIVE! I'LL SHOW THAT ACCURSED LEINGOD! MWAHAHA!"
"What the heck did I do to you?" Fayt asked.
"I DON'T WANT TO BE CURSED!" Puffy roared as she swung the hammer with all her might, "I WANT TO LIVE!"
In a matter of minutes The Ice was cleared away. Puffy clenching the massive hammer in her hands breathed heavily, here eyes still filled with fury. The Other Inventors were frozen at the sight... looks like when Puffy is angry, hungry and homocidal she can do anything. Yep... she can even swing a massive hammer and break through 4-feet-thick walls of Ice. Puffy was still standing by the doorway, her breath still heavy. She dropped the hammer and began to kiss the outside world! The Cold wind on her face, the Grey Clouds and the glimpse of the blue sky beyond it. She kissed the snow on the floor and before anyone could stop her she ran through the blizzard and toward the closest Grocery store.
"Freedom!" Puffy yelled.
"She actually did it..." Fayt opened his mouth in disbelief.
"Hmm... That girl is full of surprises." Cornelius replied walking out the door, his tattered umbrella in hand.
"You hungry, Cornelius?" Chilico asked on the strange man's shoulder.
"Why actually I am, shall we go for some dinner?" Cornelius asked.
"Ok!" Chilico jumped happily, "Chilico wants Warm stew! Chilico loves food!"
"Very well." Cornelius opened his tattered, black and old umbrella. "One question,"
"What is it?" Chilico asked.
"Where are we again?" Cornelius asked.
Puffy left to get some food, as did Cornelius and Chilico. Grats dragged the frozen Dejison out of the workshop and left for home. Fayt was still pondering the reasons why Puffy could break the ice but he couldn't. He walked out of the door, due to the fact that he broke a very large mirror, he bumped into a few lamp posts in the streets as well as tripped in the cold slush. 13 Years of bad luck... yep, this kid was doomed. When he arrived back at the inn he was shivering and paranoid. Noppin and Osman were the only two remaining. They stared as everyone left the room. Noppin gave a reluctant sigh.
"Well... I suppose the first step to being a genius is insanity..."
And Ladies and gentleman that is the story of the little girl, Puffy who manages to keep her sanity and save the Inventor's. So what's the moral of today's story...?
"Everything will turn out ok?" -Fayt
"People are weird...!" -Chilico
(Hits Fayt with a hammer) "PUFFY IS NUMBER ONE!" -Puffy
Well let's see... (Psychodog pulls out an envelope) "Today's Moral is..."
"... Never wear Gusto's socks..." Psychodog stares at the small paper...
"What? Gusto?" Puffy jumped up, "Not fair! He didn't even come out in this Act!"
"Well, that's all for today! Have fun with the rest of the play!" Psychodog closes the curtain.
"HEY WAIT! YOU COME BACK HERE!" Puffy yelled tackling Psychodog to the ground.
"Oof!"
Beep...
Beep...
This Scene has been omitted for your safety, while your here please donate to Puffy's 'Be the best Inventor and take over the world' Foundation. Thank you for your cooperation and we are sorry for the inconvenience.
Psychodog: "Help... Help..." (crawls away)
Puffy: "OH NO YOU DON'T! GET BACK HERE!" (Drags Psychodog by the legs)
Psychodog: "AGH! NOOOOOO!"
Act II: The Masquerade
"Well what are you waiting for?" The guard asked. "Get yer cute little asses in there already."
Oh yes, our group of heroes wished it was that easy... The room smelled heavy of tobacco and booze. Actually, heavy was an understatement. The room reaked of Booze and Tobacco. Surrounding the large, brightly lit room was a large number of men. 10 nobles? It looked more like 20 or 30 of them. All drunk and waiting for their prizes. It seemed the night's plan for these gentlemen were get drunk and crazy, and then go for the women... Mackwell's eyes twitched. Not only were these men drunk but they smelled terrible too... he could smell the disgusting stench from his location. Everyone was petrified... Nel's kitty ears drooped as her jaw dropped. Lias looked as if he would faint any second and Albel was downright pissed. Not only were the men worthless maggots but he was DRESSED as a WOMAN! Their feet rooted on the ground and their eyes bugging out in horror, there was little to be said.
"Don't play easy to get cutie," The guard said playfully at Albel. Albel squinted slightly at the man's remark. "I want you tonight."
"And do what?" Albel hissed in a low tone.
"We'll have plenty of fun!" The Guard slapped Albel's rear once more. Albel's patience was waning as he felt the hand hit his ass. Albel began to twitch. Nobody touches him and gets away with it!
"Please... refrain yourself from touching me." Albel replied twitching in anger.
"You gotta lighten up, Honey-doll!" The Guard laughed, "Come on, honey! Let's have fun later!"
"Fun...? Fun when I cut you into ribbons, maggot." Albel hissed lowly. It was barely audible.
"What was that?" The guard asked. Nel sharply elbowed Albel in the stomach. He only scowled.
"I mean... hehe, Oh I'm so nervous!" Albel rephrased in a high pitched femanine voice. "I'm really really scared!"
They all stared at Albel. Albel, the wicked in a high pitched girly voice not only SOUNDED wrong but it made them feel awkward standing next to him. The guard hardly noticed anything at all.
"Don't worry so much, Honey." The guard winked. "Now go have fun, and we'll be seeing each other tonight!"
"Heheh..." Albel couldnt take it anymore. "Just you watch worm... We'll be seeing each other tonight, alright..." He whispered under his breath. "I swear it'll be your last, worm..."
The group nervously entered the Bar, each felt rather uneasy. It was bad enough that they were crossdressing, but the feeling of OTHER men eyeing them lustfully was not only sickening but down-right wrong. Albel felt a cold chill and goosebumps erupting from his skin... it was painfully sickening.
"Lookit all the new hotties!" One drunkard laughed, "Come on over Ladies and I'll buy you a niceee cold Drink!"
"Oooh, those're some nice dolls! come sit here, honeys!" Another man hooted.
"Err... You can go first Albel- I mean... Albelita.." Nel pushed Albel forward. Albel gave a scornful glare at the crimson blade. She snickered calling him a ridiculous name like Albelita. If it wasn't for their awkward position and state of mind, Albel would have decapitated her in a second.
"Oh please, Zelpher..." Albel replied. "I insist."
Nel glared at him darkly. "Oh, but Albelita! You're SO much more prettier than I am!" Nel replied with a girly tone.
"HA HA HA!" Gusto laughed, "Don't y'all worry gentlemen, there's plenty of em to go around!"
The others glared at Gusto. Don't make it worse, fool! They all seemed to have said simultaneously. Gusto grabbed Lias and they both sat on one of the couches, It looked odd. Lias 'pretending' to be Gusto's girl. In reality, Gusto was whispering instructions in Lias' ear. Mackwell gripping the sleep vial in his hand tightly headed for the counter of the Bar. Albel and Nel uneasily made their way towards the disgusting drunkards. Nel was extremely stiff as she slowly sat herself next to a drooling old man, she had the urge to just pull out her daggers and stab the man in the face, but her self control was extraudinary. Albel was even more humiliated. He sat in between two muscular and very large drunkards, they were laughing heartilly and to his dismay were hitting on him.
"Hey there, sweets!" A big man replied, "How 'bout you and me get to know each other, eh?"
"N-no... t-thank you..." Albel replied twitching in anger.
"Move it, Basil! This chick's mine!" The other man yelled shoving Basil out of the way. "Hey, there miss, name's Reamus, how 'bout you become my girl?"
"N-no... thank you..." Albel repeated twitching violently.
"Hey wench, you might be hardbodied but man, You're HOT!" Basil hooted slapping him in the rear.
"Hehe... that's what they say." Albel replied nervously.
"Yeah outta the group, this one's my type of woman!" Reamus pulled Albel close, his arms around his shoulders. "So what's your name hot stuff?"
"Uhhh...errr..." Albel looked around.
"Her name's Albelita." Nel snickered. "Albelita, don't be shy!"
(I'm going to kill you, Zelpher) Albel hissed, "Hehe, I'm sorry Nella, I'm just so scared!" Once again in his highpitched tone.
(Nella?) Nel asked, (What the hell kind of name is that?)
Albel snickered, (That's what you get!)
(Well atleast you don't have a drooling old man on you!) Nel whispered, she shoved the drooling drunkard off her knee. His saliva and drool leaking on her. (What's taking mackwell so long?)
(Well that worm better get moving or else I'll kill him!) "My name is Albelita, nice to meet you." Albel replied all girly and shy like.
"Albelita?" Reamus paused, "What kind of name is Albelita?"
"She's a foreigner..." Nel coughed, "From Greeton."
"Ooh, an exotic one!" Reamus laughed, "I like foreigner's, so honey how about you give me your home address?"
"Well, actually..." Albel jumped away from Basil who was pulling on his skirt's laces. He was also grabbed for his legs, Albel inched closer to Nel. Nel, who didn't like Albel's rear in her face shoved him forward. Another drunkard also pulled on Nel's tail making her jump up as well. All the men began to drool inching towards Zelpher and Nox. Albel had the urge to scream out that he was a man, but it was of no avail.
"By the way, Reamus." Basil pointed out. "Didn't the Don like exotic women?"
Gusto, Lias, Albel and Nel fixed their attention on Basil and Reamus. Exotic? Don? The only type of woman that fit that description was none other than Misty Lear. Albel squinted, he knew he had to milk more information from these buffoons. Then maybe, Mackwell would move a little faster!
"Yeah, now that you mention it I think he does." Reamus replied. "The guy's a greedy pig If I ever saw one."
(They're all greedy pigs to me) Nel whispered to Albel.
(Greedy, Smelly, Useless, Disgusting, Worms!) Albel corrected her.
(For once, Nox, I couldn't agree with you more.) Nel whispered.
"Man, I feel sorry for the woman he's with." Reamus sighed, "Give him 10 minutes and the poor wench is no longer fresh. Damaged goods."
"Damaged Goods?" Gusto asked. He and Lias were slowly drawn into the conversation.
"What kind of exotic girls?" Albel asked, "Can you tell me, please?"
"Err...well... I'm not quite sure now that I think about it." Reamus replied. "Maybe the guard knows, he's with the Don all the time."
"Oh really?" Albel replied with an evil grin. "Hehe, well I guess I'll have to go ask him." Albel got up and headed for the door. Nel only stared at him oddly. (What are you doing?) She whispered. (Killing two birds with one stone, what does it look like, fool?) And without a moment's hesitation Albel disappeared outside. there was a moment's silence as Albel asked him some questions. And then a low thud came from outside. Albel conveniently kicked him where it hurt, right in the bulls-eye since using his sword might get messy. The guard groaned in pain as this 'woman' kicked him again and again. Albel was merciless and after the 30th or so kick, The man was unconscious for good. Albelita returned in the bar with a triumphant smile. No wonder his name was Albel the Wicked...
Meanwhile, Mackwell quickly and quietly slipped the Sleeping solution into a large barrel of beer when the Bartender wasn't looking. Once they took a sip outta this, they won't be awake untill next Week. Giving the signal, Mackwell sat on the other side of Gusto. Two other men were hitting on him, but being the strict refrained man he was, Mackwell made sure to be the 'cold' one. This only made the men want him more and more.
"Ok, gentleman! How about as a gift from me, Everyone gets free booze on the house?" Gusto paid the bartender and grabbed the barrel of beer. "Let's not be shy gentlemen, there's plenty to go around! We're all friends here!"
All the men cheered as they got refills in their large mugs.
"HOORAH!" They all cheered, "Bottoms UP!"
And simultaneously they all chugged down the strong Alcohol. Our group of Crossdressers stared wide-eyed at the drunkards... Eagerly watching for the Grand Finale.
Act III: Attack of the Mad Drunkards
Our heroes stared as the Drunken Nobles chugged down the drugged Booze. Any Second now, they would all collapse unconscious... Any Second now, Misty Lear and Miss Stanice would be safe from danger... Any Second now, our heroes would FINALLY STOP BEING DRAG QUEENS! Or MEN IN DRAG! Any Second now... Unfortunately that second never came. Reamus blinked as he finished the Booze... he dropped the cup on the ground and gave a loud wet burp. They all squinted in disgust. With his large arms he wiped the Beer and saliva from his mouth.
"So... feeling sleepy?" Gusto asked.
"Not really." Reamus replied, "Why'd you ask?"
"Just wondering..." Gusto replied back.
"Aren't they supposed to drop dead? And fall asleep?" Albel asked angrily at Mackwell.
"Yes, they are... but... I don't understand!" Mackwell began to think, "That was my strongest sleep solution. They should have dropped on the floor the moment the chemicals went down their throats!"
"So what's our plan B?" Nel asked.
"We haven't thought of one." Mackwell replied.
"Hey wait..." Gusto paused, "Which barrel did you put the solution in?"
"The red one of course..." Mackwell replied. "The one next to the counter."
"Hehe, is that so?" Gusto asked laughing nervously, "Well maybe there was something in the booze that, you know? Countered the sleep solution-a-thingy." Gusto nervously hid the Red barrel behind the counter so no one saw his mistake.
"That's impossible." Mackwell snapped, "It was a perfect solution!"
"Enough chit-chat!" Albel hissed, "Now what do we do?"
"Hey ladies! Let's have some fun now!" Reamus laughed, "Come on, honey! You're mine! (hiccup)" Reamus grabbed for Albel's skirt. Albel quickly dodged aside. This was bad, they were even more drunk than before!
"Come here, Sweet cheeks!" Basil laughed running for Mackwell. Mackwell slipped past him and sticking his leg out, tripped the large man over the Counter.
"Looks like we're stuck..." Nel whispered to herself.
The 30 or so men surrounded them inching closer. They had little option left open for them. Nel grabbed the Daggers out of their holsters and aimed them threateningly at the men. Albel ripped the ridiculous looking dress off of him and grabbed his Katana from its sheathe.
"What the-? You're a MAN?" Reamus asked.
"Sorry to interrupt in your ridiculous wet dreams, fool!" Albel replied.
"Aww man, And I thought I was in love!" Reamus' face grew red and angry, Nothing is worse than a violent drunk. "Stupid wench (hiccup) I'll show you your place!"
Obviously this hit a nerve for Albel Nox. Albel Nox began to chuckle to himself. The Swordsman sounded more like a madman then a Captain of the Black Brigade. "Wench am I...? You fool...I AM NOT A WENCH!" Albel roared, "Die, Worm!" Without a moment's hesitation Albel jumped in and began to slash his way through the wave of drunken men.
"Albel- wait! What about plan B?" Nel asked.
"SCREW PLAN B! SLAUGHTER THEM ALL!" Albel roared.
Nel shrugged, "Works for me."
"Looks like our cover's blown." Mackwell sighed as he ripped off his own dress. "You guys think you can handle this?"
"Oh, of course." Gusto smiled, He pushed Mackwell to the hallway, "Now run along and play Hero Mackwell, your girl is waiting."
"Don't you need help...?" Mackwell asked.
"Nah we can handle it." Gusto smiled as he pulled out his massive hammer and tapped it on his hand. "I was getting bored, anyway. What about you Lias?"
"You don't know how happy... I am..." Lias replied pulling the Priestess gown off, revealing his regular robe underneath. "So happy to finally get out of that skirt." From behind him he pulled out his own massive Hammer that was twice his size, "Well, Gusto how should we do this?" Lias asked with a gentle smile.
"Oh, please..." Gusto smiled, "After you, my dear friend."
"Please, I must insist. Gusto my dear friend." Lias replied.
Without a moment's hesitation the Drunken fight became an all out brawl. Lias spinning the hammer over his head and didn't hesitate twice to smash it on a Drunk Noble's head. It was scary... watching the Skinny and Shy Lias smashing a massive hammer at his enemies who were also twice his size. Gusto too, was joining the fray. Nel and Albel began to dispatch their own group of enemies. Albel Nox seemed to be enjoying it a little TOO much. Revenge is sweet, afterall. (But fruit helps you poop!)
"HOW DARE YOU TOUCH ME, WORMS?" Albel yelled, "You will not be forgiven!" The Drunks sloppily piled themselves on top of the skinny swordsman but Albel, with his flames of fury, Pushed them aside. "Did you enjoy touching my ass, fools? HUH? DID YOU? WELL? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" Albel began to smack them with his blade, "I'll beat you, senseless! Touch my ass again, and I'll make sure to KICK YOURS!"
"DOUBLE SLASH! HAND OF DOOM! DOUBLE SLASH!" Albel showed them NO mercy. Poor Drunk dudes... er... I take that back.
Pyschodog: (cough) Yes, it seems that Albel has lost his mind... but then again if you were touched... or in this case slapped in the ass by disgusting drunken old men (Like three times!), I guess you'll be angry too! Especially if you're really a... (twitch) man...
In a matter of mere moments. And after many swings of hammers and swords the room began to calm down. The Four of them stood triumphantly as they stared in wonder at the sea of unconscious drunks all around them. There was some moans and groans of pain but that was quickly silenced by Albel the Wicked who smacked them in the rear with his own blade. He was having so much fun, It was kind of like playing monopoly. If they do something bad like...say... sent you to jail! Then you want to pay back double! Revenge games were so much fun. Albel began to laugh to himself, cruelly.
Nel sighed in relief as she changed out of the ridiculous Kitty costume. Mission successful...Gusto gave a hearty laugh as he grabbed a barrel of beer and poured himself a cup.
"Victory!" Gusto laughed, he swallowed one gulp of the beer and within a second he collapsed on the floor, asleep.
"The fool..." Albel spat, "He drank from the red barrel."
"Let him sleep." Nel smiled, "It'll do us all a favor."
Gusto with a big smile on his face snored away his troubles. Today was a rough day, funny but very rough. Gusto deserved a nice sleep.
To be Continued
Ooh, I'm so late! Anyway, I hope its still good and OMG I just realized that I haven't updated in one HELL of a Long time. Hopefully all of you who watched Full Metal Alchemist know by now that Greed died? Old news, I knew that a long time ago since I have the Fansubs and downloaded it like 2 years ago.
Well I recently read about Greed's death in manga and I started Crying like crazy (moreso than the time i cried in the anime) Because it's like 10x worse. Greed is my fav. character as well as Scar and like... yeah... I'm devastated. The manga is that Sad... I have like hardly any motivation now. GREEEED! NOOOOOO
This Fanfic will probably end in the next Chapter. Thanks everyone for enjoying it. It means alot. Hopefully I'll get my motivation back as well.
Once again, Sorry...
For being Late and making an incredibly crappy chapter.
Psychodog Apologizes with all her heart.