Category: Angst, Adventure, AU, Slave/Master

Pairings: 1x2, 4x3 (eventually), 5x?

Rating: R (?)

Disclaimer: Standard. You know them all by now so I won't bore you with a repeat.

Warnings: This story does show how a lot of people felt about the owning of slaves, a feeling that was very alive in this country not that long ago, as well as in many civilizations down through the ages. There are some good owners and some bad owners, like in everything. If someone owning another person bothers you, you might not like this fic. But then I'm not forcing anyone to read it. There are also M/M relationships in this fic (I'm very much a 1x2/3x4 fan.) so if boys being together (and I do mean together) bothers you don't read.

Golden Lights Part Twenty-Eight

By SilverLady

Quatre sighed as he stared out the window. He had been so bored with just laying in bed that he had decided to get up for awhile, an action that he had quickly regretted. He had barely made it to the chair next to the window, his head hurting so badly it made it hard to see. He knew it would be a while before he could make it back to the bed.

He knew that Trowa wouldn't be in to fuss at him though. He had heard about the incident with the wagon when Duo had started in on Heero about the state in which he had returned.

He wasn't really sure how he felt about it. Maybe now they would be convinced that he hadn't had anything to do with the earlier incidents. He was glad that Trowa hadn't been seriously injured and yet... His emotions were in turmoil and he didn't know quite what to do.

The incident earlier had served only to confuse him more. He knew, somehow, that Trowa had been about to kiss him. What confused him, though, was the way he felt about it. A part of him wanted it very much but another part of him wasn't as sure. He'd always been taught that it was wrong for a man to lay with another man. That only bad things could come of such an unnatural relationship.

Yet, by watching Heero and Duo together, he was beginning to see that maybe that opinion was unfair. That whoever had come up with the notion had not seen all the sides of the issue. He had seen nothing but gentleness and love between the two, nothing unnatural about that. In fact, their relationship seemed better and more stable than many of the supposedly natural male/female relationships that Quatre knew of.

And now he was beginning to find himself attracted to a man himself. And not just any man, but the man who had bought him and now claimed ownership of him, as if he was nothing more than an animal to be possessed. That made things all the more confusing. How could he be interested in such a person? Someone who callously owned others as if it was nothing. A person who could allow himself to possess other humans as if they were stupid fools incapable of taking care of themselves. And to expect them to obey him blindly, without question.

Was he strange and unnatural himself? Did that explain why he had never responded to Carlia's advances? Why the thought of laying with her, or anyone else for that matter, had left him with a cold feeling in the pit of his stomach?

He moaned softly and leaned his head back. He was so very confused. He didn't know which way to turn or anyone he could talk to. Duo would be no help in this; it was painfully obvious which way his feelings lay.

And what about Trowa himself? Was all of his pondering for nothing? Did Trowa simply think that, as his property, Quatre's body was free for the taking? That he could be used to relieve an itch that hadn't been scratched in a long time?

What would he do if Trowa did actually try and do something more than had already happened? Did he want something more to happen? And for that matter, exactly what was that something more? Angil had described sex to him and he'd seen Duo and Heero doing it, but he himself had never experienced it. Was it anything like the odd dreams that had woken him from time to time since he had reached his thirteenth year? The ones that had found him lying in his bed, hot and trembling, with an ache deep in his groin that took so very long to go away. He had never remembered the exact details of any of those dreams; they had mostly been vague feelings and blurred images.

Please, Great One, show me the way. Give me a sign. Tell me, what am I supposed to do? Is it wrong in Your eyes to desire, and even to love, another man. Am I going against everything You stand for? Am I dishonoring You and my family with these thoughts? Should I see where this course will lead me or am I deluding myself with feelings that don't really exist?

*****

Trowa winced as he shifted his weight, trying his best to keep his leg as still as possible. The doctor had told him that he had overextended the muscles in his leg and that he would have to stay off of it for at least a few days. He had also informed Trowa that there was no way they could leave for a least a couple of more days. Quatre simply wasn't healed enough to make travel a wise idea, yet.

Trowa frowned as he thought about the blonde haired slave. When it came to Quatre, Trowa found his feelings disturbingly turbulent. One minute he wanted to throttle the infuriating boy and the next he wanted to kiss him silly.

It was the second emotion that bothered him the most, though. What had happened to find him suddenly very interested in wanting to take Quatre to bed and screw him senseless? And was it just runaway hormones or was there something more? Did he want to simply have mind-blowing sex with the boy or was he interested in something deeper and more meaningful?

The only time he'd tried to go beyond friendship with another person had ended in disaster and Trowa had sworn he would never open himself up like that again. Now, one beautiful Southlander was blowing his quietly ordered world to pieces and he didn't even know it.

When he had thought that Quatre had been behind the attacks on the others he had been hurt as much as angered. To think that the person he was becoming interested in was trying to kill his friends had hurt him deeply. Maybe that's why he had responded so badly to the situation. Instead of calmly and rationally thinking things out, he had simply reacted, something he rarely did. No one had ever gotten such a reaction from him before.

The incident the day before had only made already muddy waters even muddier. He had been so close to kissing Quatre. And he knew that it wouldn't have stopped there. That he had been very close to taking Quatre, willing or not. Only his fear of how Quatre would react to the situation, and to Trowa himself, had stopped him from going through with it.

He still cringed about some of the thoughts that had been running through his head in the past two weeks about his blonde slave.  He knew that Quatre was completely innocent in all things sexual and yet he had considered having Quatre taught in the sexual arts. A move that most likely would have destroyed any remaining loyalty that Quatre might still have towards him. Plus pissing off the young man still known as Shinigami, the one person Trowa knew he did not want as an enemy. 

But it didn't calm the dreams that were coming much more frequently of late. The ones that starred a very beautiful very gentle young man. The ones that were often hot and steamy and yet were as often gentle and tender.

Could he continue to have Quatre in his possession for the five years that law dictated Quatre must remain a slave and not let something happen? Did he want nothing to happen between them? Or was fate finally giving him something nice? Was Quatre meant to be the soulmate he had always longed to have? The one person that would love him unconditionally, as even his own father had been unable to do. Or was he seeing emotions that weren't really there?

And could he bear to open his heart and find out Quatre wasn't interested? Had Quatre reacted the way he had because he was interested or because he didn't know what was happening and was afraid of what Trowa's reaction might be if he didn't go along?

Trowa sighed as he leaned his head back against the pillows. I don't know what to do. Should I pursue this or should I just forget it? I don't want to pressure Quatre into something he doesn't want. Maybe I should just forget about it. It's probably nothing more than a passing whim, anyhow. The thrill of being in control of someone. Stupid as that sounds. Besides, I doubt if Quatre would appreciate a scarred, bitter cripple for his first lover. And you know what stock those Southerners hold in being pure on their wedding day. You don't want to ruin his future, by stealing something that should be given to the one he loves and marries. Because I know that the moment I can set him free, I will. He should be free, not chained.

Trowa nodded. I'll just pretend nothing happened. It would be for the best.