Category: Angst, Adventure, AU, Slave/Master
Pairings: 1x2, 4x3 (eventually), 5x?
Rating: R (?)
Disclaimer: Standard. You know them all by now so I won't bore you with a repeat.
Warnings: This story does show how a lot of people felt about the owning of slaves, a feeling that was very alive in this country not that long ago, as well as in many civilizations down through the ages. There are some good owners and some bad owners, like in everything. If someone owning another person bothers you, you might not like this fic. But then I'm not forcing anyone to read it. There are also M/M relationships in this fic (I'm very mucha 1x2/3x4 fan.) so if boys being together (and I do mean together) bothers you don't read.

Golden Lights Part Forty-Two
By SilverLady

The ride home was made in silence. Trowa made no effort to get either of the slaves to talk to him, though he knew that there was much to discuss. Just the behavior of the two told him that. He just hoped that when all was said and done, the friendships that had begun to grow were not torn apart.

He wasn't angry with either of them, though it was a cruel and harsh way to introduce Quatre to sex. He just hoped that the experience didn't adversely affect Quatre's views on the matter. He still wanted to see if there was some way he and Quatre could work out an arrangement. That kiss had indicated that Quatre was at least a little bit interested. Now his plans would have to be put on hold.

He was furious at the guardsmen that had instigated the encounter. He had already come up with several ways of dealing with those two men, though the simplest way was just to tell Heero what had happened. He knew that would be as good as signing their death warrants. No one was allowed to hurt his Duo and they had hurt Duo more than if they had been the ones to take him.

Quatre kept throwing worried little glances at Duo, who sat huddled in one corner of the carriage. He was upset and scared. Scared at what Duo thought of him, scared of what Heero would do when he found out, and terrified of what Trowa would think of him. Even as it had been happening a small part of him had been horrified. Especially at the fact that he had enjoyed it. He had liked the feel of Duo's body beneath him and surrounding him. It was his best friend and he was raping him, and he had liked it. Those were the thoughts that kept running through his head.

How he must hate me. He won't even look at me. He just sits there like a lost child. How could I hurt him like that? And how could I be so sick as to enjoy it? What is wrong with me? Why? Oh, Duo, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me.

Duo, though, was oblivious to the looks thrown his way by Quatre or the calm watching statement on Trowa's face. He had buried his face in his knees and wrapped his arms around them, trying to close the world away.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's all my fault. I knew it was wrong. I'm sorry. Please, I'm sorry.

Trowa watched as Duo slipped quietly down the hall. He hoped that Heero could help the boy get past what had happened. All of it.

After a moment he turned to Quatre, who was almost cowering in one corner of the hall. "Don't you think you should go get cleaned up," he said softly.

Quatre looked up in shock. "Master?"

"Go ahead. We do need to talk, but you'll feel a little better if you clean up. Plus that will give Duo and Heero time to talk first. Meet me in the small dining room in two hours." He smiled faintly at the boy. "It will be all right. I'm not angry with you. You did nothing wrong."

"But-"

Trowa took Quatre's face in his hands. "You did nothing wrong." His voice was firm.

Quatre lowered his eyes. "Yes, Master."

But Trowa could hear the doubt in that quiet voice. "Go on. I'll see you later."

With a small nod Quatre turned and left.

Duo peeked quietly around the door. He could see the sleeping form of Heero from this vantage point. If he was very quiet he could slip into the room, get a few of his things, and be gone before Heero even knew that he'd been there. He'd sleep in his old bed for the night. Then he would have to wait and see how much longer he would be allowed to stay here.

He closed his eyes for a moment. He should have known that things were too good to last. How could he have allowed himself to believe?

With a sigh he crept into the room. He was just a few steps from the small chest that held his things when the voice interrupted him.

"Duo."

He froze and closed his eyes. No.

Slowly he turned around to find Heero sitting up in the bed, dark blue eyes watching him. Duo's own eyes immediately went to the stark white bandages that covered Heero's shoulder and chest.

Relief flooded Heero as he gazed at the still boy before him. He had been so afraid that Duo would hurt himself before Quatre could catch him. But he could detect no signs of injuries. "You're back. I've been waiting for you."

Duo lowered his eyes to the floor. His body was shaking so badly he didn't know how much longer he could stand. He just wanted to get his things and get out. Before the calm voice became harsh with anger.

Heero frowned when Duo made no move to come to him or to even speak. "Duo, what's wrong? Come here, please."

Duo looked up slowly. "Master?" he whispered.

Heero frowned at the word. Moving carefully, he swung his legs over the side of the bed, ignoring the pain that ran across his shoulder and chest. "What's wrong? Duo, I was so worried. Please come here."

Duo started shaking even harder. "I'm sorry," he choked out. "I'll just get my things and be gone." Slowly he sank to the ground, wrapping his arm around himself as he tried to choke back the tears.

Heero was out of the bed and across the room, trying to gather the sobbing boy to him. "Duo." His voice was full of anguish at seeing Duo in such a state. "Don't cry. Please don't cry."

Duo tried to avoid Heero. "I'm sorry. It's my fault. I'm sorry. Please. Don't hate me. I'm sorry."

Finally Heero managed to get a hold of Duo with his good hand. Carefully he forced Duo to look at him. "It's not your fault. You have nothing to be sorry for. It was an accident. You didn't realize who I was. I could never hate you, Duo. I love you."

Duo shook his head. "I hurt you. I swore I would never let that part of me n ear you, but I did. And look what happened. I wanted to kill you. I could have killed you. You're better off without me." Duo closed his eyes and buried his face in Heero's uninjured shoulder. "And I hurt Quatre. You should just kill me and be done with it. I should have died a long time ago. No one is safe with Shinigami. I-"

Heero wrapped his arm around Duo, holding him as tightly as he could. "If you were to leave me, then there would be nothing left of me. You are so much a part of me that I would die without you. And it is all of you that I love."

"But..."

Heero tilted Duo's face back up. "I've known about Shinigami since I brought you into my life. I didn't fear him then and I don't fear him now. I know it's hard, but I did promise to help you fight him and I will. I won't let you run at the first sign of trouble. I don't blame you for what happened. You were tired, scared and confused. You reacted as you were trained to." Heero smiled a little. "I'm glad to see you can still defend yourself. And you know if there was any way I could take away the pain and the memories I would do so in an instant. Quit blaming yourself for everything that happens. I should have been more careful about waking you. I know how things can be at times."

"But..."

"And you can get that notion of leaving right out of you head. I am not letting you go, ever."

Tears slid down Duo's face as he looked up at Heero. "But next time I could..."

"I'll worry about next time if and when it happens." He gently cupped Duo's cheek with his hand. Leaning forward he brushed a gentle kiss across Duo's lips. "But that is in the future and this is now." He sighed, drawing a deep breath and inhaling the unique sent that was Duo. Then he frowned, detecting something not quite right in the scent. "Duo?"

Duo had closed his eyes at Heero's gentle kiss. "Yes?" he whispered.

"What happened to you?"

Duo looked up. "What?"

Heero looked at him, anger growing in his eyes. "What happened? After you left here. Quatre went after you. I want to know what happened." He rose to his feet, drawing Duo with him. He noticed the hint of fear that flashed across Duo's face, along with a look of... discomfort.

Heero began running his hands across Duo's arms and chest. "Did someone hurt you?"

Duo lowered his head again. "No."

"Then why do you smell like sex?"

Duo buried his face in Heero's chest. "It wasn't his fault."

"What happened? Tell me. So I know who to go and kill."

Duo started shaking again. "Quatre tracked me down. I didn't even know who he was. He just kept talking to me until I remembered. But he shouldn't have followed me. He didn't have any papers with him. There were two guards. They found us and took us back to their Quarters. They..."

"Duo?"

"They made us..."

Heero waited patiently, but his anger was growing at the guardsmen that had dared hurt his Duo.

"They made us have sex. I had Quatre take me cause I knew it would be better. They wanted me to do the same thing to Quatre but Trowa showed up in time. It wasn't his fault. It was all my idea. I..."

Heero rested his chin on the top of Duo's head. "Did he hurt you?"

"No."

"Did you enjoy it?"

Duo was quiet.

"Duo?"

"It would have been nice if those guards hadn't been watching. But Quatre shouldn't have had to go through that. If I hadn't..."

"Duo."

"Yeah?"

"What happened to the guards?"

"I don't know. I think somebody said they were gonna get punished but I wasn't really paying much attention."

Heero gritted his teeth. He would deal with those two bastards later. Slowly he began to lead Duo across the room.

At first, Duo didn't realize they were moving. "Huh, where are we going?"

"To the bath. You need to get cleaned up. I'm sure Trowa would like to find out what is going on."

"Huh, now."

Heero laughed softly. "It will be all right, my Shinigami."

Duo sighed but let Heero lead him into the bath.

Heero barely looked up at the light tap on the door. Glancing at the still future curled up in his bed, he rose to his feet and headed for the door.

Opening it quietly he was not surprised to Trowa standing on the other side. He slipped through the door and into the hall. "He's asleep."

"Is he all right?"

Heero shrugged. "For the moment. Where's Quatre?"

"Also asleep. I found him drifting off in the tub."

"That's what did Duo in."

Trowa sighed. "We need to talk."

"I know. Let's go to your sitting room."

Trowa nodded. "Will he be okay?"

"He'll sleep at least eight hours. He'll be fine."

"Sounds like this isn't the first time this has happened."

Heero sighed. He knew Trowa deserved some straight answers, explanations for what had happened. Especially since his own personal slave had been dragged into it. "It's not."

Trowa stepped aside and let Heero enter the room first. Following him in, he was pleased to see that the meal he had ordered was already in place. "Hungry?"

Heero sighed as he sat down. "Maybe a little."

Trowa frowned. "Hurting?"

"Some." He watched Trowa for a moment as he got them each a plate of food. "I know you have questions. Ask."

"What happened?"

"Duo... To understand you have to know a little bit about him and what his last master was like. Actually, it started with his very first master. Duo was found wandering outside the town of Maxwell. The guy that picked him up named him Duo because he was the second boy he'd gotten that day. Just a weird quirk of a man that collected and sold little boys.

"He was bought by a man named Quillian. The guy was absolutely paranoid. He was convinced that everyone was out to get him, so he decided he need the perfect bodyguard and assassin. Someone that no one would ever suspect of being capable of such actions."

"Duo."

"He was only four at the time. Can you imagine teaching a four year old to be a killer? But it was the last bastard that owned him that really messed him up. He'd already gotten the nickname of Shinigami by then, after his master died under mysterious circumstances. I don't really know if he killed him or not. He's never said, but I don't think so. He did kill Kendall though. I know that for a fact and I don't blame him."

"That's who he thought you were?"

"Yes." Heero paused for a moment, his hands tightening as he tried to contain the anger he still felt for the cold bastard that had so hurt Duo. "Kendall liked to play. With a lot of different things. He wanted to take his little killer and make him even better. Duo still wasn't completely trained in his opinion. He wanted a cold hearted machine, not a human. So he tried to make Duo into on, by drugging him. Duo still doesn't talk much about it, but I've gathered some from what he says now and then, mostly when he doesn't know who or where he is. The drugs were designed to wipe Duo's personality from his mind. To make him a cold emotionless killer that would obey Kendall's every order. But they had an adverse affect on him. Instead of wiping his personality out, it made it split into two. Duo and Shinigami. Usually, the Shinigami side of him is deeply buried, but sometimes something will trigger it. Usually a bad dream or a bad fright. And Shinigami only knows two things. Kill and run. Kendall ended up regretting it. When he tried to correct his mistake with more drugs, Duo turned on him. To keep him from hurting him anymore he killed him. Or actually, Shinigami did.

"Sometimes though, even when the Duo side comes back, it's not quite right. He'll often forget now and only remember the before. He becomes more lost child than anything. A scared twelve year old that doesn't understand why Kendall can hurt him so much."

"So he thought you were Kendall, tried to kill him again and then ran away."

"Basically."

"Heero..."

Heero sighed. "I've been working with him and we've gotten the Shinigami side of his personality just about gone. But with all the stress of the past few months, it was not surprising to see it surface again. And he'll punish himself for letting it go. I just have to convince him that it wasn't as bad as he thinks. I know that it could happen and I know that it is probably me that it is going to be focused on. I just hope that one day; Duo can just be Duo, without having to worry about the killer lurking in his soul."

Trowa nodded. "As long as he doesn't threaten anyone else."

"He won't."

"I believe you." Trowa was quiet for a moment. "He told you what else happened."

"That those bastards forced him and Quatre to perform sexual acts for their enjoyment."

"I guess he did."

"I want those two on a spit."

"Heero."

"They presumed to do things to my Duo and to hurt and humiliate him and Quatre. That was no way for that boy to lose his virginity. Especially since he's not even complete certain about how he feels about it."

Trowa arched an eyebrow in surprise.

Heero smirked. "I'm not completely oblivious. His own stand on same sex relationships are based on what he was taught and he's finding those teachings not so... believable now. But he should make his own decisions not be forced into it to please a couple of sick bastards."

He looked at Trowa. "Is he all right?"

"I don't know for certain. He's afraid Duo will hate him and you will want to rip his manhood off for defiling Duo. In his mind, he raped Duo. Even though he was forced into it and Duo wanted it to happen that way. He's going to have to deal with it in his own way. This isn't something I can make go away."

"I'll make sure he knows I'm not angry at him. If he hadn't something even worse could have happened. Which is probably what Duo was thinking."

"Is Duo all right with it?"

"He said it would have been nice, if it hadn't been for those bastards watching."

Trowa nodded. "I think that is part of Quatre's problem. He sees it as a rape, but I think he also enjoyed what happened."

"From what I found when I cleaned Duo off, I'd say so. At least enough to come."

"That's what I thought. The best thing to do, I think, is just let them work it out for themselves."

"I agree. I just hope that they can."

"So do I."

"And those bastards?"

"Will regret they day they laid eyes on either one of them."

Heero grinned evilly. "Good."