Disclaimer: I don't own anything Ms. Lackey owns. I do own the characters, however.
I watched you grow from a fiery young woman full of spirit to the wild, courageous Herald you are today.
I sparred with you, rode with you, learned with you, ate with you, and lived with you for all those years. We laughed together after accomplishing something, we smiled together at the sight of new trainees, we cried together when the Death Bell tolled, and we lived.
We were like sisters, two newcomers to a strange place who had no one but each other and our Companions for friendship. We were country bumpkins from opposite sides of what constituted our whole world, and yet we somehow became the best of friends. There was a running joke around the Collegium, that there was no Jenna without a Jay.
You weren't the only tie to my heart, but you were one of the most important ones.
Over the years we split apart. You went off on circuits while I stayed here with the Queen. She needed me, as much as you and I had needed each other. She needed my counsel, my eyes, my heart, my soul, my everything. I was born to serve her, and we both knew it.
It hurt to see you go each time but I always knew you'd be back. We'd even speak during the circuits, my Groveborn Companion connecting us across the distance. We were good friends still, just not as close as we were before. Duties took over what spare time we had once had.
Then the war began to consume everything.
Our conversations turned from light-hearted discussions on new Trainees or the weather to the supplies needed, the losses count, to the speculation of what Herald might be sent next.
I knew then, as I knew now, that eventually you would go.
You are leaving for the front lines today. Nothing will stop you, the Queen has ordered it and so you must go. Valdemar's need has once again sent its peacekeepers into danger, and so they go. You are fighting for a cause so much bigger than yourself, for people you've never met, for a future you might not be around to see.
Ten Heralds have already proceeded you, and five more will follow. The Karsites are pushing harder than usual this time, certain they will earn a victory this time.
I almost want to beg you not to leave as you show up at my quarters for a private farewell. You don't really know if you're going to make it, I can see it in your posture, in the hesitant way you are speaking, in the careful way you are choosing your words.
We speak for awhile, and then embrace. You move toward the door, your white uniform standing out against the dark wood. "I'll be back," you say uncertainly, eyes seeking mine as you nervously play with the hem of your shirt. Your dark brown eyes seem so dark suddenly, and your short dark brown hair suddenly stands out too much against the uniform. This may be your last farewell, and the thought of that has you frozen inside.
"I know," I say, and I smile at you as you leave. I move to my cozy armchair and sit in silent contemplation, my heart aching.
See, I know you won't be back. My Foresight tells me you won't be coming back this time. It tells me that there will be no return celebration for you, no reuniting for us. I know when and how you'll die, and I also know that this is something I cannot change. You would go whether I'd tried to stop you or not. It will take six arrows to bring you down, and even then you will run and trip and stumble until you reach the enemy, taking down as many as you can with you. You are too wild to go any other way. Somehow, since the moment I met you I knew you would not be the type to lay in your bed dying of nothing but old age.
I wish I could have stopped you, but it wasn't up to me. You had to go. As every Herald learns, time and time again, when Valdemar is in need, it is its Heralds who must stand strong and fight.. When everyone else runs, it is you who must stand strong and protect those weaker than yourself. When Valdemar calls, it is you who must answer.
And when the Death Bell calls, it will be my tears who will answer.