Authors' notes: Thanks to all who review and keep us going on this story. Special thanks go out to Kitty, Jacks, Dagmar and Ty, as well as all from PRC who keep inquiring about the story! We appreciate the support, and the still breathing is very nice as well. Don't worry, we're not done yet!
Timeline: This takes place in Zeo, shortly after Jason returns as the Gold Ranger. This chapter specifically occurs one week after Chapter 9.
Adam balanced the tray of coffee cups carefully as he walked into the waiting room of the hospital. "Caffeine, anyone?"
The group gathered in the corner of the room looked up. "Adam, you are a god!" Kat said, accepting a cup of the steaming liquid.
He smiled, handing out the rest of the cups. "I do my best."
Billy took a sip and grimaced. "Tastes like acid."
"Hey, it's still hospital coffee." He dropped the cardboard tray in the trash, holding the last two cups in his hands. "I got one for Zack. Is he still in with Tommy?"
"Yeah," Kim sighed. "And Jason."
"Any change?" There was a collective shake of heads, and Adam sighed. "I guess we'll just have to keep praying."
"Why don't you take that into Zack? I'm sure he could use a little caffeine himself," Trini said.
"See if he needs a break too," Billy said. "I'd be happy to sit in."
"Will do." Adam headed down the corridor to Tommy's room.
Zack leaned back in the chair against the far wall of the hospital room, watching Jason. His best friend had fallen asleep about 2 hours ago for the first time since Tommy was brought there a week ago. He remained positioned next to Tommy's bed, holding his hand even in sleep, willing the boy not to leave him.
It broke Zack's heart to see how lifeless Jason's eyes were. In some ways it was as if Jason himself was also in a coma with his other half whose condition remained unchanged. Thank god he's sleeping at least. At least Dr. Oliver is able to get food into him by threatening to make him leave. Jason had held a constant vigil ever since Tommy was brought to the hospital. It was hard for Zack to believe that it was only a week ago when Tommy's friends and family almost lost him forever.
Zack could still hear the panic in Jason's voice in the frantic call he had received at 3:00 am at the peace conference.
Zack moaned at the incessant ringing that invaded his dreams of Rick weight-lifting. "Gregg, turn off the damn alarm," he moaned.
"That's not the alarm, genius, it's your phone," his roommate answered. "Could you please remind your friends there's a friggin time change?"
Zack rolled over and groped for the phone. Picking up the receiver, he let his head fall back onto the pillow. "Hello?" he answered groggily.
"Zack?" came a whispered emotional voice. It sounded like Jason, except that Zack had never heard his best friend sound so much like a scared little boy.
Zack sat up in bed and quickly gained his reflexes. "Jason? It's me… What's wrong?"
A slight pause followed, probably from Jason trying to collect himself. "Zack, Tommy's in the hospital and I need you…" The choked voice broke off before he could finish the sentence.
"Say no more, I'm on my way. Jase, just tell me…is he going to be ok?"
A sob followed his question. That was all Zack needed to hear as he dug into his drawer for the spare communicator Zordon allowed the former rangers to keep in case of an emergency. I'm sure this would classify as an emergency. "Just hold on Jase. I'll be there in a…" He glanced over at the other occupant of the room. "I'll be there as soon as I can."
"Okay…." came the strangled whisper, then the line went dead.
Zack turned on his light, ignoring the protest from his roommate. "Gregg, I gotta go home. I'm gonna catch a cab to the airport."
His roommate looked at him through squinted eyes. "It's three in the morning! You're not gonna catch a flight now. Go back to bed and grab one in a couple hours."
"It can't wait," Zack replied, throwing clothes into an overnight bag.
The muscular boy half sat up. "No one died, did they?"
"No, but someone might." He ran into the bathroom to grab his toothbrush and razor, then zipped his bag. "Cover for me in class?"
"Sure." Gregg was now awake enough to look reasonably concerned. "Give me a call and let me know what's going on, ok?"
"Will do." Grabbing the jacket slung over a chair, Zack walked out of the room. Huddling against the cold night air, he headed across campus to the girls dorm.
His mind raced with the information he had received. He knew Tommy was sick, but he had no idea it had gotten this bad. He had never heard Jason sound this upset before, and it scared the hell out of him. Running up the two flights of stairs, he banged loudly on the door to Trini's room.
A moment later the Asian girl opened it, wearing an oversize t-shirt and squinting into the bright hall lights. "Zack?" One look at his face and she was instantly awake. "What's wrong?"
"I just got a call from Jason. Tommy's in the hospital, and it looks bad."
"Oh God…" She took in his bag and surmised the rest of the situation. "We taking the fast way?"
"Definitely. Why don't you pick up Kim and meet me at the hospital."
"Got it." She moved to close the door, but he grabbed it.
"Hurry."
Zack sighed at the memory. If Jason's voice had scared the hell out of him, seeing his best friend has made it that much more apparent of how dire the situation was. He, Kim, Trini and Billy and made a schedule, each taking turns sitting with Jason and attempting to make sure he ate and slept. However, it wasn't until now that Zack had been able to accomplish the latter, and that he chalked up to sheer exhaustion.
Trying to get Jason to do anything in this state was like trying to move a concrete wall single handedly. Tommy was his world and, as the nursing staff had quickly learned, there nothing would make him leave his side or allow his attentions to be diverted to another source. Trying to get him to take care of himself was an impossible endeavor to say the least. However, Zack would not give up and let their friend waste away. He knew the battle of wills would begin again the moment the tired Gold Ranger opened his eyes.
Jason hadn't spoken a word since the phone call. From what Zack learned from the other rangers, his silence began as soon as Tommy was in that hospital. Not that anyone was surprised by this, as all of them were in some sort of state of shock. There had been no warning to predict how quickly Tommy had deteriorated, and none of them could believe how close they had come to losing their beloved leader. However, Jason had been to only one of them to witness Tommy's close call, and this was only compounded by the fact that he had taken his final breath before the frightening two minutes of death in Jason's arms.
There was also the issue of how intensely Jason felt for his fellow ranger, but only Trini and Zack really knew how deep the emotions ran. It was why they tried to spend the most time with him, not wanting to betray his confidence to anyone. And while the other rangers were leaning on each other for support, Jason had completely closed himself off from the outside world. Zack couldn't even begin to understand how Jason must be feeling at this point in time.
The doctors said that the fever had burned too high over too long of a period of time. This caused a massive brain overload that in turn caused Tommy's body to shut down. They had managed to start his heart again, but his brain had been damaged enough to force him into a coma, apparently a state that he was predicted to never wake up from. However, none of the hopeless predictions made any difference to Jason. He remained by Tommy's side, expressing to one and all that he wasn't going anywhere until those chocolate brown eyes opened or until Tommy left this plane of existence.
Zack's head turned as the door opened and Adam entered. He gave a small smile at the sight of Jason sleeping, then walked to Zack and handed him a cup of steaming liquid. "Thought you could use a pick-me-up."
"God bless you." Zack gratefully accepted the cup and took a sip. The bitter fluid made him grimace. "Then again…"
Adam laughed softly. "I'm a delivery man, not a miracle worker." He looked over at the bed. "Has he said anything?"
Zack shook his head. "I'm just glad he's finally sleeping."
"It's so obvious that we're losing him. If Tommy dies, Jason's going to go with him."
"I'm trying not to think about that," Zack said.
"Do you think Jason will finally tell him how he feels if…" The Green Zeo Ranger quickly caught himself, "when Tommy wakes up?"
Zack looked at him in surprise. "You know? Did Jason tell you?"
Adam shook his head. "I'm just good at reading people. Jason only confirmed it."
Zack sighed, thinking of the question. "I don't know. I sure as hell hope so, otherwise I might have too. I'm tired of seeing my best friend so unhappy."
Jason moved in his sleep, muttering something unintelligible. Adam took a step towards the bed and readjusted the blanket that had been thrown over Jason's shoulders. "I hope so too. They deserve each other."
Zack stood up, stretching. "Come on. I need to stretch my legs."
Adam's eyes didn't leave the two young men on the bed. "Do you want me to get Billy? He offered to sit with them next."
Zack shook his head. "I think we need to give these two some time alone. I hate to think that our presence would keep Jason from saying what he needed to say to Tommy, and I think we may be doing just that." He put his hand on Adam's shoulder. "We'll still keep a close eye on him."
With a nod, Adam allowed himself to be guided out the door.
Jason smiled at the warmth that surrounded him, and the feeling of the familiar hand in his own. He pulled the blanket tighter around him, silently wishing to remain in this comforting place.
But reality kicked in again in the way of the steady humming of the machines around him and the constant tone of the heart monitor. With a sigh Jason opened his eyes and stretched his limbs, looking around the room that had become his home for the past week.
Silently he gave thanks for the absence of a sentinel in the room. He loved his friends, and he knew that they were worried about him and only wanted to help. But he needed some time alone with Tommy every now and then, to try and figure out how the hell he ended up in this position.
Everything was so great when I left for Switzerland. We were best friends. How did it go so wrong? Mentally he retrieved the memories of his last civil moments with Tommy.
Jason leaned against a tree in the park, watching his best friend pace. "Tommy, would you calm down?"
"How could you take it? How could you even think about taking it?"
"How could I not? Come on Bro, you know as well as I do what an amazing opportunity this is."
"Sure it's an amazing opportunity...on another continent!"
"I know Switzerland is far away. But if I let this chance pass me by I'll never forgive myself! Think of everything I'm going to learn. I'm getting the chance to work with delegates from all over the world. I'll be studying policies, proposing treaties - the ideas born at the Peace Conference could go on to change the world!"
"Change the world?" Tommy threw Jason an exasperated look. "Jesus, Jase, you save the world every goddamn day! Is that not enough for you?"
Jason met his gaze. "Maybe I want to see if I can save the world without the power. I'm ready to move on to a more intellectual playing field." As soon as he said that he wished he could take it back. That did not come out right.
Tommy glared at him. "So sorry fighting Lord Zedd isn't intellectual enough for you."
Jason sighed, pushing away from the tree. "That's not what I meant. Being at the Peace Conference is going to be saving the world in an entirely different way! I'll actually get to sit down and debate with people, and not have to worry about fighting my way through hordes of putties."
"That's a bullshit excuse and you know it," Tommy said angrily. "You have responsibilities here. Your team needs you!"
Jason's response stopped Tommy dead in his tracks. "It's not my team anymore."
The White Ranger looked at him, his chocolate-colored eyes filled with guilt. "That's not fair, Jase. I didn't make that call. If it was up to me you would still be leading this team."
Jason sighed. "I know. I'm not trying to blame you, or to punish you. Adam, Rocky and Aisha will make great rangers - on your team. They don't need me to lead them, they need you."
Tommy stared at him, his eyes pleading with Jason to change his mind. "I need you."
Jason felt those three words slice into his heart like a knife. He wanted so badly to just wrap his arms around Tommy and say, "To hell with Switzerland." But he caught his last thread of resolve and held it tight. It's better this way. He'll never be a leader with me here.
Tommy continued with his thoughts, unaware of the silent battle his words had instigated in his friend. "I don't to know to lead a team. I've always just followed you. What am I supposed to do without you here?"
Jason put his hand on Tommy's shoulder. "You are a natural leader, Bro. All you need to do is trust yourself."
Tommy looked at him dubiously. "You really think so?"
Jason gave him a reassuring smile. "Would I really be leaving if I didn't think the team was in good hands?"
"No, I guess not..."
"All the skills you need are inside you. Trust them! I believe in you 110%."
Tommy looked at him for a few moments, then pulled him into a hug. "I'm really going to miss you."
Jason closed his eyes, trying to capture the feelings that surfaced with Tommy's arms around him and burn them into his memory. "I'm going to miss you too. But we'll stay in touch."
"Right. We can write to each other, and maybe call once in a while. Just...don't forget about me, okay?"
"Tommy, I could never forget about you!! You're my best friend!"
Tommy smiled. "And you're mine, Bro. Forever."
Jason tightened his hold on Tommy's hand as he thought about the months that followed. I never meant to lose touch with him. Our lives just got in the way. They both had gotten so busy that there wasn't time to sit down and write a letter. And international calls were expensive, they couldn't use that as a mode of communication.
Sure, he had missed Tommy. He thought about him every day. His homesickness for his fellow ranger slowly took root, and grew until it overwhelmed him. So when it came time to register for the next session of the Conference, Jason had decided to return to Angel Grove – to the great relief of Zack and Trini, who often joked about drugging him and sending him home in a wooden crate.
He didn't tell anyone he was returning. He wanted it to be a surprise. He constantly pictured Tommy's face as he walked into the Youth Center. There would be surprise, then happiness as the Ranger rushed to greet his returning friend.
It hadn't quite happened the way he imagined.
From the first day that he returned Tommy had be distant, withdrawn. He was fully involved with his team, something that Jason wasn't a part of. Sure, they were nice. They accepted him hanging out with them, even reached out the hand of friendship. But the fact still remained that he wasn't part of the team. They were the ones that fought with Tommy, they were the ones who risked their lives for each other daily.
For the first time since he had met Tommy, Jason felt like the outsider. He often wondered to himself if this was how Tommy felt when he was the Green Ranger. But this was even different from that. Back then, Jason and Tommy had still been a team. And now…Jason was alone.
Then Tommy came to him and asked him to assume the Gold Powers. Jason was ecstatic. He had missed being a ranger, and missed fighting side-by-side with his best friend. He had readily accepted the offer.
But his joining the team wasn't the panacea he thought it would be. If anything, Tommy became even more withdrawn, sometimes even hostile. And as much as he didn't mean to challenge the Red Ranger's leadership, Jason knew that he had a competitive streak of his own that only added to the clashing of wills. Although he had no idea as to the instigator for his best friend's behavior, he hadn't exactly pulled him aside to work things out. Until that fateful day three weeks ago at the Power Chamber when he had followed Tommy outside.
That's when everything blew up.
Jason looked down at the still boy on the bed and sighed. He could still hear the angry voices of two people who were supposed to be best friends echoing in his head.
"THAT'S NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!!! This is MY team, and I don't need your help! I was just fine without you. I am not the weakling you left behind!"
"Nobody can be leader by themselves!" Jason yelled back. Have I taught him nothing?
"I have to be! Have you looked at the people in there? Do you see how they treat me?" Tommy pointed to the Power Chamber. "I'm a god to them! They hang on my every word, my every move! I can't afford to make mistakes, so I don't! This is not your team, Jason. These are not people who have been friends their entire lives, who can predict each other's every move. These are people who were thrown into this, who have only been fighting together for a few months. But I know how this team works, I know what they can do. That's why I'm the leader."
"The Tommy I knew welcomed other people's opinions. That Tommy, my bro, knew the meaning of teamwork!"
Tommy glared at him. "The Tommy you knew was a pathetic weakling who relied on you and Kimberly to do everything. But you know what? We all made choices. You left, Jason. That was your choice. And I changed. I'm not that Tommy anymore. That was my choice."
"It was also your choice of who would hold the gold powers, and you chose me. And I'm beginning to wonder why."
"I chose you because I know that you're a great ranger, and that you wouldn't be afraid to take the risks that came with the powers. I was not looking for you to come home and things to go back to how they were." He took a step towards Jason, staring him straight in the eyes. "So let's get a few things straight. You don't know me, so don't assume you do. You are the rookie on this team. That means you step aside and let those of us who have been here the longest call the shots, mainly Adam, Billy, and Rocky. And finally…" he took another step forward. "I am the commander of this team, and I do not accept insubordination."
Jason gaped at him, then shook his head. "You're right about one thing, Tommy. I don't know you." He took a few steps back. "And right now, I'm not sure if I want to." In a streak of gold he disappeared.
Jason winced as his final angry words resounded in his head. God, I'm such an idiot. He looked down at the still young man. You were the best friend that I ever had. So you changed, so what? I've changed too. Everybody changes. That doesn't mean that our friendship has to end.
He took a deep breath. The doctors kept saying that Tommy was never going to wake up. Jason couldn't even imagine his vivacious best friend staying like this for the rest of his life. Reaching his hand out, he ran his fingers lovingly through Tommy's long hair. "I guess it's now or never, bro," he whispered. "I was a fool to put off telling you how I feel for so long. I'd be even more of a fool to put it off any longer." Taking Tommy's limp hand in both of his, he began his confession.
"I know how lucky I am when it comes to best friends. Having Billy, Trini, Zack and Kim in my life for so long has been such a blessing. They're the most amazing friends anyone could ever ask for, and I never imagined that I would find something better.
Then I met you. You changed my life in so many ways, and gave me a friendship that I never thought possible. Suddenly there was someone that shared my interests; that viewed life like I did. Every day you never failed to amaze me at how much happiness you could give me. I wanted to talk to you about everything, to share every moment with you. It got to the point that my days weren't even complete until I talked to you. I knew that you were so much more than a best friend. You were my soul mate.
I really can't pinpoint the exact point when I realized that my feelings for you were more than friendship. I knew without a doubt that you were the most amazing person that I ever met, and I knew that I loved you with all my heart. But suddenly I would get these urges around you. I wanted to hold you close, to show you how deep my love was for you. And not just in words." Jason could feel the blush rising in his cheeks as he professed his desires to Tommy, even if the latter couldn't see him.
"I don't know why I didn't write you more when I was in Switzerland. I mean, at first it was that I was trying to encourage you to be a leader on your own. But after that…I think I was scared. I think that somehow I was afraid that you would read my letters or hear my voice on the phone and know how I felt, how much I wanted you. I was so scared of losing you that I didn't realize that not contacting you was doing just as much damage."
Jason sighed, rubbing his thumb in little circles on the back of Tommy's hand. "You were the main reason that I came home. I missed you so much that I couldn't stand it. And I knew that talking to you on the phone wouldn't be enough. I knew that I had to see you, to talk to you face to face, for my loneliness to go away. But then I got here, and you were so busy with the team. I think the same fears hit me, that if I talked to you I would reveal something about how I really felt, and it would push you away. Now I wish that I had just gathered my courage and taken the chance."
He looked down at his best friend…no, his love. "I love you, Tommy. More than words can ever express. I love you with my soul, with my mind, with my heart, with my body, with my spirit…with everything that I am. You are my soul mate, Tommy Oliver. And when you wake up, I'm going to tell you that."
There was a confidence in Jason's voice that he wished he felt in the rest of his body. And what if he never wakes up? a little voice in his head asked.
Jason lifted Tommy's hand to his lips and kissed it lightly. His voice was barely audible as he answered his own question. "If he never wakes up, I'll stay here with him for the rest of his life."
Once there was morning, now endless night.
If I could reach you I'd guide you and teach you
To walk from the darkness back into the light.
Deep in your silence please try to hear me,
I'll keep you near me till night passes by.
I will find the answer. I'll never desert you.
I promise you this till the day that I die.