I'm sleeping with my eyes open.

Sara almost giggled. That's a first. If it hadn't been for the excruciating pain in every part of her body, Sara would have assumed that she was asleep. Nothing seemed real, after all. She was just there, shivering in the darkness. It was almost as if she were trapped in one of her twisted dreams, permanently cold and unable to break free. Perhaps she would wake up sometime soon, tangled in her messy mountain of sheets, all alone. That would be normal. Sara blinked. But this isn't normal and I'm not dreaming.

I'm awake in a nightmare.

Sara groaned, realizing that she was having trouble concentrating. She stared up at Grissom, watching his mouth and his eyes move, listening to the gentle tone of his voice. She knew that he was talking about something important, something that had to do with work but for some reason, she couldn't understand what he was saying. That frustrated her. She wanted to listen but her brain wouldn't let her. Instead, Sara found herself searching her memories, still trying to figure out why she was lost in the dark, with her head on Grissom's leg and her heart pounding. She could remember everything but the accident. She remembered that night, before shift, making supper all alone in her apartment. She also remembered driving to work and having to stop at every light. They were all red. Every damn one of them. It was probably a sign, Sara grumbled to herself. Only danger and heartache ahead. Stay home.

Grissom's voice cut through the haze. "Come on, Sara. Focus."

Sara sighed. Leave me alone, Griss. Even a workaholic is allowed to take some time off! The lights told me to stay home. I should have listened. She sighed and then grimaced, suddenly remembering that her weekly horoscope had offered the same advice. She had memorized it at her kitchen table that evening.

Virgo

(August 23rd to September 22nd)

Feeling the pressure this week?

You've been putting in extra

time at work this past month

and you deserve some time off.

Stay home and put your feet up,

Virgo! You need a break from

your hectic work schedule and it's

time for you to relax. Spend an

entire day pampering yourself.

Your tired body will thank you!

So it was written in the stars too! Sara would have laughed at all the irony but she was too tired and she was too busy trying to pull herself out of her daze.Grissom was getting impatient now, his voice becoming louder and louder while his hand squeezed the feeling right out of her fingers.The extra pressure was enough and Sara found herself spiralling back into her painful reality, her eyes sharpening immediately."Sorry, Griss," she whispered, shaking her head slightly. "I was just–just trying to remember."

Grissom nodded compassionately and then he continued to prod her. "Keep talking to me, Sara," He pressed urgently on her shoulder, his touch light but firm.

"Sure," she mumbled. Sure, I can do that. "But unless there's more to tell me a–about the case, then–then we need a new topic."

"A new topic," Grissom repeated. He immediately thought about it and Sara could almost see his mind at work. She wondered what kind of safe topics he would come up with. It's not like either of us can handle anything deep. To head down that road would only be asking for more trouble. Sara sighed. Or would it?

"Tell me about–" Grissom's forehead wrinkled. "About, uh–"

About what, Grissom? He had never been any good at this sort of thing. When Grissom was working a case and giving orders, his words seemed to come naturally but at all other times, and especially when she was talking to him, he seemed to fight for every syllable. One look at his face and Sara knew that he had no idea what to say. Swallowing her fear, she cleared her throat, ready to help him out.

"I had soup for dinner," she muttered.

"Soup?" Grissom looked slightly surprised by her comment but he smiled softly, clearly relieved. "Let me guess. Vegetable?"

Sara managed a wobbly grin. "Yeah. With–with a whole pasta alphabet in it."

"Appetizing and educational. I approve."

"Well, that's a relief."

Grissom smiled at her weak sarcasm. "Good," he replied. "What else did you have?"

"Water."

"And?"

Sara bit her trembling lower lip. "More water?"

Grissom studied her face and sighed. Yes, Griss, Sara grumbled to herself. I know that I don't eat enough. But it's not like it matters now. She pushed those thoughts away quickly, feeling Grissom's hand on her forehead. Carefully, he wiped away the sweat that had started to form near her hairline–the result of her nerves and the intense heat of the fire. Sara was feeling warm and she tried to ignore the distressing fact that her skin, however, was still ice cold. That just can't be right, she thought. I shouldn't be hot and cold at the same time. Then her eyelids closed and she remembered. Shock. I hate shock. And concussions. I hate them too.

She felt a light tap on her cheek. "Stay with me, Sara."

Sara opened her eyes and swallowed, forcing a heavy lump back down her throat. "What did you have for–for dinner, Griss?"

"Chicken," he answered quickly, as if he'd been rehearsing. "Barbecued chicken, some mixed vegetables and a glass of wine." He paused. "At least that's what I remember."

"Mixed vegetables," Sara said faintly. "I approve. The–the chicken? Not so much." That earned her a momentary grin.

"And the wine?" Grissom prompted.

Sara had trouble concentrating on that question. "Wine," she whispered. "You had wine?"

"Yes, I did." Concern swept through Grissom's eyes and Sara found herself instantly confused. Did he already say that he had wine? Yes. He did say that. I just chose to forget it.

"Right," Sara whispered, a hint of sadness in her voice. She took a shallow breath."Wine. You have–have wine with dinner all the time?" Of course, I would be the last person to know. "Or is it only, for, uh, for special occasions?"

Pain quickly replaced the concern in Grissom's eyes and Sara cringed, watching as he tried to shrug off her words. He got the message. Loud and clear. "I was alone, Sara" he said, his voice quiet. "Sometimes I like to have wine with my meals." He turned away from her then, reaching forward slightly to add another twig to their bonfire. Sara felt a new surge of tears sting her eyes–tears of relief and regret. She was still upset and confused about the dinner invitation he had declined so long ago but she didn't want him to feel uncomfortable. She gritted her teeth against both the physical and mental pain. Why did you ask, Sidle? Why do you always over talk?

"Grissom," she breathed, lifting her sluggish arm to touch his coat. When her fingers grasped Grissom's elbow, he looked down to face her again and she stared up at him tearfully."That–that was awkward, I, uh, I'm–" She might have said more but she started to gasp, feeling her chest tighten. Serves you right, she thought as another wave of pain surged through her body.

"Hey," Grissom said gently, bringing his hands back to cradle her head. "Just try to relax, okay?" If he was at all upset by what Sara had implied, he didn't show it. Any evidence of emotion was suddenly gone and Grissom was all business again, leaning closer to her head to look into her eyes and listen to her breathing. "Slow down," he told her, and Sara nodded, heaving a fitful sigh.

"I'm fine," she assured him. Let's just keep on avoiding our issues. We're both so damn good at that, Grissom. Sara slowed her breathing and she calmed a bit, wondering why she let herself get upset. Just stop thinking.

"Harder to breathe?" Grissom asked, his eyes searching Sara's for the truth.

Yeah. But it's harder to think, Sara noted to herself. "It–it was for a second," she admitted. "It's okay now."

"How does your chest feel?"

"Tight. Hurts." She had to be honest. She had promised him that she would be, after all. Her winces and whimpers were more frequent now, so it didn't make any sense to lie. He wouldn't believe her. Not for a second.

He nodded. "Hang in there, Sara. You're doing great." Grissom's face was fairly visible in the firelight and from Sara's position on his thigh, she could see the reassurance in his gaze. She could tell that he'd been expecting her answer and that he was prepared to deal with it. She could also tell that he knew exactly how this would all end if help didn't arrive soon enough. Help will come soon though, Sara told herself. Then, she shuddered. It will. Right? Stop thinking! Stop it, stop it, stop it!

"It's been about an–an hour now," Sara groaned. "Right, Griss?"

"Almost."

"I still don't remember."

Grissom shook his head. "That's okay. I still don't remember much either."

"I'm–I'm not sure I want to,"she whispered.

Grissom nodded in agreement, brushing her cheek softly with timid fingers."Part of me feels that way too, Sara."

For a minute, Sara let herself enjoy the feeling of Grissom's hand against her cheek. His fingers stroked her cold skin lightly and Sara bit her lip, trying not to lose herself completely in his gentle touch. Only a little while earlier, Grissom had done the same thing but Sara, despite her fuzzy consciousness, had been almost certain that it was just to comfort her. Now, she wasn't sure–and she was too tired and too nervous to think about it in great detail. But she did enjoy it and she felt herself relax again, knowing that in some way, he really did care about her. Hmmmm what were we talking about? Oh yeah–the accident. Memories.

Sara smiled weakly. "It's ironic."

"Ironic?"

"We spend every night try–trying to figure out what happened to people, how things went down, but when–when it's us, we'd rather ignore the evidence."

Grissom shrugged. "The truth is usually hard to face, Sara. Even for us."

Sara sighed. Especially for us. Cringing, she began to search her mind, repeating what she already knew. "I remember the headlights and–and I remember panicking." She paused. "And flying. It felt like–like I was flying. But I was stuck."

"There might not be much more to remember," Grissom replied. "Most of the impact was on your side of the vehicle. You probably lost consciousness before you had any time to think."

Headlights. Impact. Sara winced. "We–we couldn't have been hit by another car, Griss. There's nothing else here." Sara let her eyes wander for just a second but she couldn't see anything in the dark. She couldn't even see the Tahoe from her position. She wondered why Grissom wasn't already processing the scene, searching for skid marks on the road and photographing their damaged vehicle. She wondered if it was because their cameras were broken. Or perhaps it was because he really didn't want to know what happened. Or maybe, by some miracle, she was more important than his work this time. She shook her head at that thought. It didn't seem likely. You're hurt, she reminded herself. He can't leave you or he'll feel bad. Yes, that's the reason. That's all it is.

Grissom looked down at her hesitantly, taking a deep breath. "There was another car, Sara. We swerved. But I'm afraid that's where my mind goes blank. For now."

Sara peered up at him in surprise. "How–how long were you out?"

"Not long."

Would he tell me if he was hurt? Probably not. Sara's chin quivered. "Are you sure you're okay, Grissom? You're not–"

He shook his head. "I'm not hurt," he told her firmly. "I have a headache and my arm hurts a little. That's it." Sara's eyes begged for more information and Grissom took a breath, letting it out slowly. "I was lucky. I don't have a concussion. I was just disoriented for a few minutes."

"Dis–disoriented?"

Grissom nodded. "Couldn't remember where I was." His fingers froze on her cheek and he lowered his voice to a faint whisper. "I forgot you were with me."

"You forgot?" Sara's eyes widened when she saw the concern and regret in Grissom's eyes. She didn't think it was possible but she was sure that her heart started to beat even faster. Was he scared? Is he blaming himself for this?

"You were unconscious. There was no noise at all. I wasn't sure if you were–" He stopped, licking his lips nervously before pasting a smile on his face. "You gave me quite a scare."

He was scared. So what does that mean? Sara's heart and mind were now racing each other, both moving so fast that Sara wasn't sure if she would ever regain control. "How long was I out?"

"Just over ten minutes."

She let out an erratic, breathless chuckle. "Ten minutes? I've had naps shor–shorter than that."

"I don't doubt it."

Sara smiled softly but she didn't reply. Instead, she slowly lifted her arm, using all of her strength to reach up to her forehead. She felt around the thick bandage that was taped there, inhaling sharply when her fingers applied too much pressure in the wrong place. The quick intake of air caused another intense pain in her chest. "Oh God," she cried out, leaning hard against Grissom's leg.

"Don't touch it, Sara," Grissom said. He quickly grabbed her fingers, pulling them away from her deep cut. He guided her arm back down to the ground and then he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, letting her retreat into his comforting embrace. Sara wasn't able to move much but she did manage to push herself up a little and she allowed her head to fall back into Grissom's hands. She almost gasped when his hands guided her head further into his lap. Is he really okay with this? she wondered, her eyes growing wider. She didn't bother contemplating that for much longer because Grissom answered the question for her. He steadied her head in his lap but his arms didn't leave her trembling body. Instead, he kept them wrapped around her, holding her close to him. "Better?" he asked, giving her a nervous glance.

Better? Are you kidding? In her surprise, it took Sara a minute to realize that she felt physically better as well. The position he held her in relieved the pressure in her chest and allowed her to breathe more comfortably. She wasn't sure how it worked, but she didn't care. Her body didn't feel as broken in Grissom's arms and that was all that mattered.

Staring up at him, Sara found her words again. "I'm–I'm good, Griss," she said softly. She gave him a genuine but very weak smile, hoping to let him know how much his embrace meant to her."This is better. Much better."

"Good."

Sara wanted to just close her eyes and relax into Grissom's protective arms. This was the closest she had ever been to him and she desperately wanted to let herself feel more than grateful. But she fought her emotions and held herself back. For the first time in five years, just being with Grissom was enough and the fact that he was holding her so closely made her feel safe before anything else. Whether he was her boss, her teacher, her friend, her soul-mate–or everything–it didn't really matter in that moment. She just didn't want him to let go. Ever.

TBC

Author's Note: I'm sorry for the delay again! But I'm hoping you'll forgive me because the next chapter is almost ready and it should only be a couple days before it's posted! So I hope to make it up to you! Thanks again for all the feedback. I'm so grateful for all the support and the suggestions. It's wonderful–thanks!

Special thanks to: gabesaunt, svcmc, Billy4me (thanks to all three of you for reviewing so often. I always look forward to your comments! They mean a lot!) marymay2012 (thanks!), djkittycat (lol–thanks for the suggestion! I never thought about road flares but look for them in the next chapter ;) ) guess19 (thanks!), Camilla Sandman (hey-welcome aboard and thanks!), DolphinAnimagus and Teenwitch (you're both so lovely! Thanks for all the feedback!), Leah2 (this chapter is a bit longer! I hope you like it! Thanks! I'm glad you're enjoying the story!), Lin (don't worry–Sara's my favourite and I'm very protective of her ;) ), Rouch (I really appreciate your review and thanks for understanding. This is a busy time of year!), Courtney242 and brainfear (thanks for sticking with me–both of you! And I'm sure you DO have a life brainfear! I look forward to seeing fics updated too!), CSI-FanForLive (welcome! Hope you enjoy!), CSINut214 (thanks for your review! I'm REALLY enjoying Roses in December by the way! Great job!), nick55 (Aw, you're sweet. I'll push the creative flow and get the next chapter up fast!), c.roy, Gracee and LSI (thank-you, thank-you, thank-you), CarbyluvYTDAW (I'm so glad you liked the last chapter! I'm glad that came off as sweet/adorable! I was hoping it would), Shannon, Debbie and Lil (Thanks for your feedback and I am so glad you're all enjoying it) Almeida's-Angel24 (thanks for your detailed review! I'm glad you like the internal dialogue because it's very fun to write!) Okay that was A LOT of thank-you's but you've all been wonderful for taking the time to encourage me and to help me improve my story!

Jazz